奇迹缔造者

I-I don't see why you have to get so emotional.
-情绪化 -是的
- Emotional? - Yeah.
情绪化 你知道吗 伯特叔叔
Emotional?! Well, you know what, Uncle Bert?!
我打赌你老婆
I bet you were pretty emotional
跑去和城里的面包师过时 你肯定更情绪化
when your wife left you for the town baker!
啪 小亚驾到 混♥蛋♥
Pow! Al alert, bitch!
是真的
It's true.
孩子们
Boys, um...
我知道我之前告诉你们 妈妈离开
I know I told you that your mom was away
是去出差了 但是
on a long business trip, but, um...
我
I, uh...
我说谎了
I lied
因为我太羞于告诉你们真♥相♥
because I was too embarrassed to tell you the truth.
你们的妈妈离开我是因为我
Your mother left me because I...
我不能
I wasn't able to...
在性♥爱♥上满足她
please her, sexually.
所以她跟城里的面包师跑了
So she ran off with the town baker
因为他床上功夫比我好
because he was better at having sex with her than I was.
啪
Pow.
难受驾到
Sad alert.
伯特
Bert...
-她不是认真的 -伯特
- she didn't mean to -- - Bert...
我觉得我们也该回家了
I think it's time that we got going here.
我本来想吃完晚饭再给你的 不过
I was gonna give you this after dinner, but, um...
给你吧
...here.
亚里士多德的指引
知识及追逐你的梦想
你♥爸♥说你喜欢看书
Your dad said you like books.
我也不知道这书讲的什么
I don't know what they are or anything,
不过书店的那个女士
but, uh, the lady at the shop --
她说你会喜欢这本的 所以
she said that you'd like that one, so...
走吧 孩子们 咱们回自家公♥寓♥
Come on, boys. Let's go home to our studio apartment.
对不起 爸爸
I'm sorry, Dad.
没事的
Oh, it's -- it's okay.
我觉得你也尽力了
I mean, uh, I guess, well, you know, you tried your best.
汤炖好了 你俩就...
Yeah, so, the stew's ready. You two should, uh...
我先上♥床♥了
I'm just gonna go to bed.
伯特叔叔
Uncle Bert?
伯特叔叔
Uncle Bert.
爸爸太没用了 孩子们
Your dad is no good, boys.
他就属于烂泥
He belongs in the mud.
伯特叔叔
Hey, Uncle Bert.
听着 我为之前在家里说的话感到抱歉
Listen, I'm sorry for what I said back at the house.
那太下作了
That was a cheap shot.
但的确 我...
But, yeah, I...
好吧 我大概是自找的
Yeah, I guess I had it coming.
我...
I...
我不该那么挑衅你
I shouldn't have been pushing your buttons like that.
我知道我们不总能达成一致 但
I know we don't see eye-to-eye on everything, but
我们先放下成见如何
how about we just put that aside,
至少今晚先不提了
at least for the rest of tonight?
你觉得呢
What do you say?
休战吧
Truce?
休战
Truce.
好了 来吧 孩子们
Okay. Come on, boys.
伙计
Hey, buddy!
你好吗
How you doing?
我本来只想跟家人一起过个正常的节日
I just wanted one normal holiday with my family.
结果 我把这变成了史上最糟的丰收节
And, instead, I have turned this into the worst Harvest Day ever.
不 严格来说 第一个丰收节还更糟
No. I mean, technically, the first Harvest Day was worse,
按死亡人数来算的话
in terms of death count.
你觉得我们把那些死人的甜点吃了如何
Hey, what do you say we eat those dead people's desserts?
不了 谢谢
No. Thank you.
我觉得我需要离开城♥堡♥一会
I think I just need to get out of the castle for a bit.
汤炖得真棒 爸爸
Great stew, Dad.
谢谢
Yeah, thanks.
有谁今年有什么大计划吗
So, anyone got any big plans for the year?
没有
Nope.
伯特叔叔 你跟爸爸
Uncle Bert, what was that one story
还有狼的那个故事是怎么回事
about you and Dad and the wolf?
怎么了 那可是个疯狂的故事
Why, that is a crazy story.
-是啊 -是这样...有一天晚上
- Yeah. - So, yeah, yeah, one night,
我和你这位老爸
me and your old man here, we, uh --
我们上♥床♥睡觉的时候
we accidentally left the door to the house open
无意中忘了关家门
when we went to bed.
巨大的错误
Big mistake.
然后 猜猜大半夜的时候
And, uh, guess what showed up in the kitchen
厨房♥里来了个什么
in the middle of the night!
什么
What?
-一头狼 -一头狼
- A wolf! - A wolf!
不可能
No way!
真的
Yeah.
然后我们的父亲因为我们忘了关门
Then our old man gets on our case
-而惩罚了我们 -天
- for leaving the door open. - Oh, God.
他给了我们一把大斧子 说
He gives us this big ax and he says,
"滚去树林里 没砍死那该死的狼
"Now get out there in the forest and don't come back
你们就别回来"
until you kill that damn wolf."
疯了
Aw, nuts!
当时天马上就要黑了
Just when the night was getting started.
我再去买♥♥点酒 你们继续说
I'll do a liquor run. You guys keep talking.
谢了 亲爱的
Oh, thanks, honey.
我们当时只有四五岁
We were just 4 and 5 years old.
从没杀过生 我们在林子里待了好几天
Never killed before. We're out there for days.
最后被一群西哥特人捉住了
We get captured by a band of Visigoths.
-我爱你 爸爸 -我也爱你 亲爱的
- I love you, Daddy. - I love you, too, sweetie.
丰收节快乐
Happy Harvest Day.
谢谢 不客气
Thanks. You're welcome.
查斯利 你好
Chauncley, hey.
你来镇上做什么
What are you doing in town?
我就是出来走走
Hey, Al. I-I was just going for a little walk.
你的丰收节怎么样
How's your Harvest Day going?
其实...开始有点意思了
It's...actually ?starting to be kind of fun.
你呢
How about you?
我父王当着我的面杀了我所有的亲戚
My dad just killed all of my relatives in front of me, so...
我靠
Holy shit.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
嗯 我没事
Yes. No, I'm fine.
不用担心我
Yeah, don't worry about me.
我就不妨碍你回去过节了
Well, I will let you get back to the festivities.
丰收节快乐
Happy Harvest Day.
等等
Wait.
-你想不想一起来 -真的吗
- do you want to come over? - R-really?
没什么高调的活动
I mean, it's -- it's pretty low-key.
我们只是坐在一起聊聊天 做做游戏
We're just sitting around, talking, and playing games.
你们要做游戏
You're playing games?
你来吗
You in?
我来
Yes, I'm in.
好
Great.
你头发上沾了点血
you have a little blood in your hair.
抱歉 我以为我都擦干净了
Sorry. I thought I got it all off.
我父王可不算是个温柔的杀手
My dad is not what you'd call a gentle murderer.
是啊 他真不咋样
Yeah, he sucks.
但帮我个忙 等我们到了家里
But do me a favor -- when we get to the house,
千万别聊政♥治♥方面的话题
no talking about politics.
好的 我没问题
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Fine with me.
那就好 谢了 哥们
Cool. Thanks, dude.
这些丑鸭子
These ugly ducks.
吹掉枕头上的虫子
Blowing the bugs off your pillow?
工作的时候被烫了
Having a heatstroke at work.
救活一个快死的朋友
Reviving a dying friend.
时间到
Time!
我是在吹凉鹅蛋饼 等你们午宴来吃