现在启示录

现 世 末 日
第一季 第一集
我总是对于未知的事物
I've always had a simultaneous fear of,
既感到恐惧 又被强烈吸引
and attraction toward, the unknown.
而在如今黑暗恐怖的时代
And in these fucking dark and scary times,
很容易采取"这又有什么关系呢"的态度
it's easy to adopt a "What difference does it make?" attitude.
所以我经常发现自己处于
So I often find myself in these situations
心跳过速以至于几乎不能呼吸的情况
where my heart's pounding so fast I can barely breathe.
我不知道这究竟是兴奋还是恐怖 或两者都是
And I can't tell if it's excitement or terror or both.
-不 -我并不是勇敢
- No! - It's not like I'm brave or anything,
更像是不顾后果的愚蠢
it's more reckless stupidity,
打了肾上腺素
an adrenaline fix,
把自己投入虚无之境观察事态的发展
throwing myself into the void to see what happens.
不要
No!
救救我
Help me!
用力点 用力点
Harder! Harder!
戴夫
Dave?
该死的
Oh, shit!
我丈夫回来了
My husband's home!
他妈的
Oh, shit.
我该怎么办
What should I do?
戴夫 你在哪里
Dave, where are you?!
在这里 宝贝
In here, babe.
是的 我意识到有一天
So yeah, I realized that one day
加布里埃尔
我们今晚还见面吗
在吗
这些疯狂的冒险可能会让我
these crazy adventures will probably get me
卷入我无法摆脱的巨大♥麻♥烦
into some gigantic trouble I can't get out of.
你没回复 所以我打算回家了
但我似乎控制不住自己
But it's almost like I can't help myself.
我有时候会干些蠢事 我也不知道为什么
I do shit sometimes and I really don't know why.
为了避免无聊吧 我猜是
To avoid boredom, I guess.
总督酒店
为了感到活着
To feel alive.
只是为了纯粹的性
Just for the fucking fuck of it.
抱歉 老兄
Sorry, dude.
无所谓
Whatever.
你好 希芙琳
Hey, Severine.
我以为你今晚在外过夜
I thought you were sleeping out tonight.
不 我不是
Yeah, uh, I'm not.
总之 请继续
Anyhoo, please, continue.
晚安 尤利西斯
Goodnight, Ulysses.
晚安
Goodnight.
晚安 老兄
Night, dude.
福特和我之间的关系有点奇怪
So, Ford and I have a sort of strange relationship.
我们从大学开始就是室友
We've been roommates since college
我们在大一的时候喝醉乱搞过一次
and we kind of drunk messed around once freshman year.
我无条件地爱他
I love him unconditionally
哪怕他体内有一个不知道自己性取向的分子
and if he had even one sexually ambiguous molecule in his body,
我们可能已经结婚了
we'd probably be married,
但是福特在金赛量表里的定位是零分
but Ford's that truly rare Kinsey zero
金赛量表 性学专家金赛制定的用0至6代表人的性取向定位的尺度
相反我的定位在四分左右浮动
in contrast to my ever oscillating four,
这意味着我不是百分百的同性恋者
which means I'm not so totally queer
因为我还不能抹掉对希芙琳的性幻想
that I haven't rubbed out a few fantasizing about Severine.
我现在生命中的一切暂时还是个问号♥
Everything in my life right now is a question mark,
这就很好地解释了我录这个的意义
which pretty much explains what this thing is about.
这肯定不是视频博客
It's definitely not a vlog.
更像是个记录我脑袋里乱七八糟想法的地方
It's more of a place to download the random shit that's in my head
以免我头大到爆♥炸♥
to keep it from like exploding.
以前上学时 我以为我想当一名演员
Back in school, I thought I wanted to be an actor,
但当我到达洛杉矶之后 我很快就意识到
but once I got to LA, I quickly discovered
这可能是我这辈子做过最差劲
that's probably the lamest,
最折磨人的事情
most soul-crushing thing I could do with my life.
福特则贴着悲哀的洛杉矶标签
And Ford is that sad LA cliché,
一位有抱负的编剧家
an aspiring screenwriter.
但是现在的电影比书籍更加落后
But movies are even more irrelevant now than books.
全都是愚蠢的超级英雄和青少年系列电影
It's all stupid superheroes and YA bullshit.
由于图享 艺术和摄影的出现
And thanks to Instagram, art and photography,
这些现在几乎都过时了
all of that's pretty much obsolete now too,
因此没有好的出路
so lacking a better outlet,
我在这黑暗中自言自语
here I am talking to myself in the dark.
而且 最近发生了些奇怪的事情
But also, there's something weird going on
我觉得我得记录下来
that I feel I need to document.
我最近都在做同一个噩梦
I've been having this nightmare,
一遍又一遍
the same one over and over,
过去一个月每周两到三次
two or three times a week for the past month.
不要
No!
这个梦异常真实
And it's so vivid and freakishly real
我醒后它还在我脑子里回荡
that when I wake up, it's still there hovering over me like
感觉那不只是个梦
it's not just a dream,
似乎它想要告诉我什么
like it's trying to tell me something.
或许睡前少嗑点大♥麻♥能好点
Maybe smoke a smidge less pot before bedtime?
卡莉 我没开玩笑
Carly, I'm being serious.
你就没经历过奇怪的预兆吗
Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions?
-没有 -我有 我是双天蝎座
- No. - Well, I do and I'm a double Scorpio.
是所有星座中最通灵的
It's the most psychic of all the signs.
我以前也有过预兆 但是这次不一样
And I've had premonitions before, but this is different.
就好像我们正处在灭绝的边缘 摇摇欲坠
It's like we're teetering on the brink of total annihilation.
卡尼斯快递有限公♥司♥ 汉堡包 热狗
生活在这种可悲的时代
Okay, well, that's every fucking day now
每天都是这样的
in this tragic shit show era we're living in.
话说回来 你还网络跟踪那个家伙吗
But anyway, are you still cyber-stalking that guy?
-加布里埃尔 -对
- Gabriel. - Mm.
我们昨晚本来要出去约会 但是
Yeah. We were supposed to hang out last night, but--
我猜猜 他把你鸽了
Oh, let me guess, he flaked.
这家伙是个两三百斤的抠脚大汉
Hey, look, this guy's a gnarly 300-pound catfish.
所以我才催着他出来见面
That's why I've been pushing to meet in real life.
你看
Look, check it out.
-他很好看 -是吗
- Oh. He is pretty. - Right?
我知道这听起来很假
I know it sounds hokey,
但我觉得我们命中注定是一对
but I just get this vibe that we're destined to be.
好吧 双天蝎
Okay, double Scorpio.
说真的 看着他都让我春心荡漾搭帐篷
Honestly, just looking at him makes me dizzy and hard.
我第一次见杰思罗时
You know, when I first met Jethro,
看他打喷嚏都能让我高♥潮♥
seeing him sneeze would make me cum,
但是现在 就昨晚 做到一半时
but now, like uh, last night, in the middle of fucking,
杰思罗靠近我 不知道为什么 悄声说
Jethro leans in and for some ungodly reason, whispers--
教教我 宝贝 教教我
Mm, teach me, baby, teach me.
什么
What?
教教我
Teach me!
你是不是从哪个垃圾色情片里学的
Is that something you got from a bad porno?
来吧 宝贝
Oh, come on, baby!
教教我怎么让你变得狂野
Yeah, teach me how to drive you wild!
就这样 宝贝
Yes, baby!
让我做你的学生
Make me a student!
我是你的快乐港湾
I'm a vessel for your pleasure!
就是这样
Yeah!
教教我宝贝
Ah, teach me, baby!
-来吧 -你能不能稍稍慢点
- Come on, yeah! - Can you just slow down a little bit, please?!
教教我 宝贝 教教我
Teach me, baby! Teach me!
-靠 -然后就越变越糟了
- Oh, shit. - And it gets worse.
他想让我今晚去他的狗屁冥想课
He wants me to go to his fucking meditation class tonight.
但是冥想会让你焦虑
But meditating gives you anxiety.
我知道
Yeah, I know.
对他来说简单 他的大脑 他自然的静止状态
It's so easy for him. His brain, his natural resting state,
就是一片空白
is just a blank void of nothingness.
是那个抠脚大汉吗
Is it the catfish?
靠 真的吗 他说什么
Oh, shit, really? What'd he say?
他说今晚想见面
That he wants to meet tonight.
我的建议 别抱太大希望
Okay, well, my advice, set the bar low.
降到非常低
Very low.
你好
Hey.
剧本写得怎么样了