地狱客栈（2024）

地狱客栈
第一季第二集

地狱客栈 有空房♥
好吧 下一次大灭绝的时间 不是一年之后 而是六个月
Okay. So the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year.
没什么大不了的 小小的挫折 我们能应付
No big deal. Just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle.
只是天使把给我们的时间 缩短了一半而已
Just angels cutting our timetable in half.
反正拯救灵魂 又用不着一整年 对吧
But who needs a whole year to save souls? Am I right?
就算他们把给我们的时间 减半 减半 再减半
And next time, when they cut the time in half again and again,
我们也能应付 对吧
we'll just handle it, right?!
没错 我们会的
Yes, we will.
得了吧 你启动这救赎破项目时
Oh, please, ya had less than half a chance when you started
胜算就不到五成
all this salvation bullshit.
现在 亲爱的 就更是...
And now...
...没一丝希望了
Ain't no silver lining this time toots.
当然有 只是得更努力地寻找而已
Sure there is. We just have to look a little harder for it.
好吧 你寻找希望的同时 地狱里的其他人正在惊慌失措
Well, while you're lookin, the rest of Hell is going nuts.
大家早就被这消息吓坏了
People are already freaking out about the news.
看看末日区都成什么样了
Look at what's happening in the Doomsday District.
“人驴秀”是什么
Err, what is a "donkey show"?
没什么
Aah, heh, nothing.
是我的老板瓦尔 他也被这消息吓坏了
My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news, too.
就像我说的 大家都吓得屁滚尿流了
Like I said, everyone's losing their shit.
是呀 没错 罪人们都绝望了
Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate.
说不定绝望到了为躲过大灭绝 什么都愿尝试的地步
Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?
现在是为客栈 招募更多人员的最佳时机
This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!
想法是不错 但外面这么乱 你真打算出去
Cute idea and all, but you really going to go out in all of this?
不然呢 别人又不会 突然出现在我们客栈门口
Well, it's not like people are just going to show up on our doorstep.
阿♥拉♥斯托 给我出来
Show yourself, Alastor!
过来尝尝...
Come and face--
你在这里啊
Oh, there you are...
尝尝我的怒火吧
Face my wrath!
你是谁啊
Who are you?
我是谁 居然问我是谁
Who am I? Who am I?
我是伟大的潘修斯爵士
I am the great Sir Pentious!
发明家 破坏建筑师
Inventor, architect of destruction,
非凡的恶棍
villain extraordinaire!
让他们见识一下 老大
Woo! You tell 'em, boss.
他是个坏小子
Ooh, he's a bad boy.
如果你说的都是真的 我该听说过你才对
Huh, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you.
我上周才刚刚攻击过你
I attacked you literally last week.
我们已经大战过20来次了
We've done battle, like... 20 times.
那你一定很不经打
Well, you must have been really bad at this.
闭嘴 给我吓趴下吧
Silence! Now cower!
因为等我宰了你之后
For when I've slain you,
V字三人组 就会认可我跟他们的平等地位了
the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal!
等等 V字三人组是谁 - 不是什么重要人物
Wait, who are the Vees? Oh, nobody important.
3V塔
新款沃克斯科技品牌偷♥窥♥镜
New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes.
让偷♥窥♥邻居变得更有格调
Peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish.
沃克斯科技 把您的钱放心交给我们
VoxTek. Trust us with your money.
本周的这集 《没错 我♥操♥了你妹 那又怎样 》
This week's episode of "Yeah I Fucked Your Sister So What?"
由沃克斯科技为你呈现
is brought to you by VoxTek.
把您的娱乐放心交给我们
Trust us with your entertainment.
沃克斯科技 相信我们
VoxTek. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us ...
这才叫好看的电视节目呢
Now that's good television...
维尔维特来电
哈喽 维尔维特 在这地狱般的早晨里你还好吗
Hello there, Velvette. How are you this hellish morning?
少废话 沃克斯 我要你马上过来
Oh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!
出什么事了 亲爱的
Whatever could be the problem my dear?
我正在准备一场演出
Your little boy toy is wrecking my department
你家小白脸却来搅合我的部门...
while I ' m trying to pull together a show and--
该死的贱♥人♥
Fucking bitch!
给我滚过来就是 快 见鬼 瓦伦蒂诺
Just get your ass here. Now! Dammit Valentino!
老天 又来了 瓦伦蒂诺 跟瓦尔共事就是这么麻烦
Oh god, here I go. Valentino. Just another fuckin day with Val.
嘿嘿嘿 我的人生真悲惨
Hey, hey, hey. Fuck my life.
V-表 - 相信我们 - 很棒 直播 安吉尔德斯特
沃克斯先生 请看这边
Mr Vox! Mr Vox!
沃克斯先生 我有个问题要问您
Mr. Vox, question for you over here. Mr Vox
沃克斯先生 就大灭绝时间提前的事 您有什么看法
Mr. Vox. What are your thoughts on the new extermination deadline?
亲爱的各位 我们沃克斯科技公♥司♥
My dear people, we at VoxTek
一向都走在创新的前沿
Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation.
鉴于当前面临的新威胁
And now with this new oncoming threat,
我们正在将研发的重点 转向保护大家的安全
we are shifting our focus to your protection.
我们很高兴地宣布 沃克斯科技即将推出防天使器
We are pleased to announce VoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon.
把您的安全放心交给我们
Trust us with your safety.
先生 我们是何时开始 研发防天使器的
Sir? Uh, when did we begin working on Angelic Security?
30秒之前
30 seconds ago.
试着说服卡米拉那个贱♥人♥加盟
Try to get that bitch Carmilla on the books
再取消我今天所有的安排
and cancel all my appointments today.
我得去楼上“灭火”
I have a fire to put out upstairs.
不行 不能接受
Ugh. No. Unacceptable.
你被开除了 这算什么
You're fired. What is this?
褶边袖口 你当现在是1750年啊 快把这女巫才穿的垃圾烧了
Wrist ruffles? Is it 1750? Burn it like the witches who wore it.
维尔维特 我看得出你很忙 告诉我我们那坏脾气的朋友在哪儿
Oh, Velvet. I can see you're busy. Tell me where's our hot headed friend now?
在他的塔楼上
Up in his tower,
等着某个平脸王子让他冷静下来
waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down.
今天又是什么事让他不爽了
And uh, what's got him so out of sorts today?
谁知道啊 他把我最好的模特整崩溃了
Who knows? But he tore up my best model.
你知道这演出就在眼前 没时间等那不幸的贱♥人♥
And you know, the show can't wait for that unlucky bitch
重新振作起来
to pull herself back together.
梅丽莎 过来
Melissa, get over here.
不 不行 难看 我都想死了 是的 就要这套
No. No. Hideous. I want to die. Eww. Oh, yes. That's the one.
看来这里的一切都在你掌控之中
Well, looks like you have everything under control here.
这还用说 去死吧 你可以滚了 安抚你那不成熟的讨厌鬼去
Of course I do. Fuck you. Now shoo! Take care of the piss baby.
你终于来了
Fuckin' finally,
基蒂 再拿一杯酒来
Kitty, another drink.
你能相信那混♥蛋♥做了什么吗
Can you believe what that piece of shit did?
那个忘恩负义的贱♥人♥
The ungrateful whore!
瓦伦蒂诺
这次在说的是哪个贱♥人♥
Um which whore are we talking about this time?
该死的安吉尔德斯特
Fucking Angel Dust.
还能是谁
Who the hell else would I be talking about?
那该死的娼夫居然离开了我 我 是我造就了他
That fucking slut walked out on me. Me. I fucking made him.
没有我 他不过就是 一副略有姿色的臭皮囊
Without me, he's just a bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes.
安吉尔辞职了 - 不 他没辞职 但比辞职更糟
Angel quit? - No, he didn't fucking quit. It's worse.
他搬走了
He moved!
他认为他能就这样来这里上班 然后不回我们家 回别的地方去
He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else.
你能相信吗
Can you fucking believe that?!
他以为能就这样一走了之 跑去跟路西法的荡♥妇♥女儿住
He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter?
安吉尔跟路西法的女儿住在一起了
Angel is living with Lucifer's daughter now?
对 就是那婊♥子♥
Yeah, that bitch.
叫夏基或夏德勒啥的 类似这样的男人名字
Chalkie, or Chandler, or... I don't know. Something mannish like that.
她开了一家客栈... 我拿哪把枪看上去更性感
She's got this hotel and-- And which of these makes me look sexier?
你这是在做什么 瓦尔 你不能去那里
What are you doing, Val? You're not going over there.
我要让那滑头花美男记住 谁是他的主人
That slippery twink is going to remember who owns him.
我对天发誓 我要把那臭屎坑的每个人都操一遍
I'm going to fuck everyone in that rancid shithole, I swear to God.
瓦尔 想一想
Val! Think about it.
我们品牌的形象是“完美”
Our brand is perfection.
你觉得满城追一个贱♥货♥
And what do you think chasing whores around town
对我们的形象会有何影响
will do for our image?
有损形象
Fuck it up?
没错 你想让别人觉得 你管不住自己的员工吗
Right! Do you want people thinking you can't control your employees?
不想 - 就是啊
No. - Exactly.
再说 他跟公♥司♥的合同还在
And, hey, you still have him under contract.
他哪儿也去不了
He isn't going anywhere.
所以 你应该...
So you should...?
什么都不做 - 好主意
Do nothing?
这才是他们付你高薪的原因
Great idea. Now, that's why they pay you the big bucks.
但我真的很想找个人当枪靶子
But I really wanted to shoot someone.
好吧 我去把 本月收入最低的人叫上来
Well, let me call up the lowest earners this month.
你太了解我了
Oh, you know me too well.
知道吗 安吉尔不是唯一一个 跟魔鬼公主一起
You know, Angel isn't the only one spending time at this ratty hotel
待在那破客栈的人
with the devil's princessa .