奇迹缔造者

在我的领导下
Well, under my leadership,
帮派走向了巅峰
the gang is doing better than ever.
我们在每个领域都有涉猎
We're up in every sector--
抢劫 杀人 炸火车
robberies, murders, trains exploded.
挺好
Nice.
不过要我说的话 阳光好像多了点
Though there's a little too much sunlightgetting in for my taste.
土匪的巢穴难道不该
I mean, shouldn't a bandits' lair be
更阴森吓人一些吗
more spooky-scary?
好吧 研究表明
Okay, studies show that
土匪在光线充足的工作环境中效率更高
bandits are more productive in a well-lit workspace.
而且我们也不会像在以前的巢穴中那样
Plus, we're not always shooting each other by mistake
动不动误伤自己人了
like we were in the old lair.
算是好事吧
Oh. Well, that's good, I guess.
天啊
Oh, my God.
-你把宝贝们怎么了 -我整理了
- What'd you do with the treasure? - I organized it.
这样更容易找到自己要找的东西
This way it's easier to find what you're looking for.
不不不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
你错过了拥有宝藏的精髓
You're missing the whole point of having treasure.
就是得乱堆成一大堆
It's gotta be in a big sloppy pile
最好在顶上放个骷髅头
preferably with a skull on top
-还要用大宝石当眼睛 -爸
- with big rubies for eyes. - Dad!
你想重新联♥系♥我很高兴
I'm glad that you want to reconnect,
但这帮派现在是我做主了
but this is my gang now.
我们要按我的方式来
We're doing things my way.
如果你不能尊重这点 欢迎你离开
And if you can't respect that, you're welcome to leave.
好 我懂 你是老大
No, okay, I get it. You're in charge.
我会把嘴锁上 把钥匙扔了
I am zipping my lips and throwing away the key.
-好吧 -我还要一枪打烂钥匙
- Okay. - And I'm shooting the key.
还要把它埋在一个没有墓碑的坟头里
And I'm burying it in an unmarked grave.
伙计们 看看我在外面发现了什么
Hey folks! Look what I found outside,
鬼鬼祟祟的
snooping around.
那个谁 你怎么在这里
Dingus, what are you doing here?
我在跟踪你啊 你个老混♥蛋♥
I was following you, you big jerk.
没想到你在把我往土匪窝里引
I didn't realize you were leading me into a bandits' lair.
抱歉 你俩是朋友还是怎么的
Sorry, are you two friends or something?
我俩
Us?
不 我们是死敌
No, we're mortal enemies.
对 我们惺惺相惜
Yeah, we understand each other,
但我们也非常想杀死对方
but we also very much want to kill each other.
说到杀人 伙计们
Speaking of which, gang?
处决时间到
It's execution time.
好耶
All right!
我们刚说什么来着
What did we just talk about?
我忘了 你是老大
I forgot. You're in charge.
你来说
You say it.
伙计们 处决时间到
Gang, it-- it's execution time.
好 行 走吧
Yeah. Okay. Here we go.
怎么了 挺好的 小南瓜
What? That was good, pumpkin.
我觉得挺好的
I thought it was good.
说真的 这真是太了不起了
Really, this is just incredible.
我们怎么感谢都不为过
We cannot thank you enough.
这真是我们的荣幸
Oh, it's truly our pleasure.
希望你不介意我这话 但我真喜欢你的裙子
And I hope you don't mind me saying, but I love your dress.
谢谢 这是天堂的颜色
Oh, thank you. It's the color of the heavens.
我的每小时祈祷时间快到了
It's almost time for my hourly prayers,
但 咱们晚点见吗
but, I'll see you later?
一定
You certainly will.
天 这些努南人简直有病吧
Man, these Noonans are freaks, huh?
其中一个一直想梳我的头 不是比喻
One of them literally keeps trying to comb my hair.
我倒觉得他们都是好人
Actually, I think they're really good people.
你会很高兴的 我听取了你的建议
And you'll be happy to know I took your advice
晚点要跟她们其中一个约会了
and I'm going on a date with one of them later.
这太棒了
Wow! Wait, that's great.
真高兴你找到了对的人
I'm so glad you found somebody,
这么...快
so...quickly.
这得是什么概率啊 是吧
What are the odds, right?
我得去换上我的约会衣领了
Well, I should go and change into my date collar.
回见 普鲁 再次谢谢你
See you later, Pru. Thank you again.
别客气
Don't mention it.
我说了离我远点
Bleagh! I said get away from me!
上帝保佑
God bless!
我从没遇到过跟我一样
I've never met anyone who likes
喜欢《俄巴底亚书》的人
the Book of Obadiah as much as I do!
我是超级俄巴底亚迷
I am a huge Obadiah nerd.
《以东的陷落》每次都能打动我
The fall of Edom gets me every time.
记得要留三英尺给上帝
Tut tut! Remember to leave three feet for God.
咱们的主臀部很宽大
Our Lord has very wide hips.
你们好啊
Hey, guys.
我想见见泽克的神秘女友
I wanted to meet Zeke's mystery lady
我一直听他说起她
I've been hearing so much about.
菲德拉 这是我朋友普鲁登斯
Yeah! Uh, Phaedra, this is my friend Prudence.
是最好的朋友 其实还不止
Oh, well, best friend. More than that, really.
菲德拉 你什么情况
Uh, so, Phaedra, what's your deal, girl?
-我什么情况 -对 你懂的
- Uh, my deal? - Yeah, you know.
比如 你都怎么娱乐
Like, uh, what do you like to do for fun?
我不娱乐
Oh, um... I don't have fun.
我基本就盯着墙
I mostly just stare at the wall
沉湎于内疚的本质
and dwell on the nature of guilt.
精力还真充沛啊
Yeesh. Real live wire over here.
你会沉湎于内疚 我也是
You dwell on guilt? Me, too.
这是我最喜欢的羞愧的形式
It is one of my favorite forms of shame.
真的吗 你怎么看自我否定
Really? How do you feel about self-denial?
我爱死了 就好像
I love it. It's like,
你还需要多少东西 还自我
how much stuff do you actually need, self?
是吧 如此渺小
Right? So little!
中了
Goals.
看来你俩聊得很投机
Seems like you two have a lot to talk about,
我就先...我先走了
so I'm just gonna-- I'm gonna go.
-幸会了 -快问快答
- Nice to meet you. - Okay, quick.
你最喜欢的洗清罪恶的方式是什么
What is your favorite way of cleansing sin?
一 二 三
One, two, three.
肉体禁欲
Mortification of the flesh!
谢谢
Thank you.
你的手指简直有魔力 侯赛亚
Oh, your fingers are like magic, Josiah.
普鲁登斯 这些努南人也太棒了
Oh, Prudence. How great are these Noonans?
你只要说有需要 让他们干什么都行
They'll do anything you ask if you say that you're in need,
你知道的 我确实需要
which as you know, I am. Hey!
小心指甲 杰思罗
Careful with the nails, Jethro.
我好可怜
I'm so poor.
泽克喜欢那姑娘什么
What does Zeke like about that girl?
假发里装碗燕麦片
A bowl of oatmeal in a wig
都比她更有性格
would have more personality than her.
神父自己也是个很无聊的人
Well, I mean, the Reverend's a pretty boring guy, too,
所以他俩也算是天作之合了
so it seems like the perfect match.
随便吧 只是一次约会而已
Whatever. It's just one date.
他们又不是要结婚了
It's not like they're getting married.
好消息 兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥
Glorious news, brothers and sisters.
以泽克欧和菲德拉
Ezekiel and Phaedra
对他们的第一次约会很满意
found their first date satisfactory.
婚礼将于今天下午举♥行♥
So the wedding will commence this afternoon.
-什么 -努南人
- What? - Noonans!
让他们看看我们是怎么说恭喜的
Let's show them how we say congratulations.
恭喜
Congratulations.
别停
Don't stop.
有什么遗言吗
Any last words?
也许吧
Maybe.
其实吧 还是算了
You know what? No, I'm good.
那就告诉恶魔
Then tell the devil...
小骗跟他问好
Trig says hi.
行吧
Yeah, okay.