灰姑娘：幸福之后

于是 灰姑娘和白马王子结婚了
And so Cinderella and Prince Charming were married,
他们从此幸福地生活在一起
and they lived happily ever after.
当真吗 幸福结婚之后又发生了什么
Or did they? What happened after ever after?
本姑娘在成长过程中
As a little girl growing up,
经常靠幻想灰姑娘在结婚之后
I often delighted myself with imaginings
可能拥有的冒险历程来自娱自乐
of the further adventures Cinderella might have had.
但更令我开心的是 我发现
But I was even more delighted to discover
这个故事已经很古老了 版权都过期了
that the story was so old, it was out of copyright,
这意味着我可以用这些经典角色
meaning I was free to use the iconic characters
创作自己的故事
and pass them off as my own.
接下来就请收看
So, let me present to you,
《灰姑娘:幸福之后》
Cinderella: After Ever After.
我们的故事始于灰姑娘的大婚之日
Our story begins on the wedding day of Cinderella
容我厚脸皮地说一句 和她成亲的白马王子真是帅气
and, dare I say it, rather handsome Prince Charming.
现在我宣布你们结为夫妇
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
你可以亲吻新娘了
You may kiss the bride.
别碰我的头发
Don't touch the hair.
为庆祝皇室婚礼 王子又举办了一场舞会
To celebrate the royal union, the Prince had yet another ball.
王后在"坚守"5-2轻断食减肥法
While the Queen was sticking to her 5:2 diet...
而国王 一如既往 是整个宴会的灵魂人物
The King was, as always, the life and soul of the party.
真是难以置信 昨天
Hard to believe that just yesterday
我还不过是我邪恶继母的奴隶
I was nothing more than a slave to my wicked stepmother.
我简直太开心了
I couldn't be happier.
没错 大家都爱皇室婚礼
Ditto. People love a royal wedding.
请"新狼"和"新娘"来跳第一支舞
Could the gride and broom take to the dance for the first floor?
什么情况啊
What's happening?
来吧 王子的朋友们 我们献上一支真正的舞蹈
Come on, Charmo's posse, let's do this.
♪不能碰这个♪
♪U Can't Touch This♪
♪不能碰那个♪
♪Cannot touch this!♪
停 王子时间
Stop. Charmo time!
在两位好友庞哥和鼾哥的相伴下
With his two best chums, Pongo and Snorter by his side,
白马王子激动地跳了好几个小时
Prince Charming's dance routine went on for several hours.
但是算灰姑娘走运
But luckily for Cinderella,
她最好的朋友小纽扣来陪她了
she had her best friend Buttons for company,
他绝对是只真老鼠
who is definitely a real mouse.
你还好吗 小灰灰
You scrub up all right, Cinders?
真有魅力啊
Such a charmer.
我还是觉得跟这里格格不入
I still feel so out of place here.
你觉得格格不入 我可是只会说话的老鼠
You feel out of place? I'm a talking rodent.
你经历了那么多磨难
After everything you've been through,
这是你应得的 好好享受吧
you deserve this. Enjoy it.
我就在享受
I am.
这里的自助餐有17种奶酪呢
The buffet's got 17 types of cheese.
如果不是穿着这双
I'd enjoy it a lot more
该死的水晶鞋 我或许是会享受一些
if I wasn't wearing these pigging glass slippers.
简直难受死了
Oh, they're killing me.
够了 我要脱掉了
That's it. They're coming off.
跟被关在地窖里相比 这里还是有点不同的 对吧
A bit different to being locked in the cellar, isn't it?
是啊 到目前为止还没人拿扫帚打我
Yeah. No one's whacked me with a broom yet.
我都有点怀念那种日子了
I'm almost missing it.
小纽扣 跟我说实话吧
Buttons. Now, be honest with me.
-这场婚礼... -王子 王子 王子
- This wedding... - Charmo! Charmo! Charmo!
-我这婚是不是结得太仓促了 -是的
- Have I rushed into it? - Yes.
你至少假装犹豫下啊
You could have hesitated.
恭喜啊 灰姑娘王妃
Congratulations, Princess Cinderella.
叫我灰姑娘就行了
Cinderella is fine.
你好 邪恶继母
Hello, wicked stepmother.
叫我继母就行了
Stepmother is fine.
真是个惊心动魄的故事
What a fantastical story,
一个臭烘烘的底层孤儿竟然能成为王妃
that a rotten, stinking little orphan girl can become a princess.
这算是你对我说过的最动听的话了
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
而且还无视千百万的憎恶者
And just ignore the millions of haters
他们都说你从我美丽的女儿手里偷走了王子
who say you stole the Prince from my beautiful daughters.
-你女儿谁啊 -就是我们 笨笨
- Oh, who are they? - That's us, dummy.
我们就来瞧瞧 你的故事是不是真有幸福结局
Let's see if your story really does have a happy ending.
-亲爱的继妹 -我们要送你一份结婚礼物
- Darling stepsister... - We got you a wedding present.
你们可真好心 虽然这很古怪
That's weirdly nice of you.
这下王子就不用看你这张丑脸了
Now the Prince doesn't have to look at your minging face.
好了 各位 都闭嘴
OK, everyone, shut up.
闭嘴 都给我闭嘴
Shut up. Shut up!
该切婚礼蛋糕了
It's time to cut the cake.
稍等
Hang on.
等等我
Wait for me.
-我一个人就行了 白雪公主 -我是灰姑娘
- I've got this, Snow White. - Cinderella.
随便吧
Whatever.
你们两个快过来 我们来一张自♥拍♥
Come on, dudes. Let's get a cheeky selfie.
请安静如鸡 听尊敬的国王病下说些屁话
Say prilence for his Hoyal Righness, the Kink.
各位大人 夫人 先生们
My Lords, ladies, gentlemen,
我在此荣幸地宣布
it gives me great pleasure to say,
这个图书馆正式开幕
I declare this library open!
-鼾哥 你眨眼了 -好吧
- Oh, Snorty, you blinked. - OK.
真对不起
So sorry.
婚礼真棒啊 尊敬的国王夫妇
Wonderful wedding, your Majestical Majesties.
你成为职业摔跤手有多少年了
And how long exactly have you been a professional wrestler?
不 我是灰姑娘的邪恶继母
No! I'm Cinderella's wicked stepmother.
就...继母
Er, just stepmother.
做了那么几件邪恶的事 就甩不掉这恶名了
I mean, you do a few wicked things and it sticks.
你继续保持 加油
Well, you keep up your wonderful work.
赏你一枚大英帝国勋章
Here's an OBE.
超级美味的婚礼蛋糕 王后殿下
Scrumptious wedding cake, Your Royal Highness.
我私自给您拿来了一块 好好享受吧
I took the liberty of bringing you a slice. Enjoy.
好吃得"要命"呢
It's to die for.
因为觉得被冷落了
Feeling more than a little left out,
灰姑娘躲在一个通风的角落里
Cinderella retreated to a draughty corner.
给 穿上我的大衣吧
Here, have my coat.
小纽扣 你真是个绅士
Buttons, you are the perfect gentleman.
老鼠 我是老鼠
Mouse. I'm a mouse.
有时候 我都忘了你是只老鼠
Sometimes, I forget you're a mouse.
真要是那样就好了
If only that were true.
这下暖和多了 谢谢
Much warmer now. Thanks.
我愿意为你做任何事 小灰灰
Anything for you, Cinders.
你能不能想个办法 让白马王子别太显得跟个...
Can you do anything to make Prince Charming a bit less of a...
傻♥逼♥一样吗
..Tool?
我希望他不是这样的就好了
I just wish he was different.
我是你的仙女教母
I'm your fairy godmother.
每次你说"我希望"的时候 我都会出现
I appear every time you say "I wish."
好吧 我忘记这点了
Yes. I'd forgotten that.
听着 我很感激你为我做的一切
Erm, look, I appreciate everything you've done for me.
把南瓜变成马车 把老鼠变成马
The pumpkin into a coach, the mice into horses.
-把马变成车夫 -我一直没搞懂为何要多此一举
A horse into the coachman. You know, I never got that,
让马就当马 不用变就行了啊
cos the horse could've just stayed a horse.
别多想哦
Let's not overthink things.
我美丽的王妃
And now my pretty Princess,
水晶鞋还合脚吗
were the glass slippers a good fit?
-简直要弄死我了 -好极了
- They're absolute murder. - Wonderful.
总之 我是来满足你的愿望的
Anyway, I'm here to grant your wish.
王子将变得和现在不一样
The Prince shall be different.
现在他变成南瓜了 满意了吗
Now he's a pumpkin. Happy?
不 你这是在帮倒忙
No. You're not helping.
我是你的仙女教母
I'm your fairy godmother.
是的 我们都承认这点了
Yes. We've established that.
你能把我丈夫的头变成正常的头吗
Now, can you just turn my husband's head back into a normal head?
谢谢 现在你能用魔法把他变成一个更好的人吗
Thank you. Now, could you magic him into a nicer person?
很遗憾 不能
Sadly, no.
不过我知道一样东西肯定会让你开心
But I know precisely what would make you happy.
水晶鞋
Glass slippers.
别又来一双啊
Not another pair.
至此 我在这里的工作完成了
And with that, my work here is done.
等一小下
Give it a minute.
随时会起效 有时魔法...
Any second now. Sometimes the magic...