布鲁诺驾到！

不 我对电脑一窍不通
No, I don't know anything about computers,
所以我得找个开♥发♥者
so I would have to find like a developer.
我跟她说了 如果她想加入乐队
I told her if she wanted to be in the band,
就必须减肥
she has to lose weight.
乖狗狗
Good boy.
拉屎逃逸犯
Shit and runner!
我从未见过跑得这么快的人
I've never seen anything that fast.
我不知道我们如何才能抓住他
I don't know how we're gonna catch him.
你觉得呢
What do you think?
你累了 我明白
You're tired. I understand.
我得找出他住哪儿
I'm gonna have to find out where he lives.
我得采取行动
I'm gonna have to do something.
我一定要把这件事查个水落"屎"出
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this shit.
哥们 我觉得你太纠结这事了
Bro, I think you're obsessing over this.
纠结 尼尔森 有个装逼男来到我的街区
Obsessing? Nelson, some hipster comes to my neighborhood,
我们的街区 让他的狗在街上到处拉屎
our neighborhood, and lets his dog shit all over the place.
我难道坐视不理吗
I'm supposed to let that be?
我没说你得默默接受
I didn't say you were supposed to be okay with it.
我只是说你可以绕过去
All I'm saying is you can walk around it.
街上有比狗便便更糟糕的东西
There's some worse things on the street than some dog caca.
你确定那是...狗屎吗
Are you sure it belongs... to a dog?
什么
What?
没准是人屎啊
I mean, this could be like a human shit.
我在马路上见过一坨人屎
I've seen a person caca on the street before.
-我也见过 -不 那不是人屎
- Yeah, me too. - No, man. It's not a human's shit.
我亲眼看到屎从那条狗的屁♥眼♥掉下来
I saw it fall out of the dog's ass.
克里斯 那条狗一直操你的腿 我没法跟你说话
Chris, I can't talk to you with that dog humping your leg, man.
没事的
Oh. Yeah, it's fine.
他很快就累了
He'll get tired soon.
你必须反抗 否则它会以为你喜欢被蹭
You have to resist. Otherwise, it's gonna think you like it.
我不想惹它生气
I don't wanna anger him.
克里斯 你不能这样受制于它
Chris, you can't let him dominate you like that.
你得反抗啊
You've gotta resist.
马乔 停下
Macho, stop it!
我叫他停时 他不听我的
He doesn't do that when I say it.
那是因为你的语气没有权威感
It's 'cause you say it with no authority.
马乔 过来
Macho, come here!
我一定要抓住这家伙
I've gotta catch this guy.
他是其中一个新搬来的嬉皮士
He's one of these new hipsters moving in,
他们把这区中产化 还让狗随地拉屎
gentrifying and dog-shitting the whole neighborhood.
我问过朋友了 没人认识他
I asked friends. Nobody knows him.
也许你不该问朋友
Maybe you can't ask friends.
我也问了陌生人
Well, I asked strangers too.
不是问陌生人
Not strangers.
问敌人
Enemies.
没错 就是这样
Yeah, that's it.
你是在说住在常青街130号♥
You talking 'bout that dude on 130 Evergreen
他家那条贱婊灰狗到处拉屎的家伙吗
with that little bitch-ass greyhound shitting all over the place?
等等 你知道最近是谁
Wait. You know who's been doing
一直在这区拉屎逃逸吗
the shit and runs in the neighborhood?
还用问吗 这条街所有事都逃不过我法眼
Do I know? I know everything that happens on this block.
这条街所有人我都问遍了
I've been asking everybody on the block.
没人知情 而你其实一直都知道
Nobody knows nothing. You knew this whole time.
-你怎么不告诉我 -我为什么要告诉你
- You could've told me. - Why the hell would I tell you?
你用棍子揍我 打得我浑身淤青
You hit me with a stick. You got me all bruised up.
-我背疼 还脊柱侧凸 -所以你认识他
- My back hurt. I've got scoliosis. - So you know him.
发生了什么 告诉我
What happened? Tell me.
你一定不敢相信
Man, you're not gonna believe
我为了弄到这双鞋 做了什么
what I had to do to get these shoes right here, man.
你脚上这双吗
These right here?
这可是潮牌PSNY和耐克空军一号♥的合作款
These the PSNY Air Force 1s.
整条街的人都知道这是最屌♥爆的鞋
Everybody on the block know these are the flyest shoes out.
我正欣赏我的鞋
So I'm admiring 'em,
啪嗒一声
and boom!
忽然之间 坚硬的平地变得糊糊的
All of a sudden, the sturdy ground got real mushy,
类似土豆泥那种质感
like some mashed potatoes or something.
但整条街的人都知道布鲁克林街头
But everybody on the block knows ain't no fucking mashed potatoes
没有什么狗屁土豆泥
in these Brooklyn streets.
只有狗屎
Just dog shit.
于是我四处张望
So I look out the corner of my eye,
然后看到一个嬉皮士的狗...
and I see this hipster's dog...
刚拉完屎
finishing a dump!
于是我朝他杀过去
So I rolled up on him...
他很快就把我甩掉了 像田径明星一样快
He dipped off on me. Real quick, like a track star.
看到这结实的小腿肌肉了吗
See this calf muscle right here, man?
98年到2000年练过跑步的 还参加过宾州接力赛
Ran track, '98 to 2000. Penn Relays and all of that.
我光着一只脚去追他
So I go after him with one shoe on,
但我追不上
but I can't really catch up to him,
不过全街民众
but everybody on the block
都看到了我跑步追他
saw that I was jogging after him, though.
等一下
Wait a minute.
你为什么只穿着一只鞋去追他
Why were you chasing him with one shoe on?
你把另一只鞋也穿上 或许有机会抓住他
You could've put on the other shoe and maybe caught him.
踩到狗屎后 你得立刻把鞋子脱掉拿起来
When you step in dog shit, you gotta catch it on the first step.
否则 你之后走的每一步
Otherwise, every step you take after
都会把狗屎深深印到鞋底缝隙里
that gets into the crevice of the shoe.
整条街的人都知道这道理
Man, everybody on the block knows that.
总之 我跟踪他到了他的住处
So anyways, I follow him to where he lives.
我到那里后 在他家门口前撒了一泡尿
And when I get there, I take a piss on his building.
全街民众都看到了我朝着那栋楼撒尿
Everybody on the block saw me take a piss on that building.
-很好 你知道他住在哪 -我当然知道
- Perfect. You know where he lives. - Hell, yeah, I do.
-那你带我过去 -给我20块
- Okay, so you can take me there. - Give me $20.
-没门 -好吧 我带你去
- No. - All right. Let's do it.
对
Yeah.