像男人一样思考（2012）

From the beginning of mankind and throughout the world's history,
自盘♥古♥开天辟地以来 纵观人类历史
there have been clearly defined rituals of manhood.
男子的成人仪式都不可或缺
See, these rituals were definitive
请看 这些极具权威性的仪式
in determining the exact moment when a boy became a man.
见证了由男孩变为男人的神圣一刻
For example, there's the moment when a boy joins the other men
例如 这个男孩是第一次
in his first engagement in battle.
加入成人队伍 进行战斗
Did you know that they used to
知道吗 以前男孩会当着全村人
have public circumcisions in front of the village?
被施以割礼
Thank God mine didn't go public.
感谢上帝 现在不这样了
And the most significant moment of all, marriage.
而最为意义非凡的时刻 当属结婚
That's right, I said it.
你没听错 就是结婚
In fact, marriage used to be the ultimate goal of boys and men.
事实上 结婚曾是男孩和男人们的终极目标
Because in the old days,
因为在过去
it was the only way a guy
男孩若是想从女孩身上
could get what he really wanted from a girl.
获取所需 唯有结婚一途
See now today? Woo! Things have changed, people.
再看现在 可不得了 翻天覆地的变化啊
I mean, men, we don't have to work as hard to get what we want.
我们不必再大费周章
We got the Internet, for God's sake.
上帝仁慈 赐予我们网络
I can be whatever I want on the Internet.
在虚拟世界我可以变成任何人
Today, men have the home court advantage,
而今 男人在两性关系中占有优势
which has left you ladies with several different types of men.
在女人眼中 男人有那么几类
I mean, I don't even know where to start. You got the Player.
乱花渐欲迷人眼啊 其中有花♥花♥公♥子♥
Hi, Zekey.
泽克 你好
You sexted?
新买♥♥的情趣内衣
Those aren't mine, asshole.
混♥蛋♥ 这不是我
You sure that's not...
你确定不是吗
Wait a minute, I'm not done. You got the Mama's Boy.
等等 我还没说完 这是奶嘴男
Happy, Valentine's Day, sweetie.
情人节快乐 甜心
And you, too, Mom.
也祝你快乐 妈妈
Thank you, sweetie.
谢谢 甜心
You know, I think I'm just gonna leave you two alone.
二位慢慢享受二人世界吧 我先走了
Wait, babe, where are you going?
等等 宝贝 你要去哪儿
It's okay, Michael. I don't want to intrude.
没事 迈克尔 我不想做电灯泡
I'll call you? Or not.
我给你打电♥话♥吧 不必
Poor little thing.
可怜的姑娘
She's blonde.
金发美女脾气差
You got the Dreamer. The Dreamer's funny.
还有有趣的白日梦君
So I quit my job.
所以我辞职了
Yeah,
是的
I wanna be a chef.
我想当主厨
You wanted to be a paramedic,
你曾经想当护工
you wanted to be a PR agent,
后来想干公♥关♥代理
and now you wanna be a chef?
现在又改成主厨了
Baby, it's my dream.
宝贝 这是我的梦想
Really, Dominic?
真的吗 多明尼克
Because I wanted to be a ballerina and Janet Jackson.
我还想去跳芭蕾或成为詹尼特·杰克逊呢
When I was seven. Do you know what I wanna be now?
可那是我七岁的白日梦 知道我现在想当什么吗
No.
不知道
Your ex.
你的前女友
And last but not least, you got the Non-Committer. Pass the ball!
最后提到但分量一样很足的是不婚族 传球
This one is from me.
这是我送你的礼物
All right, baby.
好的 宝贝
All right! Now it's a party. Drum roll. Okay, big guy.
好啦 来点气氛 令人期待 好啦 闪亮登场
Oh, my God. I will, I will, I will, yes!
天啊 我愿意 我愿意 我愿意 好的
You will what?
你愿意什么
Earrings
是耳钉啊
that I will always treasure.
我愿意永远珍藏
You the man, boy.
你真有眼光
Told you.
就说她会喜欢的
Yo! You need a beer?
棒 来杯啤酒吗
Now I'm not saying there aren't a lot of good men out there.
并不是说没有好男人
Take, for instance, the Happily Married Man.
比如 幸福的已婚男
Which brings us to my personal favorite,
接下来出场的是我的最爱
you got the Happier Divorced Guy.
更加幸福的离异男
Look at that smile.
看看这笑容
What I'm saying is, the balance of power has shifted.
我的切身感受是 能量平衡被打破
But, Zeke, those aren't my only issues with Gail,
但是 泽克 我和盖尔离婚不仅因为这个
it's the nagging, it's the yelling, it's the crazy mood swings.
还有她的唠叨 河东狮吼和阴晴不定的情绪
I mean, you're not gonna
她不能那样
talk to me no kind of way. I'm a grown-ass man.
对我说话 我可是个大丈夫
Grownass man. You know me, Dom, I'm grown.
大丈夫 你了解我的 多姆 我是纯爷们
Them weren't the only
你和盖尔之间的问题
problems you was having with Gail, though, right?
可不止那些 对吗
Yo, Zeke, do not get that man started. I'm asking a question!
泽克 别刺♥激♥他了 我好奇而已嘛
No, let's get me started up. Turn the key! Say it, get it out!
不 你问吧 尽管问 我来给你解惑
Rumor has it that Gail was whooping that ass.
传言盖尔对你家暴了
What's the first word you said?
你说的第一个词是什么
I think it was "Whooping that ass."
我说了 家暴
No, first word you said was "Rumor."
不 你说的第一个词是传言
'Cause that's what it was, Zeke. It's a rumor.
泽克 那是绝对的谣言 都是胡说
Ced, you walked in the gym the other
塞德 那天你来体育馆
day with a little nugget in the side of your eye.
明显被揍成了熊猫眼嘛
I fell down the steps, Mike! Okay?
我摔下楼梯了 麦克 行吗
I got steps, my steps got a slope in them.
我一不小心滑下楼梯了
You ever walked down a slope with dress shoes on?
你穿正装鞋时没从楼梯上摔下来过么
Wait, so, she kicked your ass, then you fell down the steps?
等等 这么说你挨揍后又摔下楼梯了
See, now it makes perfect sense. That's real funny.
这就完全说得通了 太搞笑了
Look at the white man
兄弟正遭受情伤
trying to make light of the relationship issues of a brother.
你个白人还要拿我开玩笑
It's not like that.
不是的
No, it is like that. Let me tell you something, J.
不 就是 我告诉你吧 杰
Black people marched and died for
黑人会为了争取权利而勇往直前
the right to fight and treat each other like shit.
死不足惜 双方死战到底 毫不退让
Oh, my God. You did not march,
我的天啊 你才不会勇往直前
you do not have that right. Neither do you, Bennett.
你没权利那么说 你也没有 贝内特
I saw it on TV. They show those marches a lot in February.
你以为是演戏啊 电视里二月游♥行♥倒不少
Stop.
别说了
Your wife kicked your ass. It's really not that big of a deal.
你老婆把你揍了 没什么大不了
There's worse things. It's my exwife. Okay?
比那更糟的有的是 那是我前妻
Y'all need to get in the habit of saying that. Ex-wife.
你们都要习惯叫她"前妻"
You know, it really kills me how y'all like to laugh at my pain.
你们都把快乐建立在我的痛苦之上 太损了
I can't wait till y'all experience the shit I'm experiencing.
我等着你们阴沟翻船那天
I say Rush Street, first round on Bennett.
咱们去极速街玩吧 第一轮酒贝内特请
I'm supposed to have dinner with Kristen tonight.
我今晚得和克里斯汀吃饭
She'll understand, she's cool. I'll send her a text.
她会理解的 不会说我的 我给她发短♥信♥
Welcome back, everybody.
各位 欢迎回来
We are still here with best-selling author Steve Harvey.
我们继续和畅销书作家斯蒂夫·哈维畅谈
Well, what I try to get women to understand is that
我试图让女性明白
times have changed,
尽管时代不同了
but your playbook hasn't.
但游戏规则却没变
I've gotten thousands of letters from all kinds of women
无数女性给我写信诉说哀怨 这些人
who can't seem to find a man,
苦于未能觅得良人 无法留住男人的心
keep a man or get what they want from their man.
男人更不会任她们予取予求
Until you understand how a man loves,
你得了解男人如何恋爱
how a man operates, how he thinks,
揣测他们的行为及思维方式
until you get into the mindset of a man,
变成他们肚子里的蛔虫 若非如此
you will never win with us in the game of love.
你就无法在爱情这场游戏中胜出
Well, we certainly want
斯蒂夫 我们当然愿意
to win with you in the game of love, Steve.
在你的指导下 做♥爱♥情游戏的赢家
We have a question in the audience. Hi, Steve.
有观众提问 斯蒂夫 您好
I've been living with my boyfriend for five years
我和男朋友同居五年了
and he says that he loves me and he's fully committed.
他说他爱我 也对我极尽忠诚
I guess what I want to know
我想知道
is how come he hasn't popped the question?
他为什么还不向我求婚
He hasn't popped the
他没求婚是因为
question because you haven't required him to.
你没给他相应的暗示
We'll be right back.
稍后 马上回来
Can I get two beers? Hey!
来两瓶啤酒 你好
I'm Cedric. Cedric, Cedric.
我是塞德里克 塞德里克 塞德里克
Yeah, I'm not married. That's why I'm not wearing a ring.
没错 我还单身 所以我没戴婚戒