留级之王（2002）

库立吉学院创立于18多少年
Coolidge College was established in 18...
谁知道答案 新生入学手册里有提到过
Who knows this? It was in your freshman facts.
春季学期开学的第一天
The first day of spring semester.
又到了和爸妈说再见的时候了
A time to say good bye to the parents once again...
也是和新生说哈喽的时候
and say hello to a few new student bodies.
至于我嘛
As for me, well...
我喜欢按照往年的老传统 来开始一个新的学期
I like to start off each semester with a certain time honored tradition.
通过一种仪式 使我的
A ritual, if you will, that allows me...
"头"找对地方
to get my head in the right place.
我承认 苏咪 是老了点儿
Okay, so Suk Mee's a little old...
(Suk Mee = Suck Me = 男对女口♥交♥)
但她就是这么棒
but she is just so damn good.
她最擅长 速战速决
She's great with these quick jobs...
(Quick Job = Blow Job = 女对男口♥交♥)
外加几十年积累的经验更是让人没得比
plus there is no substitute for decades of experience.
简直棒极了
That looks amazing.
太完美了 你是职业水准
That is perfect. You're a pro.
专家
A pro.
嗨 看着我
Look at me.
专家
Pro.
喔 老天 太棒了 谢谢你这么快就帮我搞定了 苏咪
Well, gosh, that was great. Thanks for the quick job there.
我二十分钟后来拿
I need these in 20 minutes.
超级棒
Super.
有人要跳楼啦
We've got a jumper!
等一下 小老弟 我知道你不会这么做的
Hold on, son. You don't want to do this.
我也不想来这儿 是他们逼我的
I didn't want to come here either. They made me come!
他们逼我的
They made me!
第一学期总是那么恐怖 对不对 提米
First year can be kind of scary, can't it, Timmy?
我的名字不是
My name's not...
但是你知道我在校七年学到了什么吗
But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge...
提米
Timmy?
你不能把什么事都看作生死攸关那么严重
I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter...
否则你死都死不过来
because you'll die a lot of times.
把它写下来
Write that down.
-我没有笔 -记住就行了
-I don't have a pen. -Well, remember that then.
还有你知道吗 提米
And you know something, Timmy?
跑到这里来跳楼 你也真够有种的
I think you've got the balls to make it here.
不管怎么说
Call me nuts...
我对你有信心
but I believe in you.
你瞧 提米 你不能老是被脑袋左右
You see, Timmy, you can't let this lead you all the time.
有时你得要听从心的指引
Sometimes you've gotta heed this.
我相信你是一个很有心的人
I think you've got a lot of heart in there, mister, don't you?
是不是 是不是 看看你的周遭
Don't you? I mean, look around you.
提米
Timmy?
干的好 范 谢谢
Great work, Van. Thanks!
要谨记我说的教条喔 提米
Remember my credo, Timmy.
别当傻瓜 留在学校吧
Don't be a fool. Stay in school.
天 我爱死这个地方了
God, I love this place.
-嗨 范 -嗨 范大哥
-Hey, Van. -Hey, Van the man.
我昨晚有打电♥话♥给你 范
I called you last night, Van.
我的名字是范·伟德 这里就是我的家
My name is Van Wilder, and this is my home...
库立吉学院
Coolidge College.
在校的 嗯 七年 转瞬即逝
The last, well, seven years have gone by way too fast.
学校给予我那么多 我却无以为报
This school's given me so much. I just can't seem to give enough back.
-那是范 -就是他
-That's Van. -That's him!
欧 我的天
Oh, my God!
-哇 -嗯 哇
-Wow. -Yeah. Wow.
我是杭廷顿高中有史以来第一名男性啦啦队长
I was the first-ever male cheerleader at Huntington High!
有史以来第一个喔
The first ever!
给我来个V 给我来个A
Give me a V! Give me an A!
给我来个M 那个字怎么拼来着
Give me an N! What does it spell?
我看到一个犹太祭司 他正在进行包皮割礼
I see a rabbi, and he's performing a circumcision...
不过是割自己的
on himself though.
你会变得训练有素
You'll become disciplined.
你的心智可以被当作武器
Your mind will become a weapon.
对不起 你真的不符合我们的要求
I'm sorry. You really just don't fit the profile.
我们来玩个联想猜字的游戏
We're just gonna do a little bit of word association.
饼干
Cookies!
-我的名字是范 -我名字是泰利
-My name is Van. -Hi, my name is Terry.
那么 可以开始了么
Let's get it started then, shall we?
大结局
Big finish.
医护人员
Medic.
-如果同时雇佣我们两个人 -保证会让你爽翻天
-Having us both at the same time... -Will definitely lighten your load.
-我们的菊花随时恭候 -无论多大
-We will bend over backwards for you. -There's nothing too big...
-都没有问题 -没有什么我们应付不来的
-we can't handle. -And we mean nothing.
-我们会"全力以赴" -爽爆你整个学期
-We'll stay on top of you... -And ride you all semester.
基本上 我意思是 我们会"伺候"得你舒舒服服
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
附带问一句 会有出国公干的机会吗
By the way, can you tell me if there'll be any international travel?
我向上帝发誓 你让我感觉很不舒服
Seriously, I swear to God, I'm really uncomfortable now.
我想你该走了
It's time you should go.
没有一个合格的
Not one acceptable candidate.
现在的年轻人都怎么了
What is wrong with the youth of today?
因特网啦 伙计
The Internet, dude.
把他们的脑细胞都烤坏了
Fries their brain cells, man.
相信我 巨无霸 我们一定会找到适合的人选
It's cool, Colossus. We'll find somebody.
巨无霸 从我的衬衫上滚开
C-los, get your ass off my shirt.
我说 你真得把它给阉了啦
You really should have him neutered, man.
这事儿得由它来决定
That's up to him.
瞧 那两个玩意儿越来越大了
They are getting bigger, aren't they?
我来开
I'll get that.
又来了一个应征的
Looks like we got one more.
你叫什么名字
What's your name?
我叫 塔吉·马哈·巴达兰达巴
I'm Taj Mahal Badalandabad.
你从哪儿来 塔吉
Where are you from, Taj?
我是交换学生 来自印度的巴格朗
I'm an exchange student from Banglapur, India.
欢迎 能为你做些什么吗
Welcome. What can we do for you?
我这次的学习截止到这个学年末
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year...
到时候就必须返回我的国家 我在那里也没有什么朋友
at which time I must return to my home country, where I do not have many friends.
我很希望能在剩下的日子里做你的助理
I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
好 我们来玩个联想猜字游戏
Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association.
告诉我你联想到的第一件事物 牛奶
Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk.
大咪♥咪♥
Tit!
噢 我的妈
Oh, Mommy.
大多数印度人会说牛 因为他们崇拜牛
Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred...
而我一听到牛奶 就会不由自主的想到大奶♥子♥
but I hear Milk, I think giant jugs.
你瞧 我必须在回国之前把这个处♥男♥身丢掉
You see, I cannot go home a virgin.
我来这里是为了学习伟大的美国式"舔穴"艺术
I came here to study the great American art of muff diving.
(Muff Diving = 男舔女未刮毛的小♥穴♥)
学习怎样打开"鲍鱼"吮吸毛毛的小♥穴♥
To smack clam, munch rug...
我要在粉红的"鲍鱼堆"里大快朵颐
dine at just one American pink taco stand.
嗯 我想要 该怎么说呢 和女人做♥爱♥
You know, I wanted to... how is it... park the porpoise.
我要让她用涂满香波的美发来帮我打手♥枪♥
I want to take it through the car wash, baby.
然后射她一身 我要射她一身 射她一身
And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it!
完事儿后 再让她帮我舔干净
You know, and air dry.
把我的小家伙舔得干干净净 嗯 嗯
Air dry that shit, yeah.
那个 我真的非常希望成为你的助理
And I would like to be your assistant very much...
范·伟德先生
Mr. Van Wilder.
你需要一份我的课程表 用来作记录
You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes.
我的帐务也由你来管理
You'll also handle my finances.
每隔一个星期一 我都要去新生危机处理会讲习
I lecture at the freshman crisis group every other Monday.
我是拯救游泳队紧身比基尼活动的领头人
I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
这学期我还是反暴饮暴食啤酒肚打击团的团员
and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester.
这是病鬼的房♥间 没有哪个礼拜他是不生病的
This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment.
带状疱疹 肝炎 菜花 都是他自己的错
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault.
-面丸子汤 犹太盘尼西林 -谢谢你 范
-Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin. -Thanks, Van.
把它全吃了 咱们走
Don't pick at it. Moving on.
把7:15的延迟到8:15 把8:15的延迟到9:45
I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45,
再把9:45的延迟到星期三
and my 9:45 till Wednesday.
你快艇还欠七万五千元
You owe $75,000 for the speed boat.
取消我下个礼拜在渥顿学校的演讲
Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week.
我现在很想去一个热带的地方 大溪地 记下来了吗
I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
-是的 先生 -那匹纯种马你还欠二十万