闲人杂事（2012）

I was really getting into it, too.
我刚才也很入戏啊
I got them to stick a blue light on on the way over and everything.
我让他们一路开了警灯过来的
I even bought a bottle of whisky to drink tonight
我甚至还买♥♥了一瓶酒准备晚上喝
when the pressure got too much.
以免压力过大
Sorry, Ma'am.
抱歉 长官
To be honest, he's made a mockery of the whole thing.
说实话 他把整件事都弄砸了
Brilliant! Now the dead man's talking. This is bullshit.
太棒了 现在死人也说话了 简直一坨屎
You know right know I could be investigating a real crime
你要知道我本可以去调查一桩真正的案件
instead of standing here with you clowns.
而不是跟你们这些小丑待在这里
Constable, come with me, I could use you.
警员 跟我走 我可能用得上你
Where we going, chief?
我们去哪 长官
We've got a drugs ring to bust.
我们有个贩毒集团要端
Some Lemsip's gone missing from the church.
教堂丢了点感冒药
Can we do the nee-nars?
我们能拉警笛吗
Of course.
当然
Yes!
太棒了
Can I get up now?
我能起来了吧
Good afternoon, sir, do you need any assistance?
下午好 先生 需要帮助吗
No, just having a look around.
不 我就随便看看
Actually maybe you can help me?
其实说不定你真能帮我
Yes, sir.
请讲 先生
What kind of trousers does a cunt wear?
小骚货都穿什么裤子
I wouldn't know, sir.
我不知道 先生
What kind of trousers are you wearing?
你穿的是什么裤子
Red trousers.
红裤子
I'll take a dozen pairs.
给我来一打
Mr Cooper?
Cooper先生
For it is he.
正是在下
Sorry?
抱歉
I am Mr Cooper and this is his dressing gown. What's the clock?
我是Cooper先生 这是我的晨衣 现在几点了
Oh, er... five past four.
哦 呃 四点零五
Goodness me, the afternoon. Time, as they say, waits for no man.
我的天哪 下午了 如他们所说 时间是不等人的
Or as I prefer, Tom Waits for some men.
或者我更倾向于 Tom是会等人的
Do you like Tom Waits, sir?
你喜欢Tom Waits吗 先生
I don't know who he is.
我不知道他是谁
Then seek him!
那就查查看
He'll play your heart like a filthy piano.
他会像弹下流的钢琴一样拨撩你的心
And he sings like all his teeth ache.
他唱起歌♥来就像所有牙都在疼
I've got your banana.
我把你的香蕉带来了
Ah, the supermarket delivery man! You should have said.
啊 超♥市♥外送员啊 你应该早说的
Is it all there?
都送来了吗
Er, yes, sir. One banana ordered, one banana delivered.
呃 是的 先生 您订了一根香蕉 我送来了一根香蕉
Splendid.
好极了
I've been running low on these yellow bitches.
我家这些黄色小婊♥子♥快没有了
This is a very expensive way of shopping, Mr Cooper.
这种购物方式太昂贵了 Cooper先生
We do have a minimum spend, plus a delivery charge.
我们有最低消费 还要加上外送费
Fear not the cost.
别在乎价格
Just give it me quickly and spare me no pain.
赶紧告诉我 别怕我肉疼
£40.19.
40.19镑
Is that so dear for such a pretty one?
这个价格买♥♥到这么棒的香蕉 不是很合算吗
That is a pricey banana.
那可是一根高价香蕉
But a reasonable date.
但也是一次价廉物美的约会
Date?
约会
Don't tell me you can't feel it.
别告诉我你没感觉
I don't.
我没有
Look at me... with your eyes. It's 4:00pm. School's out.
眼睛 看着我 现在是下午四点 学校放学了
You're standing in the hallway of a man you've never met before,
你站在一个你从没见过的男人门前
charging him 40 English pounds for your finest banana...
为你最好的香蕉向他收费四十英镑
Well, if that isn't enough to get the wind up this dressing gown,
如果这还不够让你乘势掀起我的晨衣
kill me for the crime of wishful thinking.
那就为我的一厢情愿杀了我吧
I'm going to go now.
我要走了
Wouldn't you like to share my banana?
你不想跟我分享我的香蕉吗
I...I'll be placing another order!
我 我还会再下单的
You'll be back!
你还要回来的
Tomorrow you will bring me a fig and we shall discuss higher things!
明天你会给我送一只无花果 我们会交流得更深入的
Tomorrow, you'll bring me a fig.
明天 你会给我送无花果
Thank you.
谢谢
The nominations for Best Psychic's Prediction Of Their Own Death are...
获得最佳自我死亡预言的灵媒提名的是
David Spirit, for Mauled To Death By A Gorilla.
David Spirit 被大猩猩打死
Eric Santiago for Stabbed To Death By His Betrayed Wife.
Eric Santiago 被他所劈腿的妻子捅死
And
以及
Kenny Kamm for shot dead During An Awards Acceptance Speech.
Kenny Kamm 在领奖发言中被枪杀
And... the winner is...
获奖者是
Ah! It's Kenny Kamm!
啊 是Kenny Kamm
I predict that I will be shot dead at the Psychic Awards 2012,
我预测 我会在2012年灵媒大奖颁奖典礼上被枪杀
whilst accepting my award for this prediction...
那时我正因为这个预测而登台领奖
And I will not have this moustache!
我也不会留着这个胡子
Before I get shot... I would like to thank my fellow nominees,
在我被枪杀之前 我想要感谢其他提名者
David Spirit and of course my arch rival, Eric Santiago.
David Spirit 当然还有我的宿敌 Eric Santiago
And before I go, may I just say,
在我走之前 我只想说
Eric, well done on keeping your mistress a secret for so long.
Eric 你能把小情人藏那么久真的太厉害了
As I face my end, I...
我自知命数将尽
Come on!
别这样
Wow, I'd like to thank my wife for making this possible.
哇 我要感谢我的妻子实现了这件事
Oh, come on!
哦 别啊
I'd like to thank the Gorilla for his part in my success.
我要感谢这只大猩猩促使了我的成功
Stand back!
退后
Come on!
不要啊
Who'll give me £600?
谁给我出价600英镑
I'm looking for ￡600 to stop shouting like a dick.
600英磅 我就不乱喊乱叫
Do I hear ￡600?
有人出价600英镑吗
￡600 from the man in the blue shirt. Thank you.
这位穿蓝色衬衫的先生出价600英镑 谢谢你
Now do I hear ￡700?
现在 有人出价700英镑吗
￡700 to stop me shouting like a complete fucking dick
700英镑 不然我就捏着嗓子
in a squeaky voice, like this.
像疯子一样乱叫 就像这样
￡700. ￡700 to stop me doing this.
700英镑 出价700英镑我就不这样
Over and over again.
不然我就一直喊
￡700, ￡700.
700英镑 700英镑有吗
Thank you, madam.
谢谢你 女士
Now do I hear ￡800?
现在 有人出价800英镑吗
I'm looking for ￡800
谁愿意出800英镑
to stop me shouting like a complete fucking dick, with a squeaky voice,
不然我就捏着嗓子怪叫
in a very strong Scottish accent.
还操着浓重的苏格兰口音
I don't know what part of Scotland it's from but I like it.
我不知道这是苏格兰哪儿的口音 不过我喜欢
￡800 to stop me dancing like a tit.
800英镑 不然我就像个荡♥妇♥一样跳舞
￡800, ￡800, ￡800.
800英镑 800英镑 800英镑有吗
Sold!
成交
Can you confirm for the court
请向法庭证实
whose DNA you found on the black leather glove?
在黑色皮革手套上 你们发现了谁的DNA
We found significant traces of DNA of the accused man,
我们在黑色皮革手套上
on the black leather glove.
发现了被告人♥大♥量的DNA
Can I ask how long you've worked in forensics?
请问你在法医鉴定部门工作多久了
15 years.
15年了
I put it to you that exhibit A, the glove,
我要向你指出 证物A 这只黑色手套
was deliberately contaminated by you
已经被你故意污染了
after you misplaced the original glove,
就在你弄丢了原始证物
a brown leather glove, belonging to my client.
即一只属于我当事人的褐色皮革手套之后
In short, this... is the wrong glove.
总而言之 这只手套不是原始证物
Sorry, I have to get this, it's Geoff.
不好意思 我接个电♥话♥ 是Geoff打来的
Geoff Gavel.
Geoff Gavel
Hi, Geoff, um, now's not a good time,
嗨 Geoff 嗯 我现在不方便接电♥话♥
I am in court. Can I call you back?
我在出庭 等会给你打回去行吗
What? It's about the case? You found a glove?
什么 和案子有关 你找到了一只手套
Great! We were just talking about this now.
太好了 我们正在讨论这个呢
Sorry, Geoff, could I ask? What colour is the glove?
抱歉 Geoff 请问那只手套是什么颜色
It's brown.
褐色
It's a brown glove!
是褐色的啊
That is good news.
真是个好消息
OK, I'll ask.
好的 我来问一下
Geoff was wondering if you had to see the actual glove?
Geoff想知道您是否需要看一下手套