米兰达（2009）

I had a horrid night.
昨晚太恐怖了
I opened a window at one point and then, half an hour later,
我开了窗 半小时之后
there was a cat on my head.
我头上有只猫
Fright of my life.
这惊天动地的一吓
I rang the doctor's surgery,
我给诊疗室打电♥话♥
they said, "Stay away if you've got suspected flu."
他们说 你要是觉得感冒了就滚远点
I said, "You're the ones spreading germs with your touch screen appointment systems."
我说 你才是拿着触屏预约器传播病毒的人
Touche.
一针见血
Oh, look how limp-y I am.
看我多乏力啊
Oh, I'm so limp-y, like a limpet,
我太乏力了 就像帽贝
like Limpet Opek.
像Limpet Opek
Darling, darling, do you remember the name of the...?
亲爱的 亲爱的 你记不记得那个谁的名字
Marjorie, that's it!
Marjorie 就是这个
Look at Mummy!
快看你妈我
A night in her own bed and her swagger's back.
在自己床上睡了一晚现在昂首阔步了
Mum, help, I'm ill.
妈 救救我 我病了
What is it this time, bubonic plague?
这次什么病 鼠疫么
I left my glasses. Here they are. Must dash.
我落下眼镜了 在这呢 得风尘仆仆的走了
I've had a life-coaching session from Tilly.
Tilly要给我上人生指导课
You made me think about regrets,
你让我想到了自己人生的遗憾
so Tilly is teaching me to maximise my Penny alive-time.
所以Tilly要教我如何充实我的生活
Thrilly bots! Mum!
机器人模式 妈
Mum, wait.
妈 等一下
Oh, chickening out of going to a music festival, are we?
害怕去音乐会了 是吧
Not well, am I.
我真的很难受
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have time for this.
好 好 好 我没时间听你说
Some of us like to look
某人想在早上瞻仰一下
at a picture of Heather Small in the morning,
Heather Small的照片
and hear her sing...
然后听她高唱
**What have you done today to make you feel proud*
*你今天做了什么值得骄傲的事情
All best wishes, kind regards.
美好祝福 诚挚问候
Stevie, wai...
Stevie 等
I could do a little weepy.
我要催人泪下了
Where's my Midsomer Murders DVD?
我的<骇人命案事件薄>DVD在哪
Why are DVDs always so hard to open?
为什么DVD的包装总是那么难拆
So annoying!
烦人
I'm too limp to do the puncture with pen.
我乏力到都不能用笔戳破它
Where are the doobries? Oh, no.
摇摇乐在哪 要不要这样
Well, if you're not going,
你要是不出去
you can get up and help me with the new stock. Look - funny pig!
你就起来帮我弄新货 看 搞笑猪
Funny little bunny.
淘气小兔子
And a funny little dog!
搞笑小狗狗
Why are you not finding these funny?
你怎么可以不觉得这些好玩
Because I'm ill. Oh, nonsense!
因为我病了 瞎扯吧
I'll get your usual breakfast -
我给你弄点你的常规早餐吧
eggs, beans, muffins, bacon, sausage, bread, fried bread,
鸡蛋 甜豆 松饼 培根 香肠 面包 烤面包
er, toast, pancakes and a side of lasagne?
土司 煎饼 还要千层面不
No.
不要
No?! You are ill, aren't you?
不要 你真病了 是吧
Let me... Oh!
让我
Have you got a little wet wipe, just for the germs?
你有湿巾么 杀杀菌
Oh, I'm sorry, we've got to get you better
好可怜啊 我们一定要把你服侍好
so you can start your new life.
这样你就能开始新生活了
I know. I had to ring Mike and say I was ill so not to come back.
我知道 我要给Mike打电♥话♥不让他回来了 因为我病了
Oh, Stevie, I want to be romanced!
Stevie 我想浪漫一下
Oh, the breath!
这味儿
But no-one's going to romance you looking like that.
你这样谁能浪漫的起来
I'm not being rude but you look like a fat, sweaty friar.
不是无理 你看起来就是个死肥多汗的修道士
Saying I'm not being rude before that does not make it not rude.
在无理之前说不想无理还是很没礼貌的
Have you been romanced?
你有风流史么
Hello! Hot fox!
看看 我可是性感女郎
I mean, romance is easier for me
风流韵事对我很简单
for I am blessed with the allure.
因为我天生就是魅力奇葩
With the allure, yes. You don't have monopoly on allure.
奇葩的诱人 对啊 你又不是魅力垄断家
Oh, I do, because I am captain of the Allure Society.
我就是 因为我是魅力社团会长
Allure Society?
魅力社团
Yes, those ordained with the allure meet and I take the minutes.
对啊 他们还授权了魅力大会 我还是记录员
I see you've never been invited. Because it's imaginary.
我知道你从没被邀请过 因为是虚构的
Right, we'll get you sorted.
好的 我们会帮你解决的
I would give you a hug but you're literally riddled with bacteria
我很想给你有个拥抱 但是很明显你充斥着细菌
and I'm not being rude, but you stink.
不是无理 你还臭气熏天
Well, I'm not being rude but you're a rancid Barbie!
我也不是无理 你是这个恶心的芭比
Oh, I know what will soothe - I'll sing for you.
我知道什么能让你好起来 我要为你歌♥唱
Oh, no, that's fine really.
不用了 真的没必要
**And now the end is near*
*现在接近尾声了
**And so I face the final curtain*
*我眼前的最后一幕
That's inappropriate. Of all songs!
太不合适了 这么多歌♥呢
Or what about...?
那这个呢
**Edelweiss, you look happy to greet me*
*雪绒花 你看起来见到我很高兴
It's like a vocal hug, isn't it? No, it's really not.
像用声音拥抱 是吧 真心不是
*Edelweiss, edelweiss* Can you maybe just go?
*雪绒花啊 雪绒花* 赶紧走行不
Just go and sing it to Heather in the shop.
快点走 去给Heather唱
Yeah, it's better sort of further away.
对啊 渐行渐远的声音才好听
Don't be silly, Stevie, she's being a hypo.
不要傻了 Stevie 她就是个多事鬼
Come on, Queen Hypo-Congria,
不要这样 金刚你个老娘
Carpe diem - seize the carp!
及时行乐 抓个鲤鱼
Oh, for goodness sake! Urgh, you look disgusting!
发发慈悲吧 你怎么可以这么恶心
Like, truly horrendo! Like a drunk Princess Anne.
真心可怕 就像醉酒的安妮公主一样
You ARE ill!
你真的病了
OK, life coaching.
好的 人生指导
So... No, I just need to sleep. No, shush!
接下来 不用了 我睡会就好了 闭嘴
Apparently it's all about a build-up of negativos emocionios, OK?
很明显的 就是因为已存在的负面排放物 明白么
So we need to emotionally and physically declutter.
所以我们要精神上身体上都排掉
I've got a high temperature, I... Wheelie bin that negativos, OK?
我在发烧 我 丢弃那些负面影响 懂么
We start emotionally. We could go with the obvious stufferoo -
我们先来精神上的 先来易懂的填充物
that you're a child trapped in the body of a woman,
你是一个困在一位女人身体里的孩子
trapped in the body of a man,
投胎到了一个男人身上
trapped in the body of a bigger woman,
钻进了一个肥女人的体内
trapped in the body of a Kong!
困在了金刚的身体里
No, seriously, there's loads of you in there!
说真的 有太多个你了
This isn't really helping.
帮倒忙
Oh, no, hush your Kong face!
放你妹的屁
I'm so fired up by this life coaching.
这个人生指导点燃了我的生命
It's right up my bridle path.
它照亮了我前进的道路
Now what?
你又想怎样
Oh, I'm not here. I'm just going to sterilise all surfaces.
我没在这 我只是想消消毒
Just pretend I'm not here.
假装看不见我
I think she'd rather jog it off, Stevie.
我觉得她最好要慢跑 Stevie
Jog it off?!
慢跑
Jog it off?!
慢跑你妹
I think, once the flat is sterile, you'll be able to relax.
我觉得 只要房♥间消完毒 你就可以放松了
There's germs everywhere!
细菌满天飞
I'm going to tap your temperature away.
我要把你的火气戳走
How is this helping? How? How?
怎么可能 怎么可能 可能么
Now, I got you a sponge, cos my granny used to say
好 我给你块海绵 因为我奶奶以前说
you put a hot sponge in your mouth for fevers.
热海绵一咬 发烧就会好
Now, Stevie, do you not think you might benefit a little from le coaching of le life?
Stevie 你又没有想过你的小生命会从人生小导中受益
Gary's had a sessione. I'm just sensing a cleanliness issue.
Gary已经上过课了 我感觉你有洁癖
Of all the people who don't need life coaching,
世界上那么多人不用人生指导
I am she, all best wishes, kind regards.
我就是其中之一 祝你好运 诚挚问候
Just text me if you need more Tilly inspiration. More... tinspiration!
你要是需要更多的Tilly激励 就发信息给我 更多的 鼓舞
**I could have danced all night*
*我可以整晚跳舞
**And still have begged for more*
*乞求着更多
Seven!
七朵花
Now, come here.
抱一下
Oh, this is nice.
这真好
Mm. Oh, thanks for the flowers.
谢谢你的花
Oh, actually, they're not for you.
实际上不是给你的
THEY'RE for Jacinta.
这是给Jacinta的
Jacinta? Jacinta, yeah.
Jacinta Jacinta 对啊