我的间谍前男友（2018）

三欧元
Three euro.
两欧 就卖♥♥
Two. I'll give it for two.
1.5欧呢
One-fifty?
美国 洛杉矶
祝你生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday to you
生日快乐 奥黛丽·斯托克曼
♪ Happy birthday Audrey Stockman
就是这位小女士
♪ This little lady over here
这个幽默华丽的
♪ This funny, gorgeous
幽默华丽的美女
♪ Funny, wonderful lady over here
就是奥黛丽
♪ It's Audrey
今天是你30岁生日
♪ It's your birthday and you're 30 today
我爱你 生日快乐
♪ I love you Happy birthday ♪
摩根 你个怪胎 但我爱你
Morgan, you're such a fucking freak. I love you.
我爱你 - 你哪里偷的麦克风
I love you. - Where'd you steal that microphone from?
奥黛丽 你懂我 你知道麦克风是我的
Audrey, you know me. You know that I own microphones.
操 苔丝来了
Fuck me! Tess is here.
天那 - 厚颜无♥耻♥
Oh, my God! - The audacity.
摩根 - 太狂妄了 你生日她都敢来
Morgan... - The sheer hubris to show up here at your birthday.
摩根 - 包场可是有最低人数的
Morgan... - There was a minimum number of people in order to reserve the bar.
摩根 - 我很抱歉 天那
Morgan... - I'm so sorry. Oh, my God!
我没想到她会来
I didn't think she would come.
她还点了定制鸡尾酒
Oh, she's ordering a custom cocktail.
我不想活了
I'm gonna kill myself.
我该怎么说 好比
What do I say? Huh? Like,
"我男友在短♥信♥里蹬了我"
"My boyfriend dumped me in a text message."
我该如何解释 - 我知道
How do I explain that? - I know.
有个简单法子 撒谎呗
There's a simple solution. It's called lying.
不行 我撒谎差劲
No. I'm a really bad liar.
我知道 因为你絮絮叨叨 言多必失
I know, 'cause you ramble. You give too many details.
然后就露出破绽
And then people know that you're lying.
撒谎呢 要简单
You have to be concise about it.
现在 问我最近在忙些什么
Here, ask me what I've been up to lately.
你最近忙什么呢 - 我买♥♥了一条船 出去了
Um, what have you been up to? - I bought a boat. And we're out.
天那 她过来了 咱俩一起
Oh, my God. She's coming over here. I'm with you.
来吧 - 好
Let's do this. - Okay.
女士们
Hey, ladies!
我做不到 - 你害死我了
I can't do this. - Oh, you're fucking dead to me!
生日快乐
Happy birthday!
美女
Hey, girl!
你可爱的男友呢
Where's your adorable boyfriend?
你们真是完美的一对
You know, you guys make such a surprising couple.
我猜他如果没有遇见你
Like, if I didn't meet him as your boyfriend,
约他的人肯定多的是
I would assume he'd be dating someone more...
比如那些又帅又酷的模特
Like, edgy. Like a cool girl. Like a model.
可是我看见你们两个在一起
But then I see you two together,
感觉 "噢 这也成"
and it's like, "Aw, this works too."
他在哪 让我抱抱他
Where is he? So I can hug him.
好
Okay.
好
Okay.
天 拜托
Oh, God. Oh, come on.
疯了 因为你来自乌克兰...
This is crazy because you're from the Ukraine...
我刚刚去试镜
...and I just auditioned
是政♥府♥雇员保险公♥司♥的广♥告♥ 演乌克兰村姑
to be a Ukrainian farm girl in a GEICO ad.
然后呢 - 他们告诉我
And? - They told me
我演的太地道了
I was too authentic. Anyway...
到底是乌克兰 还是呜克兰?
Is it Ukraine or the Ukraine?
那得看情况
Well, it depends.
喜欢怎么说怎么说
You say how you like, you know?
总是性感美女决定
Always let beautiful, sexy woman decide.
好
Okay.
原来是这个道理
That's what this is?
你知道... - 好吧
You know... - All right.
你的脸像洋娃娃
You have face like doll.
好吧
Mmm. Okay.
又是蜂腰
Such a small, narrow waist. It's tiny.
我本来打算开车回家的
You know, I was gonna drive home,
但估计我现在会撞到墙
but now I think I might just drive into a wall.
撞我啊
Hit me.
等等 我有个想法
Wait, I can use this.
过来
Come here.
奥黛丽 干嘛
Audrey. - Yeah?
这是维克多 他是东欧游客
This is Viktor. He's a visitor from Eastern Europe.
他有话想对你说
He has something that he wants to say to you.
我有吗? - 有啊
I do? - Yeah, yeah.
这是我最好的朋友 她今晚不爽
This is my best friend. She's having a bad night.
你能用你的阳刚之气
Can you just use your aggressive masculinity
惩恶扬善吗
for good instead of for evil?
把你刚才跟我说的 跟她说一遍
Just tell her what you told me before.
你在做什么
What are you doing?
你的脸像洋娃娃
You have doll face.
不 要具体一点
No, make it specific to her.
要一事一议
Like really objectify her.
是吗 是
Yeah? - Yeah.
好吧 行
Okay, cool. Uh...
你有一双萌眼
You have big baby eyes.
还有 柔软的
Mmm. - And, phew, soft...
柔软的乳♥房♥♥
Supple udders. Yeah. - Oh.
天那 说什么那
Oh, my God! What the fuck? - Wow!
太感谢你了 维克多
Thank you so much, Viktor.
你形容得不错 好
You've done good work. - Okay.
非常感谢 - 好的 再见
Thank you so much. - Okay, bye-bye.
我他妈恨你
I fucking hate you.
得了吧 你笑了
Oh, come on! You're smiling.
奥黛丽 德鲁在哪里
Hey, Audrey. Where's Drew?
他醉倒了
He drowned.
看到没有 都一整夜了
Ugh. Do you see? This has been all night long.
天那 我很抱歉
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
你得继续前进 - 是 我知道
You have to move on. - Yes, I know.
这真的很难
It's just really hard to do that
他在我们公♥寓♥里 留下一盒烂货
when he left a box of his shit in our apartment,
他都没有给我发短♥信♥ 说收拾收拾
and he won't even text me back about picking it up.
我知道
I know.
你电♥话♥借我看一下 行
Oh, can I see your phone? - Yeah.
我要谷歌♥一下
I just have to Google something.
德鲁:已经完了 抱歉
你什么意思完了 你是用短♥信♥和我分手吗
你发短♥信♥给谁
Who are you texting?
摩根 手♥机♥给我看
Morgan, let me see my phone.
我在短德鲁 - 天那
I'm texting Drew. - Oh, my God!
我说 "操 你这没用的脓包"
I said, "Fuck you, you worthless nutsack.
"我把你的烂货都烧了"
"I'm setting your shit on fire."
天那 不
Oh, my God, no!
你为什么要这么写
Why the fuck would you write that?
因为我们确实把他的烂货烧了
'Cause we're gonna set his shit on fire.
操
Fuck!
真的吗 德鲁
Really, Drew?
内♥裤♥上还有精斑
Skid marks on your underwear?
你才8岁吗
What are you, eight?
他是不是要我洗
Did he want me to wash them?
所以他才和我分手
Is that why he broke up with me?
因为我给他当妈当不够
'Cause I didn't mother him enough?
去死 擦自己的屁♥股♥去
Fuck you. Wipe your own ass.
好 这是什么
Okay. Oh, what's this?
这是一份手写列表
This is actually a handwritten list
全洛杉矶 卖♥♥他最喜欢的早餐煎饼的地儿
of his favorite breakfast burrito places in Los Angeles.
天 他居然都写下来了 - 是
Stop! He made notes. - Yep.
"墨西哥薄饼 鸡蛋要多"
"Great egg to tortilla ratio."
死白♥痴♥
Fuckin' idiot.
烧掉烧掉全烧掉
Burn the fire. - Burn!
天那 他的奖杯
Oh, my God! His trophy.
第二名奖杯 幻想足球