像男人一样思考（2012）

Good luck with that. Listen to this.
祝你好运吧 你听
"Could we reschedule beach day?
我们能改日去海滩吗
I promised to take my mom to choir practice."
我答应带我妈去参加合唱排练
I can't do that to myself again,
我不会再这样对自己
and I won't do that to Duke.
也不会这样对杜克
We both deserve a man who's all in.
我们都需要一个能拿主意的男人
Well, then set your standards.
那就设定你的标准吧
Oh, my God, I can't believe
天啊 真不敢相信
I'm quoting anything from that silly little book.
我竟然引用了那本弱智书中的话
You tell Michael that
你告诉迈克尔
you don't want to come in between him and his mother
你不想当他和他妈的电灯泡
and that if he wants to continue dating you,
如果他想继续和你谈
then you must be a priority in his life.
就得把你放在首位
She's had him his whole life. I can't compete with that.
他一直都受他妈掌控 我无力竞争
Well, then dump the first man you've met in three years
那么就和你三年来遇到的
that genuinely cares about you and Duke.
第一个真正关心你和杜克的男人分手吧
Wait a minute, there's no such thing as a perfect man, right?
怎么说的来着 世界上没有完美的男人
What do you have to lose?
你能有什么损失
Isn't that what you've been preaching to me all night?
这不是你灌输我一晚上的道理吗
Okay.
好吧
I will if you will.
你继续谈我就继续谈
It was the darkest hour.
这是最黑暗的时刻了
The guys were under a full-scale attack.
男人们被全线击溃
But everything changed on D-Day.
但是他们全线反♥攻♥的时候到了
Okay, tell me something.
跟我讲讲
How does it feel to officially be a free man?
正式成为自♥由♥身 感觉如何
Great. Okay, listen,
棒极了 听着
I can do whatever I want, Okay.
我可以为所欲为 还有呢
whenever I want, with whoever I want.
没有时间限制 爱找谁就找谁
Okay.
还有呢
I'm free from all the "Tie-ranny".
我摆脱了专利的妻子
It's "Tyranny".
是专横吧
Will you shut up, Bennett?
贝内特 你能不能闭嘴
Let him finish what he's saying!
让他把话说完
I just want you to have proper grammar.
我就是给你纠正下语法
All right! I'm free from all the tyranny and oppression.
好啦 我从所有的专横和压制中解脱了
And nagging from all women for good. You hear me?
永远摆脱了女人的唠叨 知道不
Matter of fact, only woman I want to talk to tonight
说实话 我今晚就想和一个女人说话
is dancing butt-naked down at the Ass Factory.
就是翘臀工坊的脱衣舞♥女♥
What happened to the Sweaty Crack?
汗裂纹夜店怎么了
They got shut down. Healthcode violations. Heard about that.
关门了 有卫生隐患 听说了
But here's the thing, I like the Ass Factory better,
但实际上 我更喜欢翘臀工坊
'cause the girls down there are nasty.
因为那儿的妹子啥都不♥穿♥
But they're my kind of nasty.
正合我的口味
Ced! Ced.
塞德 塞德
Don't judge me!
别对我评头论足
I'm going through a divorce, homie.
我可是离着婚呢 明白不
Hey, yo, Lauren confirmed our date tomorrow.
哥们 罗伦明天要和我见面
I thought you and that Lauren was done.
我还以为你和罗伦分手了呢
Why you all in the man's business?
你怎么老搀和我的事
I thought my man said he was done with Lauren.
我以为我男人说他和罗伦分手了
You are whipped!
你这个欠收拾的
He's worse than Mike.
他还不如麦克呢
Chill with that "Worse than Mike."
省省吧 什么叫 他还不如麦克
You wanna hear a good story? No.
想听个好故事吗 不
Ced, tell them about the night you saved it with Gail.
塞德 讲讲你为盖尔保留的那个晚上吧
I'll take this goddamn bottle and knock your face off,
我用酒瓶子砸烂你的脸
you bring Gail up again.
别再跟我提盖尔
I don't wanna talk about Gail!
我不想谈盖尔
All I want to talk about is titties and ass!
我只想谈双峰和翘臀
Yo, it's Candace. Should I take it?
是坎迪斯 我要不要接
No, man! Here, give me the phone. Bros before hos.
别接 把电♥话♥给我 别重色轻友
Hello. Candace. Hey, what's up, girl?
喂 坎迪斯 怎么了
Michael. I was just thinking 'bout you.
迈克尔 我正想着你呢
No, hi, I thought I'd get your voicemail.
我以为是语♥音♥信箱
No, you got me, baby.
不 是我 宝贝
Listen, Michael.
听着 迈克尔
We need to talk.
我们得谈谈
Ladies, few words are more menacing than the dreaded four,
姑娘们 这五个无情的字威胁性最强
"We need to talk".
我们得谈谈
Now, that means one of two things,
这可能有两种情况
that we did something wrong
很可能是我们男人犯错了
or, you, literally, want to talk.
或者是你仅仅是想谈谈而已
She wants to talk. That's a new one.
她想谈谈 又出新招了
That's bad, dude.
情况不妙啊 哥们
Good! I hope she talk your damn head off.
好啊 希望她谈得你屁滚尿流
Is it ever a good sign when a woman wants to talk?
一个女人说想谈谈 难道不是好现象吗
No. Not in my house anymore.
不 在我这可不是这么回事
Kris used to be fun and chill,
克里斯过去幽默又冷酷
and now she's just in my face all the time,
如今她成天咄咄逼人的
nagging, harping, like,
没完没了的唠叨 说什么
"What are your short-term goals?
你短期的目标是什么啊
What are your long-term goals?
你长♥期♥的目标是什么啊
Jeremy, what's your view on relationships?"
杰里米 你怎么看待恋爱关系的啊
Like, I'm in the middle of a game of Call of Duty.
就好像我在玩使命召唤游戏一样
Whoa, whoa, whoa, run that back. What did you just say?
等等 你刚才说什么
What, the long-term goals, short...
什么 长♥期♥目标 短期...
Please, don't make me repeat.
拜托 别让我重复
Yes, that's crazy. You know what?
真诡异 你知道吗
Candace asked me those exact same questions
我和坎迪斯第一次约会时
on our first date.
她问了我完全一样的问题
Mya asked me the same thing.
玛雅也问我了
So did Lauren.
罗伦也是
You know what? You know who asked me that question?
你们知道谁问我了吗
Not a goddamn soul! 'Cause strippers don't ask me shit!
从来没有 舞♥女♥才不会问我呢
Listen to what she said to me the other day.
听着 还有一次她跟我说
She said, "I'm not your sports fish."
我不是你的竞赛鱼
What is a sports fish?
竞赛鱼是什么
A trophy girl.
用来撑门面的妹子
You show her off to your buddies.
你拿她在哥们面前炫耀
What the hell are you talking about, Bennett?
贝内特 你们到底在说什么呢
I was watching Oprah.
我看奥普拉脱口秀
Why are you watching Oprah? I like Oprah.
看这个干吗 我喜欢奥普拉
Man, you gotta say "No homo"
哥们 你应该说 拒绝搞基
When you say shit like that at a divorce party.
在我的离婚派对上说这种屁话
She had Steve Harvey on the show.
她有一♥期♥的嘉宾是斯蒂夫·哈维
He wrote some book. It's for women, but it's about men.
他为女人写了本书 是关于男人的
Family Feud Steve Harvey?
家庭问答的那个斯蒂夫·哈维吗
I heard something about that.
我听说过
He threw us under the bus like that?
他就这么把我们卖♥♥了
That's uncouth. I wouldn't do that.
这可不好 我不会这么做的
I thought Steve Harvey was kind of my nigga,
我本来觉得斯蒂夫·哈维挺不错
but...
但怎么...
Me, too. What?
我也是 什么
You, too, what? I didn't say anything.
什么你也是 我什么都没说
Just tell me exactly what he says in the book.
告诉我他书里到底写了什么
A whole bunch of shit.
一堆破烂玩意
All right, this is why we're ruining my party.
好吧 我的派对毁了
'Cause of that information.
就因为这点消息
I got it online, here we go. I got a review...
我上网查查 搜到篇评论
I got to get my hands on that book.
我得读读这本书
No, you're not gonna do it now.
可别现在读啊
You said bros before hos. One second.
你可说哥们比女人重要 等一下
Exactly! Guess what? Your bro need a ho!
当然 你懂吗 你哥们我需要女人
Let me tell you something, I got a pocket full of ones
告诉你们吧 我装了一兜一块钱
and I ain't got no goddamn drawers on.
可没穿内♥裤♥
I didn't wear no drawers tonight.
我今晚没穿内♥裤♥
Now y'all supposed to be my wing men.
你们就应该当我的翅膀
Right now, fly with me!
来吧 自♥由♥的飞翔
Celebrate, men! Get your...
和我一起庆祝吧 兄弟们