流金岁月（2015）

莉莉安和碧翠丝的婚姻是无效的
to Lillian and Beatrice.
我们已经结婚20年了
We've been married for 20 years.
谁来判决我们的婚姻无效呢
Who's gonna give us an annulment?
教皇欠我一个人情
The Pope owes me a favor.
还记得我收留过那些无家可归的神父们吗
Remember when I allowed those displaced priests to stay here?
怎么可能忘了
How could I forget?
我知道你们听到这消息很难受
I know this must be difficult for you.
但是你们要为这个家着想
But think of the family.
婚姻无效 婚姻无效 婚姻无效
Annulment! Annulment! Annulment!
太棒啦
Oh, very good.
如果你们想把百乐寇这个家族品牌发扬光大
If we gonna develop the Bellacourt brand,
你们需要找出自身所长
we need to figure out what you're good at.
好吧 我的特长就是能让所有人
Well, my personal talent is that I can make anyone cry
在60秒内哭出来
in under 60 seconds.
如果是寡妇的话 30秒就够了
Oh, 30 if they're a widow.
我给26个英文字母
And mine is that I've assigned a color
都分配了不同的颜色
to every letter in the alphabet.
A是红色 B是蓝色 C是11
A is red, B is blue,C is 11...
我最多就能说这么几个
that's as high as I can go.
呃 我有个想法
Uh, I have an idea.
我说一个词 然后我希望你们说出
I'll say a word, and I want you to say
脑海里联想到的第一件事 好吗
the first thing that comes to your mind, okay?
- 好的 - 激♥情♥
- Okay. - Passion.
- 钻石 - 乱♥伦♥
- Diamonds. - Incest.
爱
Love.
- 钻石 - 乱♥伦♥
- Diamonds. - Incest.
成功
Success.
- 钻石 - 乱♥伦♥生子
- Diamonds. - Incest baby.
哦 嗯 我觉得我们有点脱离轨道了
Ooh, um, I think we're on the wrong track, here.
我懂这个梗 你是在说火车
Oh, I get it. Because of trains.
噢
Oh!
或许我们得走人道主义路线
Maybe we need to go the humanitarian route.
你们去公开支持一个公益事业
Find a cause that you two can get behind.
但现在没什么公益事业了
But there's no good causes left.
一切都很完美
Everything's perfect.
女人不用投票 我们想喝多少酒都行
Women don't have to vote, we can drink as much as we want,
孩子们也和别人一样可以工作
and children can work just as much as anyone else.
呃 她说得有理
Ugh, she's right.
这个世界上已经没有问题需要解决了
There's no problems left in the world.
你真幸运 你那时候还有奴隶制
You're so lucky you had slavery.
# 该死的儿子 #
damn son
- 来 拿好 - 你能把这个给我吗
- Come on, get this-- - Can you give me this?
不 停下 你会把孩子挤坏的
No, stop! You're gonna crush it!
啊 噢 很对不起 椅子
Ah! Oh, I'm sorry, Chair.
推啊 推她的肚子
Push! Push on the belly, just--
我觉得我们不应该挤她的肚子
I don't think you're supposed to push on the belly.
没错的 用力按 等下孩子就会冒出来了
Yes, push it down, and it'll pop right out.
好吧
Okay.
这没用啊
It's not working!
把 把她拉下来
Pull-- pull her down!
我们要把她的腿拉开
We need to open her legs.
一切都很美好
Everything is beautiful.
你的宝宝就要出来了
Here comes your baby.
或许 或许我们像给自行车打气那样 孩子就会出来了
Maybe if we, like, pump like a bicycle, we'll pump it out.
对 对
Yes! Yes.
- 噢 弗洛保 - 我觉得这行得通
- Oh, Flobelle. - I think this is gonna work.
很快就好了 椅子
There you go, Chair.
宝宝就要出来啦
Here comes the baby.
噢
Oh.
- 你好呀 哥德伯格医生 - 加菲猫
- Yes, hi, Dr. Goldberg. - Garfield.
等等 医生
Wait, doctor?
你是医生
You're a doctor?
- 这不是应该由你来做吗 - 不不不
- Why aren't you doing this? - No, no, no.
我只会把所有事弄得更糟
I'd probably just muck everything up,
考虑到那么多年高♥强♥度的医疗训练
what with my years of intensive medical training,
还有在医学领域获得的学位
my degree in the medical field--
不想接生就直说 干什么拐弯抹角的
Why are you being so passive-aggressive?
听我说 你继续接生
I'll tell you what. You keep delivering the baby,
我会到楼下去 拿点硼砂
I'll go downstairs, grab some Borax
和清洁用具 然后就去拖地呢
and cleaning utensils, and I'll scrub the floors!
母亲和孩子都被我们弄死的
We're gonna kill them both!
- 拜托 - 拜托什么
- Please! - Please what?
- 拜托帮帮忙吧 - 医生
- Please help! - Doc--
- 医生 - 医生 这就对了
- Doctor. - Doctor, that's right.
我受过专业的医疗训练 我要来治病救人了
I am trained in the medical profession and here to help.
我需要最棒的医疗器械
I'm going to need the greatest technology
一块湿布和一柄手术刀
medicine has to offer-- a wet rag and a scalpel.
我们来让这孩子生出来吧
Let's get this baby born.
现在 准将 我认为我们得讨论一下
Now, Commodore,I think we need to discuss
给慈善机构的捐赠事宜
these donations to charity.
我只捐赠过
The only charity I donate to
新港的男性健康诊所
is the Men's Health Clinic of Newport.
而且这笔捐赠专门用于研究治疗梅毒
And that's specifically for finding a cure for syphilis.
在过去十年中 您的夫人给
In the last decade, your wife has donated
新港地区的许多家慈善机构
over $50 million to various charities
捐了超过五千万美元
in the greater Newport area.
什么 杜杜
What? Dodo!
我要弄死她
I'll destroy her!
杜杜花光了我的钱
Dodo's ruined me!
如果她一直以来的开销未经您许可
If she has been spending without your consent,
那您摆脱她的理由就十分充分了
you have every reason to get rid of her.
我要亲手弄死她 你觉得怎么样
Kill her with my bare hands, you say?
噢
Oh!
呃 别
Uh, no.
那太残忍♥了
That's a bit messy.
把她送走就好了
Just send her away.
有道理
Right.
霍布森 联♥系♥精神病院
Hobson, contact the asylum.
杜杜要换件衣服了
Dodo's going jacket shopping...
控制疯子那种的紧身衣
straitjacket shopping!
女士 女士 听我说
Madam. Madam! Listen to me.
您现在命悬一线 您必须得跟我来
You are in grave danger. You must come with me now!
噢 皮珀斯 从波尔克当政开始我就没有过高♥潮♥了
Oh, Peepers, I haven't come since the Polk administration.
没时间说笑了 女士
This is no time for joking, madam,
尽管我觉得您的话非常有趣
although I found that remark very funny.
我可没开玩笑 小走狗
I jest not, hireling.
我早就没有高♥潮♥了
I am no longer an orgasmic woman.
就连马车的颠簸
Not even the bumpiest of carriage rides
也无法让我性奋了
can grape my raisin.
杜杜夫人 请快来吧
Lady Dodo, please!
准将打算 噢
The Commodore is going to-- oh!
别管我了 皮珀斯
Leave me be, Peepers.
这是命令
That is an order.
自己选择的命运 我将自己面对
I will meet my fate as I choose.
如您所愿 女士
As you wish, madam.
杜杜
Dodo!
杜杜
Dodo!
杜杜
Dodo!
杜杜 啊
Dodo! Aah!
所以你们想出名
So you want to get famous?
是的
Yes.
我认为你们得做一些
I think you need to do something
能引起轰动的事
that makes a splash.
我喜欢你的想法
I like where you're going with this.
你们要成为第一个
You're going to be the first people
坐在桶里飞越尼亚加拉大瀑布的人
to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel!
啊
Aah!
你们将会成为著名的百乐寇木桶姐妹
You'll be the famous Bellacourt Barrel Sisters,
你们只需要像这样冲下瀑布
and all you have to do is go down the falls like this.
好吧 你们明白意思就好
Well, you get the idea.