克朗普斯（2015）

我今晚来
I come tonight to warn you
是想提醒你 有3个幽灵将会来找你
that you will be visited by three spirits.
什么？
What?
雅各布 这就是你之前所说的机会和希望？
Was that the chance and hope that you mentioned, Jacob?
是的
It was.
你现在还有 摆脱我命运的 机会和希望
You have yet the chance and hope of escaping my fate.
是我为你争取而来的 埃比尼泽
A chance and hope of my procuring, Ebenezer.
谢谢你 雅各布
Thank you, Jacob.
静静等待 凌晨1点的钟声响起吧
Expect the first when the bell tolls 1:00.
闭嘴 贝丝！ -我不在乎是谁 先挑起的矛盾 麦克斯
Shut up, Beth! - I don't care who started it, Max.
所有人都知道 是本的错
Ben started it and everybody knows it.
整个过程都被录下来了
We even have the whole thing on video.
你要给班上所有人
You're gonna write an apology to the rest
都写一封信 为你毁了这场圣诞演出 而道歉
of your class for ruining the recital.
你疯了吗 麦克斯？ 那个小孩的块头是你的两倍
What were you thinking, Max? That kid was twice your size.
我知道 但是本·库克林斯基 总是在圣诞节恶作剧
Yeah, but Ben Kuklinski is always ragging on Christmas.
他甚至告诉一年级新生
He even told the first graders that Santa
圣诞老人是假的 它只是为了销♥售♥百事可乐
was just a cheap marketing ploy
应运而生的一种廉价的营销手段 -是可口可乐
invented to sell Pepsi. - Coke.
都一样 那你干嘛这么认真
You know what I mean. But not why you care.
总有人在乎 来 让我看看
Well, someone's got to. Here, let me see.
不算太糟 继续冰敷一下
It's not so bad. Just keep icing it.
所以你认为把他往饲料槽里面踢
And was dropkicking him into the manger
就真的能解决问题？
really the best way to handle this?
好吧 那不是我的错 我控制不了自己
Okay, that was not my fault. I was under the influence.
你只需要吃一点 圣诞软糖和拐杖糖 就会像我一样了
All I had to eat was Christmas fudge and candy canes.
我不想说这么残酷的话
Well, I hate to sound harsh,
但是每个孩子 终有一天 会知道真♥相♥的
but every kid has to learn the truth someday.
我知道 我只是… 不想圣诞就这么被毁掉
Oh, I know. I just... I didn't want it ruined.
至少对更小的孩子而言
For the little kids.
但这是发生在圣诞的一场战争吗
But is this a war on Christmas,
一场逾越政♥治♥正确性的战争…
a war on overpolitical correctness...
看起来很好吃 妈妈
Looks great, Mom.
谢谢
但是别做太多了
Don't work too hard, though.
莎拉在商店买♥♥了一堆饼干
Sarah bought a bunch of cookies at the store.
罗杰打来的
It's Roger.
你不是说过圣诞节不工作的吗
Thought you said you weren't working over Christmas.
我是说圣诞不出差
I said no traveling over Christmas.
但是电♥话♥还是要接的
I still have to take a few calls.
嘿 罗杰 什么事？
Hey, Roger, what's up?
我们还是像往年一样
Aren't we still gonna watch Charlie Brown
看《查理·布朗》和包装圣诞礼物吗？
and wrap Christmas presents like always?
知道吗？ 你闯了这么大的祸
You know what? After what you pulled,
就罚你一个人包礼物 速度快点
you can do that alone. And quick.
你的表兄妹马上就到了 你说 罗杰？
Your cousins get here any minute. Yeah, Roger?
我家里乱成一锅粥了
It's a Christmas clustereff over here.
贝丝 帮我挂一下这
Beth, help me hang this.
等等 妈妈 我们不看《查理·布朗》吗？
Wait. Mom, aren't we gonna watch Charlie Brown?
你的信写完了吗？
我开了头 但是… 不知道今年的心愿是什么
I started, but... I don't know what to ask for this year.
因为他们是家人 贝丝 而且他们只住几天
Because they are family, Beth. And it's only for a few days.
我不会和站着撒尿的女孩 分享我的房♥间
Well, I'm not sharing my room with girls who pee standing up.
我相信你马上就会知道
去年 我在床上找到了一沱屎 妈妈
Last year I found shit in my bed, Mom.
人的屎 -我最后说一次 那是他们狗拉的
Human shit. - For the last time, that was their dog!
“有些人就不应该被允许生孩子 他们就是最好的例子！”
"They're why some people shouldn't be allowed to breed!"
这是你说的 妈妈 不是我！
Your words, Mom, not mine!
我从没说过！
I never said that!
我是说 在生孩子之前
I said maybe they should have to take
他们应该做个测试 看看他们是否适合
a test before they're allowed to breed.
谢谢你 奥米
Thanks, Omi.
奥米？
Omi?
你至今还相信 圣诞老人的存在吗？
Do you still really believe in Santa?
当然
而且… 我也相信 圣尼古拉斯是存在的
圣尼古拉斯：圣诞老人的原形 是土耳其历史上真实存在的一位主教
什么意思？
What do you mean?
相信他的存在 就是真正的信仰圣诞的精神
奉献的精神 牺牲的精神…
我还相信 晚饭前应该来点甜点
没错 我的表兄妹
Yeah, my cousins are crawling out
什么好基因都没有遗传到
of the shallow end of the gene pool,
所以每个人都有点心烦意乱
so everyone's a little on edge.
你妈妈又嗑赞安诺了？
Your mom popping Xanax again?
就像吃糖一样
Like candy.
今晚我们要做一个 日式雪花圣诞树 之类的鬼东西
Tonight we're making a Japanese snowflake tree or some crap.
要让我们家变得
Takes a lot of work to make our family look
比看起来更酷 花的时间精力可不少 知道吗？
more awesome than it actually is, you know?
我喜欢雪花 但我更喜欢我的计划
I like snowflakes, but I like my plan a lot better.
非常诱人
Very enticing.
但我可能出不去
But I think I'm stuck here.
别这样
Come on.
连恶魔岛 都有人逃出去过
People have escaped from Alcatraz before,
更何况 我离你只有4个街区
and I'm only four blocks away.
怎么了？ 出什么事了？
What? What's wrong?
所有事都不对
Everything.
糟糕
Crap.
你们两个能住手吗？ -豪伊 别再按门铃了！
Will you two knock it off? - Howie, stop ringing the doorbell!
那你倒是拿点东西啊！ 帮我把包拿着
Well, carry something! Help me with the bags.
今天是圣诞 是圣诞 是圣诞
It's Christmas. It's Christmas. It's Christmas.
圣诞快乐！ 嘿 姐姐 圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas! Hey, sis. Merry Christmas.
天啊 真高兴你们能赶来
Gosh. I'm so glad you guys could make it. .
你是不知道
Oh, you have no idea
高速路上到处都是车祸
Accidents all over the freeways and nothing
我们在上面堵了整整6个小时 只能听无聊的广播
but crazy talk radio for six hours.
我们带了点家常菜过来 对吗？
We brought you a little taste of home, though, didn't we?
好吧… 谢谢 它看上去…
Well... thank you. It looks...
哇！ 不客气
Wow! You're welcome.
琳达 让开 让开
Linda, move it, move it.
路上堵得够凶了 别现在还来挡我路
We don't have to keep the traffic jam going now.
霍华德 我来帮你
Howard, let me help you with that.
真是…
That's...
谢谢你 汤米 抱歉
Thanks, Tommy. Sorry about that.
怎么 你是给男管家放假了吗？
What, you give the Butler the night off, did you?
别担心 没错 我们把罗西带来了
Don't worry about it. Yeah, we brought Rosie.
你们没养猫吧？
You don't have a cat, do you?
没事 没事 对吧？ 没事
It's fine. It's fine, right? It's fine.
圣诞快乐 姑娘们 快进屋
Merry Christmas, girls. Come on in.
你们穿配套的夹克 看起来真可爱
Don't you look cute in your matching jackets.
因为钢人队（橄榄球队）输了 所以她们才看起来心情有些不好…
They're just a little cranky 'cause the Steelers lost, so...
乔丹 史蒂夫
Jordan, Stevie, why don't you tell your Aunt
给你们莎拉姑妈 讲讲你们得“总统奖”的事吧
Sarah about your presidential fitness award?
很精彩的故事
It's a good story.
嘿 豪伊
Hey, Howie.
你今年向圣诞老人 许了什么愿望？
So, what did you ask Santa for this year?
非常好 它们看起来挺坚挺的
Really nice. They did look pretty good.
在这里看起来比较大
It looks bigger in here.
玩具车吗？
Toy car?
快看麦克斯口袋里有什么
Look what Max has got in his pocket.
给圣诞老人的信
A letter to Santa.
电子游戏？
Video games?
手♥机♥？
Phone?
透析治疗？
Dialysis?
这一路开的真♥他♥妈♥的累 -谢谢大家
That's a long fucking drive. - Thank you, guys.
这些东西放哪儿 汤姆？ 随便放吗？
Where do you want this stuff, Tom? Just anywhere?
我的天啊 铲铲雪你们会少块肉？
Christ on a stick. Would it kill you to shovel your walk?
我差点摔一跤
I could have broken a hip out there.
惊喜！ 拜托不要生气
Surprise! Please don't be mad.
桃乐西姑妈 很高兴见到你
Aunt Dorothy. It's so great to see you.
你妹妹虽然不是特蕾莎修女
Yeah, well, your sister's no Mother Teresa,
特蕾莎修女：获1979年诺♥贝♥尔♥和♥平♥奖♥ 长♥期♥在印度加尔各答从事救济工作
但她时不时 还知道来看一下我
but at least she swings by every once in a while
确保我还没挂
to make sure that I'm not dead.
蛋酒在哪儿？ 我要爽一下
So, where's the nog? I need to get merry.