真相（2021）

I don't want him to think that I'm not focused on him, you know what I mean,
和他的需求
and... and his needs.
尤其是你现在对他无微不至 我得增加点自己的存在感了
With you being a baby momma now, I gotta up the ante on my presence.
最佳离婚夫妇奖的获得者是…
Ha ha. And the award for best divorced couple goes to...
听着 如果可以的话 我们要成为最佳厉害父母
Look, if it can be done, we're gonna do it at a very high level.
我需要问问你的意见 你觉得这个段子怎么样？
Uh, I need your opinion on something. What do you think about this joke?
“我儿子的朋友 真的以为我是超级英雄
"My son's friends really do think I'm a superhero,
现在那些小混♥蛋♥都想跟我过过招”
and now those little fuckers wanna fight me."
不好
Mmm... Nah.
我换个语气
Let me give it a little punch.
“我儿子的朋友 真的以为我是超级英雄 现在…”
"My son's friends really think I'm a superhero and now..."
确实不行 算了
Yeah, no, fuck it.
太蠢了 我放弃
It's stupid, I'll throw it away.
我得挂了 告诉克里斯汀我爱他 我想他
All right, I gotta go. Tell Christian I love him. I miss him.
他是我的一切 所有的所有 好吗？
He's my everything. All of the above. Okay?
我会的
I will.
嘿 - 怎么了？
Hey. - Yo.
你是不是紧张了？ 毕竟你很久没登过台了
Are you nervous?It's the first time you've been out in quite a while.
我问你一个段子好不好 你就以为我紧张了？
I ask for your opinion on a joke, and you take that as me being nervous?
上台演出不会让我紧张
Concerts don't make me nervous.
那我生气了吗？你还不如问这个呢
Now, am I annoyed? That would've been a better question.
我是生气 因为得给卡尔顿收拾烂摊子
That, I am. Doing damage control with Carlton.
嘿 基德 该去测音了！
Yo, Kid, we gotta make soundcheck!
好 等我两分钟 赫尔希 我马上过去
All right, gimme two minutes, Hersch. Here I come.
真的 我得挂了 小莫 好吗？ - 祝你好运 你的小宝贝需要钱哦！
I'm serious, I gotta go, Mo. All right? - Good luck, and baby needs some new shoes!
小宝贝已经住上了1700万美元的豪♥宅♥ 让她哪凉快哪呆着去吧 再见
Baby has a $17 million house, so baby can kiss my ass. Bye.
好了 不管你们相信与否 我说完了 费城！
All right, believe it or not, y'all, that's my time, Philly!
你们都知道要上台的是谁！
You already know who's coming up next!
喜剧行业里最搞笑的人
One of the funniest motherfuckers in the business.
我说的可是十亿美元票房♥先生
I'm talking about billions of dollars in the movies.
模范人物 喜剧行业的模范人物 这家伙火遍全球
Showcases. Comedy showcases. This nigga done been all around the world.
好了 该登台了 - 该登台了 宝贝 该登台了
All right. Showtime. - Showtime, baby, showtime.
你们知道规矩 我们得一起抱一下
Y'all know how we do, we go to bring it in.
大家聚过来一起祈祷 - 遵命
Let's get this prayer in. - Yes, sir.
来吧 好的 亲爱的主
Here we go. All right, dear Lord,
希望今晚的段子嗨翻全场 好评如潮 阿门！
let these jokes be funny and the reviews be good. Amen!
阿门 希望好评如潮
Amen to that, the reviews are good.
好评向来如潮 对吧？
The reviews are always good. Okay?
加油！ - 遵命
Go get it! - Yes, sir.
我还意犹未尽！ - 观众情绪上来了吗？
I want seconds! - They're ready?
上来了 - 我的好兄弟！
They're ready. - My guy!
好的 大家今晚准备好乐一乐了吗？
All right, you motherfuckers ready to have a good time tonight?
你好啊 费城
Wassup, Philly?
你们今晚准备好嗨翻天了吗？
Y'all ready to have a good time tonight?
这还不够 我听不到你们所有人
That's not good enough, I can't hear y'all.
我刚才说 你们今晚准备好嗨翻天了吗？
I said, y'all ready to have a good time tonight?
真是不可思议！ - 伙计 效果太棒了
Fucking unbelievable! - Dude, it felt so good.
是吗？简直… - 太棒了
It did? That was like... Ah! - So good.
太棒了 - 太棒了
So good. - So good.
你哥哥和他的朋友都在后台
Your brother and his crew, they're backstage.
我跟他们打了个招呼 他们在角落里 - 好
I gave 'em a wave, they're in the corner. - Okay.
好的 我三言两语跟你说一下 好吗？
Okay. Let me just put this in your head real quick, okay?
卡尔顿这时候会开始现原形
This is when Carlton starts to become Carlton.
贵宾室不够他折腾 所以我给他订了超级贵宾室
VIP room wasn't good enough, so I made him a V-VIP room.
我不知道那是什么玩意 我瞎编的
I don't know what that is. I made that up.
我看到你对他很耐心 你对别人可不是这样
I watch you take baby steps with him, you don't take them with other people.
你别管了 伙计
Todd, just leave it the fuck alone, man.
拜托了 你别管
Please, just leave it alone.
我知道怎么应付我哥
I know how to deal with my brother.
真的 - 你当然知道 好吧
I do. - Yes, you do. Okay.
我知道黑人家庭政♥治♥让你很头疼
I know this Black family politics thing is tough for you.
你在跟一个来自德州的犹太人说话 这事儿我门清
You're talking to a Jew from Texas. I know crazy families.
让我说这个梗 托德
Let me do the bits, Todd.
我说真的 伙计 - 你不必…
On a serious note, look, for me. - You don't have to...
别说了 - 好吧
No. - Okay.
我对你郑重发誓
Eye to eye.
我保证今晚过后 卡尔顿再也不会扰乱我的人生
I promise you Carlton will no longer fuck up my life after tonight.
好吗？ - 谢谢
All right? - Thank you.
我爱你 伙计 - 我也爱你
I love you, man. - I love you back.
我出去找他们
I'll be out there with them.
托德 他今晚为什么 把我的段子都删掉？
Hey, Todd, why did he cut all my jokes tonight?
你干吗一副少见多怪的样子？ 听天由命就好
Why do you act like it's the first time? Just go with the flow.
但我现在有了另一条命
Yeah, I might have a different flow.
好吧 什么意思？说清楚
Okay, what? Clarify.
我想在飞机上告诉你们的
It's what I was trying to tell you on the plane.
我不要继续写被抛弃的段子了
I'm not gonna keep writing discarded material.
尤其是我现在有了一个 可以专心做好的工作邀约
Not when I have a new job offer I could be focusing on.
好吧 新的工作邀约是什么？ - 给威尔·法瑞尔写剧本
Oh. Okay. What's the new job offer? - Writing a script for Will Ferrell.
他看了我的一篇剧本 很是喜欢 所以想请我给他写
He read one of my scripts, he dug it, and wants me to do one for him.
好的
Okay.
我感觉得告诉基德
I just... I feel like I need to tell Kid.
说你要离开他的团队吗？
That you're leaving the show?
如果他不用我写的段子 我还留在这里干吗？
If he's not using my material, then what am I doing here?
好吧 但抱歉 你不能走
Yeah, sorry, you can't leave. No.
因为我对他来说价值连城吗？
Because I'm so valuable to him?
他迫切需要我的段子？
Like, he just needs my jokes so much?
不仅是因为段子 还因为你跟他打趣斗嘴
Billie, it's not just the jokes. It's the banter.
你的存在 我们是一个小家庭
Your presence. It's like we're a little family.
你的戏谑让他觉得自己是个正常人
It's the way you give him shit, makes him feel normal.
而且你也能拿到工资
And it keeps you paid.
高额工资
Very, very well.
我能给你一个建议吗？ - 说吧
Can I give you a piece of advice? - Sure.
如果你让我冷静或是去喝一杯 我就抠出你的眼珠子
If you tell me to chill out or have a drink, I'm gonna poke out your eyes.
你可以鱼与熊掌兼得
You can do both these things.
接受那份工作 别说出去 然后继续为自己的段子抗争
Take the job, keep your mouth shut about it, keep fighting for your jokes.
好吧
Okay.
好吧 但他必须知道我在做两份工作
Yeah. Okay. But only if he knows I'm doing both.
没问题 但让我决定什么时候告诉他
Okay. But you let me figure out when to tell him.
可以
Of course.
祝你今晚愉快 - 谢谢
Have a good night. - Thanks.
恭喜了 - 好
Congratulations. - Yeah.
嘿
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
你好 朋友 - 你好 伙计
What up, champ? - What's up, man?
不错
Nice. - Yo.
我的朋友 感谢你
My guy. Appreciate you.
嘿 你好啊 伙计
Hey. Wassup, man?
不错 - 是吗？
Chilling. - All right?
好好看表演吧 我很开心
Enjoyed the show. I'm glad. I'm glad.
我们过去吧
Here we go.
跟我走
Come on.
嘿！ - 嘿！
You! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
嘿！
Hey!
你好啊 伙计
What's up? What's up, man?
你好！见到你真是太好了 - 好久不见 伙计！
Wassup! It's good to see you. - Long time, man!
很高兴见到你 格斯！ - 我的兄弟！
Good to see you. Gus! - My brother!
真是好久不见！ - 可不是！
Now, right here been a minute! - Goddamn!
伙计！ - 你怎么样 伙计？
Man! - How y'all doing, man?
不如你 但比卡尔顿强 - 闭嘴吧
Not as good as you. Better than Carlton. - Stop it.
行了 - 随便吧 伙计 随便吧
Come on. Come on. - Whatever, man, whatever.
好了 我们接下来做什么？
Okay, so what we into? What we into?
什么意思？你知道我们要去夜店
What you mean? You know we gonna hit the club.
我知道你会去 对吧 超级明星？ - 夜店？跟你们这些笨蛋？
I know you rolling, right, superstar? - The club? With y'all suckers?
不行 我弟弟知道 如何离犯罪现场远远的
No. My brother knows how to remove himself from the scene of the crime.
而且他的保镖在那里站着呢
And, plus, he's got his chaperone over there.
是啊
Yeah.
你们觉得不自在？ - 瞧瞧他有多严肃
This is weird for you? - Look how serious he is.
别说了
Say no more. Say no more.
我过来不是为了害你们不自在
I'm not here to put a weird vibe in here with my guys.
你先出去一下 朋友 谢谢
Hey, just gimme a sec, man. My guy. Thank you.
好的 现在好多了吧？没事了吧？
Okay, is that better? That better? Are we good?
我得敬你一被 我要喝一杯 来吧