阿呆与阿瓜

美女 打扰下
Excuse me.
请问医学院怎么走
How do I get to the medical school?
我20分钟后有个讲座 司机却迷路了
I'm giving a lecture in 20 minutes and my driver's lost.
对直走
You go straight ahead
过了桥往左就到
and make a left over the bridge.
你的口音真可爱
That's a lovely accent you have.
新泽西人?
New Jersey?
奥地利
Austria.
澳大利亚?
Austrilia?
那么 那么
Well, then...
请问下
G'day, mate.
来不来点烧烤树袋熊
Let's put another shrimp on the barbie.
免了吧
Let's not.
片名 啊呆与啊瓜 (低能与超低能)
谁点的小牛排?
Who's got the wiener schnitzel?
给你宝贝儿
Beautiful. There you go, Dolf.
乖 自己去慢慢吃
There you go, buddy. Enjoy
我看看呢 法国热狗
Let's see, next we've got roast beef au jus.
哪个点的法国热狗
Who's got the roast beef au jus?
乖 自己去慢慢吃
Stella, beautiful. Bon appetit.
走开 下一位
Walk away, go on. Go on.
最后一位
Last but not least:
巨无霸热狗 谁点的巨无霸
Footlong, who's got the Footlong?
就你 小样 去做梦去吧
Very funny, Rascal. In your dreams.
演出的狗狗怎么还没送来?
Why haven't you dropped those dogs off at the show?
实在不好意思 我不想他们空着肚子登台表演
I didn't want them to perform on an empty stomach, sir.
快点来
Move it!
遵命先生 我飙车可不是盖的
Yes, sir. Mutt Cutts. Ten-four.
我靠 真牛B
Suck me sideways.
你好啊
Hello. How are you?
等我1分钟
I'll be out in one minute.
去飞机场干嘛呢 坐飞机啊?
Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?
你怎么知道
How'd you guess?
看见你的行李箱和飞机票
I saw the ticket and luggage
我就琢磨出来了
and put two and two together.
飞哪里
Where to?
阿斯平
Aspen.
加利福尼亚
California!
好地方
Beautiful.
我叫克斯迈斯 洛伊德·克斯迈斯
Name's Christmas, Lloyd Christmas.
我叫玛丽·斯文森
I'm Mary Swanson.
这不是我正式的工作
This isn't my real job you know.
怎么讲
No?
我和我哥们哈瑞想开一间宠物店
My pal Harry and I are saving for a pet store.
不错啊
That's nice.
我生虫
I Got Worms.
你说啥呢
I beg your pardon?
宠物店的名字叫 我生虫
It's the name, 'I Got Worms.'
专卖♥♥虫子
We'll sell worm farms.
就像那些专门卖♥♥蚂蚁的
You know like ants farms.
怎么了
What's the matter?
飞行恐惧症?
Tense about the flight?
差不多吧
Something like that.
玛丽 没什么大不了的
Nothing to worry about Mary.
据统计说在去机场路上出车祸
You're more likely to get killed...
的几率更大一些
going to the airport, in a crash...
掉下悬崖 或者被压在油罐车下面
flying off a cliff, trapped under a gas truck.
那是最糟糕的
That's the worst.
我有个外甥 我曾经有一个外甥
I have this cousin, I had this cousin...
你开车的时候能不能往前看?
Could you keep your eyes on the road, please?
当然
Oh, yeah.
好主意
Good thinking.
得小心一点
Can't be too careful.
这地方的人开车跟疯子一样
Lot of bad drivers out there.
你们知道规矩的
You know the rules:
不许乱跑 不许乱冲 不许乱嗅
no humping, no pushing, no sniffing hineys.
你人呢 我的狗40分钟以前就应该到了
Where were you? My dogs were supposed to be here 40 minutes ago.
现在哪里还有时间给他们打扮
I hardly have any time to primp them.
别担心 纽伦伯格夫人
Don't worry, Mrs. Neugyburger.
-是纽格伯伦 -纽 纽格 格
-Neugeboren! -Neu-neu-neug...
伯伦
Boren!
这些狗♥杂♥种♥不需要额外的打扮 知道不
The pooches won't need primping. You know Why?
因为我亲自给他们洗澡和修剪
Because I bathed and clipped them.
我办事你放心
And I stand by my perfromance.
也许 你可以给他们稍微再梳洗梳洗
On second thought, you might run a comb through them.
谢谢
Thanks.
这给你
Here you go.
玛丽 别这样
Oh no, Mary.
在这漫长的旅途之后
I couldn't possibly accept that,
我不能接受这个
not after all we've been through.
谢谢 洛伊德
Thank you, Lloyd.
祝你和虫子们好运
Good luck with your worms.
站住
Hey.
临别拥抱一个?
How about a hug?
我最讨厌分手了
I hate goodbyes.
走吧
Just go.
要...坚...强
Be strong.
她会在扶梯旁边放下手提箱
She'll leave the briefcase near the escalator.
你去提货
You make the pick-up.
小菜一碟
Piece of cake.
别了 我的至爱...
Good-bye my love...
咱们发财了
There's our payday.
她交货了 咱们上
She left it. Let's go.
劳驾 借光
Excuse me. Coming through!
妹子 让道 让开
Move it or lose it, Sister!
把飞机拦住
Hold that plane!
先生 不能进去
Sir, you can't go in there!
没事
It's okay!
我是职业司机
I'm a limo driver!
-洛伊德 -哈瑞
-Hi Lloyd. -Hi, Harry.
今儿咋样
How was your day?
还成 又掉到跑道上了
Not bad. Fell off the jet-way again.
这家伙到底替谁工作
Who do you figure this guy's working for?
天知道
I don't know,
我们最好查出来
but we sure as hell better find out.
溃疡?
The ulcer?
死不了
I'll live.
你又给炒了
You got fired again?
哦也
Oh, yeah.
当你离开肇事现场时 他们总是惊惶失措
They freak out when you leave the scene of an accident.You know.
哥们 我也失业了
Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
老兄
Man!
你真♥他♥妈♥的太衰了
You are one pathetic loser.
没恶意
No offense.
算了
None taken.
知道真正让我不爽的是什么吗?
You know what really chaffs my ass?
我花了所有的积蓄把车子装扮成狗狗的模样
I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog.
你好 皮吉
Hi, Petey.
光报♥警♥器
The alarm alone
就200块钱
cost 200.
小孩子喜欢的
Chicks love it.
毛茸茸多可爱啊
It's shagging wagon.
这是什么
What's the briefcase?
真爱的纪念品
It's a love momento.
世上最美丽的女人给我的纪念品
The most beautiful woman alive.
我开车送她到机场
I drove her to the airport...
一路上情意绵绵
sparks flew, emotions run high.
他和我说话来着
She actually talked to me.
不可能
Get out of her!
是的 是的
Oh, yeah.
咱们之间