詹姆斯大战未来的自己（2019）

That's not how parkour works.
不是吧
No, no.
哎 就知道会这样
Ah, shoulda seen that comin'.
你好啊 美女
Well hello, Sunshine.
欢迎回来
Welcome back.
这是怎么回事
What's happening?
那个
What...
你为什么要脱了我的裤子
Why did you take my pants?
额 因为你尿裤子了
Oh, yeah. You peed yourself.
应该是因为我电击了你
From the taser, presumably.
别 别 待在那里别动
No. No, no, no. Stay there.
我知道这个局面不太好 我知道
I know what this looks like. I know.
我知道你想跑
I know your instinct is to run,
但不要
but please, just...
听我说好吧
you just gotta listen, all right?
简单一点
Let's do this the easy way.
好了
All right.
啊 该死
Ah, fuck it.
噢
Oh.
啊 啊
Ah! Agh!
这什么
What the...
你 你 你把螺线管做成什么东西了
Wha... wha... what did you MacGyver a solenoid?!
啊 啊 不要 不要
Ah! Ah! No! No-no-no...
明天罗利博士就要宣布
Tomorrow, Dr. Rowley is gonna announce
她会为新项目设立一个固定职位
that she is offering a permanent position for a new project
而且会寻找自荐人
and she will be seeking submissions.
你怎么知道的
How do you know this?
你到时候会想提交你的时间旅行理论
You will be tempted to submit your time travel theory
这是天才之举 但你不能这么做
which is fuckin' genius but you will not!
你不能这么做 因为如果这样做了
You cannot. If you do,
你会绝望地孤独到老
you will end up desperately alone,
精神错乱
driven insane!
你会失去所有你在乎的人
You will end up losing everyone that you care about!
说过头了
That's too big.
太 太严重了 抱歉
That's... that's too much. Yeah, sorry.
那慢点来
That... no. Start off slower.
简明扼要 简明扼要
Yes, simple. Simple.
我要简单点说
I'm gonna keep it simple.
我现在要简单地向你介绍一下我自己
I'm going to simply introduce myself to you, that's all.
不 不 不 我不想知道你叫什么
No, no, no. I don't wanna hear your name.
不 不 讲真的
No, no, seriously.
你现在走就行
You leave right now,
就当一切都没有发生过好吗
it's like this never happened, okay?
我 我几乎没法记清你的样子
I... I barely even remember what you look like.
记忆模糊掉了
It's like super cloudy.
詹姆斯·多林斯基
James Dolinsky.
你为 你为什么这样叫我
Why... why are you saying my name like that?
太吓人了
It's terrifying.
那也是我的名字
That's my name too.
我也是詹姆斯·多林斯基
I am also James Dolinsky,
因为我就是你
because I am you.
来自未来的你
From the future.
我从未来而来
I'm from the future!
你 你来自未 我们俩
You... you're from the fu... We...
不是你 你 我 你
not you-you, me-you...
我们都是来自未来的
We are from the future!
好啊 挺好的
Okay, that's good!
挺 挺有意思的
Very, very funny.
不错啊 骗到我了
Well done. You got me.
梅雷迪斯 你现在可以出来了
Meredith, you can come out now, okay?
顺便说一下
And by the way,
咱俩做了这么长时间的兄妹
in the history of shitty sisterly things
你对我开的这么多个玩笑 这个绝对是第一名
that you have done to me, this one takes the prize!
我知道你需要时间慢慢理解
Look, I know it's a lot to take in. All right?
要去消化理解的东西太多了
It's a lot to digest, absorb.
老天啊
Oh my God.
行吧 行吧
Okay, all right.
行吧 我陪你玩
Okay. Sure, I'll play.
所以你就是我 来自未来的我
So you're me, from the future.
所以告诉我 我
So tell me, Me,
我们是怎么实现我的时间旅行论的
how do we execute my brilliant time travel theories, huh?
你已经知道了 你现在不就在忙这个么
You already know. You're working on it.
利用粒子对撞机的能量
Harnessing the power of the particle collider.
好吧 准备工作很充分
Okay. Very, very impressive research.
看来有人给你解释了
You've been briefed, I see.
我的傻姐姐也告诉你了吧
Now, has my idiot sister also told you
瑞士的大型强子对撞机
that the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland
在13万亿电子伏特的供应下
operates at a TeV of 13...
但你需要40万亿 我知道
Yeah, and you need 40. I know.
但你不知道的是
But what you don't know
罗利已经有这样的机器了
is that Rowley already has one.
她有了吗 喔 很棒
She does? Wow, okay.
那请告诉我 她是在哪里
So tell me, where does she, uh, where does she keep
存放这么台价值数十亿美元的秘密机器呢
this multi-billion dollar enormous secret machine?
这正是最难以置信的 它很小
That's the crazy part. It's tiny!
它就 就像这么大
It's like... it's like this big.
她就把它放在了办公室的桌子后面
She keeps it in her office behind a table!
噢 在桌子后面啊
Oh, behind the table.
好吧
All right.
他为什么会相信呢
Why would he believe that?
你藏在衬衫里的项链
That necklace that you're hiding inside your shirt,
里面装着爸妈的骨灰吧
with the ashes of Mom and Dad in it...
梅雷迪斯也有一个
Meredith has one of those too.
事实上 明天是15周年纪念了吧
And in fact, tomorrow is the 15th anniversary
纪念他们的飞机失事
of the day that their plane went...
够了 听我说
Okay, you listen to me, buster.
我不知道你是谁
I don't know who you are,
但你有30秒的时间
but you have... you have precisely 30 seconds
滚出我的车♥库♥
to get your butt out of my garage...
该死的
God fucking damn it!
够了
That's it.
啊
Ah!
你要搞什么
What are you doing?
我们的小♥弟♥弟♥长一样
We have the same dick.
龟♥头♥朝左偏
Hooks to the left,
顶部有三个雀斑 像北斗星一样
three freckles on the tip, like the Big Dipper.
老天
Oh my God!
来啊 别这个样子
Oh, come on. Now don't be like that.
来看看我的小♥弟♥弟♥
Just take a look at my dick,
我们把整件事情搞清楚
we can clear this whole thing up.
请收起你的阴♥茎♥ 先生
Please put your penis away, Sir.
得了吧 这有什么大惊小怪的
Come on, there is nothing weird about this!
好 好吧
Okay, all right.
来 把你的鸡鸡也拿出来吧
Well, let's take your dick out
- 我们来看看北斗星 - 我信你了
- and we'll see if the Little Dipper... - I believe you!
我信你 我信你了 我照你说的做还不行吗
I believe you! I believe you! I'll do what you say!
好了 我会辞职的
Okay, I'll quit my job.
好了 那就赶紧看看我的屌♥
All right, well then look at my fucking cock!
啊 啊 啊
Ahh! Ah! Ah.
时间穿梭最远可以穿到什么时候
How far back can we go?
好了
Oooh-kay.
好了 Siri 拨♥打♥报♥警♥电♥话♥
Okay, Siri, call 9-1-1.
我弟弟被猥亵了
My brother's being molested.
和对方谈谈可能会有帮助
It sounds like talking with someone might help.
你到布莱恩·甘德兰七年级的时候
You can find me where Bryan Gunderland
把你打得屁滚尿流那个地方见我
beat the shit out of you in seventh grade.
911支持...
...9-1-1 support...
该死 Siri要你有什么用
Oh goddamn it, Siri! You're so unreliable.
后退 臭变♥态♥
Back away, perve-ass.
冷静点 梅雷迪斯 我这就走
Hold your fire, Meredith. I'm leaving.
噢 我天