珍的不一样（2023）

注意看电影 不然会错过最恐怖的部分
Pay attention to the film. You'll miss the scary bits.
我得惦记着阿尔菲周二的长笛课 周三的中文课
I have to remember to take Alfie to flute on Tuesdays and Mandarin on Wednesdays.
我得弄清楚什么是资本利得税
I have to figure out what capital gains tax is
以及这个人为啥要为我没付这个税生气
and why this man is so mad at me for not paying it.
然后我还要洗衣服晒衣服穿衣服
And then, I have to wash my clothes, and dry my clothes, and wear my clothes,
再周而复始永无尽头
and then wash them again, and it never ends.
所以坦白讲 我真的不在乎一个干巴巴的埃及男人 珍
So frankly, Jen, the dry Egyptian man is the least of my worries.
看
Look!
是啊 这个也没啥好看的 我想看真正的恐怖片
Yeah, this one's a bit naff anyway. I want a proper scare.
嗨 爸 我忘了今天周三了 我们在恐怖片马拉松
Oh! Hi, Dad. Forgot it was Wednesday. We're having a scary movie marathon.
我能再打给你吗 -等等我 我快到家了
Can I call you back? - Wait for me. I'm almost home.
好嘞 万圣节快乐
Okay. Happy Halloween.
万圣节快乐 亲
Mmm. Happy Halloween, pet.
你就不能私下接吗 吓死我了
Can't you do that in private? It's so morbid.
你是个胆小鬼（猫咪）又不是我的错 无意冒犯
It's not my fault you're a massive pussy. No offence.
我不是胆小鬼
I am not a pussy.
好吧
Okay.
把你的手放盒子里
Put your hand in this box.
为啥 里面是啥
Why? What's in it?
怎么 你害怕了
Oh, are you afraid?
知道吗 我又不用向你证明啥
You know what? I don't need to prove anything to you.
好吧 -是的
Oh, okay. - So, yeah.
哦 里面有只老鼠
Oh, there's a rat in here.
什么 -什么
What? - What?
天啊 不
Oh, no!
你干嘛要这么对我
Why would you do that?
我以为它是空的 -我他妈讨厌万圣节
I thought it was empty! - I fucking hate Halloween!
不 我没有逃税 没错 大力神 4年
No, I wasn't evading tax. Yeah, Hercule. Four years.
不 先生 我不是在逗你
No, sir, I would never take your mick.
我没有拇指
Well, I didn't have thumbs,
你要知道 我当时特别特别小
and you have to consider I was very, very small.
喂
Hello?
恐怖那段快到了吗 -马上
When's it get scary? - Soon.
那种生物还没出现
They haven't introduced the creature yet.
一个老妪
A crone!
别担心 是我而已
Oh. It's just me.
你刚才叫我老妪吗
Did you just call me a crone?
我叫了吗
Is that the word I used?
我也没那么邋遢吧
I'm not that frumpy, am I?
听着 凯莉 你有超能力 你是单身 现在是万圣节
Look, Carrie, you have been given a gift. You're single on Halloween.
这是你走出舒适区的最佳时机
It's the perfect time to step out of your comfort zone.
你选择多多
There's so many options.
经典荡♥妇♥ 话题荡♥妇♥ 恐怖荡♥妇♥ 荡♥妇♥荡♥妇♥
Classic slut, topical slut, scary slut, slut slut.
我能在万圣节扮荡♥妇♥吗
Can I be a slut on Halloween?
荡♥妇♥不用交资本利得税的吧
Sluts don't have to pay capital gains tax, do they?
很不幸的 即便荡♥妇♥也要交税
Unfortunately, sluts do have to pay tax.
要是不会了怎么办 -不会什么
What if I've forgotten how to do it? - Do what?
以上♥床♥为目的 跟未来的男人相处
Interact with men with a view to sex in the future?
你先不要灭自己威风
Don't phrase it like that to begin with.
我跟卡什待得太安乐
I've got so comfortable with Kash,
都忘了要怎么性感
I've forgotten how to be sexy.
这就跟骑自行车一样 你会想起来的
Well, it's like riding a seductive bike. It'll come back to you.
如果真的想不起来 就做自己喽
And if it doesn't, you know, just be yourself.
你爱上了我 但我不怪你
And you fell in love with me, but I can hardly blame you.
是男人都会爱上我 没人能抗拒我
AlI men do. I'm irresistible.
我为自己的行为抱歉
I'm sorry for what I did.
但再给我一次机会 我还会这么做
And I'd do it all over again if I had to.
你想让我再怎么做来着 亲爱的
And you want me to what again, darling?
教教我怎么变得性感
Uh, teach me how to be sexy?
或者性感相关的 半擦边的就行
Or just, I guess, um, sex adjacent. Semi- skimmed. That's fine.
你来对地方了 娃娃脸
Well, you came to the right place, dollface.
大家曾说 在好莱坞 只要会喘气儿的
They used to say if it was in Hollywood and breathed
不在我上面 就在我下面 要么就我被捅过
I'd be under it, over it... ...and inside it.
用手指捅啦 亲爱的
Fingering, darling.
听着 你可以假装摔倒
Now, listen here, pretend to fall over.
顺势抓住他老二保持平衡
Oops. And grab on to his johnson for support
哦不 我好像忘记戴胸罩了
Oh, no. I seem to have forgotten my brassiere.
你帮我托一下好吗
Hold these for me, would ya?
要是不知道手往哪儿放
If you don't know what to do with your hands,
就这样放两边 然后摇着你的屁屁
just put them out like this and shake your tushy.
永远装作在倾听 即便你没有
Always look like you're listening, even when you're not.
对他的每一句话发笑 即便不好笑
Laugh at everything they say, even if it ain't funny.
假装自己不识字 让他们给你读菜单
Pretend you're illiterate and get them to read the menu to you.
男人喜欢策女人
Men love a dum- dum.
这杯马提尼是啥时候出现的
Uh- When did we make a martini?
跟上进度 亲 不然我就丢下你不管了
Do keep up, darling, or I'll leave you behind.
《你奶说你胖》这书是放在美体书架
”Times your Nan called you fat. "Do you want that for the body image shelf,
还是放到家庭创伤书架
or shall I keep it for the family trauma wing?
给我吧
Hit me.
我的天
Old cow.
我好像发现好玩的了
Hmm. I think I found something interesting.
从编号♥看 这像是一个系列的
They're numbered like part of a series.
你是害怕癌症 还是害怕熊 -熊
You more afraid of cancer or bears? - Bears.
我自有理由好吧
I have my reasons.
这些编号♥代表排序
The numbers are a list.
只要找到1号♥ 就能找到你生命里最害怕的东西
If we find number one, we'll find what you're most afraid of in life.
也可能就是我使不出超能力的原因
And that could be what's holding me back from my power?
再找找剩下的 也许会有恐怖区
Try and find the rest. Maybe there's a horror section.
外表或许会很吓人
Or would they be in something scary- looking?
无意冒犯 你的潜意识没那么微妙 通常会有个指示牌
No offence, your subconscious isn't subtle. There's usually a sign.
好吧
Okay.
我好像找到了
I think I found it.
从此之后 我每次坐船都要带上避孕套
And that is why you never go on a river cruise without your diaphragm.
什么 瞧啊
Why, look I'm- -
我又年轻又漂亮
I'm young and beautiful.
哦 谢谢你 我
Oh, uh, thank you. I- -
如此光滑而紧致
So smooth and tight.
嗯 是的啊
Uh, yeah.
感谢你的建议 我感觉好多了
Well, thank you for your tips. I feel much better about it all.
等等 不 我不想走
Wait. No.
我觉得有点好笑 因为生活就像一场游戏
♪Well, I'm feelin' kinda funnyCause life is like a game ♪
像敌人一样面对
♪Facin' like an enemy ♪
这就是我 这就是我
♪That's just who I- - That's just who I am ♪
5679
5, 679.
万一厕所里有条蛇 可我没看到就坐了下来
"What if there is a snake in the toilet, and I don't notice, and I sit down,
结果一条蛇就爬上了我屁♥股♥ 现在我屁♥股♥上有条蛇了
and the snake goes up my bum and then there's a snake up my bum? "
是的
Yep.
说实话 我以为排名会更高呢
Honestly, I thought that would be higher.
你找到第一了吗 是什么
Is that number one? What is it?
亲密 你害怕亲密关系
Intimacy. You re afraid of intimacy.
好吧 要不再看看“屁♥股♥和蛇”那一本
Okay, have we double- checked"Snake in the bum"
因为这根本 -我得给你留点作业
because that's not at all- - - I'm going to give you some homework.
你下周来见我之前
Before you come in to see me next week,
告诉你生命中的某人 你爱他
I want you to tell one person in your life you love them.
不能加任何限制条件 削弱它的威力
I want you to say it without qualification, without minimising it,
更不能用开玩笑的口吻
without turning it into a joke.
这会让我们离你的超能力更进一步
It could bring us closer to your power.
你能做到吗
Can you do that for me?
当然 简单得很
Course. Easy
好吧
Okay.
好的好的 上
Okay. Okay, just do it.
我得跟你说点事 同时保持眼神交流
I need to tell you something while maintaining eye contact,
所以你千万别想眨眼
so don't even think about blinking.
我
I- -
你在干什么
What are you doing?
人在万圣节是可以换装的 对吧
People get to be other things on Halloween, right?
是的 -所以 我想扮成猫
Yes. - So, I'm gonna be a cat.
猫不用承担责任 不用交税
Cats don't have responsibilities. Cats don't have to pay taxes,
不用抚养孩子 也不用每周都刷牙
or raise children, or brush their teeth every week.
不好意思 每周