奇迹缔造者

好了 我的猜谜狂人们
Alright, my quiz hounds!
有谁准备好展开一场脑力大♥比♥拼了
Who's ready for a battle of the brains?!
我们为什么要搞这些 单纯喝酒不行吗
Why are we doing this? Can't we just drink?
奖金是价值五钱的酒吧产品
The prize is a five-coin bar tab,
而我们唯一的对手就只有那群蠢货
and our only competition is these idiots.
干 干 干 干
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
我们不可能输
We can't lose!
好了 在开始前 一些关于作弊的警告
Okay, before we start, just a little reminder about cheating.
各位 有点底线
Use the honor system, guys.
不准偷看祭司求答案
No looking up answers on The Oracle.
我已看清一切
I see all!
好吧 老哥
Alright, man.
好了 第一类提问是
Okay, the first category is...
政♥治♥理论
political theory.
棒 我们拿定了
Yes! Yeah, we got this.
哪个健壮的国王
Which hunky emperor
因他珠圆玉润的屁♥股♥而闻名
is well known for his juicy, trashy ass?
什么
What?
-圣麦克维斯·丰腴 -圣麦克维斯·丰腴
- St. Maxwell the Thicc! - St. Maxwell the Thicc!
正确
Correct!
酒狗小队获得100分
That's 100 points to the Brew-Dog Crew!
好吧 这个问题不包含一丝
Okay, there was no intellectual merit
知识价值
to that question.
是吗 你现在是知识分子了啊
Oh, so, you're an intellectual now?
因为据我上次所知
'Cause last time I checked,
你还在全职
you were still fully shoveling
以帮人铲屎为生
people's shit for a living.
小亚 这太蠢了
Al, this is dumb.
你不需要向那些蠢货证明自己
You don't need to prove yourself to these morons.
问个科学问题
Do a science question.
-好吧 -好 可以
- Okay. - Okay, fine.
哪种科学理论能解释
Which scientific theory explains the phenomenon
每隔18个月
in which every 18 months,
太阳就会在白天完全变黑的现象
the sun is blacked out in the midday sky?
阿那克萨戈拉日全食理论
Oh! Anaxagoras' theory of the solar eclipse!
-错误 -什么
- Wrong. - What?!
酒狗小队 你们要大胆猜测一下吗
Brew-Dog Crew, would you like to venture a guess?
-你要是知道的话... -我不知道啊
- If you think you know it... - Okay, I don't know.
好吧
Uh, well...
你知道 有时候 魔鬼会对
You know, sometimes, uh, the devil gets horny
太阳产生性♥欲♥ 因为他们都是火组成的
for the sun 'cause they're both made of fire.
然后有时候他 他会飞上去然后
Well, some -- sometimes he -- he flies up there and he --
然后他[哔]太阳太狠 那些火就全都
and he the sun so hard that all the fire in it --
被扑灭了
it goes out.
正确
Correct! Aw!
魔鬼欲♥火♥中烧
他上了太阳
得了吧
Come on!
酒狗小队再得100分
That's 100 points to the Brew-Dog Crew!
我想现在已经很清楚
Whoo! I think it's pretty clear
谁才是这劳什子德蒂尔[的地儿]最聪明的人
who the smartest people in Lower Murkford are.
干 干 干 干
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
奇迹缔造者: 黑暗时代
第二集
天 我不得不说 亲爱的
Boy, I gotta say, honey,
你为我们的粪车发明的刹车真有才
that parking brake you invented for our cart is brilliant.
而它最美之处在于你根本看不见它
And the beauty of it is you can't even see it.
太好玩了 都没人会知道
Much funny -- no one will ever know
你想了个多聪明的点子
what a smart idea you had.
是啊 没人
Yeah. No one.
抱歉 借过一下
Excuse me. Excuse me. Coming through.
发生了什么
What happened?
我的天啊 发生了一起可怕的事故
Oh, my God, it was a freak accident.
泰木头刚刚在做自己的事情
Ted was just, like, minding his own business,
拉着马的尾巴
pulling the horse's tail,
大喊着"驾驾驾"
screaming, "Yucca, yucca, yucca,"
不知怎么回事 这匹马朝他脸踢了一脚
when out of nowhere, the horse kicked him in the face.
伤口很严重 我应该...按压一下
Pretty bad wound. I should...apply some pressure.
别动 走开
Oh, stop. Get out of the way.
让医生来处理
Let the doctor handle it.
看起来她已经处理好了
Looks like she's already got it covered.
我是古德曼医生
Dr. Goodman.
亚历桑德拉
Alexandra.
我只是想阻断血液流动
I was just trying to stanch the blood flow.
是吗 你从哪里学到的
Yeah? Where'd you learn how to do that?
我在垃圾堆中找到了
Oh, uh, well, I found a couple pages of
一本古老的医学书籍中的几页
an old medical textbook in a garbage dump.
我想我学会了一两招
So I guess I just picked up a thing or two.
我们医疗中心需要你这种聪明人
You know, we could use a smart person like you at the medical center.
你有兴趣给自己找份工作吗
Would you be interested in a job?
我愿意
I think I would.
这样的话 欢迎加入 医生
Well, in that case, welcome aboard, doctor.
-你找我吗 -是的
- You called for me? - Yes!
紧急情况 鸭子亨利逃跑了
We have an emergency. Henry the Duck has escaped!
我们必须找到他
We have to find him.
召集皇家军队 掘地三尺也要找出来
Summon the Royal Army, tell them to search the Earth!
你有上百只鸭子 伙计
Uh, you own over a hundred ducks, buddy.
和另一只玩吧
Just play with one of the other ones.
不 我就想要那只
No, but I want that one!
为什么不能成全我
Why can't I have this one thing?!
我想要的只有这么点
I ask for so little!
王子 我的回答是不行 好吗
Prince, the answer is no, okay?
我要离家出走
I've run off!
该死
Damn it!
虫子先生 你是我唯一的朋友了
Oh, Mr. Worm, you're my only friend.
好吧
Well,
又变成孤身一人 一无所有了
back to being alone and having nothing.
真不敢相信
I can't believe it.
我女儿成为了一名医生 我真骄傲
My daughter the doctor. I'm so proud.
谢谢 爸爸
Thanks, Dad.
不得不说 我有点紧张
Gotta say, I'm kinda nervous.
如果我失败了呢
What if I fail?
至少你努力了
At least you're trying.
这个镇上大多数人都是在应付差事
Most people in this town just punch the clock,
但你是在做自己相信的事
but you're doing something you believe in.
谢了 马姬
Thanks, Mags.
好 我要去了
Okay. Here I go.
小亚医生 小亚医生
Dr. Al! Dr. Al!
-加油医生 医生加油 -她是名医生
- Go, Doctor! Go, Doctor! - She's a doctor.
小亚医生
Dr. Al!
-她叫小亚 -我女儿是名医生
- Her name's Al. - My daughter's a doctor.
她叫小亚医生
Her name is Dr. Al!
欢迎 鞋匠先生
Welcome, Mr. Shoemaker.
这位是我同事 亚历桑德拉医生
This is my colleague, Dr. Alexandra.
-你好 -你好
- Hello. - Hello.
你哪里不好
What seems to be the problem?
我鼻子堵了几天了
Well, I've had this stuffy nose for the last few days, now.
这是种非常常见的小病
Aha! That's a very common ailment.
治疗鼻塞的基本疗法就是
Typical treatment for stuffiness of the nose region
在你的阴♥茎♥上涂满滤液
is we will have put leaches all over your penis,
由上至下 全部涂上 还有你的睾丸
up and down, all over it, and your testicles, too.
以此分散粘液仙女的注意力
Uh, and that will distract the mucus fairies,
让她们不再跳舞踏步
uh, from their dancing and their stomping.
另外你得喝下自己的尿
And you have to drink your pee.
-我自己的尿 -是的
- My own pee? - Yes.
喝多少
Oh. How much?
全部
All of it.
一滴也别剩 想吐的话
Don't drop a drip. Everything that comes out,
要立刻吞回嘴中
just stick it right back in your mouth.
事实上 你后半辈子最好都是
In fact, you'd be best suited to just kick your legs
将腿抬至头顶上方
over your head and piss in your mouth
尿进自己嘴中
for the rest of your life.