艾伦秀.2015.09.25.Wanda.Sykes

他没把洛城安排在行程之内
he was not scheduled to be in los angeles
我也没办法 我没发现今天竟然是周一
but i could not help it-- this was on monday show i didn't even realize this.
接下来我们要看一段视频 你要猜出
i'm going to show you a video and you are going to guess if
成功还是失败 先看第一段
it's epic or fail. let see the first one
嗯 看起来有一些小无助呢
hmm.yeah look a little out of hopeful there.
答案揭晓
let's see.
他知道自己是教皇
he know he's the pope.of course he knew.
你们错过了教皇 他今天没来
you missed the pope.he's not here today, but
不过至少你们都得到了QVC的礼品卡
but at least you got the qvc gift card.
安迪·沃霍尔生前曾扬言，再当时得意的人最多只有十五分钟的知名度
believe it was andy warhol who said that everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame
事物的变迁速度与纽约也可见一斑
and things move very, very fast in new york city.
考虑到这些 我们派Andy Zeiner看看人们怎么能让自己在5秒内火起来
so while we were there, we sent andy zeiner to find out what people could do with 5 seconds of fame
嗨 你好
hi how you doing?
你好
hi.how are you?
您贵姓
what is your name?
乔 你哪位
my name is joe.who are you?
我是Andy 艾伦秀的
i'm andy i work on the ellen degeneres show.
幸会 你好吗
how are you?
还好 我在做一个街访 就是给普通人出名的机会
i am good i am on the street i'm giving people the opportunity to be famous.
这样子 谢谢
oh, okay.thank you
你们有5秒的时间让自己在央视成名 预备 计时 开始
you have 5 seconds to be famous on national television ready, set, go.
嗨 艾伦 我们爱你
hi, ellen.we love you.
艾伦 你是最棒的 你真该竞选总统
ellen, you are the best.you should run for president.
您贵姓
what's your name
免贵姓王 我和王先生置身于中国城
mr. wong i'm with mr. wong in chinatown. i work here for a long, long
我在这工作了好长 好长时间了
i work here for a long, long time.
你有5秒的时间 准备好了 计时开始
okay you got 5 secs ready, set, go.
三、二、一
3, 2, 1.
王先生 伙计们
that's mr. wong, folks.
欢迎艾伦来中国城
welcome ellen to china town
嗨
hi.
嗨 大家好
hi.how are you everyone?
直播真不好受啊
live is not easy
好吧
okay
嗨 艾伦 你好啊
hi, ellen.hi.how are you?
你从哪里来
where you from?
家里人都挺好的吧
how's your family, ellen?
妈妈还好吧
how's the mommy?
妈妈 你老妈 艾伦的妈妈 你好吗
mommy， your mommy.ellen's mommy，you okay?
你的宠物都还好吧 喵喵 这是你的猫 还有狗狗 汪汪
your peties are okay ? meow your caties and your doggies.woof.
对了 艾伦喜欢跳舞
okay ellen like to dance
Mashow 5秒钟出名的时间 预备 开始
mashown he has 5 seconds to be famous ready set go
王先生你能唱一曲吗 -轮到你唱了 艾伦
Mr wang could you singa a song back to you ellen
王 先生
mr. wong?
谢谢 谢谢王先生 广♥告♥之后马上回来
ellen: thank you so much,mr. wong and andy.we'll be back after this.
苏珊·芭娜是我们的一位粉丝 她住在长岛
susan barner is a fan of ours.she lives in long island
好几年了 她一直想拿到我们节目的门票
she's been trying to get tickets to the show for years
可是因为没钱来不了加州
but cannot afford the trip to california.
当她得知我们要在纽约做节目的时候 她每天都从网上
when she found out we were going to be in new york she applied for tickets on-line
订票 可惜一次也没被选中
every singleday and unfortunately she wasn't selected.
接下来我要和她开视频
i'm going to skype with her right now.
我一说开始 就会立马出现在她的电脑屏幕上
when i say go, i will pop up on her computer screen.
预备
ready?
好 开始
all right. go.
哦 -嗨
ooh.ellen: hi.
艾伦在电视上呢
ellen's on the tv!
老天啊 太难以置信了
oh my god, i couldn't believe it
嗨 苏珊 你好
ellen: hi, susan hi
你还好吧 发生什么了
how are you doing?what's happening?
你在电视上和我说话了
i can't believe you are on the TV here with me.
嗨
i am.hi.
我的天那
oh, my god!
苏珊
ellen: susan?
我的天
oh, my god.
真不敢相信 我和你一同出现在电视上
i cannot believe i'm on tv withyou
这是真的 你真的上电视了
ellen: you are ,you are on tv
你挺好的吧
how are you
我很好 你呢 -我真是太高兴了
ellen: i'm good.how are you? i'm so excited!
看出来了
ellen: never would have guessed that.
我爱你
i love you.i love you.
我也爱你 我听说
ellen: i love you too and i hear you're
你不了解我 但是我相信你会喜欢我的
you don't know me but you will love me. okay
我确实挺喜欢你的 就冲你这种状态 我也挺喜欢的
no i do just by all these i love you
我要坐你边上
i'll sit your side
我坐不下
i can't sit.
你想怎么样就 -我真是太高兴了
you clould do anything --iam so excited
我也很开心 我听说你是我我东海岸的头号♥粉丝
ellen: i'm excited, too. you are my biggest east coas tfan, i'm told.
对 我就是那个头号♥粉丝 我喜欢你13多年了
i'm your biggest east coast fan ever for 13 years.
那么 要是真的像你说的那样
ellen:so if you are a big fan
为什么我在纽约的演出你一次都没有来
i don't know why you weren't at one of my new york shows.
你听我说 我本打算去纽约来着 可是我不知道你什么时候会去那里
i'm telling you, i wanted to stalk the city but i didn't know when you would be there.
我给你们写信
i wrote in.
哦 天啊
oh, my god.
我写信了 可是他们告诉我
i wrote in.and they kept saying
每次我都翘首期盼着说
every time i would stand by my front door saying,
艾伦今天会来的 他们就告诉我说 她今天不会来
ellen's coming today and they said, ellen's not coming
不 她回来的 她一定会来的
yes, she is.yes, she is.
然后你猜怎么着 -我就真的来了
guess what ellen: here i am.
所以我就放弃了 我真是太失望了
so i quit i was so disappointed,
不过这都不算什么
but it's okay.
我又不能生你的气 我可是爱你的
i can't be mad at you.i love you
不过 或话说回来 你能耐心一点儿 -我的天
ellen: but see, your patience -oh my god
不好意思 我有些失态了 -你没有
i'm sorry i'm not trying to be rude ellen: you're not.
你一直在说话 这很好
you're talking and it's fine.
这样 我听说你 -天啊
listen so i heard you couldn't
不好意思 夏天了 有些燥
come on litl summer ,this is summer
冷静一下 你为什么没能去加州呢
ellen: it's very cool so you couldn't make the trip to california how come?
是这样 每次我想去总得出一些乱子 上大学的孩子要做手术或者
well, every time something came up, i had kids in collegei had surgery, and i just
我就没去成 每次我一想去就有事
I couldn't come.everytime i would try to think of it and something came up.
那么 如果 -我就没去成
alright so what would it be -I couldn't come
如果我能提供给你一张来现场的票你会不会很开心
so would it be great if i can give you a ticket right now to come out here?
我可没说我一定可以 我能做的就是给claudia发封邮件
ellen: i'm not saying i can. what i will do is send an email request to claudia.
她负责联♥系♥观众这一块 我会看一下有没有合适的时间
she's in our audience-department and i will see if there are some dates available.
我们基本上是满档的 但是我会看一下是不是有时间能和你的时间安排合适
we're pretty booked, but i will see if there's any time and if it works with your schedule
然后我们再联♥系♥ 然后你就可以拿到票了
i will email you and you will email me back and you will get tickets.
太好了 太好了
perfect, perfect.
随时都可以
anytime.
苏珊 我是开玩笑的 其实你这周末就能搭飞机过来 下周就能上我们的节目了
llen: susan, i'm kidding you are getting on a plane this weekend and you are coming out to the show next week.
下周见 苏珊 等不及想见到你了
i will see you next week, susani can't wait.
奥 天啊 我太开心激动了
oh, my god i'm so excited.
该吃药了
take some xanax
你太棒了 你太赞了
you are the best!you are so cool
咖啡喝多了
no coffee
以后别喝这么多了
no coffee for you.
我真是太激动了
i'm so excited.
回见
ellen: i will see you soon.
我们稍后继续
we'll be right back.
我们的下一位嘉宾 将是我们这个世界上最最喜爱的人
ellen: our next guest is simply one of our favorite people in the world and around here
大家欢迎活宝wanda sykes
please welcome the hilarious wanda sykes.
你气色真好 -假象而已
you look fabulous it's smoke and mirrors
都不是真的 -真的 气色真的不错
all smoke and mirrorsellen: you look fabulous.
这个夏天过的怎么样 又去法国了吗
how was your summer? did but to france again?
这个夏天我没去法国
i didn't go to france this summer.
你不是每个夏天都去吗
ellen: don't you go every summer.
我没去 他们几个去了 我得工作
i didn't go.they went.i had to work.
对哈 得工作
yeah, have to work
所以 你让老婆孩子他们自己去了
ellen: so you sent the wife and kids by themselves?
孩子们在那呆了6周
the kids were there for 6 weeks
但是艾利克斯在那呆了2周 所以我有2周完全不跟她们在一块
but alex was over there for like 2 weeks so i had 2 weeks of just uh missing them.
你们去哪里了呐
what did you did you go somewhere?