奇迹缔造者

把犯人带上来
Bring out the prisoner!
此人被指控与瓦爪根人通谋
This man has been accused of conspiring with the Valdrogians!
应该饶恕他吗
Should he be granted mercy?
不
No!
那么 以卡贡诺国王·无情之名
Then, in the name of King Cragnoor the Heartless,
此人被处判死刑
this man is condemned to death!
等下 我们是在他们喊叫还是扔泥巴时喝
Wait, do we drink when they scream or when they throw mud?
喊叫喝一口 泥巴两口 疯女巫三口
One for scream, two for mud, three for the crazy hag.
来了
There she is.
你们都会下地狱
You're all gonna burn in hell!
魔鬼将用你们的骨头剔牙
The devil's gonna pick his teeth with your bones!
你有没有觉得我们生活在
Do you ever feel like we're living
历史中一个比较糟糕的时段
during a particularly bad period in history?
是时候杀人了
It's time to kill a person!
有时候吧
Sometimes.
老天 我恨死这愚蠢的镇子了
Man, I hate this stupid town.
奇迹缔造者：黑暗时代
第一集
你们好啊
Oh, hey, guys!
我的天啊 你看昨天的砍头了吗
Oh, my God, did you see the execution yesterday?
太棒了
So good.
我最喜欢的就是结尾
My favorite part was that thing at the end
他们把那人的头砍掉了
when they cut that guy's head off.
是啊 我很肯定那人是无辜的
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that guy was innocent.
天啊 我真不敢相信夏天结束了
Man, I can't believe summer's over.
就是说啊
I know, right?
现在我们都是有工作的成年人了
And we're all, like, adults now with jobs.
你们是要 做什么工作
Oh. What are you guys... doing?
泰木头将会成为一名木匠
Well, Ted Carpenter's gonna be a carpenter.
是 玛丽糕将会去搞烘培
Yeah, Mary Baker's going into baking.
然后韦斯利
And Wesley is...
你要做什么来着 韦变♥态♥
W-What are you doing again, Wesley Pervert?
事情
Stuff.
就是做事情
Just stuff.
-真好 -酷
- Nice. - Cool.
你要做什么 亚历桑德拉·铲屎官
What are you thinking of doing, Alexandra Shitshoveler?
我要去上学
I'm going to school.
-什么 -那是个...
- What? - I-It's this...
是新兴的玩意 就是你学东西的地方
It's this new thing where you learn information?
我准备好几年了
I've been preparing for years.
存着钱 自学如何读书和数数
Saving up money, teaching myself how to read and count.
但你的工作是什么
But what are you gonna do for your job?
什么都有可能
Anything.
我可以研究科学或是法律或者旅行
I could go into science or law or travel.
你是指走出那棵树的范围
You mean, like, past the tree?
是啊 或者更远
Yeah. Or, like, farther.
那就掉出地面了
So, off the Earth?
我想的是去个城市什么的
I was thinking more like, you know, a city.
小亚 不是我说话难听
Al, not to be harsh,
但这是我听过最愚蠢的事
but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
不过好消息是 如果学校这事没成
But, great news, if the school thing doesn't work out,
你总是可以去铲屎 就像你♥爸♥一样
you can always shovel shit, just like your dad.
艾迪·铲屎官
微笑服务
明天见 艾格尼丝
See you tomorrow, Agnes.
谢了 艾迪
Thanks, Eddie.
珍妮弗 你还好吗
Jennifer, you feeling okay?
我最近没怎么见到你
I haven't seen a lot from you lately.
-我挺好的 -那就好 只是问候一下
- I'm good. - All right, just checking in.
艾比盖
Abigail.
我早餐过后见你 彼得 午餐后见
I'll see you after breakfast, and, Peter, after lunch.
没有比这更好的生活了
Life doesn't get any better than this.
来点鱼子酱吗 温妮费德
Some caviar for you, Winifred?
亨利 你都吃了第二份了
Henry, you have already had seconds.
别这么贪心
Don't be greedy.
所有鸭听我说
Now, everybody focus.
表演时间到
It's showtime.
瓦爪根人认为
The Valdrogians believe
他们的骑兵能快过我们的弓箭手
their cavalry can outrun our .
但我们要让他们的土地洒满鲜血
But we shall sow their fields with blood.
我们要烧毁他们的家园
We shall burn their homes,
占领他们的土地
take their land,
-摧毁... -父王
- destroy... - Hi, Dad!
好消息
Great news!
总共花了16个月
It took 16 months,
但查斯利王子精彩的鸭子秀
but Prince Chauncley's Amazing Duck Show
终于要上演了
is finally ready to premiere.
现在不是时候
This is not a good time.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
因为贾加和血神
Because Jargar and Bloodgosh
看起来需要笑一笑
look like they could use a laugh.
对吗 二位
Right, guys?
不用吗
No?
韦克斯勒勋爵 你能把他赶走吗
Lord Vexler, would you get rid of him, please?
我要问你个私人问题
I'm going to ask you a personal question.
你觉得我达成了父亲对我的期望吗
Do you think I've lived up to my father's expectations?
你为什么会想这个问题
What makes you wonder?
我父亲像我这么大时
By my age,
就已经得到了他可怕的绰号♥
my father had already earned his terrifying nickname.
卡贡诺国王·无情
而我还没赢得任何绰号♥
I haven't earned any nickname at all.
查斯利王子·_____
如果我能更像他一点 或许他能更尊重我
Perhaps he would respect me more if I were more like him?
也许吧 或者你可以别那么...
Eh, I mean, probably, or, you know, just less like...
像你
you.
没错
Yes.
好了 全班注意 安静
Okay, class, settle down.
我知道这是第一天 但我们有很多事要做
I know it's the first day, but we've got a lot to get through.
地球是平的
The Earth is flat.
恶魔是真实存在的
The devil is real.
太阳是疯狂的
The sun is crazy.
这就是我们知道的一切
And that is everything that we know.
恭喜 毕业了
Congratulations, graduates!
这就完了
That's it?
没有
Well, no.
你还欠着学费
You still owe tuition.
我真的会想念你们的
I'm really gonna miss you guys.
多棒的经历啊
What a journey.
妖精 杀了妖精
Goblin! Kill the goblin!
该死
Oh, shit!
杀了妖精
Kill the goblin!
妖精
Goblin!
等等等等
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
我最后说一次 我弟弟不是妖精
For the last time, my brother is not a goblin!
可他有恶魔的印迹
But he's got the devil's mark!
-不过是第三个乳♥头♥ -对
- That's just a third nipple. - Aye!
那就是恶魔吸奶的地方
That's where the devil takes his suck!
我的天 雷吉 回家去吧
God, Reggie, just go home.
好了 你就爱欺负人
Come on. You're such a bully.
走开
Get out of here!
你今天怎么样
Oh. How was your day?
还行 你呢
Yeah, not bad. How about you?
别提了
I don't want to talk about it.
祝贺你 毕业生
Congratulations, graduate!
你妈妈要是在得多骄傲啊
Ah, your mom would have been so proud.
谢谢爸爸
Mm. Thanks, Dad.
怎么了
What's wrong?
我也不知道
I don't know.
我就是觉得自己犯了个巨大的错误
I just feel like I made a huge mistake.
我们没学到任何有用的知识
I mean, we didn't learn anything practical.
现在我获得了这么个昂贵的学位
And now I have this expensive degree,
可我拿着它好像也没什么用
but it's not like I can do anything with it.
亚丽 我的宝贝 你学业结束
Aw, Allie, sweetheart, just because you're done with school