外星人报到（1999）

布瑞丝 布瑞丝
Brace! Brace!
这次有多严重
You'd rate this tantrum?
七点五级强烈地震
About a seven-five on the Brace scale.
我和菲力克斯谈谈
I'll talk to Felix.
你从没跟我说过你叔叔的事
You never told me about your uncle.
什么
Are you--
很高兴你提醒了我 我们得谈谈 这可是大事
Look, I'm glad you beeped me. We really need to talk. This is really big.
这我懂
I know.
你懂 - 当然
You do? - Yes.
我一直把你当朋友
Look, I've been thinking, and our friendship really means a lot to me,
我不想毁了我们之间的友谊 - 是的
and I don't want to screw that up. - Okay.
所以我想我们最好假装
So I think it would be better if we just pretended that
昨晚什么事都没发生过
nothing ever happened between us last night.
昨晚 什么事
What happened last night?
这就对了
Exactly!
我不很明白
I'm not sure I understand what--
我也一样
Me either.
我想我们都有点糊涂了
I guess we're both a little confused, huh, Tim?
别紧张
Easy, easy.
我以为是她
I thought you were her.
她太吓人了 你怎么受得了
She's terrible, Tim. How did you last so long?
她只是脾气大 人还不错
She's a little high-maintenance, but she's okay.
爱情是盲目的
Oh, lust is blind.
我们的隐形摄象机呢
Do we still have that hidden camera stuff somewhere?
在你屁♥股♥下面
You're sitting on it.
你要干么
Why?
来 让我帮你
Here, let me help you with this.
你 帮我
Would you please?
这些词太难了
These words are way too big.
不说"温度高"
Huh? Humidity?
说"热"
Hot.
这很好
Wave for everybody!
如果我年轻一点 我也会加入他们的行列
By God, if I were only 40 years older, I'd be right there with 'em!
查宁小姐吗
Miss Channing?
我能和你谈谈吗
Could I have a word with you, please?
可以
Okay.
已经签好名了
I've already signed it.
你们到底是什么人
Come on, who are you guys, huh?
好了 都搞定了 布瑞丝呢
Okay, guys, you're all set. Where's Brace?
不知道 她走了
I don't know. She took off.
她不干了 她老爸会骂死我
She quit! And her dad gonna blame me!
那边怎么回事
Hey, what's going on over there?
比利 帮个忙 我得先走
Uh, Billy, put that in my car. I gotta go.
给我打电♥话♥
Call me!
马丁
Martin!
我喜欢这些
I like it!
马丁
Martin!
蒂姆 你来了
Tim, you're here!
你得救救我
You've got to save me from myself!
我上瘾了
It's intoxicating.
哦 还有曲奇(冰淇淋)呢
Ooh, cookie dough!
马丁叔叔 跟我回疗养院吧
I need to get you back to the home!
他在那只吃果冻 我们走吧
All they give him there is Jell-O. There we go.
灯光 人群
Lights, pieces of crowd...
我的曲奇(冰淇淋)
Cookie dough!
火星人实录 2
Martian footage, take two.
吃太多了吧
Chubby Hubby hangover, huh?
对不起
Sorry,
我发誓再也不碰那东西了
I swear, I'll never touch that stuff again.
太让人上瘾了
One scoop's too many, and a million aren't enough!
进行得怎么样了
So, how's it coming, anyway?
我用吹风机
Oh, I converted a blow dryer,
橡皮筋和杀虫剂
two elastic bands and an Acme Bug-Away insect bomb
做成临时电子加速器
into a temporary electron accelerator.
能行吗
Is it working?
没用 不过你车♥库♥的蟑螂死光了
Not at all, but on the positive side, your garage is now cockroach-free.
这就是租来的
Blasted rental!
这是租的
This is a rental, is it?
我那架现在在厂家维修
My regular ship is in the shop for its mid-millenium tune-up.
你的太空衣祖特呢
Where's your, uh, you know, your suit, Zoot... thing.
他在洗澡
Oh ho, washing up.
转吧 太棒了 好爽
Owww! Spin me, mama! So nice, so good
再洗五分钟就进烘干机
Five more minutes, Zoot, then into the dryer.
别这么残忍♥嘛
You're bringing me down, man!
我真想脱掉这身人皮
What I wouldn't give to shed this grotesque human facade...
让自己舒服地泡在清水里面
and let the cool Earth waters caress my Martian skin.
哦 - 完全可以
Oh! - So why don't you?
对呀 就这样
Why not, indeed?
祖特 让开点
Move over, Zoot!
我是说就你一个人到后院去
Martin, no. I meant-- I meant out in the hot tub, out back.
泡个热水澡
It would be private, by yourself.
你是叫我吐出变形丸
You mean spit out my Nurplex...
到后院变回我的本来面目
and revert to Martian form right outside your domicile?
没错
Exactly.
你觉得安全吗
Oh, do you think that's safe?
当然安全
Oh, yes, of course it's safe.
好吧
I'll do it!
好的 走吧
Good. Let's go.
好极了
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
蒂姆
Tim?
什么事
Yeah?
多谢
Thanks.
泡个澡而已 没什么大不了的
It's just a hot tub, Martin. No big deal.
不只是为了这个
I don't mean just that.
我知道从我到你家那一刻起
I know I must have created complete havoc with your simple life
给你带来不少麻烦
since the moment I arrived.
我只想说 "谢谢你"
Anyway, I just wanted to say... thank you.
哈罗
Hello!
拜托你们告诉我 这是怎么回事
Hello! Would somebody please come and tell me what's going on here?
好吧 查宁小姐
All right, Miss Channing.
还认识这个吧
Do you know what this is?
经过专家鉴定这是你的香烟
This has been positively identified by my team of experts as your cigarette.
是在飞碟坠毁处发现的
It was discovered at the site of a U.F.O. crash!
什么
What?
上面有外星人留下的遗传基因
And on it are trace elements of what we believe to be alien DNA.
外星人 - 哦 别再耍我了
Alien? - Oh, don't play dumb with me!
你是一个占据女人身体的外星人
You are an alien inhabiting the body of a woman!
而且这女人非常漂亮
A very, very attractive woman.
拜托了
Oh, please.
科利叶博士 我们检查了那支香烟
Dr. Coleye, we've run the tests on the other cigarette.
是人的遗传基因
It's human DNA.
抱歉 我搞错了
Oh. So sorry. An honest mistake.
查宁小姐
So, Miss Channing,
你的香烟上怎么会有 外星人的遗传基因呢
do you have any idea how alien DNA ended up on your cigarette?
我可能知道
I might.
但说了对我有什么好处
First of all, let's talk about what's in this for me.
你的话会拯救全人类
The safety of this entire planet may depend on what you say to me.
但对你个人没有任何好处
There's nothing in it for you!
科利叶博士
Dr. Coleye.
我可以叫你博士吗
May I call you... Doctor?
好好想想
Think about it.
这条新闻一发布
When this story breaks,
你将成为历史上 最伟大的科学家
you will be the most famous scientist in history.
你将登上所有科学杂♥志♥的封面
You will be on the cover of Scientific... whatever.
你可以证明外星人的存在
You will be the man that proves that aliens exist.
我会把你的伟大成就公诸于世
And I will be the woman who tells the world your story.
我们必须合作
We'll do it together.
好吧
Okay.
蒂姆
Tim?
你在上面干什么
What are you doing up there?