犯罪现场清理员（2021）

我肯定不会高兴 我会嫉妒
and I won't like that, I'll be jealous,
因为我喜欢来上一杯
because I love a pint.
如果你还能活一个小时 你会干什么
If you had one hour left to live, what would you do?
听着 我们在酒吧里经常玩这个
Look, we do this stuff down at the pub all the time,
我对自己的回答不感到光荣
and I'm not particularly proud of my answer,
但我说的是真话...
but I tell the truth -
我会想去女士的试衣间转一圈
I would enjoy going round the ladies' changing room,
我会想看她们试戴胸罩
and I would enjoy watching them try their bras on.
什么
What?
不对 那不是"只能活一小时"
No, that's not "hour to live",
那是"隐身一天" 对吧
that's "invisible for the day", isn't it?
说吧 你还能活一个小时
No, come on, you've got one hour left.
我也不知道
I don't know.
我想我会写信给我前妻吧
I suppose I'd write to my ex.
你前妻怎么想有什么关系呢
What does it matter what your ex thinks?
你都死了
You'll be dead.
我写那封信时 我还没死呢
Not while I'm writing that letter, I won't be,
有些话我要一吐为快
and there's a few things I'll enjoy getting off my chest.
"你不喜欢我以前装洗碗机的方式吗
"Oh, didn't like the way I used to load the dishwasher?
"知道吗 你妹种族歧视"
"Well, your sister's racist."
天啊
Jesus!
你在写我吗
You writing about me?
你在乎什么
What do you care?
我不知道你要说什么
Well, I don't know what you're saying!
你很乐意一死就消失得无影无踪
You're happy to disappear once you've died,
所以不必担心这个
so don't worry about it.
"我观察着身材庞大 腆着肚子的男人
"I observed the gargantuan pot-bellied man
"干着他的活"
"going about his business."
那说的是我 对吧
And that's me, is it?
这不会成为畅销书 对吧 哥们
Well, it's not going to be a best-seller, is it, mate?
最平庸的琐事放到正确的背景里
The most mundane of activities can be made interesting
也能成为趣闻
in the right context.
-平庸 -对
- Mundane? - Yes.
乏味 无足轻重 无聊
Tedious, inconsequential, dull.
我来给你说些趣闻吧
Let me tell you some interesting stories.
不用 你接着干吧 就当我不存在
No, you just carry on. Act like I'm not here.
我会捕捉到真♥相♥
I will capture the truth.
你上次卖♥♥了多少本书
How many books did you sell last time?
不到十万本
Just shy of 100,000.
我来拿些有意思的东西
I'll get some interesting things.
这里有点好东西 马上
There's some good stuff here, straight away.
马上 看 这是呔普特罗松
Straight away. Now, this is daptrozone.
用来分离血液和离子
That's for separating blood and plasma.
你可以...
You could...
还有这个 是恶物箱
And this, the bad bin.
用来装人体碎块
It's for severed body parts.
拜托 哥们 这是装手指的箱子
Come on, mate, it's a finger bin!
不是我的口味
Not my genre.
我有很好的故事呢
I've got good stories.
去年 有个活把我叫去 我弄走了一个人
Last year, I got called out to a job, I had to take away a man -
一只黑猩猩把他的腿给弄没了
a chimp had had his legs away.
你不是不在乎是否被人记住吗
I thought you weren't bothered about being remembered.
是不在乎 但我不要让那些酒吧里的混♥蛋♥
Well, I'm not, but I'm not having those arseholes down the pub
看到本书里有个无聊的人物 然后知道那是我
read a book with a boring character and know it's me.
那是什么
What's that?
是我的午饭
That's my lunch.
-我能看看吗 -嗯
- May I? - Yeah.
是什么
What is it?
香肠三明治
It's a sausage sarnie.
一半吧
Well, half of one.
那这个呢
And then, this?
棕色沙司
Brown sauce.
没有沙拉
No salad?
谁会在香肠三明治里放沙拉呢
Who puts salad on a sausage sandwich?
怎么 你要写我的三明治吗
What, you're writing about my sandwich?
我一整天都在听你的疯话
So, I've spent all day listening to your madness,
清理你的奶奶
and cleaning up your grandmother,
而你却只写我的三明治
and you're writing about my sandwich?
这是完美的隐喻
It's the perfect metaphor.
既是死亡又是活着
It is both dead and alive simultaneously.
但你写了是维基的三明治吗
But have you put it's Wicky's sandwich?
没有 是迷失在时间里的香肠三明治
No, it is a sausage sandwich lost in time.
是我的三明治
It's MY sandwich!
你根本不在乎是否有人会记得你
You don't care if anyone remembers you.
你不寻求意义
You don't seek meaning.
这是宇宙的三明治
It is the universe's sandwich.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
这是我的三明治
It's my sandwich.
拜托
Please!
雾大概两个小时会散 那时我也走了
The fog will have gone in about two hours, and so will I.
谢谢
Well, thank you.
谢个屁
You're not welcome.
我不想让你批评我说陈词滥调 对吧
I don't want you to accuse me of using cliches, do I?
那后会有期
Well, goodbye.
-我的出版商在等我 -特伦斯
- My publisher awaits. - Terence?
我没读过狄伦·托马斯的作品
I haven't read anything by Dylan Thomas.
不读也罢
I wouldn't bother.
他很鸟啄
He's very pecky.
我指的你一定觉得我很古怪
I know you must think me strange,
但我想让你知道
but I want you to know,
人不一定总是能控制自己的哀伤
one cannot always control one's grief.
最近我哭了一个星期
Recently, I cried for a week.
为什么
Why?
听起来会很傻 但...
It sounds silly, but...
我的猫跑了
..my cat ran away.
我因我的猫而哀伤 但对我奶奶...
I grieve for my cat, but for my grandmother...
你会找到办法的
You'll find a way.
"我的奶奶是
"My grandmother was
"世界上最美丽的女人
"the most beautiful woman in the world.
"她站在农庄里狭小
"She stood in the small,
铺着木板的厨房♥
"wood-panelled kitchen of her farmhouse,
给我的三明治煎香肠
"cooking sausages for my sandwich.
"什么是香肠 奶奶" 我问道
"'What is a sausage, Gran?' I asked.
劳森清洁服务
她微笑着揉揉我的头发
"She smiled and ruffled my hair.
"吃吧 宝贝 吃吧"
"'Just eat, my love. Just eat.'"