下一个就是你

下一个就是你
杰拉德·莱托
油量低
加油
彭德尔顿大学
播音中
菲莉希娅
校园里有疯子吗
彭德尔顿校报 校园里有疯子吗
碳酸锂[抗抑郁剂]
山湖高中
队长 米歇尔·曼西尼 娜塔莉·西蒙
都市传说百科大全
是不是很庆幸你昨晚没开灯
想约炮的校园哥特男 来找我吧
想约炮的校园哥特男 来找我吧
我们走在相似的黑暗之路上
喜欢什么
碳酸锂
对我胃口
达蒙·布鲁克斯
你在哪
就在附近
真会逗人
去做准备
告诉我你在哪个屋
你屋里
是不是很庆幸你昨晚没开灯
队长 米歇尔·曼西尼 娜塔莉·西蒙
4月23日周五 ΩΣΦ年度屠♥杀♥狂欢
唯一幸存者威廉·威克斯勒
斯坦利堂大屠♥杀♥
1973年4月24日
严重损伤车胎
唯一幸存者威廉·威克斯勒
达蒙·布鲁克斯
紧急电♥话♥
青年因黑帮入会仪式致死
您正在收听萨莎《揭秘》节目
You're listening to "Under the Covers" with Sasha...
WZAB电台 彭德尔顿大学之声
on WZAB, the voice of Pendleton University.
-与我们连线的依然是... -简
- We're still talking to- - Jane.
二年级学生
Sophomore.
你一直在偷你室友的避孕药
So, you've been stealing your roommate's birth control pills?
只是借啦
Borrowing, okay?
她之前一直没发现
Well, she never noticed before
因为我总用婴儿阿司匹林偷换掉
because I've always replaced them with baby aspirin.
-什么 -婴儿阿司匹林 看上去一样
- With what? - Baby aspirin. Looks exactly the same.
总之 现在她怀孕了 必须得离校
Anyway, so now she's pregnant and has to leave school.
这学期都开学这么久了 我要去哪找新室友啊
How the hell am I gonna get a new roommate this late in the semester?
天呐
Oh, my God!
下一位来电者
Next caller.
糟糕
Oh, no.
该死
Shit.
一定坚持住啊
Okay, please make it.
没...没油了吗
Run outta gas?
是啊 请加满
Yeah. Fill it up, please.
怪胎
Freak show.
小...姐
Miss,
能麻烦你...进来一下吗
could you come inside... for a minute? Please!
怎么了
What is it?
你的信♥用♥卡♥...公♥司♥打来电♥话♥
Your credit card company's on the phone.
有问题吗
Is there a problem?
他们想...跟你说句话
They wanna... speak with you.
好 等一下
Okay, hold on a minute.
该死
Shit.
喂
Hello?
不要 别碰我
No, don't touch me!
放手
Let me go!
别走
Stop!
车后座上...有人
Someone's in the back seat!
您在收听萨莎《揭秘》节目
You're listening to "Under the Covers" with Sasha...
WZAB电台 彭德尔顿大学之声
on WZAB, the voice of Pendleton University.
来电者
Caller.
喂
Hello?
我在听
I'm right here.
菲莉希娅 有什么可以帮你的吗
Felicia, how can I help you?
说来有点不好意思
Well, it's kind of embarrassing.
说吧 菲莉希娅
Spit it out, Felicia.
问题就在这里 我没吐出来[精♥液♥]
Well, that's just the problem. I mean, I didn't.
喝了杯大学男生蛋白质奶昔吗
Had yourself a little frat boy protein shake, did ya?
萨莎 我觉得好恶心啊
Sasha, I've been feeling so sick.
我发誓 感觉它们就在我体内游来游去
I mean, I swear, I can feel them swimming inside me.
我应该去洗个胃什么的吗
Should I like, get my stomach pumped or something?
菲莉希娅 我觉得你只需要
Felicia, I think the only thing you need
把你脑子里进的水排掉
pumped is the air out of your head.
首先 我要恭喜你
First, let me just congratulate you
选择的性♥交♥方式
on your choice of sexual activity...
因为外面的世界还没准备好迎接你生下来的智障
because, sweetie, the world is not ready for you to reproduce.
第二 你知不知道摄入对方的体液
Second, did you know that ingestion of bodily fluids...
是安全爱爱的大忌
is a major safe sex no-no?
-真的吗 -真的哦
- Really? - Really.
我建议你喝几杯消化液...
My suggestion is that you down a couple shots of Pepto...
下次 趁火山爆发之前及时撤离
and next time, get away from the volcano before it erupts.
今晚到此为止
That wraps up the another night.
这里是萨莎《揭秘》节目
This is Sasha signing off on WZAB.
帕克 萨莎到底是怎么想出这些东西来的
Parker, how exactly does Sasha come up with this stuff?
她会倒背每一♥期♥《时尚》杂♥志♥
She devours every issue of "Cosmo".
-奉为圣经 -谢谢
- Calls it her Bible. - Thank you.
帕克
So, Parker...
把斯坦利堂的故事说完啊
finish the story about Stanley Hall.
好吧
Right.
有个人...
So, this guy...
大概25年前吧 是学校里的一名教授
he was a professor on campus, maybe 25 years ago.
他教什么的
What did he teach?
不知道 物理之类的
I don't know. Physics or some shit.
变♥态♥心理学
Abnormal psychology.
如果你想把这故事讲对的话
You know, if you wanna tell the story right-
这不是重点 小记者
Not the point of the story, paperboy!
但好吧 那就变♥态♥心理学吧
But fine. Abnormal psych it is.
总之...
Anyhoo...
这家伙突然疯了
this guy, he just flips out, you know?
完全发狂了
Goes completely berserk.
他拿了一把猎刀...
Grabs a hunting knife...
大步走进了斯坦利堂
and he strolls into Stanley Hall.
一扇一扇门地敲过去
Bangs on every door.
只要有学生来应门
And every student that answers their door...
他就用那把小猎刀 割断他们的喉咙
he takes that little knife, and he cuts their throat...
一刀拉到耳朵根
ear to ear.
他走遍了整层楼
Yeah. He does away with an entire floor...
最后将那把刀
before finally stabbing himself
直接捅进了心脏
straight through the heart.
所以...
And thus...
才有一年一度的ΩΣΦ狂欢
the annual Omega Sigma Phi bash.
你们举办狂欢派对来纪念一场大屠♥杀♥吗
So you have a frat party to commemorate a massacre?
没错
You betcha.
帕克 我问问清楚
Parker, let me get this straight.
25年前 这件事发生时
When this happened 25 years ago...
你是名大二学生吗
you were a sophomore.
真好笑
That's funny.
这不过是东北部
Well, it's a bullshit story
每所学校都会流传的瞎扯传说
you hear on every campus in the northeast.
谢谢你 有证据吗
Thank you. I mean, where's the proof?
问题就在这里
You see, that's the thing.
彭德尔顿大学知道出了这种事...
Pendleton knew damn well that enrollment...
以后招生肯定不好办
would suffer permanently.
于是就跟全国新闻媒体和
So, in cahoots with the national news media
其他各种当权者串通好...
and various other powerful-
比如李·哈维·奥斯瓦尔德吗
Like Lee Harvey Oswald?
涉嫌刺杀肯尼迪总统
还是杰克·鲁比Or is it Jack Ruby?
杀害了李·哈维·奥斯瓦尔德
不 我知道是谁
No, I know who it was.
就是那个喜欢穿着
It was that F.B.I. guy who used to...
女人底裤到处跑的联调局探员
used to prance around in women's underwear.
是他掩盖了一切
He covered it all up.
新闻编辑室找我 我得走了
That's the news room. I gotta go.
忙着呢
Get a life.
-保罗 -怎么了
- Hey, Paul! - Yeah.
走之前 要是食堂又爆发大肠杆菌了...
Before you go, if there's another E. Coli crisis in the cafeteria...
我请你吃个最大最美味的汉堡
I want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger on me.
好啊