真相（2021）

Uh, this is a visual and verbal contract between us.
我会还清所有债务
All debts will be paid.
好的 这样可以吗？
Yeah. Okay, uh, we good?
可以
We're good. We're good.
卡尔顿
Oh, Carlton.
不要转账 我们要现金
No transfer. Cash.
我会照办
Oh, make it happen.
好的 你们好好玩
Yeah. You boys have a good time, man.
真险
Fuck.
请留言 别忘了 我的段子都是原创
Leave a message. Don't forget, I write my own jokes.
我今晚跟那两个骗子见过面了
I met with them cats tonight.
他们想要现金 而且他们是认真的
They, uh, they want cash. And they're not playing.
我今晚就不去看演出了 明天再找你
Look, I'm gonna skip the concert tonight. Talk to you tomorrow.
富国银行中心
♪ Pain will make it better ♪
我没办法不去想 基德今天态度180度大转变
So, I cannot stop thinking about Kid's weird turnaround today.
我们刚还在聊这个呢
We were talking about that.
不是吧？他让我在麦迪森广场开场 好奇怪
What? First he offers me Madison Square, weird,
她老婆跟新男友一起出街 他都没找她问罪
then he lets his wife off the hook for being with her new dick in public.
然后他向赫尔希表达感激之情 他感激别人
And then he tells Hersch he's grateful. "Grateful."
这是怎么回事？
What is that?
他找到耶稣了吗？我是认真的
Did he find Jesus? I'm serious.
还是他就像埃比尼泽斯克鲁奇那样 从一个超美好的梦中醒来了？
Or what? Is he like Ebenezer Scrooge, he just woke up from some badass dream?
你知道他现在怎样吗？他很开心 他在台上的表现很棒
You know what he is? He's happy. He's killing it on stage.
你能叫他过来吗？
Can you grab him?
我们可以过一下那些梗 - 好
You gonna run these jokes now? - Yeah.
谢谢
Thank you. - Mmm.
我没跟他说威尔法瑞尔的事
Billie, I didn't tell him about the Will Ferrell thing,
所以他是真心邀请 你在麦迪逊广场开场
so this Madison Square thing is genuine.
问题是 你有没有准备好 做我们自打在YouTube上
Question is, are you ready to do the thing you've been dying to do
发现你之后 你就一直梦寐以求的事？
since we found your ass on YouTube?
我不知道 - 你不知道？
I mean, I don't know. To be honest. - You don't know?
对 首先 我已经很久不登台了
Yeah. It's been a minute since I did a set, first of all.
所以不确定自己有没有段子 - 或许你应该发掘一些段子
So I don't know if I have the material. - Maybe you should find the material.
因为你要是拒绝的话 20年后
'Cause if you say no to this, 20 years from now,
就在你在某个脏兮兮的酒吧 喝断片之前
right before you pass out drunk in some gross bar,
你会想：“老天 我当初应该上台
you're gonna think, "Oh, my God, I could have gotten on stage
在麦迪逊花♥园♥广场表演
at Madison Square fucking Garden
讲遍那些让他生气的段子”
and done all the jokes you're pissed at him for not doing."
行了 答应他
Come on. Say yes. Time for the star to shine.
明星该放光彩了 - 我会考虑的 别碰我
I'll think about it. Don't touch me.
好的 - 明星该放光彩了
All right. Hey, man, time for the star to shine!
你们真是一群好人啊
Dude, what a great group of people, all of them.
我很认真 你们就是 - 是吗？
Seriously. Yeah. - Yeah?
你完蛋了
You're so fucked.
好了 我们围在一起
All right. Come on. Let's get one in.
亲爱的圣父 我找到你…
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You and, uh...
我猜我是想说谢谢你 谢谢你赐予我的一切
I guess I wanna say thank you, thank you for all that you've given
允许我们进行这次美妙的巡演
and... and allowed us to do on this amazing journey we've been on.
我平时不怎么跟你说话 我以后会改
I know I don't talk to You as much as I possibly should. I'll do better.
谢谢你赐予我让大家欢笑的能力
Thank you for the ability to make people laugh.
我祈求你让今晚的观众听懂我的梗
I ask that You let this audience tonight receive these jokes
放肆大笑 我们以你的名祷告
and laugh as hard as they possibly can. In Your name we pray.
阿门！ - 阿门
Amen! - Amen.
你没事吧？ - 没事
All right. You good? - Yes.
我出去了 - 大家加油
I'll be outside. - Let's get it.
我马上出去
Be right out. Right out. Um...
我就是想再确认一下
Hey, um, just wanted to double check.
我有阵子没听到你这么祷告了
Haven't heard you get your prayer on like that in a while.
你没事吧？ - 我没事
Need anything? You good? - I'm good.
我没事 - 祝你演出顺利
I'm good. - Have a great show.
我们走
Come on.
嘿 基德！
Yo, Kid!
他在那里 你好啊
There he is. What up?
哇哦 别这样 阿克塞尔弗里 冷静 我们是朋友 是我啊 威尔
Whoa, whoa, okay, Axel Foley. Calm down, we're friends. It's Will.
我们飞机上认识的 我把手♥机♥充电器借给了你
From the plane. I loaned you my cell phone charger.
对 - 你没还给我
Yeah. - And you kept it.
我公♥司♥在这里有个套房♥
My company has a suite here,
我还在跟我老板说 我们聊得多投缘
I was telling my boss about how we were chopping it up on the plane.
我就要上台了 我们演出结束后再继续聊
I'm about to go on stage, maybe after I'm done, we can finish.
没问题 但首先 这是谢利 - 你好 基德 很高兴见到你
Sure. First, this is Shelly. - Hey, Kid. Great to meet you.
既然你到了费城
Since you're in town, our company would like to have you
我们公♥司♥下个邀请你 参加这周的筹款晚会
at our fundraising gala for charity this week.
如果你有时间的话 顶多15或20分钟 就这样
If you're free, 15, 20 minutes tops. That's it.
我很想跟你细聊 但我得上台了 或许表演结束后再说吧
I would love to talk more. I gotta get on stage, maybe after that.
去年我们请了凯南汤普森 如果你能赏光 那就太好了
Last year we had Kenan Thompson. I mean, he was fantastic.But if we could get you, it'd be fantastic.
你们跟托德聊吧 - 我们带你们去贵宾室
Talk to Todd. - We're gonna take you over to the VIP.
吉恩！你跟他们聊
Gene! Talk to them.
吉恩！嘿！
Gene! Hey!
我想象中的后台就是这样
This is exactly how I pictured backstage would be.
很酷吧？
It's cool, right?
我刚跟马里欧洛佩兹擦肩而过
I just passed by Mario Lopez.
他不会是你见到的最大牌的明星 我保证
That's not the biggest star you're gonna see tonight, I promise.
才怪 谁还能比你大牌 对吧？
Duh. Who's bigger than you, right?
行了 吉恩 别这样 - 一分钟后登台
Oh, come on, Gene. Stop it. - One-minute warning.
谢谢 - 但我们还是得聊聊
Thank you. - But we still need to have that talk.
不行 伙计 不用聊了 都过去了
No, man. No. We don't. That's over.
过去的事就让它过去吧 多说无益
Let's put that behind us. That's water off a duck's ass.
我们不必再聊那件事
We don't ever have to talk about that again.
不 不是医院那件事
No, no, no. This isn't about the hospital.
而是昨晚的事
It's about last night.
昨晚怎么了？ - 我在公园里看到你了
What about last night? - I saw you at the park.
什么？
What?
我昨晚一直跟着你 - 还有30秒 基德
I followed you last night. - Thirty seconds, Kid.
你生我的气 我为此内疚不已
I felt so bad with you being angry with me
所以就迫切想跟你道歉
that I desperately wanted to tell you how sorry I was.
你为什么要跟踪我？
Why would you follow me?
我没办法告诉你 因为
I couldn't tell you because, um...
你一直都在忙
you were occupied.
忙着抛尸
Dumping that body.
我录下了整个过程 但是… - 等一下 吉恩
I have footage of the whole thing, but... - Wait, Gene.
你刚说什么？
What did you just say?
我录下了整个过程 但我想着…
I have footage of the whole thing, but I figured...
你小声点 - 你该上台了 超级明星
Lower your voice. Lower... - You're up, superstar.
如果我让你看这两个孩子的视频 你会知道我没在撒谎
If I showed you footage of the kids, you'd know I wasn't lying.
听我说 你为什么要跟… - 吉恩 他得上台了
Listen to me. Why would you follow? - Gene, he's gotta go.
快去贵宾室吧 你得上台了 我们走
Come on into the VIP. You're up. Here we go.
我们随后再聊 - 表演结束后 我们走
We can talk about it after. - After the show. Let's go.
格瑞拉讲得不错 他们等着你大杀四方呢
Grilla had a good set.They're warm and ready for you to slay them.
你没事吧？
You good?
你一定能把他们都得捧腹大笑 好好玩
Gonna be a good one. Have fun.
女士们先生们 大家热烈鼓掌！
Ladies and gentlemen, make noise!
我怎么跟你说的？ 基德全美巡演
比莉也在！
Billie in the house!
我们爱你 基德！
We love you, Kid!
靠
Fuck.