爱神（2010）

你无法控制你会爱上谁
You can't control who you love.
你无法控制谁会爱上你
You can't control who loves you.
你无法控制这一切如何发生 何时发生 为何发生
You can't control how it happens, or when it happens, or why it happens.
这些你都无法控制
You can't control any of that stuff.
爱神
三个月前
亲爱的我不知道名字的上帝
Dear God, whose name I do not know,
我因陷入困境而向你祷告
I pray to you in time of personal crisis.
如你所知 我向你祈祷已久
As you know, I've been praying for your assistance...
请你帮助我赢得凯莉·莫兰德的心
in winning the affections of one Kelly Morand,
这也是我此生
which I may consistently declare as the only thing
唯一祈祷过的事
I have really prayed for, at all.
因此我惊讶和不解的是
Thus I remained surprised and confused that last month
上个月你却让凯莉爱上了 我最好的朋友福齐
you solved it to have Kelly fall in love with my best friend, Fozzie,
我能保证他不感兴趣
who I assure you, is not interested.
所以如果你能让凯莉
So please if you could just find some way
重新用带着感情的眼光来看我
to have Kelly see me in a new, desirable light
最好在情人节之前 那么我会非常感激的
preferably before Valentine's Day, I'd really appreciate it.
希望这则祈祷能够传到你耳中
I hope this prayer finds you well.
再次感谢你给了我
Thank you once again
成功的飞镖生涯和悦耳的歌♥喉
for my successful darts career and my pleasant singing voice.
我是雷蒙德·古德费洛
This is Raymond Goodfellow.
住在布鲁克林 老家是特拉华州的布卢明顿
Brooklyn, originally from Bloomington, Delaware.
雷蒙德·古德费洛 收
奥林匹斯基金会
将要登场的是我们伟大的歌♥手
And now please welcome to the stage,
他的飞镖玩得令人陶醉
my great my crooner who melts hearts while he throws darts.
女士们先生们 我最好的朋友 雷蒙德·古德费洛
Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend, Raymond Goodfellow.
独自一人过早晨
All by myself in the morning.
独自一人过夜晚
All by myself in the night.
孤单惨对桌和椅
I sit alone with a table and a chair.
抑郁无奈 玩玩纸牌
So unhappy there, playing solitaire.
独自一人 寂寞难耐
All by myself, I get lonely.
只好看着节目里的钟
Watching the clock on a show.
我想把头枕在佳人肩上
I'd love to rest my head on somebody's shoulder.
我不想独自一人变老
I hate to grow older all by myself.
谢谢
Thanks.
这是给你的 它就像是自己出现了一样
That just came for you. It just sort of appeared.
奇怪 谢谢
Weird. Thanks.
雷蒙德·古德费洛 收
奥林匹斯基金会
爱之镖3000
就像是丘比特之箭一样
So they are like Cupid's arrows?
不完全是 看第四部分
Not exactly. Look at part 4.
任何被爱之镖3000扎到的人
Any subject punctured by the Love Dart 3000
将进入六小时的爱情期
enters a phase of susceptibility lasting exactly 6 hours.
在这段时间里
During this time,
此人将有极大的可能
the subject has a significantly higher chance of developing
发展出对目标终身的爱慕
a permanent romantic attachment to the love object.
终身的爱慕
A permanent romantic attachment.
你知道这是假的对吧 是个恶作剧什么的
You know this is fake, right? It's a prank or something.
不 如果我用这个去扎凯莉
No, look. If I stab Kelly with one of these,
我就会有六个小时让她爱上我
I'll have 6 hours to make her fall in love with me.
你不能扎凯莉
You can't stab Kelly.
我就知道你喜欢她 她喜欢你 你喜欢她
I knew it. You do like her. She likes you and you like her.
雷 我就说一次
Ray, once and for all,
我不会接受凯莉·莫兰德的爱意
I will never accept or return the affections of Kelly Morand.
你是我最好的朋友 我们的友谊是最重要的
You are my best friend. Your friendship means everything to me.
-那还有什么问题 -你不能就这么乱扎人啊
-Then what's the problem? -You can't just stab people!
没错 我得先做个实验
You're right. Maybe I should test it first.
-跟我去读书俱乐部吗 -不去
-Wanna be in my book club? -No.
-去我家吗 -不去
-Wanna come over? -No.
-我能去你家吗 -凯莉 拜托
-Can I come over? -Kelly, please.
好吧 再见
OK, bye.
弗兰克 去拍一下那个姑娘的肩膀
Hey, Frank, go tap that girl on the shoulder. Just do it.
-你要干嘛 -那是不是奥巴马
-What are you doing? -Is that Barack Obama?
哪里
Where?
等一下 别挂
Wait a second, hold on.
什么事
Yeah?
你在干涉别人的命运
You are interfering with another person's fate.
爱情是灵魂的碰撞 是命中注定
Love is a cosmic collision of two souls. It's a matter of destiny.
你不能去控制它
You can't control that.
这事太荒谬了
This is wrong and weird.
这对弗兰克不公平 对女孩也不公平
It's unfair for Frank. And it's unfair for that girl.
看看 她开心得很
Come on. That girl's having a great time.
六个小时的阶段马上就要过去了
So the phase of susceptibility is almost finished.
还有15秒
T minus 15.
你还在等什么
What are you waiting for?
太疯狂了
This is madness.
不 这是命运
No, it's destiny.
一年来我每晚都在祈祷
I prayed every night for almost a year
所以上帝给了我这些爱之镖
and then God delivered these darts to me.
我命中注定要在弗兰克身上做试验
It was my destiny to test them on Frank
现在我显然要对凯莉下手了
and now I'm obviously supposed to use them on Kelly.
我要计划史上最浪漫的六个小时
I need to plan the six most romantic hours imaginable.
我需要你的帮忙 好吗
I'm gonna need your help with the execution, okay?
明天到我家来 带上弗兰克
Just come over tomorrow to me and bring Frank.
配料我都写下来了
So I've included all the ingredients right here.
你的文件夹里也有一份
You've a copy in your binder as well.
首先你要准备好面团 鸡肉和芹菜
Basically you wanna layer the dough, the chicken, the celery
然后按部就班来
and repeat the process.
这道是什么菜
What's this dish?
宾州德式鸡肉馅饼
It's chicken pot pie in Pennsylvanian Dutch style.
她不是喜欢海鲜么
Doesn't she like seafood?
然后你要把客厅装饰成
Then you'll serve everything in the living room,
阿米什人的谷仓一样
which I want you to decorate like a candle-lit Amish barn.
像电影《证人》里那个
You know, like Witness.
这里你有很多活要干
Alright, so you've got a lot to work with there.
扫帚 钉耙
You've got a broom, you've got a rake,
黄油搅拌器还有这不知道是什么
a butter turner and whatever that is.
木槌
It's a mallet.
-有只山羊 -对
-Was that a goat? -Yes.
这个怎么样 雷
How is this, Ray?
-太棒了 谢谢 -没事
-This is great. Thank you. -No problem.
你太有福气了 弗兰克 有什么秘诀
Wow, you're a lucky man, Frank. What's your secret?
这是命中注定
It was meant to be.
说得好
There you go.
我去换衣服了 祝我好运
Well I'm gonna go change and wish me luck.
-好运 -谢谢
-Good luck. -Thanks.
-凯莉 你好吗 -很好
-Hey Kelly, how are you? -Good.
很好 谢谢 我正好路过
Good. Thanks. So I was in the neighborhood and I was practicing this trick.
你能不能闭上眼睛
And I was wondering can you give me your hand
然后把手伸出来
and close your eyes at the same time?
不能
No.
我告诉你福齐是怎么看你的
I'll tell you something that Fozzie told me about you.
真的
Really?
-对 -好 好吧
-Yeah. -O, okay.
雷 你干嘛
Ouh! Ray! What the...
想听我给你写的诗吗
Do you wanna hear a poem I wrote for you?
有九页 是用葡萄牙语写的
It's nine pages. And It's in Portuguese.
但我可以翻译
But, I can translate.
好啊
Sounds great.
-鸡肉馅饼呢 -对不起 我自作主张了一下
-What happened to the chicken pot pie? -I'm sorry. I took some liberties.
天啊 我喜欢海鲜
Oh my God, I love the seafood.
开心吗
You having a nice time?
超级开心
The best.
我是说...
I mean...
谁知道呢 对吧
Who knew, right?
对 谁知道呢
Right. Who knew?
我是怎么想的
And what was I thinking?
关他什么事
What was that about?
像个白♥痴♥一样
What an idiot.
因为某人更帅更聪明更有才更大方
Just because someone is handsome and smarter and talented and generous.
跟你在一起真开心