蠢蛋搞怪秀3.5（2011）

大家好 我是约翰尼·诺克斯维尔
Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville.
欢迎收看蠢蛋搞怪秀
Welcome to Jackass!
谢谢
Thank you very much.
别人总是问我
People are always asking me,
有木有什么事是你丫不做的?
"ls there anything that you just wouldn't do?"
我要说 这就是了
Well, this is it.
这只是鳄鱼龟
It's the Alligator Snapping Turtle,
很可能是我的小屁屁承受过的最痛的事
probably the meanest thing I'll have ever done to my butt.
操 操 操
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
操
Fuck!
别看 史蒂夫-O 别看
Don't look at him, Steve-O. Don't look at him.
-快看啊 -别看
-Look at him. -Don't look at him.
放松 放松
Relax, relax.
别看
Don't look at it.
看啊
Look at it.
我勒个去
Shit!
操 玛丽隔壁
Fuck! God damn it!
-操 -放松
-Fuck! -Relax.
-放松 -放松就好了
-Relax! -Relax. Just relax.
-忍♥着点 -好
-Hold your ground. -Okay.
-操 肯定很痛 -卧♥槽♥
-Fuck, that must hurt really bad. -Shit.
-操 -你没事吧?
-Fuck. -Are you okay?
-娘亲啊 -操
-Mama. -Fuck.
你妹 现在它还不肯松口了?
Okay, now he's just not gonna fucking let go?
我就知道会这样 它就是不松口
I knew this was fucking gonna happen! He's not letting go!
-你妹 -放松 你要放松
-Shit. -Relax. You need to relax.
操
Fuck!
-问题出在乌龟身上 -我放松了 尼玛
-The turtle's the problem. -I'm relaxed! Shit!
估计会很吓人 要是...
This would be horrifying if...
-放松 -放松
-Relax. -Relax.
-好吧 -放松了吗?
-Okay. -Relax?
-放松你妹 -我要...
-Who could relax? -I'm just gonna...
狗娘...
You son...
偶滴神 放松 放松
Jeez, relax, relax.
-我顶 -忍♥着点 别拉
-Shit! -Hold it together. Don't pull.
-别拉 -别拉
-Don't pull. -Don't pull.
-它就是不松口 -老天
-it doesn't wanna let go. -God!
-偶滴神啊 -操
-Oh, my God. -Fuck!
吓死爹了
That was horrifying.
哇
Wow.
-快拿走 -狗♥娘♥养♥的
-Get him out of here. -Son of a bitch!
啊 老天爷
Oh, my God.
它咬得不轻啊
He got you good.
是啊
Yeah.
这就是我一直不肯干这事儿的原因
There's a reason why I turned that down for So many years.
我什么都看不见
I can't see anything!
-腿张开 -放手 放手 下来吧
-Spread your legs. -Let go. Let go. Drop.
干得好
You're good.
没事吧?
You all right?
要吃个甜甜圈么?
You want a doughnut?
这是塑料桶冲浪
This is Barrel Surfing.
塑料桶冲浪是专为想死的傻♥逼♥设计的
Big-barrel surfing's for macho jerks with a death wish.
不 才不是 它会让你体会到无与伦比的快♥感♥和刺♥激♥
No, it's not. It's the ultimate thrill, the ultimate rush.
比嘿♥咻♥还爽
Even more than sex.
不一定 要看你上的是谁
Well, that depends on who you're doing it with.
干得不错
That was pretty good.
扶住
Hold them!
我看班姆第一把干得不错
I think Bam was great at it the first time,
现在唐恩要将失败率提升到
and now Dunn's stepped in to up the failure rate
一个前所未有的高度
to an all-time high.
偶滴神啊
Oh, my God.
我鼻子上沾到大粪了
I've got a pile of shit in my nose.
我是瑞恩·唐恩 为你送上脸部冲浪
I'm Ryan Dunn. This is face surfing.
拍完没?
That scene done yet?
在拍摄现场有五成快乐
Being on set is 50% fun as hell,
另外五成就是焦虑和多疑
and the other 50% is just pure anxiety, paranoia...
-老天 -哦 天啊
-Jesus. -Oh, God.
我只在乎一件事 地上他妈是湿的
The only thing I care about is that it's fucking wet down here.
拍摄蠢蛋搞怪秀看似过瘾
Shooting a Jackass movie, it seems super fun,
其实很惨
but it's actually hell
因为大家都在互相作弄
because everyone is trying to get everyone.
特别是我 因为我总是整别人
In particular me, because I've been a dick to everyone the whole time.
拍摄蠢蛋搞怪秀的时候 现场所有人 都很紧张
It gets very tense on set when we're filming Jackass.
每时每刻都要提高警惕
You're always looking over your shoulder.
因为随时有可能祸事临头
You just know something horrible is gonna happen to you.
不是可能 是一定会
And it's not like it might. It will.
这是绑在棍子上的鳄鱼龟
It's a snapping turtle on a stick.
作弄埃伦最爽不过了
Fucking with Ehren is the best thing even.
他现在在哪? 我想在他身上撒尿什么的
Where's he at right now? I wanna pee on him or something.
埃伦在里面睡觉
Ehren's in there sleeping.
我们手上拿的是心脏起搏器
We got Ghetto Defibrillators.
散开
Clear!
我勒个去
Fuck you!
我担心你啊
I was worried about you.
不知道你是不是挂掉了
Didn't know if you'd died.
是啊 你都几个小时没打呼噜了
I know. You were in here snoring for three hours, dude.
我们不知道你还活着不
We didn't know if you'd died.
别怕 我们是医生
It's all right. We're doctors.
你们就一群混♥蛋♥
You guys are dicks.
在这里睡一下都不行?
Can't somebody sleep a little bit around here?
不行哦 要的就是这个
No. That's the whole point.
你当然可以睡
Sure, you can sleep.
你要是被好好地整了一把
You know that if you're being pranked, if it's a good prank,
片段就会出现在影片里
it's gonna end up in the movie.
没得商量
And footage is footage.
毫无疑问 人人都紧张得很
But definitely, tensions get hot.
不知道下一秒会发生什么
And you never know what's gonna happen.
他不在你附近
He's not anywhere near you.
他躲在你♥娘♥的♥铁丝网后面
He's hiding behind a motherfucking chain-link fence.
铁丝网哦
A chain-link fence.
比这个更烂
That's worse than this.
卧♥槽♥ 他要过来揍我了
He's gonna fucking try and Rocky my ass right now.
喂 喂
Hey, hey!
停手啊
Guys, stop.
停手
Stop.
停手 停下 听话
Stop, stop, stop. Come on.
没事了 别打
Lt's cool. Come on.
-这一幕叫什么好? -没事了
-What was the name of that bit? -Chill.
不知道
I don't know.
-"互殴"? -一个字 "打"
-"Fighting Each Other"? -"Fight!"
我告诉你哦 太伤脑筋了
I'm telling you, it's nerve-racking, dude.
必须用暴♥力♥发泄一下
You gotta let out some aggression.
伙计 真的太伤神了
Man, it is nerve-racking as hell.
只要一开机 所有人每时每刻都在互相攻击
'Cause 24/7, when we're shooting, all of us are always attacking each other.
我可能攻击别人多一点
I may be attacking everyone a little more.
-操 -什么鬼东西?
-Fuck! -What the fuck was that?
我看过一部巴斯特·基顿的电影
I saw a Buster Keaton film
他把一个迷你大炮绑在脚上
where he had a mini cannon tied to his foot,
然后弄不下来了
and he couldn't get it off his foot.
我觉得很有趣
And I thought it looked funny.
所以 我们也做了一个
And so, we had one built.
这里
Here.
最有趣的是 我走到埃伦身后
One of the funniest times is when I walked up behind Ehren
带着迷你大炮 穿成海盗的样子
with the mini cannon, and I was dressed as a pirate.
起来走吧
Get up and go.
他一直走来走去 害我不停重新摆位
And he kept moving and I had to keep repositioning,
终于 他转过身发现了我
and finally, he turns around and busts me.
所以 我不得不抬着迷你大炮走开
And so, I have to walk this mini cannon out of frame,
一点也不鬼祟 超尴尬
very un-sneakily, and it was really awkward.
不过他...五分钟前还警惕到死
But he just... Five minutes, hyper-vigilant,