六场危事（2016）

她有参加读书俱乐部 只是蜗居的
She has that book club, so... I don't think they really
他们不会读政♥治♥的东西 一般都是小说
do political stuff though. It's mostly novels.
小说都只是童话
Fiction is just fairy tales.
天啊
Jeez.
你是怎么变得这么激进的呢
How did you get radicalized?
实际上是在大学我爱上的一个人
Actually it was a guy that I fell in love with at college.
实际上 我在伯克利爱上了两个人
There were actually two guys I fell in love with at Berkeley.
一个犹太人 一个黑人
A Jew and a Black.
真是致命的组合啊
That's a lethal combination.
安倍·科恩
Abe Cohen.
他是个特别激进的马♥克♥思♥主义者
He was a radical Marxist.
还有就是埃尔顿·克劳福德
And then there was Elton Crawford.
他曾经写过特别美丽的十四行诗
He used to write the most beautiful sonnets
讲炸掉白宫
about blowing up the White House
和给水库里下毒的
and poisoning the reservoirs.
我曾经跟那个黑人睡
I used to sleep with the Black in an effort
就像是试图吸收他的政♥治♥怒火
to kind of absorb some of his political rage
然后再跟犹太人睡 帮我释放出那份
and then the Jew to help me get some of that anxiety
作为中产阶级的焦虑和罪恶感
and guilt over being middle class.
性♥交♥是非常有启发意义的
Sexual intercourse can be very enlightening.
是啊 那时候我有个心理医生
Yeah, I had a shrink at the time
坚定的笃信弗洛伊德学派
who was a strict Freudian.
他从没说过话 从没动过
He never talked, never moved.
有一天 我过去 躺在沙发上
You know, I came in one day and laid on the couch.
我猜差不多开始三分钟后
I guess three minutes into it,
他就心脏病发作死了
he had a quiet heart attack and died.
我当时不知道啊 继续说了五十五分钟
I had no idea, I kept talking for 55 minutes.
我真的觉得
I really think it's probably
那是我最有成效的一次治疗 真的
my most productive session, actually.
你知道吗 我也看过心理医生
You know, I had a shrink too.
- 为什么 - 我有冲动症
- Why? - I have impulsivity problems.
那个心理医生认为病因是
The shrink thought it was from having
我有两个特别犹豫的家长
two strict hovering parents.
但是我很爱他们的
But, you know, I love them though.
我为什么要告诉你这个啊 我只是...
Why am I telling you this? I just...
听着 我只想说我相信精神科医生 仅此而已
Look, I just mean that I believe in shrinks, that's all.
顺便问下 你还有那种草吗
Incidentally, do you have any more of that grass?
我很生气 凯 我得给我的律师打个电♥话♥
I'm upset, Kay. I've got to call into my lawyer.
你敢 不准打给你的律师
Oh, you don't you dare tell your lawyer.
求你了 不要泄漏这件事
Please don't leak this.
她就在这里待几个星期 然后就走了
She's here for a few weeks and then she'll go
除非你因为神经质 把一切都搞砸了
unless you just spoil everything with your nervousness.
是 但她肯定会被抓住的
Yeah, but she's bound to be caught
然后我们就会牵连进去
and then she's gonna implicate us.
我们不会牵连进去的
Oh, she's gonna implicate us.
你知道吗 她从不会告密的
You know that? She'll never talk.
她会告密的 他们知道怎么样套出话来
She'll talk. They'll get, they know how to get it out.
他们会用警棍打她 直到她坦白为止的
They'll beat it out of her with nightsticks.
他们不会用的... 那是电影里的情节
They don't use... It's in the movies they do that.
现实之中 他们用的是橡皮管
In real life, they use rubber hoses.
天啊 他们什么招都不用使
Jesus, they won't have to use anything.
你知道的 她说梦话的
You know, she talks in her sleep.
他们会监听她的电♥话♥ 她就会说
They'll bug her cell and she'll say,
"谢谢你们 凯 蒙茨辛格
"Thank you, Kay
还有西德尼·蒙茨辛格
and Sidney Muntzinger,
帮助我背叛我的祖国"
For helping me betray my nation."
我好紧张啊
I'm so nervous.
你好
Hello?
不 不用了 不用派人过来了
No, no, not necessary to send anybody over.
我错按了警报上的按钮
I hit the wrong button on the alarm.
我们不需要修理工
We don't need a repairman.
不 不 不用
No, no. No, no, no.
不过... 谢谢你的关心
But... but thank you for the concern.
不用 一切都好
No, everything's fine.
是的 上帝保佑 上帝保佑你
Yes, God bless, God bless you.
- 快挂电♥话♥ - 上帝保佑你的孩子
- Hang up. - God bless your children.
你疯了
You're crazy.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
上帝啊 收拾房♥子用得着这么小题大做的吗
For God sakes, what are you fussing so much over the room?
这又不是酒店
It's not a hotel.
我很惊讶 你居然没有
I'm surprised you don't put, you know,
在她的床上放两颗薄荷糖
two little mints down on her bed.
你去工作行不行
Will you go to work?
你去... 你去看你喜欢的电视节目吧
Just go... just go pitch your... your TV show.
快去
Come on.
基本上... 是关于一个古怪的家庭
Basically it's... it's a kooky family and, you know,
父亲 母亲 一个儿子还有两个女儿
it's a father, mother, and a son and two daughters.
还有 其中一个女孩非常漂亮
And, you know, one of the daughters is very beautiful.
而另外一个 就说她体形有点胖吧
The other one is, you know, let's say on the plump side.
因为这样的话 我们就能
You know, 'cause that way we can get in
插♥进♥去一系列的胖子笑话
a certain amount of fat jokes.
并不是... 不是伤人的玩笑
Not... not cruel jokes,
但是有非常多一系列
but you know there's a rich vein
可以挖掘的幽默点... 关于超重的笑话
of humor to be mined with... with the overweight jokes
我给你们讲讲基本的想法吧
and, uh, and I'll give you what the basic idea here is.
他们并没有住在一栋
It's that they don't really
美丽的房♥子里
live in a beautiful house.
他们住在洞穴里 他们是尼安德特人
They live in caves. They're Neanderthals.
我们穿梭到一百万年前 洞穴里还有火堆
We go back a million years and there's fires in the cave
他们穿着破布 手拿木棍
and they have loincloths and clubs
他们还有一只霸王龙做宠物 还有...
and they have a pet tyrannosaurus, and...
我们中午不是要开会吗
Don't we have a meeting at noon?
让我给你们讲讲情节 让我给你们...
Well, let me tell you the plot. Let me tell you...
情节是 那个儿子有些敏感
The plot is that the son is kind of sensitive
他想要画画
and he wants to draw.
他在墙上画野牛 还有其他的东西
He draws, he draws bisons on the wall and other, you know,
但基本上都是野牛
but basically bisons.
我觉得 他们在壁画上画的基本都是这个
I think mostly that's what they draw on the wall
然后他爱上了另一个洞穴的姑娘
and he's in love with a girl from another cave
而她进化的更高级些
and she's evolved higher.
她不是尼安德特人 她是... 我也说不好
She's not a Neanderthal, she's... now I don't know
马格努斯什么鬼的
what the hell they were, Cro-Magnums or something.
克鲁马努人 我从来都说不准
Cro-Magnons, I can never follow it,
但是她更高级些
but she's higher.
所以你看出来喜剧点在哪里了吧
So you can see the comic possibilities.
梅尔特别擅长写笑话
I mean, Mel here is great at jokes,
绝对的笑话大♥师♥
absolutely fabulous at jokes,
而我特别擅长结构
and I'm very good at texture
喜剧的点简直无穷无尽啊
and the comic possibilities are myriad.
谢谢你
Thank you.
这样吧 我来... 一杯咖啡
Oh, and you know what, I'll have a... A cup of coffee.
谢谢
Thanks.
你 你觉得进展如何
How, how, how do you think it went?
我觉得你讲的不错
I think you told it well.
但是我感觉 我也说不好
But you know I sensed, I don't know,
可能他们想要更当代的东西
maybe they were looking for something more contemporary.
我也说不好
I don't know.
顺便问下 你家里都还好吧
How's everything at home by the way?
家里怎么样 你什么意思
What do you mean how's everything at home?
挺好的 都挺好的啊
It's fine, absolutely fine.
你问这个干什么
Why would you ask that?
好吧 你这么紧张干什么
Okay, what you get so jumpy about?
我没有紧张啊
I'm not jumpy.
你知道的 我没有紧张
I'm, you know, I'm not jumpy.
我就是问下你家里怎么样
I just asked how everything was at home
因为我知道你家里有客人
'cause I know you have a house guest.
她很快就走了
She'll be out quickly.
她吗 我以为是个男的
Oh, she? Oh, I thought it was a guy.
是个男的
It is a guy.
是 你... 是个男的
It's, it's, what do... It's a guy.