七月圣诞（1940）

进入一个宽敞通风的卧室，然后餐具柜转了一圈，变成了浴室。
Into a big, airy bedroom, and then the sideboard turns around and turns into the bathroom.
这样你就可以边吃边洗澡了?当然不是，傻瓜。
So you can eat while you bathe? Of course not, silly.
那它怎么会在浴室里?它在浴室里什么都没做。
Then what's it doing in the bathroom? It isn't doing anything in the bathroom.
我说它变成了浴室。
I said it turns into a bathroom.
有时它变成小厨房♥，有时变成壁炉。
Then another time it turns into a kitchenette, another time into a fireplace.
我不认为你能点燃它，但它看起来非常可爱。
I don't think you can light it, but it looks awfully cute.
什么变成了壁炉?角落里的这个东西。
What turns into a fireplace? This gag in the corner.
它把一个房♥间变成了四个房♥间。
It turns around and makes one room into four rooms.
这样，没有多少钱的年轻人就能以一居室的价格买♥♥到一套可爱的四居室公♥寓♥。
So that young people who haven't much money can have a lovely, four-room apartment for the price of a one-room apartment.
如果只有一个房♥间，那就不是公♥寓♥。
Well, if it's one room it isn't an apartment.
嗯，他们是这么叫的。和四个房♥间一模一样。
Well, that's what they call it. It's exactly the same as four rooms.
是的，但是假设我…你只要把这东西转到角落里…如果我想在你去厨房♥的时候去壁炉呢?
Yeah, but suppose I... you just turn this thing in the corner... Suppose I wanted to go to the fireplace while you were in the kitchenette?
你只是想让事情变得更困难。
You're just trying to make things difficult.
对你来说，除了第五大道的一座宫殿，什么都不够好。
Nothing's good enough for you except a palace on fifth Avenue.
女士们先生们，我给你们咖啡。
I give you coffee, ladies and gentlemen.
完美的晚餐结束了…祝我好运。
The end of the perfect dinner... Knock wood for me.
完美一天的开始。
The beginning of the perfect day.
女士们先生们，我们期待已久的时刻到了。
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment we have all been waiting for.
我们即将公布奖金五万美元的maxford house新口号♥比赛的结果一等奖25000美元，二等奖5000美元，三等奖2500美元，四等奖1500美元，
We are about to give you the result of the $50,000 maxford house new slogan contest with a first prize of $25,000, a second prize of $5,000, a third prize of $2,500, a fourth prize of $1,500,
第五名奖金为1000美元，其他95名奖金总计15000美元。
a fifth prize of $1,000, and 95 other prizes totaling $15,000.
有些人会在几分钟内神志不清。
Are some folks going to be delirious in a few minutes.
女士们先生们，你们可以想象，所有的糖吸引了很多苍蝇。
As you may well imagine, ladies and gentlemen, all that sugar draws a lot of flies.
评审团已经努力了一个星期，试图从2947582个答案中选出优胜者。
And the jury here has been struggling for a week to try to pick the winners from a little snowdrift of 2,947,582 answers.
女士们先生们，在任何语言中都有很多答案，包括斯堪的纳维亚语。
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a lot of answers in any language, including the Scandinavian.
麦克斯福德博士，我们的创始人兼总裁，在我身边。
Dr. maxford, our founder and president, is at my side.
我知道，只要过一会儿陪审团就会停止角力，把判决书交给马克斯福德医生，他就会亲自，用他那著名的声音，
And I know that it will only be a matter of a few moments until the jury ceases wrestling with itself, hands Dr. maxford the verdict, and he will himself, in that well-known voice of his,
宣读获奖者名单。
read you the names of the winners.
我们好像遇到了点小麻烦，
We seem to have run into a little contretemps,
但我向你保证，这只是……怎么了?陪审团陷入了僵局。
but I assure you it will only be a matter of... What's the matter? The jury is deadlocked.
僵局?十一比一。
Deadlocked? Eleven to one.
11比1 ?
Eleven to one?
就像我说的，陪审团很快就会理清自己的问题，我们将听到获奖者的名字向全世界广播。
As I say it will only be a matter of a few moments before the jury untangles itself, and we will hear the happy winners' hames broadcast throughout the world.
我…
I...
耐心点，女士们先生们。
Just a little Patience, ladies and gentlemen.
你难道不明白这个比赛……关于僵局的废话是什么?判决结果如何?
Can't you get it through your conk that this contest... What's all this hogwash about a deadlock? Where's the verdict?
你最好问问船主。是的，你也会得到答案的。
You'd better ask bildocker. Yeah, and you'll get an answer, too.
如果你们这些鸟有公鸡的大脑……我讨厌这样，骗子。
If you birds had the brains of a rooster... I resent that, bildocker.
你可能对运输部门有所了解，但当我们11个人意见一致时，我说你有一个很好的外壳……是吗?好吧，让我告诉你。
You may know something about the shipping department, but when the 11 of us are agreed, I say you've a fine crust... Yeah? Well, let me tell you something.
下周10点，在我屈服之前……安静!
It'll be 10:00 next week and then some before I give in to... Quiet!
一群肥头大耳、口若悬河的笨蛋，对未来一无所知……安静!
A bunch of fat headed, mealy-mouthed lamebrains that wouldn't know enough to come... Quiet!
跳johosephat !
Jumping johosephat!
你知道我们在直播吗?
Do you happen to realize that we're on the air?
你有没有意识到整个美国都在等着你的判决，一亿两千万的人都悬在你的嘴边，你让西半球的人都心力衰竭了?
Do you happen to realize that the whole of America is waiting for your verdict, that 120 million people are suspended from your lips, that you're giving heart failure to the western hemisphere?
话说回来，你知道怎么选口号♥吗?
What do you know about picking slogans, anyway?
如果你踩到一个，你根本不知道什么是口号♥。
You wouldn't know a slogan if you slipped on one.
如果你们有阿米巴变形虫的大脑…但我们都同意，麦克斯福德医生。
If you gentlemen had the combined brains of an amoeba... But we're all agreed, Dr. maxford.
只有船主在坚持。
It's only bildocker who's holding out.
哦，是的，是吗?
Oh, it is, is it?
让我告诉你，比尔多克先生。
Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Bildocker.
在过去的二十年里，你一直在烦我，我之前就想说的。
You've been getting into my hair for the past 20 years, and I meant to mention it before.
我只给你四秒钟的时间…不，你不是，麦克斯福德医生。
I'm going to give you just four seconds flat... Oh, no, you're not, Dr. maxford.
我是陪审团的一员，我要投票给我认为正确的方式，即使这需要10年的时间!
I'm a member of this jury and I'm going to vote the way I think is right if it takes 10 years!
你可以把我赶出运输部，但你不能把我赶出陪审团因为我在陪审团里不为你工作!
You can fire me out of the shipping department, but you aren't going to fire me off this jury because I don't work for you on this jury!
我在免费为一群笨蛋服务，他们…谁说要解雇你了，你个笨蛋?
I'm giving my services free to the bunch of suckers who... Oh, who said anything about firing you, you lunkhead?
我只是说我…
All t said was that I...
是吗?
Yes?
是啊，是吗?
Oh, we are, are we?
那真是太好了。
Well, that's just lovely.
我们要停播了，先生们，你们慢慢来。
We're going off the air, gentlemen, so just take your time.
你可以在这里待到下周三，我才不管。
You can stay here till next Wednesday for all I care.
或者你可以待在这里直到霍博肯冰封。
Or you can stay here till hoboken freezes over.
我们没有履行对公众的承诺。
We have failed in our promise to the public.
我们搞砸了商业史上最具戏剧性的广♥告♥时刻，而你把我变成了一个傻瓜。
We have muffed the most dramatic advertising moment in the annals of commerce, and you've made a fathead out of me.
下一个跟我谈比赛的笨蛋最好在我攻击他之前赶紧滚开。
The next nitwit who talks to me about a contest had better duck before I swing on him.
最后，先生们，尤其是你，比尔多克先生，让我说，我看到过比你好得多的戴伞的人!
In conclusion, gentlemen, and especially you, Mr. bildocker, let me say that I have seen far, far better heads on umbrellas!
所以，女士们先生们，另一段节目将在第449期麦克斯福之家节目结束时播出。
And so, ladies and gentleman, another broadcast slips into posterity as we bring to a close the 449th maxford house program.
我希望我能告诉你这个你急着想听到的消息，但既然我不能，我就用刽子手找不到绳子时囚犯说的话来结束我的谈话，
I wish I could have given you the news that you were so anxious to hear, but since I could not, I will conclude with what the prisoner said when the hangman couldn't find the rope,
没有套索就是好套索。
"no noose is good noose."
我是唐·哈特曼祝大家晚安。
This is Don hartman wishing you all good night.
你觉得怎么样?
How do you like that?
他们让你大饱眼福，然后把你挂在肉钩上。
They build you up to a big finish then leave you there hanging on a meat hook.
你听到他说的了"没有消息就是好消息"
You heard what he said, "no news is good news."
他说"没有套索就是好套索"
He said, "no noose is good noose."
有什么区别?没关系。
What's the difference? It doesn't matter.
我希望他们不管怎样都能把这事做完。
I wish they'd get it over with, one way or the other.
你开始考虑那2.5万美元，甚至是5000美元……或者任何事情。你说对了。
You start thinking about that $25,000 or even the $5,000... Or even anything. You said it.
然后当你几乎掌握要领的时候，他们就把你的舌头伸出来。
And then when you've practically got it right in your mitts, they leave you there with your tongue hanging out.
应该有一条法律来禁止这样的事情。
There ought to be a law against things like that.
你真的以为你能赢吗，吉米?
Did you really think you were going to win it, Jimmy?
我还没失去理智，对吧?
Well, I haven't lost it yet, have I?
你输了多少?我不知道。
How many have you lost? I don't know.
但我知道，每次我输掉一场比赛，下一场比赛的机会就会增加一倍。这就是你所说的平均法则，就像我输掉了“窗户里有多少花生”的比赛一样。
But I do know that every time I've lost a contest, I've doubled my chances on the next one. It's what you call the law of average, like when I lost the "how many peanuts in the window" contest.
这让我的机会增加了一倍…是的，他们在花生下面放了盒子。
Well, that doubled my chances on... Yeah, they put boxes under the peanuts.
他们有权利这么做。
Well, they got a right to do that.
他们没有问花生下面有多少盒子。
They didn't ask how many boxes under the peanuts.
他们只是说……“窗户里有多少花生?”
All they said was... "How many peanuts are there in the window?"
好吧，我弄丢了。这让我参加"填字大赛"的机会增加了一倍。但是你也失去了那个。
All right, I lost it. Well, that doubled my chances on the "you fill in the missing words" contest. But you lost that one, too.
很好。所以当我参加打油诗比赛时，我是8比1。
Fine. So I was eight to one when I went into the limerick contest.
但你没赢，吉米。所以这次才会这么容易。
But you didn't win it, Jimmy. That's what makes it such a cinch this time.
你就不能在那边的灯光下看吗?
Can't you just see it over there in lights?
那人把咖啡吞了下去，上面说:“如果你晚上睡不着，那不是咖啡的问题，而是床铺的问题。”
The guy swallows his coffee, and it says, "if you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
你得承认这口号♥还不错。
You got to admit that's some slogan.
啊哈。
Uh-huh.
你明白我的意思了吗?你明白这是什么意思吗?
Well, do you get the point? Do you understand what it means?
是的。是什么意思?
Yes. What do you mean yes?
它像水晶一样清晰。
It's clear as crystal.
不是咖啡的问题，是床的问题。
It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.
如果你晚上睡不着，让你睡不着的不是咖啡，而是床铺。
If you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee that keeps you awake, it's the bunk.
一派胡言!当你睡不着的时候!我知道上面写了什么。
The bunk! When you don't sleep! I know what it says.
我已经听过一千遍了。我就是不明白。
I've heard it a thousand times. I just don't understand it.
也许你没有试着去理解它。也许我不知道。
Maybe you don't try to understand it. Maybe I don't.
我想一个两岁的孩子都能理解。
I should think a kid of two could understand that.
这位维也纳医生在周日报纸上说，整个想法只是一种迷信，咖啡不是让你保持清醒，而是让你睡觉。
This viennese doctor in the Sunday paper says the whole idea is just a superstition, that instead of keeping you awake coffee makes you sleep.
这很简单，不是吗?咖啡能让你入睡。
That's simple enough, isn't it? Coffee makes you sleep.
它使我无法入睡。他是维也纳的医生。
It doesn't make me sleep. He's a viennese doctor.
如果他说这让你…咖啡让你清醒，吉米。
If he says it makes you... Coffee keeps you awake, Jimmy.
这是众所周知的事实。你为什么这么固执?
It's a well-known fact. Why are you so pig-headed about it?
我不是想反驳你，我是…我告诉你这是新的科学理论。这是我的口号♥的基础。
I'm not just trying to contradict you, I'm... I tell you it's the new scientific theory. It's the basis of my slogan.
人们认为咖啡能让他们保持清醒。
People think coffee keeps them awake.
这种人神经紧张，睡不着觉，所以为什么要怪咖啡呢?
Those kind of people are nervous wrecks and can't sleep anyway, so why blame it on the coffee?
所以我说，“如果你晚上睡不着，那不是咖啡的问题，而是床铺的问题。”
So I say, "if you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk."
你明白了吗?我想是的。
Do you get it? I guess so.
你猜是吧。这是什么意思?
You guess so. What does it mean?
这是铺位。是的，但你明白文字游戏的意思吗?
It's the bunk. Yes, but do you get the play on words?
你不需要玩文字游戏，吉米。
Oh, you don't need a play on words, Jimmy.
如果有人跟你说咖啡能让你入睡，你不用玩文字游戏就知道那是床。
Any time anybody tells you coffee makes you sleep, you don't need a play on words to know it's the bunk.
你不明白吗?这很有趣。
Don't you understand? It's funny.
当人们听到它时，他们会嘲笑它。
People are going to laugh at it when they hear it.
这意味着如果你晚上睡不着，不是咖啡让你睡不着，而是床。对我来说是咖啡。
It means if you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee that keeps you awake, it's the bed. With me it's the coffee.
你知道我想让你赢，吉米。我和你一样焦虑。
Oh, you know I want you to win it, Jimmy. I'm just as anxious as you are.
当你输掉这个的时候，想想下一个的机会会有多大。
And when you lose this one, just think how much better your chances will be on the next one.
大家都说咖啡会让人睡不着，谁想赢什么都不太可能。
Fine chance anybody's got of winning anything with everybody going around saying coffee keeps you awake.
好吧，我们下楼喝一加仑咖啡，看谁睡得最久。闭嘴。
All right, let's go downstairs and drink a gallon of coffee and see which one sleeps the longest. Shut up.
吉米!吉米!
Jimmy! Jimmy!
是的,女士?
Yes, ma'am?
齐默尔曼先生说，请不要大声说话，他要睡觉了。
Mr. Zimmerman says will you please not talk so loud, he's trying to go to sleep.
叫他喝杯咖啡。
Tell him to drink a cup of coffee.
别把感冒带上去。贝蒂够暖和吗?
And don't take cold up there. Is Betty warm enough?
好的，谢谢你，麦克唐纳太太。好的，亲爱的。
Yes, thank you, Mrs. MacDonald. All right, dear.
即使你没有赢得上次比赛，我也一样喜欢你。
I'd like you just as much even if you didn't win the old contest.