犯罪现场清理员（2021）

你知道菲利普拉金对这点说了什么吗？
You know what Philip Larkin said on the subject?
关于爱是完美的那句话？
Something about it being perfect?
他说“我们留下的，是爱”
He said "What will survive of us is love."
好的，年轻的那个，显然已经去找人修理灵车了
Okay. The young one's clearly gone off to get the hearse fixed.
那可能要花很长时间
That could take ages.
我们等他回来
We'll wait it out.
等他回来，他就会带走我的头颅！
When he gets back, he'll take my head!
我知道…但有时，我们必须实际一点，甜心
I know, I know. But we have to be practical sometimes, sweetheart.
我们可能已经失去了那个战利品，但我告诉过你，我有个主意
We've probably lost that trophy, but I told you, I have an idea.
我想我们可以弄到另一个
I thought we might get another one.
不同的头颅
A different head.
一个慢跑者
A jogger.
在回家的路上
On the way home.
不是
Uh uh.
一旦殡仪师走了
Once the undertakers have gone,
我就可以给你一个非常大的头颅
I can get you a very big head indeed.
我喜欢大头颅
I like the big head.
我想要大头颅
I want the big head.
我们需要保持专注
We need to stay focused.
如果我要再杀一次，我必须进入血腥的狂热区
I have to get into the bloodlust zone if I'm to take a second life.
想象一下，双重谋杀
Imagine a double murder. Huh?
我没听到你们说什么
I didn't hear anything you said.
你们可以放我走
You can just let me go.
那是？
Is that?
丁波！
Timber!
丁波！
Timber!
哦，感谢上帝，你们能帮忙吗？
Oh, thank God, can you help?
他摔得很严重
He's had a terrible fall.
让我们把你放在这里
Let's put you down here.
非常感谢
Thanks so much.
你们两个在那里做什么？
What were you two doing out there?
我们是观鸟者，对啊
We're bird watchers, yeah.
我们是，我们喜欢观察鸟类
We are. We like watching. Birds.
这里发生了什么事？
What happened here?
哦，只是个意外而已
Oh. It's just an accident.
有人剃须时刮伤自己吗？
Someone cut themselves shaving?
我就是这么说的！
I did say that!
拜托了
Please.
他不喜欢别人嘲笑死者
He doesn't like people dissing the dead.
这里没有电♥话♥讯号♥
We don't have a telephone signal here.
我弟弟很快就会回来
My brother will be back soon,
然后我们就会安排一些事情，但我觉得脚没有断掉
so we'll organize something then, but it doesn't seem broken to me.
你和你弟弟很亲近吗？
Are you very close with your brother?
对，非常亲近
Yes. Very.
真可爱
Adorable.
这个意外真是太可惜了
Such a shame about this accident.
一个人孤独死在这里，真的很悲伤
It's very sad, for someone to die all alone out here.
还有什么比这更悲剧的吗？
Is there anything more tragic?
别又开始讲
Don't start, you.
他在哪里？
Where is he?
谁？
Where's who?
尸体在哪里？
Where is the body?
你问这个要做什么？
Well, what does that man to do?
哦，我可以喝一些茶吗？我想我可能有点吓到
Oh, could I have some tea, I think I may be in shock.
我可以泡茶
I can make some tea.
逝者在灵车上，如果这是你的意思
The deceased is in the hearse, if that's what you mean.
我碰到运送上的麻烦
I'm having transport problems.
哦，你们确实有麻烦了
Oh, you've got problems, alright.
亲爱的，要喝些茶吗？
Would you like some tea, dear?
你们两个观鸟看了多久了？
How long have you two been bird watching?
哦，很长一段时间
Oh. A long time.
好几年了
Years.
你们最喜欢的鸟是什么？
What's your favourite bird?
我喜欢麻鹬，它们很有好奇心
I like a curlew. They're inquisitive.
哦，那你呢？
Oh. And you?
你为什么问这个问题？
Why do you ask?
回答问题，亲爱的
Just answer the question, dear.
为什么我要回答？
Why should I?
我还有另一个问题，如果你不喜欢这个问题的话
I've got another question. If you don't like that one.
你怎么知道是男的？
How did you know it was a he?
什么？
What?
你说受害者是男的
You said the victim was a he.
你怎么知道的？
How did you know?
我在说，你们是凶手
I'm saying, you're murderers.
先说清楚，我认为你们两个是凶手！
Just to be clear, I think you two are murderers!
我喜欢知更鸟
I like the robin.
非常有领域性
Fiercely territorial.
你说过有一天我必须挺身而出，李察
You said I'd have to stand up one day, Richard.
你告诉我，有一天我会被考验
You told me that one day I would be tested.
今天，我成为了一个男人
Today, I become a man.
我们要现在拿走它吗？
Should we take it now?
还是直接拿走它？
Or should we just take it straight away?
别傻了，必须先弄死才行
Don't be ridiculous. It has to be dead first.
为什么？现在拿走它可能更有趣
Why? Might be more fun just to take it now.
他不会乖乖不动，可能会尖叫
He wouldn't stay still enough. He would scream.
我们很幸运能绑住他
You know, we're lucky enough
你一直在暗示我们是凶手
to have him tied up at all with all the hints you were bloody giving,
现在我还要处理两个人
and now I've got two of them to deal with.
我太兴奋了
I got over excited.
是啊，但你总是这样
Yeah. But you always do.
你应该等殡仪师走了再动手！
You're supposed to wait for the undertaker to go!
不要生她的气！
Don't be mad at her!
你又不用在一天内杀死三个人！
You're not the one who has to kill three of them in one day!
都是因为你要带走纪念品
And all because you had to take your souvenir.
等等，我是三个人之一吗？
Hang on, am I one of the three?
你们打算拿走什么？
And what are you planning to take?
我的头？我的漂亮头？
My head? My beautiful head?
你们不能杀我！
You can't kill me!
哦，恐怕这匹马已经开跑了
Oh, I'm afraid that horse has bolted.
把它放回去！
Put it back!
把马放回马厩！
Put the horse back in the stable!
好大哦
It's massive.
我甚至不知道要把它放哪里
I don't even know where we'd keep it.
我会建一个架子
I'll build a shelf.
一个超宽的架子
An extra wide one.
你会得到我的
You're gonna get it.
我保证
I promise.
这里还有人
Do you actually mind?
不要对我大声
Don't you raise your voice to me.
或者我可以照她的要求做
Or maybe I'll do as she asks.
做吧
Do it.
请做吧
Do it, please.
你为什么要这么做？
Why would you want to?
我只是个普通人
I'm just a bloke.
我甚至还没找到一个人来关心我的灵魂
I haven't even found anyone to look after my soul yet.
什么？
What?
给我几年时间，让我找到一个人，让我死后还能被记得
Just give me a few more years to find someone to remember when I'm dead.
它在说什么？
What is it talking about?
如果你杀了我，没有任何人会在乎
I haven't got anyone who will care if you murder me.
嗯，是有啦，但不会毁了任何人的生活
Well, I have, but it's not going to ruin anyone's life.
你应该想杀掉那些会被想念的人
Surely, you want to murder someone people will miss.
我为什么要在乎这个？
Why would I care about that?
他为什么要在乎？
Why would he care?
三个人会变得很有名
Three people would be famous.
你不会因为杀一个无名小卒而出名
You're not gonna get famous by killing a nobody.
我们也会让你出名的，傻瓜
We're gonna make you famous too, silly.
你那著名的巨大的头颅
Your famous massive head.
在我的架子上
On my shelf.
惊喜！
Surprise!
电击枪…
Taser, taser, taser.