流金岁月（2015）

流金岁月 前情提要
Previously on Another Period...
椅子不知道是我把她从楼梯上推了下去
Chair has no idea it was me who pushed her down the stairs.
你因谋杀斯库普斯·拉普家族的
You're under arrest for the murder
一人而被捕
of one Scoops LaPue.
我还是不知道那特么是谁
I still have no idea who the fuck that is.
谁能想到范德比尔特家还有两位
Who would have guessed there were two unmarried
未婚男士呢
Vanderbilts left?
真不敢相信你们没有妻子
Can't believe you don't have wives.
事实上 我的第一任妻子死于
Well, my first wife actually died
- 一场可怕的圈环裙起火 - 噢
- in a terrible hoopskirt fire. - Aww.
是的 我前妻去世 是因为她活不过38岁
Yes, and mine died from turning 38.
这太糟了
That's awful.
某一天她满37岁了
One day she was 37
接下来的事就是
and then the next thing we knew--
听起来你们两个喜气洋洋的啊
Well, you two sound like absolute delights.
嗯呐 同乐同乐
Well, you gals do too.
干杯
Cheers.
那我们什么时候能见到你们的女儿
So when can we meet your daughters?
呃 你们不是要和我们的女儿成婚
Uh, it's not our daughters you'd be marrying.
- 是我们 - 嗯嗯
- It's us. - Mm-hmm.
我们就是那女儿
We're our daughters.
别逗了 她们在哪呢
Come on. Where are they?
没有 我们就是那女儿 就是我们
No, we're our daughters. It's us.
我们白白浪费了一整个下午和你们待一起
We just wasted all afternoon with you!
# 我想要金钱 我想要名气 #
I want the money, I want the fame
# 我想要全世界都知道我的名字 #
I want the whole world to know my name
# 全都是我的 得不到我决不放弃 #
This is mine, I got to get it
# 就算是不择手段 我一定要得到 #
I got to get it, got, got to get it
# 流金岁月 #
Another Period
喔好爽
Oh, yes.
好爽
Yep.
我真的需要做做♥爱♥来醒醒脑
I really needed some awake sex
释放一下殚思竭虑要把女儿嫁出去的压力
to relieve the stress of trying to marry off my daughters.
莉莉安和碧翠丝已经把东海岸所有
Lillian and Beatrice have chased off every eligible bachelor
门当户对的单身汉吓跑了
on the eastern seaboard.
你做♥爱♥时 总是张嘴不离女儿吗
Do you always talk about your daughters during sex?
你猜呢
You know what?
我就是这样
I guess I do.
舒服吗
Good?
噢 再会 亲爱的
Oh, good-bye, darling.
再会
Good-bye.
刚刚那人到底是谁
Who the hell was that?
真是糟透了
This is awful.
都怪我们的父母生得太早
I blame our parents for having us too early.
要是他们等一等 我们现在才年芳20呢
If they'd waited, we'd be 20 right now.
谁能预料到带着八个孩子的单身女人
Who knew that being single women in 1903
在1903年会这么没有男人缘呢
with eight children wouldn't be appealing to all men?
如果我们在不快点嫁出去的话 就会和霍顿斯一样没人要了
If we don't get married soon, we're gonna turn into Hortense.
我有个好消息
I have wonderful news.
尽管新港的所有男人都对你们不屑一顾
Even though every man in Newport has deemed you unworthy,
我发现了另一个求婚者
I found another suitor.
是位王子 他正在找一位西方的公主
It's a prince looking for a western queen.
所以如果你们中的一个能够说服他娶了你的话
So if one of you can convince him to marry
我们家的经济问题就解决了
our financial problems are solved.
所以谁想要当王妃
So who wants to be a princess?
- 噢 我想 - 我一定要嫁给这个王子
- Ooh, I do. - I get to marry the prince.
我是莉莉安
I'm Lillian.
好极了
Wonderful.
我已经安排了一场篙雀宴
I've arranged an ortolan feast
以便王子能够前来自己做决定
so the prince can come and decide for himself.
碧翠丝可能身高比我高点
Beatrice may have the advantage of height
胸围比我大点 床技比我好点
bust size, and being hyper-orgasmic
但是我有一样她不可能有的东西
but I have something she could never have--
孤注一掷的勇气
desperation.
不 和我姐姐竞争
No, it doesn't bother me
我是完全无所谓的
that I'm in competition with my sister.
我来这儿可不是为了姐妹一家亲的
I didn't come here to make sisters.
这特么
What the...?
花环
Wreath?
我说了“牛肉” 加菲猫 牛肉
I said "beef," Garfield, beef.
不是花环
Not wreath.
我甚至都不庆祝特么的圣诞节啊
I don't even celebrate fucking Christmas.
你是犯了什么进来的
So what are you in for?
谋杀
Murder.
你呢
You?
呃
Um...
盯着别人看
staring.
我不知道加菲猫怎么
I don't know why Garfield
总是理解错我的意思
keeps getting it wrong.
我在纸条里写得很清楚了
I was very clear in my note.
在这儿
Here.
让我给你看看
Let me show you something.
这儿
There.
显而易见这是牛肉 对吧
That's clearly beef, right?
呃
Um...
是吧
yeah.
我觉得我可能知道是怎么回事了
I think I might know what the issue is.
你要不再画点别的什么
Would you mind drawing me something else?
看 你觉得这是什么
There. What do you think that is?
又是牛肉吗
Beef again?
得了吧 老兄 当然不是
Come on, man. Of course not.
一个圈
A circle?
这是匹马
It's a horse.
思考 老兄 用你的眼睛好好看
Think, man. Look with your eyes.
嘿 如果你想要牛肉
Hey, if you want beef
为什么不干脆写“牛肉”这个词呢
why don't you just write "beef"?
因为
Because.
喔 因为什么
Oh, because what?
因为我不识字 好吗
Because I can't read, okay?
即使我之前杀过人
Even though I've committed murder
叛过国 敲诈勒索 种族屠♥杀♥都掺了一脚
and treason and blackmail and genocide
我绝口不提的秘密还是
still my greatest secret
我目不识丁
is my illiteracy.
我很羞愧
I'm so ashamed.
这没什么好羞愧的
Don't you be ashamed.
你知道吗
You know what?
如果你想识字的话
If you want to learn how to read
我来给你扫盲
I'll teach you how to read.
真的吗
Really?
噢 不不不
Oh, no, no, no, no.
男男授受不亲
It's not that type of moment.
你就乖乖坐在长凳的那边
You stay on your side of the bench.
今天王子要来了
The prince is coming today
就算我和他素未谋面
and even though I've never met him
我知道他就是我的真命天子
I know that he is the right person
并将与我共度余生
to spend the rest of my life with.
我一直在练习私处的承重能力
I've been lifting weights with my vagina
为了迎接我未来老公的到来
in anticipation of my future husband's arrival.
我希望他喜欢肌肉
I hope he likes muscles.
在下阿帕多王子
I am Prince Apato,
这是我的忠仆 帕什瓦
and this is my loyal servant,Parshwall.
尽管我认识阿帕多王子不到一天
Even though I've only known Prince Apato for one day,
我就知道他是我的真命天子 如果他不选我
I know he's the love of my life,and if he doesn't pick me,
我还不如杀死自己算了
I'm going to kill myself.
很高兴见到你
Very nice to meet you.
幸会
Very nice to meet you.
我很抱歉 你出局了
I'm sorry, but you've been eliminated.
我才不跟你们瞎搅和
I'm not even part of this.
我们的遇见是命中注定
Meeting you feels like fate.
请允许我吟诗一首
I've prepared a poem.