历史人物吐槽会（2019）

Oh, my God. David Bowie, take a bow.
大卫·鲍伊
David Bowie.
今晚的演出太精彩了
What an amazing show so far.
但现在是时候了
But it's that time right now,
最后轮到贵宾登场
our guest of honor gets his last licks.
请欢迎
Please welcome,
弗雷迪·墨丘利
Freddie Mercury!
你们好 亲爱的
Hello, darlings.
我很高兴今晚大家都能出来
I'm so glad everyone could come out tonight
因为我从没正式出柜过
because it's something I never officially did.
♪ 同性恋 ♪
♪ Gay-oh! ♪
♪ 同性恋 ♪
♪ Gay-oh! ♪
我们知道
We know!
今晚这里的每个人都对我充满了爱
I'm simply overwhelmed with the love from everyone here tonight.
你们永远也不知道未来能影响谁的生活
You never see whose lives you can influence in the future
在这一生中展现自我
by being your true self right now in this life,
活在当下
in this moment.
如果你对龅牙不自信 微笑吧
If you're insecure about your big buck teeth, smile!
如果你没有被邀请参加聚会
And if you don't get invited to the party,
就自己化身派对 亲爱的
become the party, my dearies.
够了
Enough!
给我打个灯 宝贝
Give me my light, lover!
♪ 我已置身摇滚 ♪
♪ Now I'm up in rock and roll ♪
♪ 天堂 ♪
♪ Heaven ♪
♪ 想到像我这样的孩子 ♪
♪ Thinking about a kid like me ♪
♪ 告诉他们 ♪
♪ And what to tell them ♪
♪ 隐藏自己 ♪
♪ Hiding who they are ♪
♪ 孤独寂寞 ♪
♪ Feeling all alone ♪
♪ 你可以成为皇后 ♪
♪ You can be a queen ♪
♪ 但你必须搭建自己的后位 ♪
♪ But you have to build your own throne ♪
♪ 如果我尽早告诉世界 ♪
♪ If I told the world ♪
♪ 我的身份 ♪
♪ Who I was sooner ♪
♪ 那孩子可能会和我一样 ♪
♪ That kid could be like me ♪
♪ 成为摇滚歌♥手 ♪
♪ A rock and roll crooner ♪
♪ 无论如何 ♪
♪ Anyway ♪
♪ 这就是为什么我没有孩子 ♪
♪ That's why I never had any kids ♪
♪ 因为你有孩子 ♪
♪ 'Cause you can't gang bang With Elton John ♪
♪ 就不能和埃尔顿·约翰群♥交♥ ♪
♪ When you have kids ♪
♪ 无论你喜欢做什么 ♪
♪ Whatever you love to do ♪
♪ 立即行动 ♪
♪ Do it now ♪
♪ 如果你迷失了方向 ♪
♪ If you're feeling lost ♪
♪ 会有人指引你 ♪
♪ You will be found ♪
♪ 我找到了我的激♥情♥ ♪
♪ I found my passion ♪
♪ 什么让我性奋 ♪
♪ What turns me on ♪
♪ 每个人 每个人 每个人 ♪
♪ Everybody, everybody Everybody, everybody ♪
♪ 还有音乐 ♪
♪ And music ♪
♪ 还有音乐 ♪
♪ And music ♪
♪ 还有音乐 ♪
♪ And music ♪
♪ 大鸡鸡 ♪
♪ And big dicks ♪
♪ 大鸡鸡 ♪
♪ And big dicks ♪
♪ 小鸡鸡 ♪
♪ And small dicks ♪
♪ 小鸡鸡 ♪
♪ And small dicks ♪
♪ -臀部技巧 -臀部技巧 ♪
♪ - And butt tricks - And butt tricks ♪
♪ 阴♥道♥ 可能吧 ♪
♪ And vaginas, I guess ♪
♪ 阴♥道♥ 可能吧 ♪
♪ And vaginas, I guess ♪
♪ 杰夫·罗斯 ♪
♪ And Jeff Ross ♪
♪ -杰夫·罗斯 -还是算了 ♪
♪ - And Jeff Ross - Maybe not Jeff Ross ♪
♪ 谁来操杰夫·罗斯 ♪
♪ Someone fuck Jeff Ross ♪
♪ 快操杰夫·罗斯 ♪
♪ Please fuck Jeff Ross ♪
我们尽力了 杰弗里
We tried, Jeffrey, we tried.
对我来说 音乐最重要
It's always been about the music for me.
找到你的激♥情♥
Find your passion,
找出什么让你性奋
find out what turns you on
然后去做
and do that.
人生苦短 别做不想做的事
Life is too short to do anything you don't want to do.
做好自己
Just be you.
你永远不知道做好自己能改变谁的人生
You never know whose life you can change by being your true self.
♪ 还有当攻 ♪
♪ And topping ♪
♪ 还有当攻 ♪
♪ And topping ♪
♪ 当受 ♪
♪ And bottoming ♪
♪ 当受 ♪
♪ And bottoming ♪
♪ 攻受转换 ♪
♪ And versatiling ♪
♪ 攻受转换 ♪
♪ And versatiling ♪
♪ 摔跤 ♪
♪ And wrestling ♪
♪ 摔跤 ♪
♪ And wrestling ♪
♪ 口♥交♥ ♪
♪ And blow jobs ♪
♪ 口♥交♥ ♪
♪ And blow jobs ♪
♪ 舔屁♥眼♥ ♪
♪ And rim jobs ♪
♪ 舔屁♥眼♥ ♪
♪ And rim jobs ♪
♪ 洗澡 ♪
♪ And bath time ♪
♪ 洗澡 ♪
♪ And bath time ♪
♪ 午睡 ♪
♪ And nap time ♪
♪ 午睡 ♪
♪ And nap time ♪
♪ 四目相对 ♪
♪ And meaningful eye contact ♪
♪ 就在 ♪
♪ During ♪
♪ 高♥潮♥间 ♪
♪ Orgasm ♪
我爱你 弗雷迪 我爱你
I love you, Freddie. I love you.
感谢你参加历史吐槽大会
Thank you for coming to the Historical Roast Society.
掌声鼓励饰演库特·科班的尼基·格拉泽
And give it up for Nikki Glaser as Kurt Cobain!
饰演戴安娜王妃的福琼·菲斯特
Fortune Feimster as Princess Diana!
我的朋友 饰演大卫·鲍伊的塞思·格林
My pal, Seth Green, as David Bowie!
饰演玛丽·奥斯汀的夏洛特·麦金尼
Charlotte McKinney as Mary Austin.
饰演大猫咪的杰里米·沃特金斯
Jeremiah Watkins as big pussy.
当然还有
And of course,
饰演弗雷迪·墨丘利的詹姆斯·阿多姆
James Adomian as Freddie Mercury.
伙计们 别忘了给你们的摇滚明星做绝育手术
Folks, don't forget to spay and neuter your rock stars.
吐槽造就历史
This roast is history.