家庭指南（2014）

理论上来说是我爸出走了
I guess technically my dad is.
你把他叫过来
Oh. Well, you bring him back,
我会带他去看♥房♥♥ 好吗 还有一个压力球
and I'll give him a tour, okay, and a stress ball.
曼尼 你更高级点的社交书籍会告诉你
Manny, your better etiquette books will tell you...
是这么回事 我爸是盲人
Here's the deal. My dad's blind.
我来帮他看♥房♥♥
I'm gonna be his eyes on this.
如果我喜欢那地方 他也会喜欢的
If I like the place, he'll like the place.
所以你就带着我去看♥房♥♥怎么样
So how about you go ahead and give me that tour?
也行
This could work.
这房♥型真是相当不错
Ooh, this molding is fantastic.
这卧室真小
This is a tiny bedroom.
那是餐具室
It's a pantry.
这餐具室可真大
This is a huge pantry.
狗怎么说 福瑞德
What about dogs, Fred?
他们允许在这楼里养狗吗
Are they allowed in the building?
- 不允许 - 那导盲犬呢
- No pets. - But what about guide dogs?
民法第54-1条上写你必须同意
Civil code 54.1 says you have to allow them.
那我们就同意咯
Well, then I guess we're gonna allow them.
- 你多大了 - 十岁半
- How old are you? - 11 1/2.
你多大
How old are you?
42岁半
43... 1/2.
- 所以你把纸撕了吗 - 反对
- So you shredded the papers? - Objection.
这不是审讯 只是份书面证词
This is not a trial, just a deposition.
- 你自己写的 - 没错 但仅仅是因为
- You'll answer. - I did, but only because
我没想到他们会和案子有关
I didn't think they were relevant to the case.
随机出题 和案子无关
Random papers, not relevant,
你就想 我们不玩了撕了算了
you thought, "Let's go ahead and shred 'em."
- 对 - 反对
- That's right. - Objection.
告诉我你把每句话都记下了 珍妮丝
Tell me you got every word of that, Janice.
记到 告诉我你把每句话
All the way through "Tell me you got
- 都记下了 珍妮丝 - 爱你
- every word of that, Janice." - I love you.
- 记上 别记上了 - 好
- Type that. Don't type that. - Oh.
我们能不能休庭到明天
Can we please adjourn until tomorrow?
今天我们都在场
The thing is we're all here today.
有电♥话♥找你 亨利有紧急情况
You got a phone call. Henry's principal.
他被老师骂的狗血喷头
He was cursing a lot for an educator.
但如果明天更合适的话
But if tomorrow's better for everyone,
那就明天吧
I say we do that.
起立
Hip-up.
这是你的签名吗
Is this not your signature?
你有不同意跟着队伍和不服用毒品吗
Did you not agree to stay with the group and say no to drugs?
我得帮我爸找个公♥寓♥
I needed to find my dad an apartment.
乔伊斯和我分居了
Joyce and I have separated.
双方自愿的 虽然你没问
It was mutual. Not that you asked.
- 但我还是先说清楚 - 这可不容易
- But just to be clear. - That's tough stuff.
温蒂和我得承担一部分自己的房♥租
Wendy and I have taken a bit of a T.O. Ourselves.
这地方超棒的 老爸
The place is great, dad.
是个老面包房♥
It's an old converted bakery.
闻上去就像睡在松饼里一样
It smells like you're sleeping in a muffin.
这和公♥寓♥无关
This is not about the apartment.
虽然我的确喜欢松饼
Although I do like muffins.
这是关于你违反学校规定
But this is about you wandering off
偷跑到格里芬街的事儿
down Griffin Street like the school rules don't apply to you.
格里芬街 那是镇上挺不错的地儿
Griffin Street? That's a sweet section of town.
问题的关键在于你不能就这么从活动里跑出来
The point is you can't just go wandering off from a field...
楼里有洗衣房♥吗
Is there laundry in the building?
四台洗衣机 三台烘干机
Four washers, three dryers.
- 有线电视呢 - 也有
- Cable? - Included.
- 基础设施 - 完美
- Basic. - Premium.
- 把门关上 - 好了 我想
- Shut the front door. - Okay, I think
我们房♥卖♥♥的差不多了
we're all sold on the apartment.
我们能回到我儿子的事上了吗
Can we get back to what my son did?
我想我知道你会怎么处理这事 梅尔
I think I know where you're headed with this, Mel,
我百分百赞同
and I completely agree.
我想鉴于这种情况
I think, given the circumstances,
家庭教育比较适当
discipline should come from home on this one.
如果你不介意的话 我还有急事
And if you excuse me, I have an errand to run.
琳达 调出西区的出租♥房♥♥
Linda, pull up Westside Rentals.
他是不是就这么走了
Did he just leave?
是的
Yup.
易如反掌
That was easy.
别担心 我给了中介12美元的定金
Don't worry. I gave the manager a $12 deposit.
这公♥寓♥不会溜掉的
That apartment isn't going anywhere.
你也不会 我和你妈妈谈过了
Neither are you. Your mom and I talked,
我们决定要惩罚你
and we decided you need to be punished.
- 什么 - 是的
- What? - Yeah.
你知道的 波比·拉西特的爸妈闹掰的时候
You know, when Bobby Lacito's parents split,
他得了辆越野摩托车
he got a dirt bike.
妙极了 你会被禁足两周
Awesome. You're grounded for two weeks.
炸了吧
Boom.
这样对吗 手势没错 是吧
Is that right? There's a hand thing, right?
没错
Yeah.
于是我帮我爸拿下这套令人满意
So I had scored my dad this sweet apartment
可以让他和他的同事为大胜而干杯的房♥子
where he and his work buddies could toast their big win.
他们付清了全款
They settled for the full amount.
谁付清了全款
Who settles for the full amount?
不过我本应在那和他们一起庆祝的
But I should have been over there celebrating with them.
嘘 给你的
Shh. Here you go.
那本应是给我吃的薯片
That should have been my potato chip.
- 祝你有美好的一天 - 谢谢
- Have a great day. - Thank you.
然而 我却正困在商场里
Instead, I was doing time at the mall
和焕发第二春正试穿凯蒂牛仔裤的
where mom was trying on Katie's jeans
老妈在一起
and her adolescence.
这些裤子勒死我了
These pants hurt.
所以它们才肯定好看
That's how I know they look good.
妈 你不能买♥♥和我一样的裤子
Mom, you can't buy the same pants as me.
为什么不 它们太棒了
Why not? They are awesome.
这感觉不像我系着腰带啊
It's not like I'm getting the belt.
我该买♥♥条腰带吗 我能试试腰带吗
Should I get the belt? Can I try on the belt?
- 你还是别了 - 亨利
- You may not. - Henry.
叫老妈把裤子脱了
Tell mom to take off her pants.
我们能别再脱裤子了吗
Can we all just keep our pants on?
- 嘿 爸 - 我需要你
- Hey, dad. - I need you
马上赶过来
to come over right away.
埃尔维斯跑了
Elvis got out.
好的
Okay.
我要把我们的想法说出来
I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking.
这可不像是个老妈的屁♥股♥
That is not the tush of a mom.
我带埃尔维斯出去遛弯 我们回来之后
I took Elvis for a walk, and when we got back,
我去食品储藏室拿它的食物
I went into the pantry to get his food,
我猜我一定是没关前门
and I guess I must have left the front door open.
天哪 这地方也太好了吧
God. This place is great.
我真希望我能住在这
I wish I could live here.
- 大伙 跑丢的导盲犬 - 没错
- Guys, missing guide dog. - Right.
我带着夏洛克 你和脱线先生一起行动
I'll take Sherlock. You go with Magoo.
亨利
Henry?
谢了 哥们
Thanks, buddy.
埃尔维斯 拜托啊
Elvis, come on!
埃尔维斯
Elvis!
你在哪
Where are you?
- 埃尔维斯 - 埃尔维斯
- Elvis! - Elvis!
埃尔维斯 埃尔维斯
Elvis! Elvis!
你得开慢点
You gotta slow down.
我现在是每秒六米的速度
I'm going six.
呃 我觉得我又要开始慢跑了
Ugh, I really got to start jogging again.
埃尔维斯
Elvis!
你能再快点吗
Can you go any faster?
感觉你有4000磅重
You weigh like 4,000 pounds.
- 换位 - 什么
- Switch. - What?
- 我来骑吧 - 没门
- I'm driving. - No way.