肥伦今夜秀2015.08.10.Chris.Meloni

欢迎来到 纽约洛克菲勒中心6b演播室
From studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of New York City,
现在为您带来 "吉米肥伦今夜秀"
it's "the tonight show starring Jimmy fallon."
今晚 我们的嘉宾是... 克里斯·米洛尼
Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests... Chris meloni,
卢克·布莱恩
Luke Bryan,
还有特约roots乐队
and featuring the legendary roots crew.
309 布卢明顿
309, bloomington.
现在 我们的吉米·肥伦来了!
And now, here he is, Jimmy fallon!
嘿!
Oh, hey!
请坐 嘿!
Please, hey!
棒棒哒
That was great.
慢慢来
Take a minute.
慢慢来
Take a minute.
欢迎 都请坐下吧
Have a seat, welcome.
大家今晚好热情
What a hot crowd this is tonight.
来吧
Come on!
我们爱你啊 吉米!
We love you, Jimmy!
看来现在唯一的麻烦
Now we've got to put on a good show.
就是我们必须要好好演出了
That's the only problem.
我们还是可以做到的
Yeah, we'll do it.
欢迎大家来到 "今夜秀"
Welcome, everybody, to "the tonight show."
就是这里
This is it.
你们都来了
You're here!
我需要你们!
And I need you!
大家一起来!
We're all in it together!
真的很棒
This is fantastic.
欢迎 欢迎来到这里
Welcome, welcome to the show.
今晚会很有趣的
It's going to be fun.
现在 我们来说说最近的热门话题
Now, here's what everyone is talking about.
没错 是唐纳德·特朗普和梅根·凯利的战争
Of course, the fight between Donald trump and megyn Kelly.
美富豪唐纳德·特朗普声称若竞选总统成功会遣送所有非法移♥民♥
福克斯电视台美女主持梅根·凯利质疑他的话都是错的
特朗普被指控对共和党辩论主持人梅根·凯利
After being accused of making sexist comments about
作出带有性别歧视的言论后
republican debate moderator megyn Kelly,
他昨天跑去了美国有线电视新闻网
trump went on CNN
如此说道 "我珍爱♥女♥人♥ 希望能帮助女人"
yesterday and said, "I cherish women, I want to help women."
希拉里就一脸"对 你确实正在帮我这个女人呢
Then Hillary was like, "well, you're really helping this woman.
我得谢谢你的大恩大德"
So, I've got to say thank you very much."
真是棒棒哒
Doing a great job.
然后唐纳德·特朗普的某个高级助手说
And a top aide to Donald trump says
特朗普因为某个公共纠纷
he quit the campaign this
他决定于本周退出竞选团队
weekend because of trump's public feuds,
但是特朗普却说"他是被解雇的"
but trump said "he was fired."
当问及为什么会炒他鱿鱼时
When asked what he was fired for,
特朗普说 "他要退出啊
trump said "quitting.
想要退出就得被炒 简直不可原谅"
You're fired for quitting, it's inexcusable."
上周共和党辩论的亮点之一 当然就是
Of course one of the highlights of last week's gop debate was
唐纳德·特朗普和兰德·保罗
when Donald trump and rand Paul
陷入热火朝天的交锋阶段
got into a heated exchange.
那真是帅呆了
It was fantastic.
我们能看看那时的截屏吗?
Can we look at a screen shot of that?
对
Yeah.
更诡异的是当把他们的发型配在一起的时候
It got even weirder when their haircuts mated
他们就都顶着一窝金毛狮子狗的毛毛了
and they had a litter of goldendoodles.
我们能不能再看下那张照片?
Can we see the picture again?
这就是... 啊哈
That's how... there it is, yeah.
金毛狮子狗是贵宾和金毛杂交出来的 又金又卷
金毛狮子狗就是这么来的
That's how you make goldendoodles.
就是这么来的
That's how they make them.
就是这样
That's how you make them.
当然 除了黄金时段的辩论
Of course, in addition to the prime-time debate, they also
他们还给福克斯新闻台得票较少的候选人
held an earlier debate on fox news for some of the lower
来了场预赛
polling candidates.
我们不难发现 主持人玛莎·麦卡勒姆
And one thing we noticed was that moderator Martha maccallum
问了些很难回答的问题
asked some pretty complicated questions.
我都不知道这些候选人有没有做好心理准备
I don't know if the candidates were ready for them.
看看这个
Check this out.
帕塔基先生 四千五百万人依赖食品救济券
Governor pataki, 45 million people in this country are on
还有九百万依赖伤残补贴
food stamps, 9 million are on disability.
在这个国家 人们越来越愿意接受救济
There's an increasing willingness in this country to accept assistance.
你觉得 我们是否应该鼓励他们自力更生?
Do you believe that we should be encouraging people to get off of it?
我觉得你需要......
I think you need somebody who has......
这是个极其复杂的问题
This is a complicated situation.
你认为可以和我们一起站在他们的立场上吗?
Are you okay with us being on their side?
我认为过去八年...
I think the last eight years...
你觉得我们应该站在哪一方?
Which side do you believe we should be on?
我的回答是不
The answer is no.
那你到底站在哪一方?
Which side are you on?
为什么要针对我?
Why me?
这就是了
There you go.
我是说... 好刁钻
I mean... very picky.
在早期的辩论中 里克·佩里说如果他当选了
Also during the earlier debate, Rick Perry said that if he were elected,
他会撕了跟伊朗的核武器合约
he would tear up the nuclear agreement with Iran.
棒
Yeah.
但是奥巴马给合约压了层膜就是为了捣乱
But then Obama had it laminated just to mess with him.
就好像 "啊 撕不开 给我剪刀"
It was like, "aw, give me the scissors."
还有就是 在上周的共和党辩论之前
And get this, before last week's republican debate,
希拉里·克♥林♥顿♥的人告诉支持者准备一些软的投掷物
Hillary Clinton's staff told supporters to stock up on soft
比如棉花糖 好用来扔电视上的选举人
projectiles like marshmallows to throw at the candidates on TV.
而克里斯. 克里斯蒂的人对现场观众说了同样的话
While Chris christie's staff told the same thing to the live audience.
啊呜 啊呜
Num, num.
啊呜 啊呜
Num, num.
我吃 吃 吃 吃 吃 吃
Num, num, num, num, num.
真好玩
Fun.
嘿!
Hey!
我还看见要在玛莎的葡萄园
Also, I saw that president Obama is on vacation
度假两周的奥巴马
in Martha's vineyard for the next two weeks.
对滴
Ooh, yeah.
有人批评说他让美国看起来弱了不少
Critics say it makes America look weak.
至少看起来很蠢
Or at the very least kinda dorky.
"乌克尔已登陆
"The urkel has landed.
Urkel是美剧Family Matters的主角 黑人,带很奇怪的大眼镜,穿吊带裤,很有趣但古怪的人
重复 乌克尔已登陆"
I repeat, the urkel has landed."
"我有吗?"
"Did I do that?"
噢 戏剧性的在这
Ooh, a little drama here.
一点点戏剧性
A little drama.
麦莉·赛勒斯在新的采访中批判了
In a new interview miley Cyrus
泰勒·斯威夫特 "坏血"的MV
criticized Taylor swift's video
说它宣扬暴♥力♥与复仇
for "bad blood" saying it glorifies violence and revenge
还说 "我不明白为什么大咪♥咪♥比枪还可怕"
and added, "I don't see why boobs are worse than guns."
它们当然没那么可怕
They're not.
只是这两样东西 都不能被随随便便地
It's just that you shouldn't take out either one of them and
拿出来对着人
randomly point them at people.
我就这一个要求... 就这一个要求
That's the only thing... That's the only thing I ask.
别的没了
No problem with it.
就这一样
Only thing I ask.
这个也不错
This is cool here.
有传言说奥齐·奥斯本要在即将上映的电影
It's rumored that ozzy Osbourne may be appearing in the
"捉鬼敢死队"中出现
upcoming "ghostbusters" movie.
估计他们得用影像才能让他看起来不那么像鬼
Of course, they had to use CGI to make him look less like a ghost.
但还是很有趣的
But it's still interesting.
"莎伦 把我从这个鬼圈里弄出去!"
"Sharon, get me out of this ghost trap!"
我不知道你们知不知道这事 但在印度
I don't know if you guys saw this, but there was a lot of
可真是议论纷纷啊
controversy in India.
对
Yeah.
近来 印度境内争议不断
There was a lot of controversy in India recently
因为政♥府♥扫黄而查封了八百个点
after the government banned over 800
但禁令下达不过才一周
porn sites but then
政♥府♥就解除了禁令
lifted the ban after just a week.
没错
That's right.
黄色行动消停了一周后卷土重来
Porn started back up after being gone for a week, or as we
中世纪时期开始 复活节前的40天 在此期间进行斋戒和忏悔
这就像是我们美国的 "大斋节" 似的
call that here in America, "Lent."
最后 这个也很有趣