爱你，西蒙

I wanted to ask you about it, but I...
我不想刺探你
didn't wanna pry.
也许我做错了
Maybe I made a mistake.
不 不 妈妈 你...
No. No, Mom, you...
你没做错
You didn't make a mistake.
身为同性恋是你的事
Being gay is your thing.
这其中有一部分你必须独自经历
There are parts of it you have to go through alone.
我恨这一点
I hate that.
你一出柜就说"妈妈 我依旧是我"
As soon as you came out, you said, "Mom, I'm still me."
听好了
I need you to hear this.
你依旧是你 西蒙
You are still you, Simon.
你依旧是那个我喜欢戏弄的儿子
And you are still the same son who I love to tease,
也依旧是那个你♥爸♥爸依赖的儿子
and who your father depends on for just about everything.
也依旧是那个
And you're the same brother
不管妹妹做什么都说好吃的哥哥
who always compliments his sister on her food,
即便实际上很难吃
even when it sucks.
但你现在可以呼吸了 西蒙
But you get to exhale now, Simon.
你可以成为比一直以来的你...
You get to be more you than you have been...
都更真实的自己
in a very long time.
你理应得到你想要的一切
You deserve everything you want.
宝贝儿子
My boy.
你好呀 莉亚
Hey, Leah.
-你好 -最近怎样
- Hey. - What's up?
你在干什么呢
What are you doing?
准备去跑跑步而已
Just going for a run, you know.
-日常锻炼 -得了 你以前从来没跑过
- Daily ritual. - Yeah, you've never done that.
必须跑跑了
Have too.
但你还穿着牛仔裤
But you're wearing jeans.
这是我的跑步专用牛仔裤
They're my running jeans.
西蒙 你都要晕倒了
Simon, you're about to pass out.
好吧 我不是要去跑步
Okay, fine. I'm not going for a run.
莉亚 求你了 听我说
Hey, Leah. Please, listen.
听着 我知道 好吗
Look, I know, okay?
你不希望别人知道你是同性恋
You didn't want anyone to know you're gay.
不 不止是这个原因
No, that wasn't just it.
我爱上了一个人
I fell in love with someone.
邮件里的那个人...
That guy in the emails...
我爱他
I love him.
我知道 如果马丁泄露了我们的邮件
And I knew that if Martin leaked our emails,
他就会被吓跑
it'd scare him off.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我知道我的所作所为很过分
I know what I did was messed up.
你是我最好的朋友
You're my best friend.
如果我是你最好的朋友
If I'm your best friend,
那你为什么选择对艾比出柜而不是对我
then why did you come out to Abby and not me?
觉得那样容易些
Think it was easier.
我和艾比只认识了六个月
I've known Abby for six months,
但我和你认识13年了
and I've known you for 13 years.
我知道如果我告诉你
And I knew that if I told you,
一切都会不一样了
that everything was gonna be different.
我真的很希望一切照旧
I really wanted things to stay the same.
跟我说说那个你喜欢的男生
Tell me about this guy you love.
-你确定吗 -确定
- You sure? - Yeah.
这能帮我消灭我对直男西蒙的念想
It'll help me kill off Hetero Simon in my mind.
-也不必消灭吧 -他已经死了 小西
- You don't have to kill him off. - He's dead, Si.
我们边聊我边用意念弯刀攻击他
Hacking him up with a mental machete as we speak.
好吧 行吧
All right. Fair enough.
我叫他小蓝
So, I call him Blue.
小西
Hey, Si.
什么事
Yeah?
你知道多久了
How long have you known?
我真正开始觉察到是我在...
Like, I really started to get it when I was around...
13岁的时候
thirteen?
四年了 四年间
Four years? Four years of...
一起吃晚餐
eating dinner together,
四年间一起看电影
four years of going to movies together.
四年间一起遛比伯
Four years of walking Bieber together.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我不该毫无察觉的
I shouldn't have missed it.
不是的 不是这样 爸
No. Hey, no, Dad.
所有那些白♥痴♥玩笑
All those stupid jokes...
我知道你不是真心的
Well, I know you didn't mean 'em.
这不重要 我不该毫无察觉的
It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have missed it.
但...
But...
我怕你还不清楚 我...
in case the message got lost somewhere I just...
我只是希望你知道我爱你
I just want you to know that I love you.
你真的让我很骄傲
And I'm really proud of you.
我不愿让你改变一丝一毫
I wouldn't change anything about you.
好了 爸
Hey. Shit, Dad.
别哭了
Hey, stop crying.
我在努力 我在努力
I'm trying. I'm trying.
天啊
Oh, God.
过来
Come here.
给妈妈准备的那个视频怎么样了
How's that video for Mom coming?
-挺好的 -好 好
- Good. - Good, good.
那就好
Good.
你不知道怎么导出来 对吧
You don't know how to export it, do you?
能帮下我吗
Can you help me with that, please?
行
Yeah.
-好吧 -走吧
- Okay. - Let's go.
或许我们可以一起在基达上注册个账号♥
I thought maybe we could sign up for Grindr together.
你不知道基达是干什么的 对吗
You don't know what Grindr is, do you?
就是同性恋人群的脸书
It's Facebook for gay people.
并不是
Not what it is.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
接下来我要为大家展示20年来的幸福生活
I present to you 20 years of bliss.
Shine A Light - BANNERS
是你们做的吗
Did you guys do this?
西蒙和我做的
Simon and I did it, yeah.
-我只是帮了把手 -主要是我的功劳
- I just helped. - It was mostly me.
可不是
Yeah, right.
真要这样吗
Really? Really?
不敢相信你做了这个视频
I can't believe you did this.
我慌了 给你买♥♥了块手表
I panicked and bought you a watch.
没关系
That's okay.
你等会可以给我样
You can give me somethin' later
我在商店里买♥♥不到的东西
that I can't get in the store.
太恶心了
That's really gross.
-好好看 -抱歉 认真看
- Oh, guys, just look. - Sorry, just pay attention.
看看宝宝比伯
Just look at baby Bieber!
它太可爱了
He was so cute!
看看我们的宝贝
Just look at our baby!
亲爱的溪木镇高中的同学们
Dear students of Creekwood High School,
所有能上网的人都已经知道了
As anyone with a half-decent data plan already knows,
这个网站最近有帖子
a recent post on this very website
宣布我是同性恋
declared that I was gay.
虽然措辞不尽如人意
The delivery left something to be desired,
但内容是真实的
but the message is true.
我确实是同性恋
I am... gay.
很久以来 隐瞒这个事实让我备受折磨
For a long time, I was killing myself to hide that fact.
我为自己找了各种借口
I had all these reasons.
只有同性恋需要出柜很不公平
It was unfair that only gay people had to come out.
我讨厌改变
I was sick of change.
但事实是我只是害怕了
But the truth is I was just scared.
快 加勒特 快来
Come on, Garrett. Let's go!
起初我觉得这只是同性恋的烦恼
At first I thought it was just a gay thing.
但后来我明白了 不管怎样
But then I realized, no matter what,
向世界宣布自己的身份都非常可怕
announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying
因为万一这个世界不喜欢你怎么办
because what if the world doesn't like you?
所以 我尽可能地保守着自己的秘密
So, I did whatever I could to keep my secret.
我伤害了我最爱的 对我最重要的人
I hurt the best, most important people.