奇迹缔造者

I think you need to do that yourself.
怎么做
How?
这个嘛
Well...
你抢走了他的东西 现在你觉得不好过
You took something from him and now you feel bad.
所以 为了感觉好点 你应该...
So, in order to feel better, you should...?
杀了他
Just kill him.
好吧 我还是吸点鸦♥片♥上♥床♥睡觉吧
Alright, I'm gonna take some opium and go to bed.
亨利 你为什么不吃东西
Henry, why aren't you eating?
亨利
Henry?
小桶桶
Bucket?
所以 你不辞职了
So, you're not quitting.
我本来想辞的 但后来我想到
Well, I was going to, but then I realized
古德曼医生其实有些不错的主意
Dr. Goodman's actually got some great ideas.
确实 科学研究还不那么到位
And I mean, yeah, the science isn't fully there yet,
但我觉得只要我们继续努力
but I think if we just keep working at it,
我们可以真的帮到别人
we can really help people.
所以这是关于帮助他人
Oh, so it's about helping people.
因为看起来你只是想要
'Cause it seemed like it was just about impressing
玛丽糕和她的傻朋友刮目相看
Mary Baker and her idiot friends.
什么 不 才不是那样
What?! No! No, it is not about that.
拜托 我相信医学
Come on, this is something I believe in.
你走着瞧吧 我和古德曼医生
You'll see. Me and Dr. Goodman --
我们会改变世界的
we're gonna change the world.
古德曼医生
Dr. Goodman!
振作点
Snap out of it!
我们得研究医学了
We need to figure out medicine now.
你以为我没试过吗
You don't think I've tried?
这是不可能的
It's impossible!
告诉我这是个什么玩意 你说
I mean, tell me what the this thing is here, huh?
我现在到底在看什么
What the am I looking at right now?
这个由骨头做成的大家伙
This big thing made of bones?
好吧 我们先从简单的开始 如何
Okay, let's just start with the easy patients, yeah?
-好吧 -比如这个家伙
- Okay. - Like, uh, this guy --
他只是头疼
He just has a headache.
头疼 对啊 我有 我有个主意
Headache. Yeah. No, I have an -- I have an -- I have an idea.
好极了 是什么
Okay, great. What is it?
-我们可以自杀 -什么
- We could kill ourselves. - What?!
没错 打爆自己的脑袋 不用这么艰难地活着
Yeah, blow our brains out, take the easy way.
你给我振作点 哥们
Get it together, man!
我们现在陷得太深 不能放弃了
Okay, we are in too deep to quit!
我们 我们要装模做样直到有模有样
We just -- We just gotta fake it until we make it!
好吧 你说得对 去他们的
Alright, you're right. these people.
如果他们蠢到信这些鬼玩意
If they're dumb enough to fall for this shit,
无论什么结局他们都活该
they deserve what they get.
有人吗
Yoo-hoo?
爸爸
Dad?
你来这里干什么
What are you doing here?
我们出了点小状况
We have a little situation.
我发现你弟弟在树林里赤身裸体
I found your brother naked in the woods,
而且他似乎着凉感冒了
and, uh, he seems to have caught a bit of a chill.
通常 我会把他放在火堆前
Normally, I would just put him in front of the fire,
但之后我记起来
but then I remembered
我们家就有个大医生
we've got a famous doctor in the family.
所以我就想来问问专业人士
So I figured I'd check with the expert.
你们确实是来对了地方
Well, you certainly came to the right place
因为我们是真正的医生 懂真正的医学知识
'cause we're real doctors with real medicine knowledge.
太好了 你有什么建议
Great! Well, what do you suggest?
鉴于病人体温偏低
Well, due to the client's cold temperature,
我建议切除他的蛋蛋 并且
I suggest we cut off his balls, and...
你应该把自己的蛋蛋吃下去
you should eat your balls.
贵宾待遇
VIP treatment!
有钱能使鬼推磨 是吧
Pays to have connections, huh?
是啊 谢谢 小亚
Yeah! Thanks, Al.
咱们进去吧
Let's get you in there.
好了 我猜是时候干掉这家伙了
Alright, I guess, let's go kill this guy.
医生来了
Hey, the doctor is in!
爸爸 我在想 要不你们
Hey, dad, I was thinking, what if you, um,
直接带麦克回家 别做这个手术了
instead of doing this procedure, just take Mikey home?
把他安顿在火堆旁边 他会没事的
You can just put him by the fire, and he'll be fine.
但是医生说我们应该让他吃自己的蛋蛋
But the doctor said we should feed him his own balls.
他说得很清楚 小艾
He was clear, Al.
是这样 古德曼医生今天有失常
Yeah, um, Dr. Goodman is feeling a little off today.
暴雨要来了
A hard rain's gonna come.
这场雨会把你们这些混♥蛋♥都冲进下水道的
And it's gonna wash all you bastards down the fucking drain.
我觉得他听起来挺正常的啊
He seems pretty sharp to me.
不过他要是不能做 你可以上啊
But, hey, if he's not up for it, maybe you can fill in.
你也是医生 对吗
I mean, you're a doctor, right?
不 爸爸 我不是
No, Dad. I'm not.
他也不是
And neither is he.
这整件事都是骗局
This whole thing's a scam.
天 那这样的话
Aw, geez. Well...
很高兴你告诉我们了 那其他人怎么办
I'm glad you told us, but what about everybody else?
你说得对
You're right.
我得停止这一切
I've got to put a stop to this.
回家见
I'll...see you guys at home.
你去哪
Where are you going?
去媒体那
To the media.
注意了 注意了
Hear ye, hear ye!
我是本城公告员
I am the Town Crier!
你现在观看的是《早安 劳什子德蒂尔》
And you're watching "Good Morning Lower Murkford!"
今天的嘉宾是一位医学领域冉冉升起的新星
My guest today is a rising star in the medical industry
来和我们分享她做出的伟大奉献
here to talk to us about her incredible work in --
其实 其实
Actually, um, it's -- it's actually, uh --
我是来揭露古德曼是个骗子的
I'm -- I'm here to out Goodman as a fraud,
这其实是件坏事
and that it's actually a bad thing.
好好 我知道了
Okay, yeah, I gotcha. Okay.
今天本节目的嘉宾将揭露一个惊人的事实
My guest today is a whistleblower with a stunning revelation.
劳什子德蒂尔医疗和理发中心
The Lower Murkford Center for Medicine and Haircuts
是个骗局
is a scam.
我就知道
I knew it!
古德曼医生是个骗子
Dr. Goodman is a fraud.
还有
And...
我也是
so am I.
天哪 真是不忍♥直视
Oh, my God, that was so hard to watch.
你是不是特别尴尬
Are you just, like, mortified?
换我的话肯定都想死了
I would be dying.
那现在怎么办 你要回去铲屎吗
So, what's the plan now? Do you just go back to shoveling shit?
没错 就跟之前一样
Yep, just like before.
但现在大家都很讨厌你了
Yeah, but now everybody, like, really hates you,
连祭司都是
even the Oracle.
婊♥子♥
Bitch!
都闭嘴
Shut up!
烧死她
Burn.
别管这些傻♥逼♥了 我请你喝酒
Forget these idiots. I'll grab you a beer.
谢了 马姬
Thanks, Maggie.
你在这儿呢
Ah, there you are.
我找你找了好久
I've been looking all over for you.
为什么
Why?
把这个给你
To give you this.
那个蛋是假的
The egg isn't real.
其实是块普通石头
It's just a regular rock.
什么 你骗了我吗
What, you tricked me?
你...你为什么要那样做
Why -- Why would you do that?
说实话 脏汉
Well, to be honest, dirty man,
我觉得是因为我有时候会有点...
I think it's because sometimes I can be a little...
自私
selfish.
我在尽量不再那么自私
I'm trying not to be that way anymore.
我肯定还有没意识到的地方 但...
I-I still have my blind spots, but
但我希望这是个好的开始
hopefully this is a good start.
非常感谢你把小桶桶带回来
Well, thanks so much for bringing me back Bucket.
真的很感谢