蛇蝎情人

雷 妻子怎么样了
Hey, Ray. How's the wife?
那个
Well, it...
家庭呢
How's the family?
我看今天第一个案子是
The first case I see here is
里尔登诉里尔登
Reardon vs. Reardon.
律师请起立
Will counsel please stand?
我们是原告 法官阁下
We're petitioning. Your Honor.
被告方呢
And for the respondent?
里尔登先生 我再问你一次
Mr. Reardon. I ask you again.
你的律师呢
Where is your counsel?
我炒了他
I fired him.
我对本次离婚诉讼再无异议
I no longer contest any aspect of this divorce.
里尔登先生 本庭本打算作出的判决
Mr. Reardon, this court was prepared to render a judgment -
对你十分有利
quite favorable to your interests.
那是个错误 法官阁下
It was a mistake, Your Honor.
她想要什么都可以
She can have whatever she wants.
我们不可能在一起
We were impossible.
我们就像水和油一样
We were like oil and water.
-我仍然爱你 -我也是
- I still love you. - Me too.
所以我才那么不舍得离开
That's what made it so hard to leave.
-直到你打了我 -我扇了你耳光
- Till you hit me. - I slapped you.
-我推开你的脸 -用手
- I pushed your face - - With your hand.
-我不喜欢背叛 -我知道
- Well, betrayal is not my best thing. - Yeah, well, I know.
我不是世上唯一一个
I'm not the only guy
发现妻子有外遇后生气的男人
who gets upset when he finds his wife sleeping...
我没强大到能不顾一切离开
I wasn't strong enough to break away without it.
-他是个混♥蛋♥ -他当然是个混♥蛋♥
- He's a jerk. - Of course he was a jerk.
你这样的人可不好找
It's not easy to find someone like you.
再努力一点
Try harder.
天啊 我已经开始嫉妒了
Oh God. I'm already jealous.
我知道你将找到合适的人
I know you're going to find the right person.
到那时
And when you do,
她将成为世界上最幸运的女人
she's gonna be the luckiest woman alive.
-敬单身汉 -婚恋市场上的小鲜肉
- To a free man. - Fresh meat on the market.
-谢谢 -祝你永不独自入睡
- Thank you. - May you never sleep alone.
谢谢
Thank you.
我就叫你别娶她
I told you not to marry her.
你们俩没有一点共同之处
You two had absolutely nothing in common.
别说"共同之处"了
Forget "in common", okay?
她就不是他的菜
She wasn't his type.
雷向来喜欢棕发妞
Ray always went for brunettes.
那怎么没看上我
You're telling me.
-你是拉里的妻子 -好挑剔呀
- You're Larry's wife. - Picky, picky.
再说 你是个律师
Plus, you're a lawyer.
没错 雷喜欢有艺术气质的
That's right. Ray likes artsy types.
他喜欢清瘦深肤色的文艺女性
He likes them thin and dark and artistic.
没错 我们这是在谈性 婚姻还是
Right. So are we talking sex here or marriage or...
-谈谈爱吧 -爱
- What about love? - Love?
但长远看来 你还是向往家庭生活的吧
But in the long term. You're interested in a family, right?
我什么都想要 孩子 狗 沃尔沃
I want everything. The kids, the dog, the Volvo.
家庭的事先别急 老兄
Whoa, slow down on the family, sport.
你要先上♥床♥ 然后才下崽
First you get laid. Then you get laid.
正是 外面有很多很多女人
Exactly. There are many many women out there.
-连皮包骨头的女人都很多 -厌食的
- Lots of skinny women, even. - Anorexics.
没错 深肤色的美丽厌食症患者
Yes. Dark angelic anorexics.
她们三十三岁
They're 33 years old.
生物钟不断催促着她们
Their biological clocks are tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
快来 我要排卵了
Come now! I'm ovulating!
我今天适合受精 只有今天
I'm fertile today! Just today!
虽然我也不想
It kills me to say it.
但这点我同意诺曼
But I'm going to agree with Norman on this.
你是个充满魅力的直男
You are attractive, you are straight.
你的精神变♥态♥也不是很明显
You are not overtly psychotic.
谢谢啊
Oh, thank you.
听着 你不要着急
Listen. You just take your time.
千万不要成为生理反应的奴隶
And don't you be a slave to your glandular reactions.
对了 我有提过我的家族徽章
By the way, have I ever mentioned that my family crest
其实是个大性腺吗
is actually a big gland?
我没什么可说的了
I rest my case.
我都跪下了
I am down on my knees.
我在求你呢
I am begging you.
好吧 真是丢人
All right. This is humiliating.
你是聋了吗
Are you deaf?
我保证半年内就可以翻倍
I'm guaranteeing you 100% return in six months.
你是我朋友 诺曼
You're my friend, Norman.
当然 所以我才把这好事告诉你
Sure. That's why I'm bringing you the deal.
我借一次 就会有第二次
I'm going to loan money once. I'll do it again -
早晚会失去你这个朋友
Sooner or later I'm gonna lose a friend.
很好 帅哥 那么 我要死了
Great. Swell. So... I'm floating facedown.
好吧 听我说
All right. Look.
你知道我只是强调了这事的好处
You know I wanted to emphasize the positive here.
那钱不止是
The money's not just...
那钱能让我再活三天 好吗
It would keep me alive another 72 hours, okay?
你我的友情可以让你救我吗
Would your friendship allow you to do that?
我超爱这个
I love this.
-多少 -投资吗
- How much? - For the investment?
救你小命
To save your life.
就两万吧
Well, say 20 grand.
-我给你一半 -你要救我半条命
- I'll give you half. - You'll save half my life?
看吧 朋友之间这种事可不好
See? This isn't good. Between friends.
别再提这事了
Just forget the whole thing.
不 我需要钱
No, I need the bucks.
只是我知道你能给我更多 我想
It's just that I know you can afford more. And I'm wondering...
我没有责任拯救你 明白吗
This isn't my job to rescue you from yourself, all right?
-你会后悔的 -什么
- You're going to regret this. - What?
一两年之后 风水轮流转
A year or two. Fortunes could change.
你可能会来求我
You could come to me wanting something.
看明白是怎么回事了吗
See? See what happened here?
这和那些姑娘一样 给你点忠告
It's the same with girls. A little friendly advice.
还记得我撮合你认识的那些姑娘吗
Remember the girls I set you up with?
诺曼 那些女人
Norman, those women were...
我会给你介绍更好的
I'll do better. OK?
关键在于她们告诉我你的表现
The point is they told me what you give off -
你很孤单 这很好理解
You know, you're lonely. It's understandable.
但你太抠门了 就像刚才那样
But it comes off needy. Just like I was here.
而且说辞很差
And it's bad technique.
-她们说我抠门吗 -令人发指
- They said I was needy? - Desperate.
他们下周要给我办派对
So they're throwing me a party next week, okay?
三十四岁了 还是那么混♥蛋♥
34 years old and still an asshole.
她们说我抠门
They said I was needy?
别想了 我这儿有事要告诉你呢
Forget that. I'm trying to tell you something.
我邀请了个女孩 棕发
I invited a girl - brunette.
中西部来的 目前看来非常适合你
Midwest. So forth - perfect for you.
不必了
No, please.
胸 你是说胸吗 梨形的
Tits? Did someone say tits? Like pears.
而且不是又青又硬那种
And not the hard green ones, either.
而是俄勒冈
The juicy Comice
哈里大卫家那种成箱的多汁考蜜斯梨
you get in the box from Oregon - Harry & David.
诺曼
Norman,
我会以朋友的身份参加聚会 好吗
I'm coming to your party as your friend, all right?
但拜托答应我
But please promise me
不会再给我介绍女人了
you won't introduce me to any more women.
我就是这个意思 如果你让我说完...
Exactly my point. If you'd let me finish...
相信我 我可以自己找到她
Believe me. I can find her myself.
谁说不行了
Who says no?
我也不用管太多
A safe doesn't have to fall on me.
我们还是朋友吧
We still friends?
现在我能继续工作了吗
Can I go back to work now?
感谢你的两万块
And thanks for the 20 G's.
一万 一万
Ten. Ten!