复古球衣先生（2024）

不我没那么说淘气的小猪
No, I didn't say that Naughty little piggy.
我说我们还是要向斯蒂芬坦白的
I said we're still telling Steph!
我们还是要向斯蒂芬坦白的
We're still telling Steph.
不不要不不
No, don't. Don't! No.
淘气的小猪喜欢泥巴
Naughty little piggy likes the mud?
不不
Don't. No.
你是猪 我不是猪
You're the pig. I'm not the pig.
－ 我不是猪我不喜欢这样
I'm not the pig. I don't like it.
我是大肥猪
I'm the big hog.
住手 别挠我痒痒
I'm the oh, stop. Don't tickle me.
别挠我痒痒别挠我痒痒
Don't tickle me. Don't tickle me.
啊别挠我痒痒
Ah! Don't tickle me.
－ 别挠我痒痒我没有
Don't tickle me. - I'm not- -
说谎的不是我
I'm not the one lying.
我不想再说谎了
I'm stopping the lie.
只是 需要点时间
It's just, that takes time.
在这段时间里夏莉的生日就到了
And within that time frame, Charlie's birthday doth fall.
只许州官放火
Yeah, you can dish it,
不许百姓点灯你这个小人
but you can't take it, you little rat.
所以这和斯隆没关系吗
So this has nothing to do with Sloan?
斯隆
Sloan?
噢斯隆那个斯隆
Oh, Sloan. That Sloan.
不我才不在乎斯隆呢
No, I don't give a shit about Sloan.
这段时间对夏莉来说真的很难熬
It's been a really hard stretch for Charlie.
我们的离婚也很惨烈
And our divorce was rough.
眼下升初中的过渡阶段又这么紧张
Now the transition to junior high is intense.
姑娘们 你知道的 姑娘们有时很刻薄
Girls- - you know, girls can be mean.
维奥莱特·G是个可怕的熊孩子
Violet G's a freaking terror.
但我真的很想让她
And I just really want her
过一个难忘的生日
to have a really great birthday.
我只想让我的宝贝度过美好的一天仅此而已
I want my baby to have a great day, that's all.
要我说 她的名字应该是维奥莱特·逼
Her name should be Violet B, if you ask me.
你是在管一个12岁的姑娘叫婊♥子♥吗
Are you calling an 12- year- old a bitch?
如果是事实的话
If the shoe fits.
嗨伙计们
Hey. Hey, guys.
我也希望我能去但是我和斯蒂芬
I wish I could be there, but Steph and I are
为这个项目感到无比自豪
so incredibly proud of this project.
我迫不及待地想让你们都听到
I can't wait for you all to hear it.
我觉得你会真的
I think you're gonna be really
这地方太牛了
This place is sick
嘿我正加速搞定《斯蒂芬之队》的剧本朗读
Hey, Im Zooming into the table read for"Team Steph"
就因为你的这些破事耽搁了我
cause Im here doing this shit for you,
所以给我闭嘴 好的
so shh- - shut the fuck up. OK.
话不多说《斯蒂芬之队》的领读
Without further ado, the pilot of "Team Steph. "
归你了
Take it away.
我只是一个在夏洛特的外城 Q
I was just an overprivileged kid
街头长大养尊处优的孩子 Q
growing up in the outer city streets of Charlotte.
超级有共鸣
Oof, super relatable.
我可以给提个建议吗听不听随你
Can I give you a note? Take it or leave it.
这个太差劲了嘿 你往后稍稍好吗
This blows. Hey, fall back, OK?
我知道自己在做什么
I know whatI'm doing.
这种青少年总是很垃圾
This YA crap always crushes.
你看过那些垃圾人在网上发布的那些垃圾内容吗
Have you seen the literal trash people put on their networks?
是的太可怕了
Yeah. It's horrendous.
太可怕了
It's dreadful.
我想提醒所有与会者保持安静
A reminder to all participants to please mute.
别打我
Do not hit me like that
我不再是小孩子了不你就是孩子
I'm not a little kid anymore. - Yes, you are
你想约架吗我现在比你壮了
Huh, you want to square up? I'm bigger than you now.
我现在比你壮了 你才不比我壮
Im bigger than you now. ou're not bigger than me.
我觉得我比你高
I think I'm taller than you.
我能用高跟鞋踩死你
I will stomp you with my heels.
这是会场吗
Is this the venue?
很有建筑风格很大啊
It's so architectural and big and stuff.
嗨
Hi.
你一定是萨姆我是金伯莉我负责斯蒂芬的
You must be Sam. Im Kimberly. I run Steph's- -
金伯莉天啊你真漂亮
Kimberly, oh, my God, you're so pretty.
哦而且这么潮
Oh. - And so fancy.
很高兴见到你
It's so nice to meet you. Wow.
嗨久仰你的大名
Hi. Hey. I've heard so much about you.
谢谢
Um, thanks.
是啊关于你
Yeah, uh, I'm sorry
所经历的一切 我很遗憾
about everything you're going through.
夏莉还好吗
How's Charlie doing with it all?
夏莉啊她完蛋了
Oh, Char she's so fucked.
哥们 我也完蛋了他也完蛋了
Dude, Im fucked. He's fucked.
丹尼也完蛋了那些医生 他们也完蛋了
Danny's fucked. The doctors? They are fucked.
闭嘴萨姆
Shut up, Sam.
每个人在这种情况下都算完蛋了
Everyone's very fucked in this situation,
这就是我要说的 悲伤是难以捉摸的
is what I'm saying Grief is a moving target.
关于丹尼有些事你们可能不知道
Here's something y'all may not know about Danny.
所以五年级的时候我们班的仓鼠不见了
So, in fifth grade, our class hamster went missing.
四天后当斯蒂芬去他家过夜时
Four days later, when he and Steph were sleeping over,
猜猜我们在我的枕头下奇迹般地发现了什么
guess who we miraculously discovered under my pillow?
失踪的仓鼠是的
The hamster, yeah.
可怜的小小伙子其实呢它是只母的
Poor guy. Actually actually, girl
我们是在它死后才发现的
We found out after he was a she.
所以祝它安息吧铃鼓太太
So I guess RIP, Mrs. Tambourine Woman.
所以你在仓鼠死后还改了它的名字吗
So you dhanged the hamster's name posthumously?
你知道我们必须这么做
You know we had to.
我们可不能把全班心爱的宠物搞错性别
We weren't gonna misgender a beloved class pet.
重点是丹尼把那事都怪在我身上
The point is, Danny blamed that shit on me,
但我知道是他干的
but I know he did it.
他以前就很可疑如今也是
He was shady then, and he's shady now.
是他陷害我是他陷害我
He framed me. He framed my ass.
好吧两个关于寿星的小问题
OK then, two quick questions about the birthday girl.
最喜欢的颜色粉红色
Favorite color? - Pink.
最喜欢的电影《天生一对》
Favorite movie? "Parent Trap. "
最喜欢卡戴珊家族的谁斯托米
Favorite Kardashian? both: Stormi.
好吧 你们真可爱
Aww, OK, yeah That's adorable.
你们居然婚姻失败让我很震惊
Shocked it went up in flames. Yeah.
不管怎么说 这并不是真的
Anyway- - - Well, it didn't really
我们到时见 － 那不算是失败
I'll see you guys on the day. - It wasn't flames.
好吧所有的事都是你负责吗
OK, are you just gonna go, like, do ajl the stuff?
但我一直负责所有的事
But I always do all the stuff.
现在这变成了我的工作
Now that's my job.
天啊我喜欢她
Oh, my God. I like her.
－ 她很酷她很酷
She's cool. She's cool.
我们是团队的一员
We're part of the team.
斯蒂芬宇宙我知道
The Steph- iverse. - I know
酷酷
Cool, cool.
我真不知道自己该做什么
Wow, I don't really know what to do with myself
因为我一整天都没事做了
because I cleared my whole day.
你想去吃点东西吗
Would you want to go get something to eat?
比如 我们单独叫点外卖♥♥什么的
Like, pick up takeout or something, separately?
还是你想去吃晚饭
Or are you- - do you mean, like, go to dinner?
我的意思是 我是说除非你不想
I meant yeah, Imean, unless you don't want to.
我们没必要这么做 我只是 你知道的
We don't have to. I was just, you know
不
No.
我是说我从没出去吃晚饭
Imean, I never go to dinner.
可能会很有趣
Might be fun.
我想我们可以去同一个地方
Iguess we could go to the same place
然后一块吃是的
and both be there. Yeah.
很时髦对吧
Huh? Pretty swanky, right?
我觉得我们穿得太随便了
I feel like we're underdressed.
不
No.
越有钱越穿得随意
The richer you are, the more casual you can dress.
谁说的 亚当·桑德勒
Says who? - Uh, Adam Sandler.
他去肯尼迪中心就只穿着浴袍
He wears, like, a bathrobe and AND1 shorts
和篮球短裤
to the Kennedy Center.