疯狂愚蠢的爱

好饱
Oh, I'm so full.
Almanac - The Acorn
*你的眼中有四季*
*There's a season in your eyes*
*呼吸中带着炽热*
*and a fever on your breath*
你说得没错 我不该把面包都吃了
You were right, I shouldn't have eaten all that bread.
甜点我们分着吃吧
Want to split a dessert?
你没事吧 你好像有点心不在焉
You okay? You seem a little off.
我只是在想我要什么
Yeah, I'm just trying to think about what I want.
我也是
Yeah, me too.
要不我们一起说出来 一 二 三
Why don't we just say it at the same time? One, two, three...
-我想离婚 -焦糖布丁
- I want a divorce. - Crème brûlée.
你跑不掉啦
You can't get away.
没事的 怪我
It's okay, that's my fault.
来吧 你得在你♥爸♥妈回来前上♥床♥睡觉
Come on, let's get you to bed before your parents get home.
别可怜巴巴地看着我 你个小疯子
No puppy eyes, you little maniac.
去刷牙
Go brush your teeth.
你不说点什么吗
Aren't you gonna say anything?
将近25年的婚姻 你竟无话可说吗
Almost 25 years of marriage and you have nothing to say?
罗比
Robbie.
罗比 你见到莫莉的家庭作业了吗
Hey, Robbie, have you seen Molly's homework?
-出去 -天呐
- Get out. - Oh, my God.
把门关上
Close the door.
好吧 罗比 我很抱歉 我什么都没看到
Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry, and I didn't see anything.
天呐
Oh, my God.
你知道你不说话只会让我更喋喋不休
You're not talking, and you know that only makes me talk more.
但也许是件好事 对吗
But I mean maybe that's good, you know?
因为也许我会直接说出来
Because maybe I'll just say it.
也许我会直接告诉你我和别人上了床
Maybe... Maybe I'll just tell you I slept with someone.
大卫·林哈根 我的同事
David Lindhagen. From work.
-你在圣诞派对上见过他 -请不要再说了
- You met him at the Christmas party. - Please stop.
这世上我最不想伤害的人就是你
The last person in the world I'd wanna hurt is you.
如果你再说下去 我就跳车
If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out of the car.
我觉得我的出轨恰恰表明了我们的婚姻有多失败
I think the fact that I did it, it just shows how broken we are.
-行吧 -我们有多...卡尔
- Okay. - How much we really... Cal.
天呐 卡尔
Oh, my God! Cal!
你没事吧
Are you okay?
我今晚就走 你要我签什么我都签
I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want.
拜托你别再说这件事了
Just please stop talking about it.
好吧
Okay.
抱歉让你看到那个场面
I'm sorry you had to see that.
不 我应该敲门的
No, you know, I should have knocked.
我想告诉你 我撸的时候想的是你
Just for the record, I think about you while I do it.
-罗比 -我有张你的照片
- Robbie. - I have this picture of you...
-我从头到尾都在看着它 -别说了
- and I look at it the whole time. - Stop it.
我爱你 杰西卡
I love you, Jessica.
我真的求求你别说了
I am actually begging you to stop it.
我知道你已经十七岁了 而我才刚满十三
And I know you're 17, and I know I just turned 13...
跟你弟弟一样大
which is the same age as your little brother.
但很快这四岁就根本不算什么了
But soon our age difference won't even matter.
这是件好事 因为我很确定你就是我的灵魂伴侣
Which is good, because I'm pretty sure you're my soul mate.
好吧
Okay...
-听着 罗比 -我们回来了
- Listen, Robbie... - We're home.
该死
Shit.
韦弗先生 韦弗太太 今天还好吗...
Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...?
天呐 发生什么了
Oh, my God. What happened?
韦弗太太说她想离婚
Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce,
于是我就跳车了
and I jumped out of the car.
-卡尔 亲爱的 -那么
- Cal. Honey... - Well...
-孩子们还好吗 都好吧 -老爸
- Kids good? Everybody good? - Dad?
小伙子 我没看见你站在那
Hey, Buddy, I didn't see you standing there.
-你们要离婚了吗 -是的
- You're getting a divorce? - Well, yes.
杰西卡 莫莉吃晚饭还乖吗
So, Jess, did Molly get through dinner okay?
挺好的 她...
Yeah, yeah, she's...
你跳下了一辆行驶中的车
You jumped out of a moving car?
没错 我跳下了一辆行驶中的车
I did, I jumped out of a moving car.
-她有没有吵着闹着不吃西兰花 -没有
- Did she fight you on broccoli? - No, she didn't.
我在的时候她总是不好好吃
She always fights me.
抱歉要通过这样的方式让你发现
Sorry you had to find out this way.
抱歉你跳了车
Sorry you jumped out of a car.
-抱歉如果她吵着不吃花菜 -没事
- I'm sorry if she fought you on broccoli. - It's okay.
我没带钱
I don't have any money.
亲爱的 我们上♥床♥睡觉 好吗
Sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay?
要不你去拿你的外套吧
Listen, why don't you grab your coat?
-我开车送你回家 -好吧
- I'll drive you home. - All right.
我不在乎 我爱他 真的爱
I don't care. I love him. I really do.
如果有机会的话
And, given the opportunity...
没错 我会给他生孩子
Yes, I would have his babies.
你认真的 柯南·奥布莱恩 你愿意上他
Seriously? Conan O'Brien? You would do Conan O'Brien?
脱口秀节目《柯南秀》主持人
那还用说
Oh, my God, yes.
恶心 朋友之谈 真恶心
Ew. Friend to friend, ew.
我不知道 你一直都是个乖乖女
I don't know. Your life is so PG-13.
-我才不是乖乖女 -绝对就是
- My life is not PG-13. - Oh, it so is.
-不 不是的 -明明就是
- No, it's not. - Yes, it is.
你从没离开过洛杉矶 你通过了司法考试
You've never left L.A. You pass the bar,
你以后会做什么 一名专利律师
you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer?
很可能会嫁给那个人型安定剂理查德 我...
Probably married to that human Valium, Richard. I just...
我很担心你 就这样
Listen, I worry about you, is all.
你意淫谁不好
So much potential...
非得去幻想
and you've resorted to fantasizing about
那个红发垃圾柯南·奥布莱恩
Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien.
-他很有趣 -他看起来像根胡萝卜 亲爱的
- He's funny. - He looks like a carrot, honey.
谁看起来像根胡萝卜
Who looks like a carrot?
你们好 谁看起来像根胡萝卜
Hi. Who looks like a carrot?
柯南·奥布莱恩
Conan O'Brien.
我朋友汉娜觉得他很性感
My friend Hannah here thinks he's sexy.
真奇怪 因为我觉得你朋友汉娜很性感
That's weird, because I think that your friend Hannah is really sexy.
天呐 这么老套的话你都说的出口
Oh, my God. You did not just say that.
你多大年纪了
How old are you?
-你是做什么的 律师吗 -算是吧
- What are you, a lawyer? - Yeah. A little bit.
-不是吧 -我知道
- Come on. - I know.
-真的吗 她是吗 -准律师
- You are? Is she? - Gonna be.
你不觉得都你这岁数了
Don't you think you're a little old
用这种烂俗搭讪套路有点不合适吗
to use cheesy pickup lines?
反对 诱导证人
Objection. Leading the witness.
汉娜 这裙子真是因为你才流光溢彩
Well, Hannah, you're really wearing that like you're doing it a favor.
-天呐 -这句是套路
- Oh, God. - That's a line.
我在那边坐了两小时
Me sitting there for the past two hours
视线无法从你身上 这才是事实
not being able to take my eyes off you is fact.
这间酒吧美女如云
I mean, there's lots of beautiful women in this bar.
包括你的朋友 你好
Your friend included. Hi.
我爱你
I love you.
但我的视线无法从你身上移开
But I can't take my eyes off of you.
这是真的 不是套路的搭讪词
That's a fact, it's not a line.
我觉得你很迷人
I find you very attractive.
你觉得我迷人吗
Do you find me attractive?
-她觉得 -我不觉得
- She does. - I don't.
-没错 她确实这么觉得 -是吧
- You do. She does. - Yes, she does.
-我没有 -你有
- I don't. - You do.
-你真的有 -我真不觉得
- You do. - I don't.
-汉娜 我能请你喝一杯吗 -不能
- Hannah, can I buy you a drink? - No.
-你经常拒绝别人吧 -不是
- You say no a lot, don't you? - No.
我的天 能允许我坐下吗
Oh, boy. Permission to approach the bench?
你认真的吗
Seriously?
拜托 让我说完结案陈词就好
Just, come on, let me deliver my closing argument.
行 你说吧
Sure. Proceed.
汉娜 我们生活在一个物质世界里 对吧
Hannah, we live in a physical world, right?
你会变老 对不对
And you're going to age, right?
我向你保证
I guarantee you this:
你将来绝不会后悔
You're never gonna regret going home
和酒吧的那个人
with that guy from the bar that one time...