降妖别动队（1987）

在故事发生的一百年前...
正处特兰西瓦尼亚(吸血鬼之乡)的黑暗时期...
当时Abraham Van Helsing博士和一群为自♥由♥而战的勇士...
联手终结了吸血鬼和怪物的时代...
并从无尽的邪恶势力中挽救了人类...
吸血鬼和怪物由此毁灭
还有3分钟 快把女孩带来!
Three minutes. The girl. Now!
我们能快点吗?
Let's hurry a bit, shall we?
快啊! 再快点 再快点!
Come on! Faster, faster!
快读! 不然我们都得死!
Read! Or we're all gonna die!
不! 回来
No! Come back.
现在
很好 你们俩坐得还舒服吧?
Well, well, well. Are you two sitting comfortably?
不错 现在 绅士们
Good. Now. Gentlemen.
看见这些文件夹了吗?
Do you see these file folders?
写有你们名字的这些?
The ones with your names on them?
猜得到文件夹里是什么吗?
Can you guess what's in these file folders?
给你们个提示
I'll give you a hint.
处分单 数不清的处分单
Discipline reports. Lots of them.
还有一些优秀的艺术作品
And some wonderful artwork as well.
这是?
This is?
人形蜘蛛?
Spider with human head?
- 不好意思 这是蜘蛛? - 还有人形脑袋
- I'm sorry. Spider? - With human head.
是啊 他吃狗啊 猫啊 还有兔子
Yeah. He eats dogs and cats and rabbits.
- 是吗? - 是Sean想出来的
- Does he? - Sean thought him up.
知道吗 先生 这算是我们怪物俱乐部的 明白吗?
You see, sir, we kinda have this monster club, okay?
我们想画些画 挂在俱乐部的墙上
And we draw those pictures to put on our clubhouse walls.
修正一下 Crenshaw先生
Correction, Mr. Crenshaw.
你是在Carlson夫人的科学课上画的...
You draw pictures during Mrs. Carlson's science class...
那时你应该专心上课才对
when you're supposed to be paying attention.
等等 我只想说一件事
Wait. I just want to say one thing.
我是说 Carlson的确是个好老师...
I mean, Ms. Carlson's a nice teacher and all...
但无趣且头发造型古怪
but she's boring and has an odd-shaped head.
所以Sean他们才叫她 "无敌猫女"...
That's why Sean and the guys call her "Meow Mix"...
因为她的脑袋像猫
'cause her head's shaped like a cat head.
但我不这样叫 先生 实在是... 太无礼了
But I don't, sir, 'cause... how rude.
孩子们...
Boys...
我理解你们
I hear you.
我也曾当过孩子
I was a kid once.
我也曾觉得怪兽酷毙了
I thought monsters were cool.
也许 好吧 天啊... 也许我就是个大孩子...
And maybe, well... well, gosh, maybe I'm just a big kid...
因为 Sean Patrick...
because, Sean, Patrick...
我认为科学酷毙了
I think science is cool.
我爱死它了 伙计们
I dig it, man.
我知道你们两个对怪兽非常了解
Now, I'm sure both of you know a great deal about monsters.
但这不是问题所在 问题是...
But that's not the issue here. The issue is...
科学是真实的
science is real.
而怪兽是虚构的
Monsters are not.
我们还不能这么说 先生
We don't know that, sir.
天啊 你能相信Metzger先生吗?
God, can you believe Mr. Metzger?
真不敢置信 他碰了我 还拍我的肩膀
Tell me about it. He was touching me. He patted my shoulders and stuff.
- 那家伙肯定是同志 - 我闻起来像四十年代的人
- The guy was fully homo-ing out. - I smell like the '40s.
当他们送你来学校时 就该说说这些同性恋和头顶猫头的人...
When they send you to school, they should tell you about homos and people with cat heads...
对不起 Carlson夫人
Sorry, Mrs. Carlson.
喵 喵
Meow. Meow.
她结婚了 Sean
She's married, Sean.
噢 天啊! 居然有人愿意在晚上亲她?
Oh, my God! Some guy kisses her at night?
当牧师说 "我宣誓你们结为夫妇"时 他也能够接受?
I mean a priest said, "I now pronounce you man and wife," and it was okay with him?
嘿 肥仔在哪里?
Hey. Where's Fat Kid?
女士们先生们 晚上好 欢迎观看演出
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our show.
今晚的问题是: 什么导致了肥仔肥胖?
Tonight's question: What makes Fat Kid fat?
- 肥仔请回答? - 走开啦 E.J.
- Fat Kid? - Get out of here, E.J.
- "走开啦 E.J." - 不对
- "Get out of here, E.J." - Nope.
- 不是个好答案 - 完全说不通啊
- Not a good answer. - Doesn't make any sense.
- 下面将话筒交给Derek - 嗨 我是Derek...
- Let's go to our man on the street. Derek. - Hi. I'm Derek...
我正位于 因肥仔导致交通堵塞的街上
and I'm in the street where Fat Kid is blocking traffic.
肥仔 你能别再吃了吗?
Fat Kid, can't you stop eating?
听着 我腺分泌不好 成吗?
Look, I have a glandular problem, okay?
但至少我没有脑子不好
At least I don't have a stupidity problem.
你说什么 笨蛋? 你说什么?
What'd you say, faggot? What'd you say?
我叫Horace!
My name's Horace!
屁... 眼
Whore... ass.
哎哟 我把它撕烂了
Oops. I tore it.
我想我是脑子不好了
I guess I must have a stupidity problem.
说什么呢 笨蛋? 你说什么?
What'd you say, faggot? What'd you say?
我说 "你真混♥蛋♥"
I said, "You're an asshole."
嘿 Rudy
Hey, Rudy.
E.J.啊
E.J.
看起来你遇上我朋友Horace了
See you met my friend Horace.
你还好吧?
You okay?
Rudy 我...
Rudy, I...
你的士力架掉了 E.J.
You dropped your candy bar, E.J.
是他的
It's his.
现在是你的了
It's your now.
- 吃下去 - Rudy 我不想...
- Eat. - Rudy, I'm not gonna...
快吃! 吃了事情就到此为止
Eat up! And we'll call it a day.
听着 Patrick 我早就告诉过你
Look, Patrick, I told you before.
- 狼人不会开车 - 不 他会
- Wolfman cannot drive a car. - Yes, he can.
- 他不会! - 他会
- No, he can't! - Yes, he can.
我要说的是 Sean 如果他必须得开车 他就会
All I'm saying is, Sean, he could if he had to.
他才不会呢 你真是个白♥痴♥!
He could not. You're being such a dork!
- 我知道你是 但我呢? - 白♥痴♥
- I know you are, but what am I? - A dork.
- 我知道你是 但我呢? - 噢 好吧 你是蠢货 白♥痴♥
- I know you are, but what am I? - Oh, great. A feeb. A dork.
- 我知道你是 但我呢? - 白♥痴♥
- I know you are, but what am I? - A dork.
- 我知道你是 但我呢? - 永远是白♥痴♥! 听着
- I know you are, but what am I? - Infinity! Look.
狼人不用工作 他又不像 人类
Wolfman doesn't go to work. He's not, like, a guy.
你在说什么呢? 他四处走动 还穿着短裤
What are you talkin' about? He walks around. He wears pants.
他必须得穿短裤 因为那些都是四十年代的电影了
He had to wear pants 'cause those movies were made in the '40s.
他必须穿短裤是因为能挡住他的... 狼之小鸡鸡
He had to wear 'em so you wouldn't see his... wolfdork.
狼之小鸡鸡?
Wolfdork?
伙计们!
You guys!
我看到他了 他正在看着我们
I saw him. He was watching us.
- 谁? - 恐怖德国男
- Who? - Scary German Guy.
Sean 他让我毛骨悚然
Sean, he give me the creeps.
他只是个 靠救济生活的混混
He's just a dude on welfare.
也许他是德国间谍
Maybe he's a German spy.
好想法 我们现在可没和德国人打仗
Oh, good one. We're not at war with Germany anymore.
我们在和越南人打仗
We're at war with Vietnam.
- 什么? - 就像第一滴血啊
- What? - It's in Rambo.
- 你们错过好戏了! - 肥仔!
- You guys missed it! - Fat Kid!
Rudy救了我一命! 让他加入怪物俱乐部怎么样?
Rudy saved my life! Do you think we could talk him into joining the Monster Club?
可以吗?
Can we?
紧急会议
Huddle.
Sean 他上初中了
Sean, he's in junior high.
我听说他把自己老爸给杀了
I heard he killed his dad.
快走开 笨蛋Phoebe!
Get out of here, Phoebe the Feeb!
好了 伙计们 他要加入只有一个条件
Okay, you guys. We should let him in on one condition.
怪物测试
Monster test.
各位! 我看见恐怖... 我看见他了!
You guys! I saw Scary... I saw him!
我看见恐怖德国男了! 他在看我们!
I saw Scary German Guy! He was watching!
我真沮丧
I'm depressed.
- 怎么了? - 你问怎么了 是什么意思?
- What for? - What do you mean, what for?
我正在用二战轰炸机 运载装着死人的木箱飞行
I'm flyin' a World War II bomber with wooden crates in it and dead bodies.
难道我该办个派对不成?
I should have a party?
他们抱怨了吗? 他们晕机了吗? 他们找你要杏仁吃了吗?
Do they complain? Do they get airsick? Do they ask for more of the little almond things?
你是对的
You're right.
这工作真不错 我真高兴
This is a great job. I'm really happy.
- 我还以为他们死了 - 他们是死了啊
- I thought they were dead. - They are.
我得去...
I'm goin' to...
我得去检查看看
I'm gonna check it out.
- 好啊 - 很好
- Okay. - Good.
你去检查
You do that.
我留在这儿 制♥造♥点诡异的声音
I'll stay here and make spooky sounds.
来啊 来啊