我爱你，现在去死吧（2019）（下）

在某种程度上
In some ways,
米歇尔的道德大滑坡
the big moral failing from Michelle
与她无法全面地了解事实
has to do with an eerie inability
这个可怕的缺陷有关
to fully apprehend reality.
对话中有一层面
There's one level of the conversation
是一个孩子准备自杀
that is a kid that's gonna kill himself.
但另一层面
And then there's another level
就是爱情故事
that's a romantic fantasy.
短♥信♥中他们格外深情
There is an amazing intensity to the messages
这与他们的之前的情况
that's totally incommensurate with the relationship
完全不符
they had before.
我还发现一点
And what I found is that
就是短♥信♥中引用了大量的
there was all of these references
电视剧 电影 和歌♥曲
to different TV shows, to movies, to songs...
但目前为止 那些语言最有可能
But by far, by far the most common source
都是来源于《欢乐合唱团》
for that kind of language was Glee.
《欢乐合唱团》是以一所美国高中为背景的电视剧
Glee is a TV show that is set in an American high school
主演是莉亚·米雪儿和柯瑞·蒙特斯
and the stars are Lea Michele and Cory Monteith,
他们不仅是剧的主演
who are not only the stars of the show
在现实中也是情侣
but were a couple in real life.
而米歇尔非常迷恋莉亚·米雪儿
And Michelle was obsessed with Lea Michele.
所以 往往她给康拉德发短♥信♥
So, often when she was writing to Conrad
或聊到康拉德的时候
or writing about Conrad,
她会借用那部剧里的短♥信♥内容
she would borrow from text that was in this TV show.
你是我第一次爱的人
You are my first love.
而我无比希望你会是最后一个
And I want more than anything for you to be my last.
而且我认为她与莉亚·米雪儿的联结
And I think she connected with Lea Michele
建立在一个很深远的层面 远远超出了
on kind of a profound level that went beyond
一般青少年可能会对明星产生的
what a normal teen identifying with a star...
那种认同感
you know, might feel like.
热播剧《欢乐合唱团》的一位主演
A star of the popular show Glee found dead
被发现死在温哥华的一家酒店中 尸体正
in his hotel room in Vancouver. The body...
2003年 柯瑞·蒙特斯在酒店里吸毒过量
In 2013, Cory Monteith overdosed in a hotel room
并死亡
and died.
基本上是康拉德离世前一年
This was a year, basically, to the day, before Conrad died.
《欢乐》的演员们拍了一集来纪念他
The cast of Glee puts on a tribute episode.
莉亚·米雪儿为他唱了一首歌♥
Lea Michele sings a song in his honor
所有人都很崩溃
and everyone's devastated
因为他的角色在剧里死了
because the character has died in the show.
所以这是很诡异的一集 因为
So, it's an incredibly eerie piece of television, because...
你知道演员本人在加拿大某个酒店里吸毒过量死了
you know that this actual actor OD'd in a hotel somewhere in Canada,
但在剧中
but in the world of the show,
这个橄榄球四分卫死得十分悲剧
this football quarterback has died tragically
大家都在唱流行歌♥来为他哀悼
and everyone is singing pop songs to mourn him.
米歇尔在2013年10月对康拉德引用了这些
And Michelle introduces that to Conrad in October 2013.
米歇尔说"我只想让你知道我有多么爱你
Michelle says, "I just want you to know how much I love you
这让我无法想象
and it really made me think of what it would be like
如果没有你 我会怎样"
if you weren't here."
这些话完全跟当时的情况不沾边
Totally out of the blue from what was happening.
这大概是你第一次能意识到
It's sort of the first moment
米歇尔心里
where you realize that Michelle
完全有着另一个故事
has, like, a completely other story
而那个故事的走向与康拉德完全无关
that's going on that has nothing to do with Conrad specifically.
她是剧里的那个
But the idea that she would be the person in Glee
遭遇四分卫男友悲惨死亡的人
who had a boyfriend who was the quarterback
这种想法
who had sort of tragically died,
我认为对她而言
I think was kind of more real to her
比大多数人所能想象的 更为真实
than it probably is to most people.
我全都计划好了
I had it all planned out.
那现在呢
Now what?
我不知道 只能选别的了
I don't know, something different.
可能别的更好
Maybe something better.
我觉得不太可能
I just... I don't think that that's possible.
他就是我命中注定的那个人
He was my person.
米歇尔发给她朋友们的短♥信♥中
One of the eerie parts of the text messages
比较诡异的一点就是
that Michelle sent to her friends
她所引用的莉亚·米雪儿的那些话
where she quotes from Lea Michele,
并不全都是《欢乐》的台词
is that they don't all come from Glee;
还有演员本人在做访谈类节目时
they come from interviews that the real actress is giving
跟主持人聊到她去世的男朋友时所说的话
about her real dead boyfriend to real talk show hosts.
我真的会每一天
I literally lived every day of my life
都觉得自己是世界上最幸运的女孩
feeling like the luckiest girl in the whole world.
我觉得他是最棒的男人
I just... I just thought he was the greatest man.
这真的很诡异
This is weird. This is really weird.
我认为由此可以解读出
I think it translates to
米歇尔几乎或者完全不清楚自己是谁
that Michelle had little if any idea of who she was.
她与另一个世界 另一个人的人生
That she identified extremely strongly
产生强烈的共鸣
with this other world, this other life.
爱丽丝是米歇尔2012年春天
Alice was a teammate of Michelle's
加入的巡回垒球队的队友
on a travel softball team in the spring of 2012.
她们迅速变得密不可分
They instantly became incredibly close.
她们会去对方家中
They went to, uh, each other's houses,
一起过夜 她们队里还一起去过蒙特利尔
they slept over, they took a team trip to Montreal
当队里别的孩子们
and when other, uh, kids on the team
一起出去吃饭时
were going out to eat as a group,
她们就会溜走 然后单独
they would kind of sneak off and eat together,
一起吃饭
just the two of them.
是一段非常浓烈的青少年的友谊
It was an intense teen friendship
对米歇尔来说 几乎像是一场恋爱
that was almost like a love affair for Michelle.
挺突然的
Kind of abruptly,
差不多米歇尔刚认识康拉德的时候
right around the time that Michelle met Conrad,
爱丽丝和她断了联♥系♥
Alice cut off contact with her.
在2014年夏天
And in 2014, in the summer...
米歇尔 出于某种原因
Michelle, for some reason,
开始非常想念爱丽丝
starts really missing Alice.
而这一切刚好发生在
And this is all happening right around the time
康拉德特别想自杀那段时间
that Conrad is really suicidal.
在我看来
It seems to me that
案件中许多情感逻辑
a lot of the emotional logic of the case
都更与她和爱丽丝的感情有关
really has more to do with the friendship with Alice
而非康拉德
than it has to do with the relationship with Conrad.
我给爱丽丝打过电♥话♥ 我说
I called Alice and I said, you know,
"我希望能跟你面谈一下 因为
"I want to interview you because it sounds like
看起来 米歇尔好像爱上你了"
Michelle was in love with you."
我见到了爱丽丝和她母亲
And I met Alice and her mother.
而她们愿意见我的原因
The reason they were meeting me
完全是为了驳倒那个故事
was to refute exactly that story.
所以 她们特意跟我见面 就是为了声明
So, they were meeting to say,
"米歇尔是个神经病
"Michelle is a sociopath,
一切都是她编出来的
and she made this all up.
这段所谓的感情根本不存在"
There was never anything physical about the relationship."
如果在这之前
And if I didn't feel for Michelle
我并不能与米歇尔共情
in any moment before that,
在那一刻我感受到了
in that moment I felt...
她究竟有多孤独
a sympathy for how alone she was.
在那个时刻我很同情她
In that moment I felt...
她太孤独了
a sympathy for how alone she was.
她渴望经历更刺♥激♥的事
She had this desire for things to be more intense,
希望发生的事能更像故事而非真实
more like stories than they really were.
她没有活在现实里
She didn't live in reality;
好像
like,
她活在某种幻想中 我觉得
she lived in some kind of fantasy... I think.
但是她也不是什么好人 所以
But she's just not a well person, so...
当对方不太... 你怎么能表现得
How can you be that angry or how can you be that...
那么愤怒或者那么...
when someone is not...
她身心并不健康
She's not well.
我只能这么说 她生病了
That's all I say. She's not well.
康纳德死前几周
The pattern that would happen
经常做的事是
in the last few weeks of Conrad's life
他会说
is Conrad would say,