阿呆与阿瓜2

秃景精神病院
他又来了
There he is again.
都快二十年了 他还是始终如一
Almost two decades and he still comes.
真难过
So sad.
兄弟 你好吗
How you doing, buddy?
我带了你最爱吃的糖果
Brought you all your favorite candies.
罗伊 忘了她吧
Come on, Lloyd, you gotta get over her!
天涯何处无芳草
Mary Samsonite was just a girl.
而且她结婚了
Besides, she's married.
就算你们没分手
And even if it had worked out,
难道你会想生红发宝宝吗
would you really want ginger babies? Ugh.
恶毙了
Gross.
老兄 拜托你有点反应吧
Man, you gotta give me something!
罗伊 我有重要的事要告诉你
Lloyd, I got something important to tell you.
我不能再来看你了
I can't come here anymore.
我生了严重的病
I got kind of a serious medical problem.
说来复杂
It's sort of complicated.
简单来说 我未来几个月会很忙
Basically, I'm gonna be pretty busy for the next few months.
反正你在这里被照顾得很好
You're in good hands here. So...
你自己保重
take care, buddy.
罗伊 你有说话吗
Lloyd, did you say something?
很好 你可以的 加油
That's it, kid. You can do it.
加油 说出来
Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out!
骗到你了
Got ya!
什么
What?
你刚才的表情好好笑
You should see the look on your face!
你被我骗得惨兮兮
I got you so good!
等一下
Wait a second!
意思是 你这二十年来都在装病
Are you telling me that you were faking for 20 years?
对呀
Uh-huh.
还浪费了大好的青春岁月
So you mean that you just wasted the best years of your life?
抛出窗外了
Out the window!
我连续上千个礼拜每星期三都来
And you let me come here every Wednesday for, like, a thousand weeks,
全都是为了整我
and it was all just for a gag?
对呀
Uh-huh.
这真的
That's
超屌♥
awesome!
屌♥爆了吧
I know!
你必须承认 你完全被我骗惨了
You gotta admit, I totally had you suckered, didn't I?
我完全上当了
Hook, line and sphincter!
坐着这么多年腿有点没力了
Legs are a little rubbery after all that time sitting here.
推我进去
Why don't you roll me inside?
请护士帮我拔尿管
We'll get the nurse to take the catheter out of me. Oh.
我想看看我还能不能直接尿出来
I wanna see if my lizard's still spitting straight.
不需要护士 我来就好了
We don't need nurses for that. I know how to do it.
但不是应该要...
But don't you have to...
天呐
Oh, God!
这导尿管是生根了吧
That thing's really taken root!
你们过来
Hey, fellas!
-帮帮我 -好
-Give me a hand over here. -Si.
一起把尿尿的管子拔♥出♥来♥
Yankos los pee-pee.
你确定这样可以吗
Are you sure about this, Har?
这种事通常要找医生来做
Usually, doctors like to do this sort of thing.
那是为了保险起见
Oh, that's just for insurance purposes.
数到三就拉 三
On three. Three!
阿呆与阿瓜2
爵士与蓝调 老张蛋卷与爵士乐
你真是个天才 罗伊
You are a fricking genius, Lloyd!
这种把戏没人使得出来
I mean, nobody else could have pulled that off!
保证没有
Nobody!
休克治疗和局部脑叶切除手术
I mean, the shock treatments, the partial lobotomy!
-做得真彻底 -对啊
-That's commitment! -Yeah.
免得生活太无聊
It broke up the monotony.
但有件事我不懂
One thing I don't get, though.
干嘛一装就是二十年
Why did you play it out for 20 whole years?
因为太早破梗就不好笑了
Because it wouldn't have been funny if I stopped too soon.
笑点要抓时机 哈利
Comedy is all about timing, Har.
是的 但装个十年不够吗
Yeah, but wouldn't it still have been funny if you quit after 10 years?
是可以 但没这么屌♥
Oh, definitely. But not as!
可爱的鸟儿
Pretty bird.
-妈妈咪呀 -可爱的鸟儿
-Crap on toast! -Pretty bird.
-住4C的比利长这么大了 -对啊
-Is that grown-up Billy in 4-C? -Uh-huh.
西斯可 告诉我电影名句
Come on, Siskel, give me a movie quote.
《甜心先生》的名句是什么
What did they say in Jerry Maguire?
"你打招呼时我就爱上你了"
"You had me at hello."
《泰坦尼克号♥》
Um, Titanic?
"我是世界之王"
"I'm king of the world."
你好棒
Good job!
我们偷偷走过去
We better tiptoe past him.
你不能偷偷走过瞎子面前
Oh, no, you can't tiptoe past a blindy.
他们的听力太好
Their hearing's too good.
什么
What?
那是无稽之谈
That's just an old wives' tale.
就好像女人怀孕不应该抽烟一样
Like women shouldn't smoke during pregnancy.
我就长得很好 我妈抽到像支烟囱了
I turned out fine. My mom smoked like a chimney.
尤其她喝酒时一定要抽烟
Especially when she was drinking!
随便啦 那不重要
Whatever. Doesn't matter.
比利已经把家里恢复原状了
Billy's over the whole Petey thing.
你应该看看他的公♥寓♥
You should see his apartment.
他收藏的稀有鸟类是罗德岛第一
He's got the best rare bird collection in Rhody!
这我倒要看看
I gotta see this.
比利
Hey, Billy!
听说你收藏了很多鸟
I hear you got a lot of flocking birds.
罗伊 是你吗
Is that you, Lloyd?
不错嘛
Very good.
没想到过了这么多年你还认得我
I didn't think you'd recognize me after all these years.
你最近在忙什么
So what have you been up to, buddy boy?
有没有看什么好电影
Seen any good movies lately?
我是说...
I mean, you know, like...
听广播啦
On the radio?
那是什么
What was that?
你是不是喂他们吃什么
Did you just feed them something?
放心啦
Relax.
只是一点糖果
It's just a little candy.
不能喂鸟吃糖果
You can't feed candy to birds!
肚子会爆♥炸♥
Their stomachs will explode!
就算是跳跳糖也不行
Even if it's just a few Pop Rocks?
你是神经吗 捡起来
Are you crazy? Pick those up!
-捡起来 -好嘛
-Pick them up! -All right, all right!
真是
Sheesh.
很高兴能和你叙旧
Well, nice catching up.
改天见
See you later.
除非让我先看到你
Not if I see you first!
这个好笑
Ha-ha! Good one!
没事了 西斯可
No, no, no, it's okay, Siskel.
爸爸不会让他们靠近你的
Daddy's not gonna let him get anywhere near you.
你看 我就说瞎子听力好
See? I told you that hearing thing
是无稽之谈
was a wives' tale.
他是谁
Hey, who's this? Ah.
他叫屁♥眼♥
That's Butthole.
几年前在巷口捡到的
I found him out in the alley a couple years ago.
为什么叫他屁♥眼♥
Why did you name him Butthole?
因为他有这个
Because of this.
取得好
Oh, yeah. Good name.
超贴切
Totally fits.
我喜欢这里的布置
I like what you've done with the place.
这台咖啡机不错
Nice cappuccino machine.
那个太空人是谁
Who's the astronaut?
我室友
Oh, that's my roommate.
室友
Roommate?
你有新室友
You got a new roommate?
你住院我要找人