谎言屋（2012）

"谎言堂" 前情提要
Previously on House of Lies...
Clyde刚拿走了Jeannie的办公室 就那样
Clyde just took Jeannie's office, like that.
不...它是我的!
它是我的!
No... It's mine! It's mine!
你们把这玩意给弄好点
我们会的
You guys make this shit better.
We'll make it better.
瞧见了? 所以Clyde能拿到办公室
See that? That's why Clyde gets the office.
Kelsey
怎麽了 Clyde?
Kelsey. What, Clyde?
你有一个真实可用的心脏啊
You got a real, functional heart in there.
我不想跟任何人分享你
这是什麽?
I don't want to share you with anyone. What's this?
你的辞职信
我对你提交了性骚扰投诉
Your letter of resignation.
I filed a sexual harassment claim against you.
操这些傢伙
好 操他们
Fuck these guys. Okay, fuck 'em.
你买♥♥空了我的期权
不用谢 Grant
You bought me out on stock options.
You're welcome, Grant.
噢 操
Oh, fuck.
我们给你钱 让你滚鸡♥巴♥蛋
Skip 玩蛋儿去吧
We pay you to walk the fuck away.
Skip, go fuck yourself.
这些傻♥逼♥等啥呢? 哟! 打...
What are these motherfuckers waiting on? Yo! Play...
知道吗 操♥他♥妈♥的 我要打了
You know what, fuck it. I'm just gonna hit.
在奥古斯塔可不会发生这种鸟事 哥们
This shit wouldn't happen at Augusta, man.
噢 这绝对不是奥古斯塔
因为如果是奥古斯塔 咱现在就在端盘子了
Oh, this definitely isn't Augusta. 'Cause if it was Augusta, we'd be carrying trays right now.
我才不会端盘子呢
I wouldn't be carrying no tray.
擦
擦
Shit. Shit.
好 操♥他♥妈♥的 我们去奥古斯塔打吧 哥们
All right, fuck it, let's go play Augusta, man.
好吧 我们要像哈利波特那样
用幻影移形术到那儿吗?
Well, we just gonna apparate there like Harry Potter?
不 咱上我的G5 我订了明早8:00的发球时间
No, we gonna jump on my G5. I got a tee time for 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.
咱上我的飞机 到那儿 吃一顿牛排
We get on my plane, get there, eat a steak.
在那之后 早上醒来 打球咯
And after that, wake up in the morning, hit that shit.
会是一段美好时光
确实会是一段美好时光
Be a lovely, lovely time.
It would be a lovely, lovely time.
但我有一份美好工作 记得吗?
咱不是所有人在38岁时都能玩跳伞的
But I have a lovely, lovely job, remember? Not all of us parachuted out at 38.
我忘了 你这种人得全国各地飞
告诉比你有钱的人...
I forgot, you're the guy that flies around the country telling people richer than you are...
如何变得更有钱 而你还是就那样
How to get even richer while you stay the same.
没错 是我不对 是我不对
嗯
That's right. My bad, my bad. Yup.
我...我不对
是啊 是啊 是啊 是啊
My... my bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
那...那是我 目前来说
That-that's me. For now.
就像你在新墨西哥州的那个傻♥逼♥客户
你咋不告诉他 他上了"生命太短"名单呢?
Like this nut bucket you got in New Mexico. Why don't you tell him he's on the "life's too short" list?
因为我客户的身价是110亿元啊
这傻♥逼♥在太空啊
Because my man is worth 11 billion racks.
The motherfucker's in space.
我喜欢在太空的傻♥逼♥啊 Donald
所以你才不干我这一行
I like the motherfuckers in space, Donald. That's why you're not in my business.
我需要他们山高皇帝远的
那样我就能抽油水 懂吧? 把银行账户搾乾
I need 'em out there. That way, I can extract the money, you know? Deplete that bank account.
有时候演戏只是演戏 好吧?
无法总是豪华轿车和口♥交♥的
Sometimes a gig is just a gig, okay? Can't all be limos and blow jobs all the time.
我擦 说到口♥交♥
是啊
Holy shit. Speaking of blow jobs.
YEAH
Marty Kaan!
啊 我♥操♥
Marty Kaan! Aw, fuck me.
Skip Galweather
我♥操♥才是! 天啊!
Skip Galweather.
No, fuck me! Holy shit!
不好意思 是我拖慢你了?
I'm sorry, um, was I holding you up?
有点吧
很...很抱歉
Little bit. So-so sorry.
我打给过会所 他们说让你们等等没问题
好让我追上我的朋友们
I called the clubhouse; they said no problem keeping you guys waiting, so I can catch up to my guys.
没错 没错 来了
你♥他♥妈♥干吗呢?
Yeah, yeah, here we go. What the fuck are you doing?
我的肩膀有旧伤 我得拉伸一下 来了
I just got an old shoulder injury. I got to stretch it out. Here we go.
没错 很好
Yeah, that's good.
你怎麽不打一球到球道上 就算那是一杆了?
Why don't you just drop one down in the fairway there and say it's one?
好吧 我很想 但是我偏不打
Well, I would like to, but I'm not going to.
贱♥人♥
Son of a bitch.
谢谢你们
Thank you, guys.
来了
Here we go.
不用你自己的球吗?
Don't want to use one of your balls?
是啊 感谢你给我发球了 Martin 感激
Yeah, thanks for teeing up for me, Martin. I appreciate that.
来了
There we go.
球道中280码
280 down the middle of the fairway.
我的天 我好像认出你的四人组了
Oh, my God. I think I recognize your foursome.
大富翁裡那个 还有肯德基爷爷
It's the Monopoly guy. And that's Colonel Sanders.
右手边那傢伙 那不是...那是撒旦吧
是啊 看著像
The dude on the right, isn't that... that's Satan.
Yeah, that looks like him.
他们是谁没有影响 不过他们是非常重要的人
It makes no difference who those guys are, except that they're very important;
重要到可以让你在高尔夫球场上等著
important enough to keep you waiting on the golf course.
是啊 我可不想打到肯德基爷爷或撒旦
Yeah, I wouldn't hit into Colonel Sanders or Satan.
不 肯定不能打到撒旦
嘿 Martin?
No, definitely not Satan.
Hey, Martin?
嗯?
你和我应该找时间打一轮高尔夫
Yeah?
You and I should play a round of golf sometime.
谈谈人生
没门哦
Talk about life.
It's never gonna happen.
我就说这破事呢
See, that's the shit I'm talking about.
你今天早上很奇怪
You're very odd this morning.
每天早上我都奇怪
I'm odd every morning.
你知道我的app 水果脸吗?
知道啊
So, you know my app Fruity Face?
Yeah.
它卖♥♥出去了
真正的报价吗?
It sold.
Like a real offer?
其实我们昨天成交了
屌♥啊! 真棒
Actually, we closed yesterday.
Fuck yeah! Way to go.
七位数
啥...?
Seven figures.
What...?
真厉害啊
是啊
That's amazing. Yeah.
水果侠 水果人卖♥♥了七位数啊
Seven figures for Fruit Man, Fruity Man.
水果脸
水果脸 水果脸
Fruity Face.
Fruity Face, Fruity Face.
我的天 看看你们俩 真萌
Oh, my God, look at you two. So cute.
嗨 Doug
嘿
Hi, Doug. Hey.
听著 抱歉佔用了宝贵时间
但你介意我跟你说一下事情吗?
Look, sorry to take up precious moments here, but do you mind if I bend your ear for just a second?
别啊
No.
好了 我的龙与地下城弟♥子♥
Anyway, my Dungeons & Dragons mentee,
如今是客户的Tess Symington 也就是Sabretha
要求来一次龙与地下城辅♥导♥
now client, Tess Symington, aka Sabretha, has asked for a D&D; tutorial.
辅♥导♥? 真的? 作为她的地下城主
Tutorial? Really? See, as her Dungeon Master,
我就很不好办了 因为我知道在真实世界中
it puts me in a very delicate situation, because I know in the real world,
她是一个强大的女商人
但在我们共处的世界中 她是一个脆弱的处♥女♥
she's a powerful businesswoman, but she's a fragile virgin in the world we inhabit together.
要不是我救了她 她就消失在
邪恶Abrax的巢穴中了
If I hadn't saved her ass, she'd have perished in the Lair of Abrax the Evil.
那只是一级啊!
And that's a level one!
拜 Doug
Bye, Doug.
我们晚点再谈
We'll talk later.
等等 所以她是不是想要更多呢?
Wait, so is she or isn't she looking for something more?
Clyde?
Clyde?
Clyde?
Clyde?
没错 全部哦 贱♥人♥
That's right. All of it, bitch.
知道吗 这本来会很难的 但你使之变得容易多了
You know, this could be difficult, but you make it so much easier.
赶紧的! 别在我的傢俱上
留有你的娘炮鼻涕和泪水 好吧?
Hustle it up! And don't leave any of your girly snot and tears on my furniture, okay?
其实我和你共处一室 我不觉得安全
You know, I actually don't feel safe being in the same room with you.
你都被视为人尽皆知的职场骚扰狂了
Seeing as you're a known workplace predator.
你出去的时候可以给我
看一颗性感的蛋蛋吗 Clyde?
Would you just show me one sexy ball on the way out, Clyde?
保佑你哦 Clyde
你♥他♥妈♥现在开玩笑呢?
Bless your heart, Clyde.
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
甜美的Clyde啊 我真的替你感到遗憾 哥们
Sweet, sweet Clyde. I really feel for you, buddy.
知道吗 Doug? 你♥他♥妈♥少给我看不起人
You know what, Doug? Get that patronizing bullshit out of my fucking face.
我知道 我知道 我懂