辛普森一家（2024）

Bart hated it. He refused to revive it.
如果你填了这个表 同意我催眠你老公
If you sign this form, allowing me to hypnotize your husband,
他送礼物的贴心心思会令你大吃一惊
you'll be surprised by how thoughtful his gift-giving will become.
那好吧 为侯默签字让我觉得有点怪
Hmm. Okay. I feel a little weird signing for Homer.
你根本不觉得怪 -我根本不觉得怪
You don't feel that way at all. - I don't feel that way at all.
我承认 我自己也不觉得多光彩
Not my proudest moment, I'll admit.
但我真的相信我们可以帮助侯默
But I truly believed we could help Homer.
于是我们用德伦·布朗的经典方式做自我介绍
So, in typical Derren Brown fashion, we introduced ourselves.
零食
杯子蛋糕
他们把我最喜欢的杯子蛋糕也圣诞化了
Ooh, they "Christmas-imafied" my favorite cupcake.
喂 这是什么情况
Hey, what's the deal?
你觉得很好玩 是不是
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
不是你吃我 是我吃你
You don't eat me, I eat you!
侯 侯默这边走
你是谁 我的杯子蛋糕呢
Who are you? And where's my cupcake?
侯默 你很安全 你的杯子蛋糕就在这里
Homer, you're perfectly safe and your cupcake is right here.
睡吧 好了
And sleep. There we go.
马上睡过去了 还睡的很沉
Right the way down. Right the way deep.
然后我们就坐在这里
Then we'll come and sit over here...
我催眠过上千人 但侯默不一样
I've hypnotized thousands of subjects, but Homer was different.
好了 侯默 睁开眼看我吧
Now then, Homer, open your eyes and look at me.
侯默 看着我 侯默 看着我
Homer, look at me. Homer, look at me.
即使在恍惚状态下
Even in a trance state,
侯默也不愿意看杯子蛋糕以外的任何东西
Homer refused to look at anything other than his cupcake.
我用非正常的方法让他把注意力集中在我身上
I resorted to an unorthodox way of getting him to focus on me.
好 好吧 看这里
Okay. Right. Fine, here.
侯默 我要帮你变成一个
Homer, I'm going to help you become
你已经是了的人
the person you actually already are.
一个特别擅长送礼物的人
Someone who is great at giving gifts.
我真的是这种人吗
Is that who I really am?
当然了 你简直天生就会送礼物
Absolutely. You are a natural gift giver.
你喜欢观察人 你凡事都多留心
You observe people. You pay attention.
你能 -我能在别人睡着时看到他们的本我
And you see what... - I see them when they're sleeping.
他们醒着的时候更容易点 但你知道的
Well, more so when they're awake, but you know that...
他们醒着的时候我能问出来
I know when they're awake.
当然了 但更重要的是
Uh, sure. But more importantly,
你再也不怕过节了 因为你知道
you no longer dread the holidays because you know that...
我是圣诞老人
I am Santa.
不不不 侯默 你不是圣诞老人
No, no, no, no, no. Homer, you're not Santa.
你只是个会送贴心礼物的正常人
You are just a regular person who gives nice gifts.
对了 一个普通男人
Oh, right. Just a regular guy.
等等 你干嘛心领神会地眨眨眼
Wait, wait. Why did you wink knowingly?
我有吗
Did I?
好吧 我要叫停了 醒来吧 侯默
Okay, I'm stopping this. And wake. Homer?
是的 "侯默"
Yes, "Homer."
他还在眨眼 -他被困住了吗
He's still winking. - Is he stuck?
催眠有什么可被困住的
You can't get stuck in hypnosis.
所有催眠书都说 -他在吃什么
Look, all the hypnosis books say... - What is he eating?
你怎么
How did you...
我是一个活泼的小精灵
I'm a spritely little elf.
侯默 你不是圣诞老人
Homer, you are not Santa.
我需要你说你明白这一点
I need you to say you understand that.
行吧 如果你想听我这么说的话
Well, if that's what you need.
我明白
I understand that!
大家圣诞节快乐 晚安啦
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
他戳鼻子的动作让我有点担忧
The n-nose thingy concerns me.
我们担心鼻子的事是对的
We were right to be concerned about the nose thingy
春田核电站
因为第二天晚上
because the very next morning...
别想了 辛普森 我不会给你圣诞老人新工卡
Forget it, Simpson, I'm not issuing you a new company ID for Santa.
好主意 可不能让麻瓜知道我的真实身份
Good idea. Can't let the muggles know who I am.
这个是给你的
Oh, and this is for you.
一枚顶针吗 -史密瑟斯
A thimble? - Smithers,
你说这个贝果上什么都有
you said this bagel would have everything on it,
但其实什么都没有
but it's missing so many things.
滑石 霓虹灯 笑声
Talc. Neon. Laughter.
是给我的吗 -当然
Is that for me? - Uh, sure.
我小时候 这个是我最爱的玩具
When I was a child, this was my favorite toy.
然后呢
And what happened then?
春田镇有个传说
Well, in Springfield they say
那天伯恩斯的小心脏变大了三倍
that Burns's small heart grew three sizes that day.
紧急心脏复位 马上进行
Emergency cardiac reduction, stat!
谢谢 史密瑟斯 圣诞节快乐
Thank you, Smithers. Merry Christmas.
史密瑟斯是第一个信了的
Smithers was the first to believe.
然后孩子们也立刻相信了
The children believed immediately.
侯默去哪里 他们都会向他提出礼物要求
Everywhere Homer went, they inundated him with present requests.
一个特别的妄想小男孩决定加入侯默
One special little boy decided to join Homer in his delusion.
我的大脑告诉我 我是你的精灵
My head-talk "tolded" me I'm your elf.
我的肚肚告诉我 你要给老板再弄点薯条
My tummy-talk "tolded" me you need to get your boss more fries.
然后所有人都信了
And soon everyone believed.
圣诞老人
Santa!
侯默的妄想非常完整
Homer's delusion was so complete,
他的生理上也跟着发生了变化
he started to change physically.
以前的圣诞节我都是跟
I used to spend every Christmas with
炉子里那个旧脑袋度过的
the old, you know, head in the oven.
但现在圣诞老人
But now, now I got the actual Santy Claus
在我家喝啤酒 在我厕所里撒尿
drinking my beer and peeing in my bathroom.
圣诞奇迹无处不在
It's a Christmas miracle over here.
侯默甚至登上了当地新闻
Homer even appeared on the local news.
智能链接
我一直就很圣诞
Oh, I've always been Santa-like.
我的肚肚天生就很软fufu的
My stomach has an innate "jelly-ness."
那你有魔力吗
Well, do you have magical powers?
有一点 -你拽他手指 他的裤子会咳嗽
A few. I... - If you pull his finger, his pants cough.
对 而且我有极强的乳糖耐受度
Yes. That and I'm supremely lactose tolerant.
我可以喝几加仑牛奶
I can drink gallons of milk.
可以吃任何口味的饼干
And I can eat any kind of cookie,
但我最喜欢的是撒NN家巧克力碎的
but my favorite are chocolate chip with N&N's.
孩子们 你们是在这第一次听说的
You heard it here first, kids.
圣诞氛围空前高涨
Christmas spirit was at an all-time high.
欢迎来到春田镇
圣诞老人的真正故乡
但人类的天性
But, as is human nature,
使得对圣诞老人的追捧逐渐开始变质
the stanning of Santa began to get weird.
伯利恒之星有着至高权力
The star of Bethlehem is the mother ship
他会把淘气的孩子扔掉 带着乖孩子去北极圈
which will leave the naughty and take the nice to the North Pole,
在那里我们会像驯鹿鲁道夫一样永生不朽
where we will become immortal like Rudolph the Red.
祝福他的红鼻子
Blessed be his nose.
不是所有的春田人都喜欢圣诞老人热潮
And not all Springfielders were happy about the Santa worship.
我一直都不喜欢这样重视圣诞老人
Frankly, I've never liked this emphasis on Santa.
让一个虚构的角色来决定谁好谁坏靠谱吗
I mean, an imaginary being who decides who's good and who's bad?
人类什么时候变得这么轻信了
When did people get so "gul-diddly-ulible"?
自然马姬也不会开心
And, of course, Marge was not happy.
侯默变得这么善良体贴当然是好事
I mean, it's great that Homer is so sweet and considerate.
但现在他已经属于世界了
But it's like he belongs to the world now.
不管到哪 总有小孩要坐他腿上
Everywhere we go, little kids sit on his lap.
阿麦都嫉妒死了
It makes Maggie so jealous.
你♥爸♥变成圣诞老人这件事 巴仔你有什么感受
What about you, Bart? How do you feel about your dad being Santa?
挺激动吧 -多少算个事儿吧
It must be thrilling. - It's something.
确实算件事儿
It was indeed something.
我本意是提升春田镇的圣诞氛围
By trying to raise the Christmas spirit in Springfield,
但无意间创造了圣诞老人邪教
I'd inadvertently created a kind of Santa cult.
是时候坦白了
It was time to come clean.
圣诞大庆典
圣诞大庆典就是个好机会
The Christmas Jubilee was the perfect opportunity.
你们好 我是德伦·布朗
Hello. I'm Derren Brown.
相信很多人记得我是
Um, many of you know me as the dashing chap
那个帅气的采访者
who's been interviewing you
我们在拍摄春田镇的纪录片
for a documentary about Springfield.
我有事情要坦白
I have a confession.
其实我是一位催眠师以及魔术师
I'm actually a hypnotist magician.
在英国非常出名
Really well-known in the UK.
大概相当于英国超感学界的碧昂丝
Um, sort of the Beyoncé of British mentalists, apparently.
我没听说过你