历史人物吐槽会（2019）

晚上好 粉丝们
Good evening, fans.
欢迎来到吐槽大会的重头戏
Welcome to a roasting main event.
今晚我要扮成解说员霍华德·科塞尔
Tonight I embody sportscaster Howard Cosell,
站在拳击场边
'cause I'm telling it like it is ringside
解说拳手穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里的吐槽
for the roast of boxer Muhammad Ali.
人称拳王
Nicknamed the Greatest,
阿里是传奇的世界级人物
Ali was a transcendent world figure.
可能是二十世纪最伟大的运动员
Maybe the greatest athlete of the 20th century.
阿里曾说
Ali once said,
我是史上最有名 最受爱戴的人
"I'm the most recognized and loved man that ever lived,
因为耶稣和摩西在世的时候
'cause there wasn't no satellites
世界上还没有卫星网络
when Jesus and Moses was around."
朋友们 这还是他谦虚的口气
And that, my friends, was his attempt to be humble.
与他一同参加今晚吐槽竞技场的
Joining him tonight in the roast arena are three other GOATs -
有另外三位在其领域卓越非凡的人物
that's the Greatest Of All Time in their field,
今晚 我们要摘下拳套 放手一搏
so tonight the gloves are off
与人中龙凤面对面交手
'cause we're about to go toe-to-toe with the people's champion,
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里
Muhammad Ali!
历史吐槽大会
第一季 第六集
大家好 我是吐槽将军杰夫·罗斯
Hi everybody, I'm Jeff Ross, the roastmaster general,
今晚历史吐槽协会
and tonight the Historical Roasting Society
要向穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里致敬
honors Muhammad Ali!
吐槽者有 圣婴贝比·鲁斯
With his roasters, the Great Bambino, Babe Ruth,
我的偶像 李小龙
my idol, Bruce Lee,
以及猫王 埃维斯·普雷斯利
and the King, Elvis Presley.
开始吐槽吧
Let the roasting begin!
今晚的主角
Tonight's honoree,
他的嘴快如闪电
the man with his mouth where your eyes can't see.
他来了
Here he is,
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里
Muhammad Ali!
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里
Muhammad Ali!
我随时就绪 无所畏惧
I'm always prepared, I'm never scared.
无所畏惧
I'm never scared.
除了你那头发
Except for that hair.
请坐 拳王请坐
Please, have a seat, champ. Have a seat.
今晚我们本来想吐槽史上最伟大的运动员
Tonight we wanted to roast the greatest athlete of all time,
但是塞雷娜·威廉姆斯没空
but Serena Williams was busy.
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里的传奇
The legend of Muhammad Ali
从你在路易斯维尔出生时叫卡修斯·克莱开始
began when you were born as Cassius Clay in Louisville.
你再弄一下头发吧 杰夫
You gotta do something about that hair, Jeff.
这是新的
It's new.
你气色不错 穆♥罕♥默♥德♥
You look great, Muhammad--
那只浣熊应该撑不过这场节目了
I don't think that raccoon's gonna survive the show.
你小时候有阅读障碍
Growing up, you had dyslexia.
但你是怎么知道的
But how could you tell?
那可是50年代的肯塔基 东西都是倒着的
It was Kentucky in the '50s, everything was backwards.
见见你最强王者的同伴吧 最强王者
Meet your fellow GOATs, there, GOAT.
猫王被称为摇滚之王
Elvis was dubbed the King of Rock and Roll,
贝比·鲁斯被称为圣婴
Babe Ruth was dubbed the Great Bambino,
李小龙参演的每部电影都被配音了
and Bruce Lee was dubbed in every movie he starred in.
这就是史上最强吐槽
This is the GOAT roast!
猫王是史上最伟大的摇滚歌♥手
Elvis is the greatest rock and roller of all time,
李小龙是史上最伟大的武术家
Bruce Lee the greatest martial artist of all time,
而贝比·鲁斯曾吃过一个铝罐
and Babe Ruth once ate an aluminum can.
烤山羊[史上最强吐槽] 明白吗
Goat roast, get it?
多么精彩的人生啊 阿里
What a life, Ali? What a life, Ali.
你的自行车在你12岁时被偷了
At the age of 12, your bike was stolen.
而你报♥警♥的遇到的警官
The policeman you reported it to
居然成了你的拳击教练
ended up training you to learn how to box,
这称得上史上警♥察♥耗时最长的
which began the longest version
杀黑人的案例了
of a cop killing a black person ever.
我开始怼了啊 拳王
Oh, I'm going in, champ.
-开始了 拳王 -你给我等着
- I'm going in, champ. - I'm coming for ya.
别自找麻烦
Don't ask for it.
我的拳头等着你呢
I got this for ya right here.
你的职业生涯在1960年罗马奥♥运♥会腾飞
Your career took off at the 1960 Rome Olympics.
你的魅力为你赢得了
Your charisma earned you
奥♥运♥村村长的绰号♥
the nickname the Mayor of Olympic Village,
而你的左刺拳为你赢得了一块金牌
and your left jab earned you a gold medal.
没错
Oh, yeah.
你击败了波兰拳手祖比纽·皮崔科斯基
You beat a Polish fighter named Zbigniew Pietrzykowski.
这要么是他的名字
That was either his name
要么是他被你揍了三轮之后
or the sound he made after
发出的声音
you punched him in the face for three rounds.
你轻而易举地击败了他
You defeated him easily.
我要为他辩护一下 他是波兰人
In his defense, he was Polish,
手套是戴在脚上的
so his gloves were on his feet.
拳王 你从奥♥运♥会载誉而归
Champ, you came back from the Olympics a star,
但你还是进不了白人餐厅
but you still couldn't get served at whites-only restaurants.
-是的 -你感觉自己被美国侮辱了
- No, I couldn't. - You felt so insulted by America,
你把金牌扔进了俄亥俄河
you tossed your gold medal into Ohio River.
是的
Yes, I did.
问题是种族主义
The problem, racism.
解决方案呢
The solution?
污染
Pollution.
随着你的事业飞黄腾达
As your career took off,
马尔科姆·X成为了你的导师
Malcolm X became your mentor,
你改信伊♥斯♥兰♥教
and you converted to Islam.
这三人组太强了
What a trio,
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥先知在一边
the Prophet Muhammad on one side,
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里在另一边
Muhammad Ali on the other side,
《马尔柯姆身在其中》
and Malcolm In The Middle.
等等 我看过这个节目
One second... I've seen that show.
太对了
Too true.
-猫王喜欢这个段子 -是的
- Elvis liked that one. - I loved that one.
这个段子我没听懂
I didn't get the reference.
你年仅22岁
In a huge upset,
就爆了大冷门
you beat Sonny Liston,
击败索尼·利斯顿成为重量级冠军
and became heavyweight champ at the age of 22.
这时伊♥斯♥兰♥联盟的首领以利亚·穆♥罕♥默♥德♥
That was when Nation of Islam leader Elijah Muhammad
赐你穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里的名字
gave you the name Muhammad Ali.
你被招募参军 但你拒绝了
You were drafted, but you refused to join the Army
因为作为穆♥斯♥林♥ 战争有悖信仰
because, as a practicing Muslim, war was against your faith.
而作为黑人
And, as a practicing black man,
无故挨枪子也有悖信仰
getting your ass shot off for no reason was against your faith.
你是个良心拒服役者
You were a conscientious objector.
你有句名言说你不想跟越南人打仗
You famously said you didn't want to fight the Vietnamese
"因为越共没喊过我黑鬼"
"Cause no Viet Cong ever called me the N-word."
那你肯定很想揍我杰瑞叔叔
So you would definitely want to fight my Uncle Jerry.
没有了拳击执照 你就没有了收入
Without a boxing license, you had no more income,
所以你做了明智的决定
so you did the sensible thing and...
生了九个孩子
had nine kids.
天啊 拳王 你应该学着灵动如蝴蝶
Jeez, champ, you should've learned to float like a butterfly
戴上套再刺啊
and sting like Plan B.
好吧
All right.
你一定没注意你的伤口治疗师吼过
You must have ignored your cutman yelling,
"弄在毛巾上"
"Blow in the towel!"
你在"丛林之战"中拔得头筹
You won your title at the Rumble in the Jungle.
你把乔治·福尔曼的牙套打得
You screwed up George Foreman's grill worse than I did
比我用彩虹糖做帕尼尼还要惨
that time I tried to make a panini with Skittles.
你勇于为反对战争发声
You bravely spoke out against
牺牲你事业的黄金期
the war and sacrificed the best years of your career
来维护你的信仰
to stand up for what you believed in.
你就像科林·凯普尼克
You were like Colin Kaepernick,
但你很擅长运动
except you were good at sports.
没错
This is true.
第一位吐槽者是纽约扬基队的重击手贝比·鲁斯
Our first roaster is New York Yankees slugger Babe Ruth,
他那个年代里 体型像个大提琴
an athlete from an era when "Fit as a fiddle"
就意味着身体健康
meant "Shaped like a cello."
在类固醇和多米尼加人出现前