犯罪现场清理员（2021）

I'm not trying to get out of this, I love this, honestly,
你也会想看看的
you're gonna wanna take a look.
真的
Oh yeah.
肯定是有人弄丢的
Someone must have lost it.
弄丢？它是藏在桌球桌下面的
Lost it? It was stashed under a pool table.
也许他们在打架开始前 就把它藏在那里了？
May be they hid it there when the fight started?
现在也无从得知了吧？
No knowing now is there?
对啊，我们最好还是上报一下
Yeah, well, we better report it.
不对劲，谁会把钱藏在桌球桌下面？
It's not right, who hides money under a pool table?
现在都不重要了，不是吗？
Well it doesn't matter now, does it.
也许这是一开始会打架的原因
May be it's the reason the fight broke out in the first place.
也许杰克卷入了一些可疑的事
may be Jacko was mixed up in something dodgy,
这句话不是第一次听了，拜托
not the first time that sentence has been banded about, shamone.
但无论如何，现在已经无从得知了 不过是个意外的收获
But anyway there's no way of knowing now, nice little windfall though.
你不能自己留着，我们得去报♥警♥
You, you can't keep, we've got to go to the police.
哦，让他们在警局能多喝点酒 我可不这么想
Oh what so they can have an extra piss up at the station, I don't so.
我认识的警♥察♥都不是腐♥败♥分子
None of the coppers I know are bent.
不是因为你住在 李察寇蒂斯的电影里吗，小朋友？
No cos you live in a Richard Curtis film don't you baby face?
我没有，虽然你也没说错
No I do not, not that there is anything wrong with that,
《摘星奇缘》，对我来说是前五名
Nottinghill, top five films for me,
就是一个女孩 站在一个男孩面前要求被爱
just a girl standing standing in front of a boy asking to be loved,
让我进去，罗拔丝，你这香肠嘴
get me in Roberts you sausage lipped prosi.
我喜欢纪录片
I like documentaries.
各有所好，抱哥…
Each to it's own Cuddle...
你不能留着…
you can't keep it...
我想这不关我的事
it's none of my business I suppose.
嗯，你说得对
No you suppose right.
好吧，我差不多做完了，我要走了
Right, well, I'm pretty much finished, I'll get going.
不行，你不能走
No no you wont.
做苦工不适合你
Hard work doesn't suit you.
对啊，我想提醒你，这不是我的工作
Yeah, well I'd like to remind you this isn't my work.
你本应在看到钱时保持安静
You should have kept quiet about the money when you seen it,
回去的时候直接偷走
gone back later and nicked it for yourself.
我敢打赌，如果你有了这些钱 你现在就可以去约会了
I bet you'd be getting ready for that date now if you had all this.
她根本就对我不感兴趣
She's just not into me.
你需要一个计划
You need a plan.
你得来个大动作
You gotta make a grand gesture.
做过了，也试过了
Been there, done that.
你做了什么？
What did you do?
我写了一首歌♥，嗯，我唱了一首歌♥
I wrote her a song, well, I sang a song.
我用别人的歌♥曲做了默剧，还拍了视频
I mimed along to someone else song and filmed it.
什么歌♥？
Yeah, what was the song?
《情愿在你怀里不醒》，切割大队
Died in your arms tonight, Cutting Crew.
好歌♥，音调难度高
Good song, difficult key.
她的反应如何？
How did she react to this gesture?
我存到随身碟，寄过去 她回了一封短讯
Banged it on a USB, sent it over, she texted back,
哇，看来有人度过了美好的夜晚
wow, it looks like someone had a good night,
大笑的表情图标，所以… 我很确定她喜欢
laughing emoji, so, I'm pretty sure she liked it.
绑♥架♥她
Kidnap her.
啊？
Ay?
所以，你把她放进一辆豪华轿车
So, you've put her in a limousine,
一辆大的，开到机场
big one, drive her to the airport,
用机票给她一个惊喜
surprise her with a couple of tickets.
进去，然后带她去一个非常好的地方
Go on get in there and then you fly her somewhere really nice,
像巴哈马
like the Bahamas.
里斯本
Lisbon.
啊？
Ay?
如果问我的话，应该是里斯本 她一直想去那里
If anywhere it would be Lisbon, she's always wanted to go there.
好，那就里斯本
Alright then Lisbon,
把那些箱子搬上去 然后在一家豪华酒店登记入住
bring up those crates and then you check into a fancy hotel,
五星级，让她知道你不是失败者
five stars, you know you show her you're not a loser.
我不是失败者…
I'm not a loser...
我告诉过你我是犯罪现场清洁师
I told you I'm a a crime scene cleaner.
对啊，不是心脏外科医生
Yeah, not a heart surgeon.
看吧，这就是你得给她 提供点东西的原因
See that's why you've got to offer her something
让她可以向朋友炫耀
she can impress her friends with,
你得在她身上投资，你知道
you've gotta invest in her, you know,
聚光灯、酒店、渡轮 我不知道，直升机
big light, hotels, boat trips, I don't know, helicopter.
直升机，谁提到了可恶的直升机？
A helicopter, who mentioned the bloody helicopter?
嗯，游览里斯本的观光之旅
Well sightseeing tours over Lisbon.
听起来真的很不错
That does sound nice actually.
放在那边
Put it down there
你们两个赶快行动 今天是比赛日，对吧？
and shift it you two, it's match day, isn't it,
你说我们会准时准备好的
you said we would be ready on time.
你们两个其实是挺不错的拍档 你知道吗？
You two actually make a pretty good team you know.
你知道我们去里斯本的话 我会做什么吗？
Do you know what I'd do if we went to Lisbon?
我会找一个漂亮的小私人沙滩
I'd find a nice little private beach
然后弄一张桌子和几把椅子
and I'd get a table and some chairs
上面放些蜡烛
and I'd put some candles on it,
可能还有些花，然后我会弄牡蛎 不，不要牡蛎
may be some flowers and then I'd get oysters, no, not oysters,
牡蛎很讨厌，人们都在假装喜欢吃
they're disgusting, people pretend to like them,
再来一瓶清爽的白酒
crisp white wine,
两个杯子，然后我们就坐下来
two glasses and then we just sit,
看着太阳下山，聊天
watch the sun go down and chat.
听起来很完美
Sounds perfect,
大概得花你五千英镑
cost you about 5 grander.
好吧，如果她想要我 给她所有那些奢侈的东西
Right, well if she wants me for all that luxury crap
她可以找她的外科医生
she can have her surgeon.
为什么你要戒酒 开始戴那个愚蠢的耳环？
Why did you stop drinking and start wearing that stupid earring,
啊？威基？
ay Wicky?
那些都是投资，你在卖♥♥自己
Those are deposits, you're selling yourself.
保罗威克斯特德不是拿来卖♥♥的
Paul Wickstead is not for sale.
告诉你，如果你清洁的时候裸体 我给你两百英镑…
Tell you what, 200 quid if you carry on cleaning naked...
哦，天哪，停
oh good god, stop.
把你的衣服穿回去
Put your clothes back on,
你刚刚证明了我的观点
you just made my point for me.
你本应在发现钱时放进你的口袋里
You should have put that money in your pocket when you found it.
我有原则，那是肮脏的钱
I've got principles, it's dirty money.
哦，告诉你吧
Oh, tell you what,
我给你50英镑，如果你唱
I'll give you 50 quid if you sing,
《情愿在你怀里不醒》给我听
I just died in your arms tonight, for me.
我…
I...
哦，对…
Oh right, yeah, yeah, yeah,
你以为你已经想通了一切，对吧？
you think you've got it all worked out don't you.
我能闻出50英尺外的胡说八道
I can smell a bullshitter at 50 feet.
你想要真♥相♥吗？
Do you want the truth?
我知道真♥相♥
I know the truth.
不，你应该说你想要真♥相♥ 然后我可以大喊
No, you're supposed to say you want the truth and then I can shout,
你无法承受真♥相♥
you can't handle the truth,
这不重要，好吧
it doesn't matter, alright,
这样吧
I tell you what,
15英镑
15 quid,
等等
wait,
17英镑，我可以告诉你 关于你的爱情生活
£17 says that I can tell you something about your love life
你还没有自己想通的事
that you haven't worked out for yourself.
好吧
Alright.
20英镑，说吧
20 quid. Give it to me.
好的
Right.
其实我觉得跟你在一起
I actually think you're rather wonderful
真的很美好
to be in a relationship with.
嗯，你很倔强，有时候可能很刻薄
Yeah, you're stubborn and certainly you can be mean
但你很有魅力、你很有趣
but you're charming and you're funny
而且你内心的力量
and that's an inner strength to you,
不会让任何事情拖垮你
you don't let anything drag you down,
这就是我很惊讶 杰克竟然会想要离开你的原因
which is why I'm surprised Jacko wanted to leave you.
什么？
What?
一开始我以为是一个毒贩藏在那里的
At first I thought it was a drug dealer that had put it under there,
但说不通
that doesn't make sense,
他们有自己的藏匿处
they've got their own hiding spots, haven't they,
后来有人惊慌失措
but then someone panicking,
在打斗期间把它藏在那里