情敌复仇战

因为你发泄出来...
Letting it out is better
...会比跟警♥察♥说你不是故意杀死她要来的好
...than having to tell the cops you didn't mean to hug her to death.
这是预防用的
Well, that's why you take it beforehand,
这样你就不会生病 预防用的
...so you don't get sick. It's prophylactic.
他暗地偷钱 如果出问题
He's neck-deep in fraud and if anything goes down,
第一个就会抓你
...they'll come after you first!
你从服务电路偷来的钱吗
-The money you stole from ServiceCircuit?
我不知道你在说什么
-I don't know anything about that.
因为如果是你清空这些帐户
Because if you did empty those accounts,
那倒楣的是你 不是我
...you're the one going down, not me.
比马桶的水还强 但还是很有潜力 我们可以做得到
More like the toilet. But the potential's there... we could make it work.
所以你家的人都这么帅
So is everybody like hot-hot Phil in your family,
还是都像你一样
...or are most of them like you?
但你得要等胆固醇下降才能吃 要不要改吃火鸡
But you need to lay off that until your cholesterol's down. Why not turkey?
开除你只是基本
Firing you is the least of it.
你之所以还没进监狱...
The only reason you're not going to prison...
他说现在在传染什么东西 你应该也吃几个
He said there's something nasty going around, and you should take one, too.
而且跟作♥爱♥无关 因为你外表更好看头发更闪亮
It can't be the sex... you were a lot nicer and your hair was more shiny.
我来猜猜看 是不是你终于知道风水都是唬烂的
I'll take a stab and say it's because you realized feng shui is bullshit.
这对乳♥头♥看起来就像是在非洲喂了整座村庄
These nipples look like they've done hard time in Africa feeding a village.
我没有跟他上♥床♥ 而你以为我有 这很伤人
I am not sleeping with him! And the fact you think I would, really hurts!
但要是我跟他一起解决问题呢 这也是个选项
But what about the people who try to work it out? Maybe that's an option.
就在她应该跟他做♥爱♥的那晚 骇进他的电脑
Hacked into his computer the night she was supposed to have sex with him.
但他反而没事 而我却跟你们两个坐在一起...
Instead, he's totally fine and I'm sitting here with the two of you...
我穿 34 号♥ 不用完全正确 我喜欢蓝色
I'm a 34-inch waist. The fit doesn't have to be perfect. I like blue.
你只好用衣服把我绑起来并且用枕头盖一座墙
so you made a straitjacket and a pillow fort to protect yourself from me.
他才应该是发疯的人 不是我 我没做错事
is that he should be the one freaking out, not me. I didn't do anything.
很像我 因为我一点都不了解他的人生
Which is fitting, as obviously I don't know anything going on in his life.
你们几个女人以为你们可以偷走我的钱 你们疯了
You girls think you can shake me down for all my money, you're crazy.
你不会对她做出那些像对我做的事 你最好别否认
you won't lose your shit like you did with me. Don't say you didn't.
那又怎样 也许你应该原谅别人并且放下
So what? Maybe you just have to forgive people in order to move forward.
-这是30万元的车 混♥蛋♥ -那我想你付得出罚款
-That's a $300,000 car, asshole! -I guess you can afford it, then.
你知道吗 又来了 所以如果你不介意的话
And you know what? It's about to happen again, so if you don't mind...
他就是一直赢过我 因为他是杀手而我不是
He's always going to wind up on top because he's a killer and I'm not.
谁管他 他还可以去哪里 不要跟我说泰国
Who cares? Where else has he traveled? Please don't tell me Thailand.
你一定很恨我 如果能让你好一点 我更恨我自己
You must hate me so much. If it's any consolation, I hate me more.
为了减缓压力 医生不得不削掉一大块头骨
And to relieve the pressure, they had to cut out a chunk of his skull.
我们本来想要等到毕业舞会后 但是我们实在等不及了
We were going to hold off for prom, but we just got carried away.
如果他没跟你交往 我很抱歉刚说过的话 糟透了
If he's not seeing you... I'm so sorry I said that, that sucks...
我想说的是最后都会失败而一夫一妻制根本不自然
I'm saying everything fails eventually and monogamy is not natural.
我辞掉工作这样他才能专心工作 我不生小孩
I quit my job so we could focus on his job. I put off having kids...
我发现一些转到巴哈马公♥司♥的电汇帐单
I found this... wire transfer instructions for a company in the Bahamas.
不是 我在上星期说下星期 所以就是这星期
No. I said it was next week last week, which means it's this week.
因为不让他做♥爱♥这档事...不用一个一个说
because now sex is off the table... we have to speak to one another,
你们跟他住一起看看 我只看的到小♥弟♥弟♥
Try living under the same roof with him. All I get is surprise penis.
他在偷钱 凯特 替他们赚大钱就可以偷更多钱
He's stealing, Kate. Making money for them is the way he does it.
-我知道马克在哪里 -太好了 赶快过去
-I know Mark is at the One and Only. -Perfect, we're halfway there!
我不乌鸦嘴 我了了 我很高兴马克没有绰号♥
No jinxies. I get it. It's good that Mark doesn't have a nickname.
没有 等你有这种身材 你穿什么都很好看
No. When you have a body like that, everything fits you perfectly.
不对 马克昨晚说过服务电路的事
That can't be right. Mark was talking about ServiceCircuit last night.
他利用你开了这间公♥司♥然后全部都签你的名字
He used you to create the company and put everything in your name.
都是传到服务电路公♥司♥ 猜猜看名字都是签谁的
were for ServiceCircuit. Guess whose signature is all over them?
我做那些怪事是因为我没有遇过小三 而你是第一位
I did, because I was a mistress-virgin and you were the first.
不 不 不 我们不能请妓♥女♥跟我老公上♥床♥
No, no, no. We are not hiring a hooker to sleep with my husband.
对 我记得 很抱歉打破花瓶 你有什么事
Yeah, I remember. Sorry about your urn. What are you doing here?
拜托 我每次交往的时候 都会有些想法
Oh, please! Every relationship I've ever had, something felt off.
快看我找到的 这是马克投资的发展公♥司♥
Look what I found. This is a list of all the start-up companies...
这是西西 凯特就是提出换换卡点子的人
This is Cece. Kate's the one who had the idea for SwipeSwitch.com.
狗屁 狗屁倒灶 超级谎言 这都不是真的
It's bullshit. It's bullshit! Global bullshit! I call bullshit!
要是我上半身恨他 但下半身...
What if the top part of me hated him, while the bottom part of me...
这不都是破坏 史坦跟我认识的时候我们都结婚了
It's not always a wreck. Stan and I were married when we met.
要是他打给你说他爱你并想跟你在一起呢
What if he's calling to say he loves you and wants to be with you?
没关系 红酒有点问题 我觉得有点头痛
It's okay. The wine hit me wrong... I have a splitting headache.
但如果我们想要上电视 我需要另一位法♥院♥记者
but if we want it on video, I need a different court reporter.
-他又不是捐肾的 -我想的器官不是那里
-He's not a donor kidney. -It's not the organ I was thinking of.
我看不懂菜单 因为我把眼镜忘在妮娜家
Uh, I couldn't read the menu because I left my glasses at Nina's.
你知道有时候会觉得"平常的衣服很无聊..."
You know when you just feel like, "Normal clothes are blah"...
好 很好 过来 进车里罗 快点 过来
Okay, great, come on. Let's get in the car. Come on, come on.
我们认为马克还有其他小三 我们是来抓她的
We think Mark has another mistress... we're going to find her.
如果你像我一样 你就会知道这很难放下
If you had something to lose, you'd understand how hard this is.
你打包好了吗 我想在塞车之前先上路
Have you packed? I want to get on the road before traffic starts.
-你不生气以后再打给我 -可能要久一点
-Call me when you're done being pissed. -That might be a while.
不是全部 只有一半 我们是平等的伙伴 50%
Not all. Just half. That's what equal partners get... 50%.
什么 跟她 这是什么笑话吗 你开除我吗
What? From her?! Is this some kind of joke? You're firing me?
我不是小三 小三知道她跟已婚男交往
I am not a mistress. A mistress knows she's dating a married man.
你要我怎么说呢 我碰过的屁♥股♥比马桶还多
What do you want me to say? I get more ass than a toilet seat!
-你确定窗户不能开吗 -不行 你会没事
-You sure the window doesn't open? -No. You're gonna be fine.
其他人才涂红的 你的可不能这样
I would expect that from other guys in their offices, but not you.
而我关心你的问题...但事实上我不关心
and that I care about your problems... but guess what? I don't.
这星期发生很多事 很不一样 你不知道
Things shifted this weekend. It was different. You don't know.
那是邪恶天才的微笑 有人要被搞了吗
That's your Evil Genius smile. Is somebody about to get screwed?
名单 三个海外公♥司♥ 一个偷偷提案
Mark's invested in. Three are offshore and one's a blind filing.
而她什么都没做 就只是整天没事待在家里
And she does nothing. Just lays around the house all day long.
我一点都不关心你或是马克或是你们的婚姻或是狗
I don't care about you or Mark or your marriage or your dog.
而无论你跟多少女人上♥床♥ 或是你买♥♥的车
And no matter how many women you sleep with, or cars you buy...
如果你惊慌失措 你要去外面呼吸新鲜空气
If you're having a panic attack, go outside and get some air.
这是什么 为什么上面写零 为什么会有零
What is this? Why does it say zero? Why's that even on here?
我跟你结束了 我现在要直接跟点子工厂合作
It's over. I'm getting my ideas direct from the factory now.
你没有工作吗 还是嗜好 你怎么回事啊你
Don't you have a job?! Or hobbies?! What is wrong with you?!
一次一个问题 今天是侦查日
This is a... one-day-at-a-time operation. Today is light recon day.
这些都是无聊的会计文件 跟服务电路有关的
It's boring stuff from the accountant. ServiceCircuit again.
我觉得像个傻蛋相信你离开他 我受够了
And I feel like an idiot for trusting you over him. I am done!
但很遗憾 我得清空这些帐户 所以你破产了
But sadly, I had to empty those accounts, so you're broke.
没有 我没有嫉妒 我只是不像你喜欢她
No, I'm not jealous. I just don't have an insane girl crush.
但如果你无法 我建议你赶快找个工作然后离开
But if you can't, I suggest you get a game plan and leave.
但如果你可以接受 像法国人一样 那就继续
If you can live with that, like the French, then stay put.
麦克公♥司♥ 我以为戴夫已经在处理这项合并案了
Micromacks? I thought Dave Cohen was handling this merger.
这扇窗户 打开一点点吧 打开 拜托
This window. Just open it a little. Crack it. Just crack it.
我的手脚无力 嘴巴也小 我会被压在最底层
I have soft hands and a small mouth. I will be the bottom!
她有问题 你闻起来真香 你擦什么香水
She's kind of troubled. But you smell amazing. What is that?
做♥爱♥就不算吗 要是他插♥进♥去一半...
did all the dirty work? What if he just put it in halfway...
穿的性感一点 摇着你的屁♥股♥到康乃狄克...
Put on something sexy, get your ass out to Connecticut...
我们在汉普顿可以花整个周末做这些事
We'll have the whole weekend in the Hamptons to work that out.
你带着朋友跟监的时候 应该想清楚
When you're divvying up friends in the divorce, keep this one.
你跟我说我们要离婚 搬到义大利托斯卡尼去住
You told me you'd get a divorce and we'd move to Tuscany.
你真是好人 竟然可以跟小三当朋友
You're so amazing, to be friends with your husband's mistress.
我想我们不该太急躁 你在做什么
I don't think we should rush into anything. What are you doing?
我每次看望远镜 他都会多一个情妇
Every time I look through binoculars, he has another mistress.
但是我不想空手过来 所以我买♥♥了食物
But I didn't want to show up empty-handed, so I brought food.
不 你说的对 他还是在骗我
No, you were right about everything. And he's still lying to me.
我受不了 如果我继续调查他或是去巴哈马
I can't. If I'm investigating him or I go to the Bahamas...
没有 我只是觉得这事比我们想得更复杂
Nothing. I just think it's more complicated than we thought.
他们砍了一块像三角形的头骨
Like a triangle of his skull, they cut it right out of his head...
在康乃狄克"跟一些加拿大人" 这根本就是密♥码♥
In Connecticut. "With the Canadian crew." Which is code.
你会摘下来成为你曾经戴过的东西
You'll take it off and it'll just be something you used to wear.
-我不想要做车牌 -你不会被抓去关
-I don't want to make license plates! -You won't go to jail.
我发现男朋友有老婆之后就不会打给他
I don't call a boyfriend back after I find out he has a wife.
她在这里工作的时候你就知道她是小三了
Did you know she was his mistress when she was in the house?
她是来看别的东西 家里的...风水
She's doing all of the stuff, the feng shui... in the house.
我呼吸不到空气 这里好热 快打开窗户
We're out of air. It's hot in here. Just crack the window.
确定你跟他能与"马克"吃晚餐
to confirm that you and he were still on for drinks with "Mark."
一切都很疯狂 我不知道从何说起...
It's completely crazy, and I don't know where it's going...
我以为我过来之后你会跟我说我疯了
I thought I would come here and you would tell me I was crazy.
不要用你奇怪的男人逻辑问我 好吗
Don't come at me with all your... weird little man logic, OK?
对吧 你看 这就是为什么我得参加大脑训练营
Right. See? See? That's why I need to go to brain camp.
首先 一个是我的 所以不算 第二
First, one was mine, so that doesn't count. Second of all.
我们早就知道你会这么说 但卡莉跟我解释...
We thought you might say that. Then Carly explained...
我受不了失去你 我很抱歉我之前做的事
I was going crazy without you. I'm sorry for being a jerk.
不行 早上阳光很强 会把你晒伤
You can't. There's too much morning sun. It would blast you.
我还是不认为我可以比过像你这样的女生
I still think I'm not ready to compete with women like you.