无双（2025）

再来
Yep.
节哀 我是朱迪
Hi. I'm Judy.
罗曼 - 我是罗基同事
Roman. - I worked with Rocky.
抱歉
Sorry.
简直像幻觉 抱歉 抱歉
It's like looking at a ghost. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
真不想待在这儿了
Have to get out of here.
节哀 我是艾瑞克
Roman. Eric.
我们素未谋面 却似曾相识
We've never met, but I feel like I know you.
真替你难过
I'm so sorry for your loss.
需要的话 我都在...
I'm-I'm here if you...
天呐 你长得太像他了
Oh, God. Your face.
其实 看起来
It doesn't-- Actually, it doesn't seem like
不像你在尽职尽责 看起来...
you are trying to do your job. No, looks like--
更像是在帮倒忙
It feels like you're doing the opposite of your job
给我去世的哥哥
'cause it should be pretty easy to cancel
销户应该很简单的 - 还要这个吗？
my dead brother's account. - Do you want this?
放哪儿好呢
I don't know.
妈 随便 我在打电♥话♥呢
Ma, I don't know. I'm on the phone.
别让我等着
No, do not put me on hold!
这些要不要？ - 我...妈 别问了
Do you want these? - I-- Mom, please.
别跟我说什么别激动
Don't tell me to fucking calm down!
都耗了快一小时了
I've been on the phone for, like, an hour--
喂？操！ - 罗曼
Hello? Fuck! - Roman,
这些到底还要不要？
do you want me to keep these or throw them away?
非得现在收拾吗？ - 家里没地方了
Do we have to do this now? - We don't have the room,
你要是想要的话...
but if you wanna keep everything--
明天再弄行吗？ - 不行
Can we just do this tomorrow, please? - No, we can't.
为什么？ - 明天我就走人了
Why? - Because I'm going back tomorrow.
行 我又不走 别管了
Okay, but I'm gonna be here, so just leave it.
你真打算自己收拾吗？
You're gonna pack up this entire apartment?
对 对 - 哦 真有意思
Yes. Yes. - Oh, that's rich.
我就自己来 怎么了
I'll do it myself-- What?
我觉得你待在这里 对你没好处
I don't think you should stay here. I don't think it's good for you.
得了吧 你不懂什么对我好
Oh, come on. You don't know what's good for me,
妈 从来没懂过 好吧？
Mom. You never knew what was good for me. Okay?
行 行
All right, Okay.
开玩笑吗？ - 好吧 那算了
You kidding me? - Well, then never mind.
我不管了 - 很好
I won't help you. - Good.
全部都你自己做 - 我就是这个意思
You can do all this yourself. - That's what I'm saying.
我回酒店后 - 抓紧走
I'll go back to the hotel. - Go.
别打电♥话♥求我 - 热烈欢送你这混♥蛋♥！
Don't call me. - Good. Good for fucking you!
够了！
Time-out!
罗曼
Roman.
你需要帮助
You need help.
你才需要帮助
You need help.
嗯 确实
Well, that's true.
大家好
Hello, everyone.
现在七点了 我们开始吧
It's seven o'clock, so I say let's get started.
今天有几位新朋友
I see some new faces here today,
大家来做个有趣的转圈轮流介绍
so I thought it would be fun to go in a circle.
说出你的名字
Say your name,
一个与名字首字相同的食物
a vegetable that starts with the same first letter
以及一件不怀念你双胞胎的事
and one thing you don't miss about your twin.
我先来 夏洛特 夏威夷果
Charlotte. Carrot.
我一点也不怀念夏琳抢我男朋友的事
I don't miss Claire stealing my boyfriend.
不 我开玩笑的
No, I'm kidding.
别当真 不会真这样自我介绍的
I'm kidding. We won't go in a circle.
但夏琳确实抢过我男朋友
But Claire, she really did steal my boyfriend.
那男人分不清我们俩 但这也算吧？
He couldn't tell us apart. But it still counts, right?
我怀念她的笑声
I miss her laugh.
我们总是一起笑
We always laughed together.
我们还说好要演那段阿伯特和科斯特洛的双簧
We talked about doing this Abbott and Costello routine.
【阿伯特与科斯特洛：上世纪中叶美式喜剧二人组】
但我太害羞了
But I was too shy.
我对自己说 做单口喜剧就行了
So, I said to myself I'll try stand-up.
嗯 我要在你们身上试几个段子
Yep, and I'm about to test jokes on you,
别介意
so bear with me.
准备好了吗？好
Okay, you ready? All right.
有双胞胎的请举手
Raise your hand if you have a twin.
好样的
Okay.
来参加的双胞胎还挺多的
This is a good crowd.
发现没 人们总爱问
You know, so many people, they're always asking,
“谁更大？”
"Who's older?"
我最大 因为她死了
I am now that she's dead.
做双胞胎久了 另一半的不同
As a twin, it's like you internalize the difference
都会刻在你心里
between you and your other half.
夏琳是外向的 夏琳是更漂亮的那个
Claire's the outgoing one, Claire's the beautiful one,
夏琳是得性病的那个
Claire's the one with chlamydia.
我既气又难过
I was so upset
她得了性病居然没带上我
when she got chlamydia without me.
我们本该什么事都一起做
We're supposed to do everything together.
别吃那个 吃着像蛋蛋
Oh, I wouldn't eat that. Tastes like balls.
好啊 我喜欢蛋蛋
Mm, I like balls.
哦
Oh.
哎
Mm.
噢 天呐 太难吃了
Oh, my God, that's so bad.
你是不是...
Are you, uh...
我是啥？
Am I...?
你刚才说你喜欢蛋蛋 所以...
Oh, just-- You said you like balls, so...
我哥哥罗基也是同性恋
Rocky, my brother, was gay.
你那边你兄弟也是吗？
Was your twin?
呃 不是
Um... No.
好
Right.
挺奇怪的 是吧？
It's weird, isn't it?
这叫表观遗传学啦
Uh, epigenetics.
在你的DNA之外
They're the things you inherit on top of your DNA.
影响基因表达的东西 这能解释差异
They may account for discrepancies between identical twins.
对了 你会晕车吗？
Hey, do you get carsick?
有时会 为什么问？
Sometimes. Why?
小时候罗基
Rocky always had to sit in the front seat
总要坐前排
when we were kids, and...
我就想
I don't know, I just thought
也许这跟所谓的 同性倾向基因 有关吧
maybe that was connected to, like, the gay gene.
要是有的话
If there is one.
不是说真有
Not that there is one.
我不是科学家 只是随便瞎猜
Uh, it was just an idea. I'm no scientist.
有个所谓的同性倾向基因
Um, well, there is a gay gene.
好像把橙当蓝 把蓝当橙
Uh, we see orange as blue and blue as orange.
所以时尚圈里
That's why there's so many homosexuals
同性恋多 - 哦 是吧？
in the fashion industry. - Oh. See?
看吧 我就说嘛
Well, there you go.
抱歉 你知道我是在开玩笑吧？
I'm sorry, you know that I'm joking, right?
那 那不是真滴
That-that's not true.
嗯 知道 我知道
Yeah. No, I knew that.
好的
Okay.
我叫 丹 丹尼斯
I'm D-- uh, I'm Dennis.
我叫罗曼
Roman.
你双胞胎叫什么名字？
What was your twin's name?
你饿吗？
Are you hungry?
抱歉 什么？ - 只是想问你
Sorry, what? - Sorry. I was just gonna ask
喜欢不喜欢三明治啦
if you like sandwiches. Never mind.
你确定不吃点？
You sure you don't want some?
嗯 不了
Mm, I'm okay.
才想起来吃过了 - 嗯
I forgot I already ate. - Mm.
我不喝咖啡 咖啡对我不好
I don't drink caffeine 'cause it does things to me.
后来布拉德让我改喝茶 花草茶
Then Brad converted me to tea. Herbal tea.
布拉德是我在纽约爱过的人
Brad was this guy I was in love with back in New York.
有一天我翻他浏览记录
Then one day, I found all these goat-fucking videos
全是跟羊兽♥交♥的视频 - 哇
in his browser history. - Whoa.
我怕冲突 选择了旁敲侧击
I tried to get him to confess, but I avoid conflict,
下馆子时我常点羊奶酪