闲人杂事（2012）

Well, I travel a lot with my job and, to be honest,
我因为工作经常出差 实话说
it started as something I can handle,
一开始的情况我还可以控制
but it's been getting a lot worse recently.
但是最近越来越糟糕了
Shame.
真可惜
But, I have to be honest,
但是 我得实话实说
I'm not sure this whole hypnotherapy thing will work for me.
我不确定这套催眠术疗法什么的对我有没有用
Ok.
好吧
The first thing I like to tell my patients is that
一般我告诉病人的第一件事就是
it's nothing like the stuff that you see on TV.
这不像你在电视上看到的那些东西
I'm not about to suddenly make you want to dry-hump a mop
我不会让你每次听到<风中之烛>
whenever you hear Candle In The Wind.
就突然想要日拖把
Well, that's reassuring.
那我就放心了
What I'll do is calmly count down from five,
我现在要做的是温柔地从五开始倒数
I'm going to put you into light sleep,
我会让你进入轻度睡眠
I'm going to suggest some coping mechanisms to deal with your fear,
我会试着用一些相关的机理来处理你的恐惧
and then I'm going to gently wake you up
然后我会轻轻打个响指
with a light click of my fingers.
温柔地叫醒你
Great. OK.
好极了 好的
Five,
五
four,
四
three...
三
All done! And you're back in the land of the living.
完成了 现在你回到了现实世界
The initial session fee will be 250 pounds, please.
第一疗程的费用是250英镑 谢谢
What? But you haven't done anything.
什么 可是你什么都没做啊
Most patients feel a little disorientated
许多病人第一次疗程后
after their first session. That's 250 pounds.
都会有点迷茫感 总共250英镑
I'm not going to give you any money. You haven't done anything!
我不会给你钱的 你什么都没做
And sleep.
睡吧
Apologies.
很抱歉
Just a little joke I like to play on my new patients.
只是我经常跟我的新病人开的小玩笑
This is actually my PA, Cathy.
这其实是我的助手 Cathy
I think I let it go on a little too long.
我想我可能玩得有点太久了
Sorry.
抱歉
Now, when I click my fingers,
现在 当我打响指的时候
you will come out from your sleep feeling wonderful
你就会从睡眠中醒来 感觉良好
and you won't remember
而且你不会记得
anything to do with being a hypnotherapist.
关于你是催眠师的事
Oh, where am I? I feel wonderful.
哦 我在哪 我感觉好极了
You're in my office, Cathy.
你在我办公室里 Cathy
You've just had a little sleep. Everything's fine.
你只是睡了一小会 一切都很好
This is my office.
这是我的办公室
I'm the hypnotherapist.
我才是催眠师
She's taking longer than usual to come out of it.
她脱离状态比往常花的时间长了点
Nothing to worry about.
不用担心
No, no. I am the hypnotherapist.
不 不 我才是催眠师
No, you're really not, Cathy. Can you tell her?
不 你真不是 Cathy 你能告诉她吗
Cathy, I-I-I'm afraid he's telling you the truth.
Cathy 恐怕他说的是真话
He's right, Cathy.
他说得对 Cathy
Maybe I've been playing
也许最近我这小把戏
this trick a little too often on you recently.
对你玩得太多了
Doctor, is that you?
医生 是你吗
Yes, Cathy, it's me. No, it's not.
是的 Cathy 是我 不 不是你
Hello, baby.
你好啊 宝贝
Apologies. It's just a little
不好意思 这只是我经常
joke I like to play on all my new patients.
跟我的新病人开的小玩笑
He's actually my PA, Donald.
他其实是我的助手 Donald
Ahhh! Ooh! You like that.
啊 噢 你还要吧
Just relax. Just relax.
放松点 放松点
You can watch from there.
你可以在那看
**And it seems to me*
*在我看来
**You lived your life Like a candle in the wind*
*你的生活就像风中之烛
**Never knowing who to cling to...*
*从来不知可以依靠谁
Sorry to interrupt.
抱歉打扰您
Can I just say how sorry I am for your loss?
我能向您表达我最诚挚的哀悼吗
Oh, thank you so much.
哦 真是太谢谢您了
Er, I'm, I'm sorry, I don't know your name.
呃 不好意思 我不知道您叫什么名字
Janice.
Janice
But my friends call me Ball Buster.
但是我朋友都叫我爆蛋专家
Well, thank you very much for coming to pay your respects, Janice.
好吧 非常感谢您能来送他一程 Janice
Please.
拜托
Ball Buster.
请叫我爆蛋专家
Thanks so much,
非常感谢
Ball...
爆蛋
Buster.
专家
Least I can do.
这是我应该做的
Bless you.
保佑您
Quick question.
一个小问题
How would you feel if, after everyone's had a squizz,
等到大家都哀悼完了 在你关箱之前
and before you shut the box, I had his shoes?
如果我把他的鞋拿走你会怎么想
I'm sorry?
你说什么
You know, before you seal him up,
你知道的 在你把他封起来之前
I thought I could just nip in there, take his shoes and socks.
我想我可以伸个手进去 把他的鞋和袜子拿走
I'm sorry, how did you know Adam?
不好意思 你怎么认识Adam的
Who? Let's be honest, he's not going to need them now, is he?
谁 咱们说实在的 他现在又用不着鞋袜 对吧
Unless he's coming back as a zombie!
除非他变成僵尸爬出来
OK, too soon.
好吧 玩笑开早了
It's just I'm sure those shoes would fit my boyfriend a treat.
只是我觉得这双鞋肯定很适合送给我男朋友
Your what?
你啥
All right, fair play.
好吧 你说得对
Technically, he's not my boyfriend. It is early days.
确切来说 他还不是我男朋友 还只是刚开始
Spider would have a shit-fit if he heard me call him that.
Spider要是听到我这么叫他肯定会发飙
Let's say fuck buddy.
我们就说炮♥友♥好了
OK. OK, I think you should probably just leave.
好了 好了 我觉得你该走了
What is your problem? You after the shoes as well?
关你什么事 你也想要这双鞋
Tough tits, love. I've got first dibs. Go!
真不巧 亲 是我先看上的 快走
Look what you've gone and done. She's in tears.
你看你都干了些什么事 把她都弄哭了
No, no, no. It's fine, OK? We don't want to stress you out.
好了 好了 没事的 好吗 我们不想给你太大压力
After all, it is your big day.
不管怎么说 今天是你的大日子
But, you know what, have a think.
但是 你再考虑考虑吧
If you change your mind, just give us a bell, all right?
如果你改主意了 就给咱打个电♥话♥ 好吗
And as I said before, I'd never seen anything like it.
就像我之前说过的 我从没见过这样的场面
We're having to turn waiting rooms into operating theatres.
我们不得不把等候室当成手术室用
There's more than 125 casualties now,
目前伤亡人数超过125
with more arriving all the time.
越来越多的伤员正在抵达
Dr Reynolds, thank you for that update.
感谢您的更新报道 Reynolds医生
Actually, Doctor, since you're there, I wonder,
这样吧 医生 我想既然您在
could I get your advice on something?
我能听听您的意见吗
Yes?
什么意见
I've got this, well, thing. I don't know what you'd call it.
我得了这个 呃 病 不知道您怎么称呼它
Not a growth.
不是肿瘤
It's a sort of, well, like a bruise,
它看起来类似瘀伤
but, like, really, on my stomach.
可是 真的 它就在我的腹部
What could that be?
会是什么病呢
I don't know. Not without looking at it.
我不知道 我没亲眼见到
Right, well, I didn't want to do this on TV,
好吧 我也不想在电视上这样做
but if you think it's best.
但如果您觉得这样最好
Here's the bugger.
就是这个讨厌的家伙
Ooh, looks a bit more angry than this morning.
看起来比早上发炎得更厉害了
I've had it a couple of weeks now.
它已经长了几个星期了
My wife keeps telling me I should go and see a doctor,
我妻子总告诉我应该去看医生
but I'm busy doing this every day.
但是我每天都在忙工作
It's rolling news, you can't just take the morning off.
这是滚动新闻 你不能早上想休息就休息
How would you describe it, Helen?
你会怎么形容它 Helen
I should probably do this, now.
我现在应该要做事去了
Thank you, Doctor,
谢谢您 医生
for talking to us at this very difficult time.
在这艰难时期还进行报道
Is there an emergency number?
有紧急联络电♥话♥吗
Yes. People should just ring the Maidstone Police Hotline.
有 大家可以拨♥打♥梅德斯通警方热♥线♥
Yes, thank you, Dr Reynolds, at this difficult time.
谢谢 Reynolds医生 在此艰难关头
Here it is in a size 40.
这件是40码的