鬼作秀

第1季 第6集 本季终
活海马 1美元一只
迷你活宠物猴 18.95美元一只
可怕巨型外星眼怪物
钻皮减肥虫
钻皮减肥虫
钻皮减肥虫
斯隆浅肤纤体中心
Skin Deep by Sloan.
斯隆浅肤纤体中心
Since the beginning of time,
自古以来
man has been obsessed with his own image.
人类就执迷于自己的外形
and now, with own new body sculpting technique,
现在 有了我们全新的浅肤纤体技术
that image can be perfected.
可助您获得完美外形
无需运动
What's the secret you ask?
你问我秘密是什么
Does it really work?
真的有效吗
As you can see, our results speak for themselves.
如您所见 效果不言自明
即时见效
This is Debbie before the Skin Deep treatment.
这是使用浅肤纤体疗程前的黛比
And this, is Debbie three days later.
这是三天后的黛比
Skin Deep by Sloan helped change my live.
斯隆浅肤纤体中心改变了我的人生
黛比斯隆浅肤纤体中心大使
Now, I'm here to help change yours.
现在 由我来助您改变人生
A 100% painless, completely natural procedure.
百分百自然无痛手术
Skin Deep by Sloan
斯隆浅肤纤体技术
is the biggest breakthrough in body management history.
是身材管理史上最大的突破
Hi, I'm Dr. Herbert Sloan.
大家好 我是赫伯特·斯隆医生
赫伯特·斯隆医生斯隆浅肤纤体中心
And I promise, you'll have
我保证 您会拥有
the perfect body that you deserved.
梦寐以求的完美身材
Skin Deep by Sloan,
斯隆浅肤纤体中心
feel the miracle and see the difference.
感受奇迹 见证改变
You're Debbie from the TV!
你就是电视上的黛比
May I help you?
有什么能为您效劳的吗
I'm Henry Quill,
我是亨利·奎尔
I got an email.
我收到一封邮件
Here you are, Mr. Quill.
是您啊 奎尔先生
We want to thank you
我们想感谢您
for being such a loyal customer over the years.
多年来一直是本公♥司♥的忠实顾客
It says here you've been a steady consumer
资料显示您尝试过
of Dr. Sloan's previous products.
斯隆医生之前的所有产品
Well, I've eaten my share of his Ginkgo Global Pills.
我确实吃了不少他之前出的银杏药
Which is why Dr. Sloan thinks
所以斯隆医生认为
you'd be perfect to be one of the first
您最适合成为首批
presented with this more effective treatment.
享用他的最新高效疗法的顾客
OK.
好的
The doctor will be right with you.
医生马上就过来
My Simmons, you can come on now.
西蒙斯先生 您可以进去了
本周将出现日全食
I'm Henry.
我叫亨利
Kelly.
我叫凯丽
It's kind of mysterious.
这还挺神秘的
It's like we are going to meet the real Dr. Sloan.
这次我们好像能见到真正的斯隆医生
美国知名儿童文学作家和插画家
I don't care if he is Dr. Sues.
他就算是苏斯医生 我也不在乎
As long as he can make me look like her.
只要他能把我变成她那样就行
Welcome, everybody.
欢迎各位
I'm Herbert Sloan,
我是赫伯特·斯隆
with the skin deep solution for every...body.
我们的浅肤纤体疗程适用于所有人...体
I see what you did there.
我听懂你的双关笑话了
Please, come gather around right over here for us.
各位朋友 请过来围成一圈
Ah, don't be shy.
别害羞
Like magic, Mr. Simmons. It's a new you.
宛如魔法一般 西蒙斯先生 这是全新的你
It's impossible.
太神奇了
Check out that guy.
快看那家伙
Wow, he's so skinny.
天呐 他好瘦啊
How is that possible?
怎么可能
How do they do that? He looks great.
他们是怎么做到的 他现在的身材棒极了
Donuts anyone?
有人想吃甜甜圈吗
I though this was about losing weight, not gaining it.
我们是来减肥 而不是来增肥的
It is, but after a sit in with me,
没错 但接受我的治疗后
you'll never have to diet again.
你们再也不用节食了
We'll see.
再说吧
Maybe just one.
我吃一个好了
One.
就一个
My new procedure will work on you.
我的新手术会对你有效
And you, and you, and you.
还有你 你 和你
Henry.
我叫亨利
Trust me, you've never seen anything like this.
相信我 你们将大开眼界
My success rate is an unprecedented 100%.
我的成功率是前所未有的百分百
Everyone knows, there's no fountain of youth.
众人皆知世上没有不老泉
But, it doesn't stop us from looking.
但那并不能阻止我们去寻找
Man has been obsessed with
人类自古以来
his own image since the beginning of time.
就执迷于自己的外形
And now, that image can be perfected.
现在 人人都能拥有完美的外形
玻璃内物品的实际距离比看起来更近
What is that?!
那是什么玩意儿
Since 2012, my team and I have collected
从2012年开始 我和我的团队
specimens from a water intake reservoir in South America.
陆续从南美洲水源保护区里收集到十个物种10
To think,
说来奇妙
I was going to Brazilian rainforest
我去巴西雨林
searching for fat melting berries,
本是为了寻找溶脂莓果
I discovered something so much more.
然而我却发现了更加了不起的东西
Beautiful, isn't it?
真美 不是吗
From this expedition,
从这次探险中
we concluded that a high number of these large female Anguilliformes
我们发现有大量这种雌性鳗鲡目动物
were effectively trapped in the reservoir,
被困在了水库里
unable to complete the breeding migration.
无法完成生殖洄游
Anguilla what?
鳗什么
Is it an eel?
是种鳗鱼吗
In a way.
某种程度上算吧
And you'll be surprised to learn
你们一定会很讶异
how many species there still are to be discovered on this planet.
地球上还有多少物种未被发现
We've learned after extensive testing
经过反复测试后 我们得知
that it's an advanced form of a leech.
这是水蛭的一种高级形态
But, with one major distinction.
但它们有一个主要区别
This one, doesn't drink blood.
这种生物不吸血
Once attached, it secretes a fluid
接触到人类皮肤后 它们会分泌一种液体
that completely numbs the patient's skin.
彻底麻痹病人的皮肤
Then the creature painlessly uses its saliva to...
然后这种生物可以无痛地利用其唾液...
It eats fat!
它会吞食脂肪
To put it simply, Kelly, yes.
简单来说 就是这样 凯丽
It completely liquefies it.
它能将脂肪完全液化
It absorbs excess adipose stored within fat cells.
它可以吸收脂肪细胞里的多余脂肪
Nothing else is removed, of course. Just fat.
身体其它部分并不会被吞食掉 仅仅是脂肪
Of course.
当然了
Think about it.
你们想想
Diet and exercise are a thing of the past.
靠运动和节食减肥已经过时了
Believe me when I tell you, it's indisputable.
相信我 这是不容置疑的事实
Never again in our lifetime will we witness
我们这辈子都不会再见到
a truer undiscovered miracle of nature.
比这更真实的未被发现的自然奇迹
Take my money.
快收下我的钱
Follow me please.
请跟我来
Henry?
亨利
You're not putting that thing on me.
我才不会让你把那玩意儿放我身上
Just hear me out.
请听我说
No hard sell. This is me to you.
我不打算强行推销
But why me? You don't even know me.
为什么一定要选我 你都不认识我
But I do.
但我了解你
I was you once.
我曾经也跟你一样
And look at me now.
看看现在的我
I've got FDA approval. I've got countless trials.
药管局批准 我们也做过无数实验
Look,
听着
total transparency.
我跟你交个底
I've sunk every dime I have into this.
我把所有的资产都投到这上面了
And would I put it all on the line if it wasn't completely safe?
如果并非完全安全 我会这么孤注一掷吗
Let me change your life.
让我帮你改变人生
And I'm supposed to believe